ADVICE NEEDED
I have been dating a man for about two years, yet I still do not know where he lives. I am forty two and single. He is fifty, divorced, and has a teenage child. He usually visits me because I live alone. I care about him, and I have always hoped we would settle down together.
I want marriage and I want to have my own child.
The main problem is that he refuses to let me know where he lives.
At first I did not worry about it, but as time passed, I realised that two years is too long to be with someone and still not know their home. He insists he is not hiding anything. He keeps telling me to be patient, that he wants to move out of his current apartment, and that once he gets a new place, I will know where he lives. He also says he does not want to bring a woman to his house until he relocates.
When I asked him when he plans to rent another place, he said he does not know because he does not have the money yet.
We even broke up briefly last year because it felt like he would rather end the relationship than let me know his address. We later reconciled, but the same issue has come up again.
I told him I no longer want him to come to my house until I know where he lives. This is someone who enters my home anytime he wants, even when I am not around, when I am at work, or when I am travelling.
I feel like he is using me.
When I asked him when he plans to rent another place, he said he does not know because he does not have the money yet.
We even broke up briefly last year because it felt like he would rather end the relationship than let me know his address. We later reconciled, but the same issue has come up again.
I told him I no longer want him to come to my house until I know where he lives. This is someone who enters my home anytime he wants, even when I am not around, when I am at work, or when I am travelling.
I feel like he is using me.
Since we reconciled, we have only been talking on the phone. Now he has stopped talking to me completely because I refused to let him come to my house. He said he will stay on his own until further notice.
Honestly, I do not care that he is not speaking to me. I do not want anyone playing with my mind at my age.
Please BVs, I need your honest opinion. Am I overreacting?
You are not overreacting at all. in fact you are finally reacting correctly.
A man who hides his home for two years is hiding more than an address...You did right to treat his fcuk up!
Your boundary and decision are very valid.
Honestly, I do not care that he is not speaking to me. I do not want anyone playing with my mind at my age.
Please BVs, I need your honest opinion. Am I overreacting?
You are not overreacting at all. in fact you are finally reacting correctly.
A man who hides his home for two years is hiding more than an address...You did right to treat his fcuk up!
Your boundary and decision are very valid.
Do you knw what i think? his silencestance is very manipulative and you need to be strong and let your NO be NO!!!.
Remember that your peace and emotional safety matter more than his silly excuses.
Remember that your peace and emotional safety matter more than his silly excuses.
Poster you are not overreacting. He is likely still leaving peacefully with his wife and children. Please don't go back to him, he is a user.
ReplyDeleteHe seems like someone that will be difficult to live with. He seems like a control freak and someone with a lot of baggage
DeleteHe is a very married man. Poster run and don't look back.
DeleteKnow your nouns mbok. Living not leaving.
DeleteNa married man my sister .
ReplyDeleteWomen. Nawa o. You have already done the right thing and still asking if you over reacted? 😁
ReplyDeleteAt her age. I thought they said white hair brings maturity???
DeleteDated someone and you don't know where he lives? FOR TWO YEARS.
Na only ode fit tell me that kind thing.
What if he's a murderer or ritualist?
You women sha, you fling your brains faster than you fling your panties.
Mummy, listen up: Daddy is married. He is only using you as toothpick.
I hope you were not spending on him as well apart, from your genital meet and greet.
Divorced ko, migwo ni...
You better end that thing. He has access to your place, but you don't know where he lives. And he claims he is not hiding anything. 2years is a long time.to waste.
ReplyDelete42 years old and you reconciled?.wow
DeleteHe might be a ghost you never can tell or he's not actually a divorcee, he's married and living with his wife and children.
ReplyDeleteExactly 💯
DeleteYou're right
DeleteHe might be a ghost you never can tell or he's not actually a divorcee, he's married and living with his wife and children.
ReplyDeleteI think women can learn a thing or 2 about how men behave; he stood his ground & didn’t mind if the relationship ended…
ReplyDeleteThat's because he doesn't care. He's just using her to wipe.
DeleteSoja come, soja go. He will meet another mumu in a few.
This present mumu get mind sha. So if this old man does on top of you during your nackathon, what will you say?
What will you tell the police?
How I'll you explain that you don't know this mans location etc, that he just meets you in your house?
Do you even know his office?
Or he told you he is a 'business man'?
Are you sure , he gave you a real name.
I had to check your age again, because you no dey reason like mature woman.
Sweetie,
ReplyDeleteYou’re not overreacting. In fact, you reacted too late. You made him feel too comfortable playing games and manipulating you. I’m glad you’ve come to your senses now. A man shouldn’t be the one always coming to your place. It should be the other way around. If I’m guessing right, he was even sleeping with you in your house. That shouldn’t have happened.
I think there’s more to this. And let’s be honest, there’s no marriage plan here for you. He’s just using you for sexual satisfaction. The red flags were right in front of you, but you chose not to see them for what they were. Cut him off completely. Even if he now decides to take you to his place, don’t go back. Hope for a better man to find you. And please don’t be desperate for a man, or you’ll settle for anything.
