Go and get into a relationship make we rest. E dey your body. Hisss

you are so selfish and a terrible husband, a woman is not mentally okay but all you think about is s** se*, can't you do something meaningful with your life than talk about it. When have it become a problem with who should initiate it? you are just looking for approval to start misbehaving outside. We are not ready to grant you that part, if you want to cheat on your wife and destroy your marriage just go ahead and face the consequences of your action.

Your wife is not mentally, emotionally okay. Her hormones are not working properly, alot is on her mind, you need some time to find out what is really happening to her. Stop making the whole process too difficult for her, talk with your wife as friends and not like a fighting mate. She will start initiating it when you treat her well, assist with house chores, take off some bills, share her more love, care, attention, pamper her, spoil her with gift. Don't stay there expecting so much when you are doing nothing to help the situation.

Poster If I understand you well, you are the only one initiating sxx and your issue is that you want her to also initiate sxx. your love language is that you also want to be desired by her initiating the sxx abi? Are there times you initiated the sxx and she refused you? If no, Oga you are very lucky to have that woman if your only problem is that she isnt initiating sxx. If na me you marry with this your complaint, you wont even see that sxx anytime you initiate it except I am a full time housewife and you pay me salary for doing chores and taking care of your children if not, that sxx, you nor go see am again o and that outside wen dey your eyes, I go let you go there. Nonsense

Oga just admit say your eyes day street, go and get another woman outside and see exactly what you are looking for, hissssssssssssssss out from the post..

My guy, is it just the "initiating" that's paining you to the extent of trying to get a babe outside?
Not that she's resisting your advances, but not initiating?
Well, to each their own and I can't trivalise how you feel.

Kindly have a deep conversation with her on this and tell her everything. How you feel undesirable and thoughts of having someone anywhere desiring you is beclouding your mind.

I feel it will make her start doing this.

Meanwhile, hope every other thing is fine and working well in your home right ?
Cos most times, when women are encumbered with many things, the last thought on their mind is having a...ex
And in unstable marriages, they do it as a responsibility/duty, not necessarily because they enjoy it.
So, expecting a woman in this category to initiate it, is asking for the impossible

Men with initiate sex all the time. Initiate it and go with the flow. Some women are not wired to initiate sex and there is nothing wrong with it. When you initiate it did she deny you? I don't get it, why has it become a problem for some men when their wife did not initiate sex.

You want to compare her sex-life 4 years ago as a single lady to her sex-life now as a married woman? She was initiating it then because she wasn't carrying the responsibilities that is on her now.
This is why I keep telling my friends that I don't want to do live-in with a man. These men don't know how a woman can be drained and exhausted with chores, taking care of kids and also going out daily to help themselves stand financially.

A lot of men are going through this and I seriously don’t like Stella’s red pen on this one. Instead of castigating the man, encourage him to be more patient. Na only women dey go through hormonal change? What about in a household where the man does all these house chores and is still starved of sex or the wife makes it look like she’s no longer sexually attracted to her husband? Cos most men don’t talk, yall think they are okay. This one wey still speak out una go attack am

Haaaa 😲😲😲 one year? 14:,14.guesx the signs might have been there before the marriage, but one party ignored , because of the many years of dating.

Last lasd, it would have been better they were never married

Some people are not really into sex that much unless you initiate then, they pick up. Maybe she is one of those. If she responds once you initiate, then I don't think this should be an issue unless, there's more to it

Sexual compatibility people how far? Test drive supporters how far!

I see you made reference to the fornication outside marriage and surprised things are no longer the same.

One of the reasons lots of you give for fornicating is, to test sexual compatibility to know if your sex drive match each other. but what a lot of you don't know is that , is your self-centeredness that's speaking.


If you have the love of Christa and you obey God you will always find a middle ground.even if you both have different sex drives.
Everything for you people is me me me. Even in your chronicles you are talking about yourself. Thinking of how to go out to commit adultery to please yourself .

No self control, I don't blame you when you didn't have it as single man and kept yourself till marriage, is it in marriage you will now have self control?

Self control zero
Patience Zero ....
everything is instant self-gratification for you people

If you love your wife as Jesus Christ loves the church you will pray for your wife, be gentle with her and be hopeful and show tolerance like Christ...that is how Christ loves the church and you wont be saying you want to replace her.. when you were fornicating did Jesus Christ replace you or he flung you to the side?

Love is long suffering and doesn't seek his own gain. Read up on love and learn how to love your wives you men.

If a woman brings this issue here, the same woman you call the weaker vessel you won't hear her saying she wants to go outside nor would she be told by blog visitors to go outside but you men who are mandated to love your wives like Christ , a lot of you are so weak that any small thing you are going outside you are going ...

When you expressed your displeasure what did she say? Didn't she expressed her own too?

As a christian, seeking fulfillment outside your marriage is not the answer. It will damage your relationship with God, your wife, and yourself.
Instead, have an honest and loving conversation with your wife to understand what has changed.
Many factors might have affected her interest including stress, emotional struggles, health issues, hormonal changes etc
Remember that marriage is a covenant, not just a contract. Feelings may change over time. Continue praying for your marriage, asking God to heal whatever has caused the distance between both of you.