Move on. Count your losses and heal.
©️ TEEJAY
Thank you Teejay. Thank God he has stopped communicating with her on his own will. It is left for her to make sure he is not welcomed in again
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteShe should block him every where necessary, change her locks to free access
DeleteLet that further notice become permanent. You need to block that man from your life
ReplyDeleteReading just the first paragraph alone is enough to tell you that he has a family.
ReplyDeletePlease run away from him, and don"t be desperate for him.
God will give you another Man that will cherish and love you.
Age has nothing to do in the ight of God.
DOZZYBEST.
That man is still MARRIED and his wife lives with him. This is the only logical explanation to why he would rather break up with you than tale you to his house.
ReplyDeleteAnd NO, you didn't over react, allow him go,do not reach out to him,I am happy you are busy, let him go Darling,your own man will come soon.
Regards....
Take you.
ReplyDeleteSister you're just his free lunch. Stop allowing him to your home. You're not running a brothel. Dear single ladies, stop bringing men to your house , especially if you live alone . E get why!
ReplyDeleteThat's why the first thing they ask you is if you're living alone.
DeleteWọn ma sọ le single lady the hotel
DeleteYou are not overreacting poster, please end the relationship asap.
ReplyDeleteHe’s still ‘happily’ married!
ReplyDeleteLol so true
DeleteHe is not divorced. His wife is seating gidigba with him. You are his side chic. He is using your house as a brotel. Anytime he needs to relax and run away from house wahala, he comes to your house for free food, free acomodationa and free sxx.. You are the only one in this relationship.
ReplyDelete💯
DeleteAGBAYA IS VERY MARRIED
ReplyDeleteI don't know my you women are often so daft. That's why your nem don't respect you lot. Would he have dated you for 2 years without knowing where you lived???? Use your brain for God sake!!!! How are you so sure the man is actually divorced? Have you gone online to check???
ReplyDeleteWhat evidence do you have that he is who is claims to be? How are you sure he is 50? Do you even know who you are dating? Who are his friends and family? Two whole years and you are asking mumu questions. Embarrassing.
Very embarrassing o.. 2 whole solid years.. he ate you and your food with reckless abandone..
DeleteComes and goes as he pleases and you know nothing about him.. tufiakwa.
Please let him go and move on..
ReplyDeleteHe has a live in lover, or wife.
ReplyDeleteMy dear you did the right thing. A man should act like a man not to talk of a man that is already 50. What is he hiding? Because, there is something..
ReplyDeleteAre you really sure that he's divorced? Because, it's not adding up. No matter how broke he is, for someone that claims to love you, knowing his place of living is the first thing he would have done. He seems like a user. Maybe you're a rich lady and he is there for what he can get. The earlier you move on and forget about him, the better. I pray that God sends you a genuine man that you can call your own because, you sound like someone that knows what she wants.
God bless and I'm wishing you all the best
You did the right thing.There is something he"s hiding.Stay away from him.
ReplyDeleteNo, you're not overreacting. You're actually underreacting. A 50-year-old man who has dated you for two years but refuses to let you know where he lives is hiding something. It may not even be another woman, it could be financial problems, family issues, or something else, but whatever it is, he's choosing secrecy over transparency. That's not how someone behaves when they're building a future with you.
ReplyDeleteThe whole thing is not balance- he has unrestricted access to your home, knows where you live, can come and go as he pleases, yet you don't even know his address. That's not a balanced relationship. His excuses don't add up. If he's embarrassed about his apartment, he could simply tell you that. If he can't afford to move, that's understandable. But neither of those explains why you can't know where he currently lives. Someone who genuinely intends to marry you doesn't keep basic information like their address a secret for two years.
The fact that he stopped talking to you because you set one reasonable boundary is another red flag. Instead of addressing your concern, he chose silence. That looks more like manipulation than love. At 42, with marriage and having a child being important goals, you don't have the luxury of time waiting indefinitely for someone who won't even meet the minimum standard of openness. Your boundary was fair: "If you know where I live and have access to my home, I should know where you live too." That's common sense, not control. Leave him if he doesn't want to talk to you, just let the were go!
Young woman can you just block that man and.move on with your life. You know he is not ready for anything serious
ReplyDeleteThis is another example of' love is blind' poster I don't understand why you can't see clearly that you are being used and manipulated?
ReplyDeleteOh, well, we learn from our mistakes anyways. I pray you don't grow grey hair before you can see the handwriting on the wall .
Poster, please move on and leave that criminal.he dose not have the money now,hope you're not planning of giving him money? Love is wicked I swear.
ReplyDeletePoster please tell him to return your house keys before you block his contact and social media accts
ReplyDeleteLet her change it.
DeleteCall me selfish, call me whatever, but boyfriend, I am the one being your guest and not the other way around so far we are not headed towards marriage.