Ashawo man!

Do you guys have any kids? Your wife might be exhausted from motherhood duties and house chores. So don't blame her. Rather than getting a side chick, please talk to your wife and express your feelings.

You see that exhaustion that you are complaining about is exactly what is happening to your woman.
Madam is exhausted!!!
Have you been helping her around the house? Do you think it is easy running a household and also think about sxx?
That's not an excuse for you to cheat man, you just want to go on a test run.
Don't use your hand to destroy what God has done for you.

Bro, don't let anyone talk you down. Your concerns are valid.

I'm just wondering if this was written by a woman. I'm sure the same persons who are castigating you now, would probably be accusing her husband of being gay, or having a side chick somewhere. But look how the tables have turned because it is a man complaining.

I can just imagine how you have felt these past 4 years. At a point, you'll start wondering if there's something wrong with you. Your self-esteem will slowly start to disappear without you even noticing. Women forget that men also want to feel desired too. It is a human nature that is not limited to only the female gender.

Please, have one last talk with your wife. If there are no changes, go ahead and get a side chic that would make you feel wanted. Watch and see how your confidence slowly builds up again.

Good luck brother.

If we are all living why do we die?

Why are people surprised here? Isn't this how average Nigeria men think? The society will even blame the wife for pushing the husband to the hands of other women, wo abeg.

Poster, I am in the same situation with you. My wife always pretends she is not interested but when I initiate, she takes over, starts speaking in tongues during orgasm and doesn't want it to stop.
She go say ' I should not start what I cannot finish'.
Lol. Women

So you didn't give a full picture of your marriage, is your wife working? Does she have to do chores and work? Is she financially responsible for some bills in your home as well as your extended family? Do you have a child or children? Has she put on weight and not even desire herself? All these factors could be reasons why she is seemingly not initiating the sex moves. I'll tell you for a fact that the seemingly single person out there may interest you or make you feel wanted because she don't have these burdens I just laid down. Put them in same scenario and you'll see they aren't any different. Solution: have a conversation and let her know how you feel, ask what's changed? Is she is overwhelmed, over burdened or exhausted (and please listen attentively) then map out a solution with her. Trust me u'd be better off. God's blessings in your marriage.

The issue is not seck because you are getting it, the issue is that you want to feel sexually desired. It is a blow to your self-esteem to not be approached by your wife, not even once.

Maybe what she showed before marriage was what was needed to get the relationship from courtship to marriage and to be settled. Maybe she was never truly seckual person to begin with. There is also the possibility that she was raised in a strict religious household where seck was viewed as dirty and something only for procreation or that only men desire. Maybe she was told good girls and good wives do not desire seck and they should allow the man to ask for it. I don't know the dynamics of your marriage, maybe there are unresolved issues, maybe she hates the marriage, maybe she hates your seckual energy. We the ppl out in the beyond of the world wide web cannot say what is going on here.

A conversation must be had with your wife, no matter how uncomfortable it is. Women do have seckual desires too, especially during ovulation, this desire intensifies in many women and can be distracting, this is the biology at work. Some ppl are closer to being asexual so you have to find out where your wife is. Maybe she really does not like the act and just do it out of duty. Unfortunately, dutiful seck is never enjoyable because you know you are not desired or craved, it causes confusion and pain. So, please sit her down and have a heart to heart.

Sorry for the bashing Mr poster.

Women experience hormonal changes during pregnancy and child birth that affects sex life.
Kindly,court your wife again. Be more romantic and take her out on a date and explain to her how you feel.

She might not be counting it as a negative behaviour affecting you. You need to inform her and watch her improve.

Both of you have to meet half way to make it through this season. Marriage has different colours and seasons. Just push through in love.


Bv official prestige.

I think its really harsh to judge the writer like this. It might discourage people to send in their chronicles. Dear poster, I've heard something like in from my best friend. She rarely initiated it and she said she's shy to start it. She doesn't want to be seen as an ashawo. It took a lot of communication to bring her out of it. Maybe you should communicate more with her to find out what the problem is. All the best

Guys if you can't relate, you won't understand, this is a big deal for some men!!

They want their wives to initiate sex sometimes.

Oga I know Stella's red pen is harsh but their is some truth in what she is saying, your wife is exhausted, do you guys have kids?? Does she have help?? Sleep becomes a luxury for wives I am telling you this as a woman. The woman just want to rest, some women are so exhausted they lie down there and let their husbands have his way, so they can sleep

My husband complained about this too, told him a girl just wanna get some good rest, he is the last person that will help around the house, so pays people to help me get some work done, so far so good!

So oga help her or get her some help, or maybe you can try to find out her love language, if your girl is happy she will please you

All the best

Bia Nwoke m don't just provoke me.. get outside and meet marine demons so you can rest.

It's amazing how 60 percent of the comments assumed that the wife is overwhelmed with raising kids and being overworked with lack of support.
Quite an emotional response, sounds like a great fear my gender have at the back of our minds (fear of being replaced)