ReplyDeleteIf you too do not invite girlfriend to your abode, I am very much fine we should use the guest house.
You will come and straff me in my house, how?
I can give you my address, but you are not welcomed, honey.
Dear poster.
That man is very much married, living with his wife and children.
I would get someone to find out where he lives
ReplyDeleteI must know what he is hiding
Whatever it is he thinks you’ll leave him because of it. It might be a wife or truly be that he doesn’t have a decent home. Either way, I must find out what I spent 2 years of my life on
Do you really not know anyone good at finding out things
I feel the man is still very much married
ReplyDeleteLet him stay on his own abeg
ReplyDeleteStop talking to him
Are you over reacting yen yen yen...
ReplyDeleteSomething you should have done long time ago. Man was just using and chopping, you still dey munch on nonsense feeling. You better dont go back on this nonsense vomit .
Fling him out of your life abeg.
Some people no just get sense chacha.
ReplyDeleteImagine allowing a married man used you for a whole 2 years!!😁😁😵😫
Na this same brain you dey use work and cross road??
No be say you be teenager oo.😭😭😭
He does not see a future with you that is why you do not know where he lives after two years. You are good for the moment, but not for the long-term. He will meet his spec next month and she will know where he lives within 2 weeks. Even if he lived in a chicken coop and he wanted a future with you, he would happily show his chicken coop to you. Borrow sense and run. The pain you feel after two years will feel nothing like the pain you will feel if you waste 7 or 10 years with him. Choose YOU!
ReplyDeleteSo poster, you can trail this man to his house by following him when he's leaving your house without his knowledge to find out where he lives all these years? You have wasted 2 years of your life dating a married man. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteHe is either married or looking for someone who will be catering for his needs, you will cook when he's around and women knows how to cook special delicacy, I am sure he will even dictate what he wants.
ReplyDeleteCut his bluff, he wants to take advantage of your status and age and corner you.
Nothing men like him enjoy like having either younger women who aren't capable to make solid decisions yet or older women who wants men badly.
Change your keys, block and delete his number. You deserve more
Felicity
He is using you.And he is trying to get money from you
ReplyDeletePoster, your story reminded me of a cousin of mine. We are not particularly close, but we get along whenever we meet. For a moment, I genuinely wondered if you were describing your relationship with him. The details don't quite match, though. He has two sons, has never been married, and lives in a spacious apartment with several extended family members. It is a lively household, not a secret one.
ReplyDeleteBut after his previous relationship, he became very reluctant to bring home any lady under whatever tag. That previous relationship was a disaster; the lady literally packed in and refused to leave - when she visited and saw a stunning apartment. But familiarity brought out the other side of her when she realised it was a big house full of family members. As an obsessively proud person, with an overbearing ego, too full of herself, somewhat arrogant, bossy, a control freak, who jammed heads, also always had a long list of endless family problems with its needs. Story for another day.
For a long time, his girlfriend accused him of deliberately hiding where he lived. The irony was that he invited her to his home on five different occasions after family members encouraged him to bring her over. Every single time, she found an excuse not to come, even on public holidays. Despite refusing every invitation, she continued insisting he was keeping his home from her. By the time he later moved to another apartment, he had simply given up trying. Not because he had anything to hide, but because she had repeatedly rejected the opportunity.
When she eventually ended the relationship, he was relieved. He had already become emotionally exhausted and did not know how to end things without feeling guilty. She later tried more than once to reconcile, but he declined each attempt without hesitation. Looking back, he realised they were fundamentally incompatible. She held grudges, kept score, struggled to forgive, and often treated the relationship as a competition rather than a partnership. In many ways, she reminded him of his previous partner whose controlling and domineering personality had turned what once looked like a promising relationship into an unhappy one.
That said, your situation feels different.
ReplyDeleteYou are not overreacting. You are responding to a relationship that has remained one-sided for far too long. The real issue is not whether you have seen his home. It is the lack of openness. After two years together, someone who genuinely wants to build a future with you should not still be asking for blind trust while offering so little transparency.
Could he be hiding a marriage, financial difficulties, complicated family circumstances, or something else entirely? Possibly. The specific reason matters less than the fact that he has chosen secrecy instead of honesty.
Maintain your boundaries. If he still has your key, ask him to return it or change your locks. Do not invite him back into your home unless he is prepared to be as open with you as you have been with him. And please, do not let loneliness or the hope of marriage persuade you to settle for less than basic honesty and transparency. If he truly wants a future with you, he already knows what needs to change.
Also ask yourself whether his actions reflect the marriage you hope to build. Do both of you demonstrate the same commitment to that future, especially if marriage and starting a family are priorities for you? When someone consistently responds with silence instead of honest conversation, accept that as information rather than treating it as a problem you must solve.
Trust grows through openness. When transparency still has to be negotiated after two years, the relationship is already revealing its true state. A healthy relationship cannot thrive when one person is fully known while the other remains a mystery.