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They were from the same village and met during a festive period. She would occasionally visit him in Port Harcourt and spend days, sometimes weeks, before heading back to Lagos. She told him she had a small business running for her in Lagos. Marriage was even on the table.
Then one day, a friend of the guy traveled to Lagos to buy goods. He visited a brothel to relax one evening and saw the same lady in skimpy clothes with a cigarette in her hand. She was shocked because she recognized him. She begged him not to tell the guy in Port Harcourt. He promised to keep it secret. To “seal” the deal, she bribed him with sex. And it did not happen just once. Every time he traveled to Lagos for business, it happened again.
Eventually, the secret leaked. He told someone in confidence, and that person told the lady’s fiancé. That was the end of the relationship. That was how people found out what the lady was really doing in Lagos.
One thing I have learned in life is never to give in to blackmail. Blackmailers always come back for more, and the secret will leak eventually. That is why some people even “get rid of” blackmailers to protect themselves. I do not encourage giving in. If the pressure gets too much, it is better to expose it yourself. Because after any “settlement,” it will still come out. At that point, you have lost it all.
A man once said, “If as a lady you cheated on your boyfriend and he knows, leave that relationship and date someone else. Even if he says he has forgiven you, do not believe him. He will waste your time until you are 30 plus. If he eventually marries you, he will torture you in that marriage. Leave and do not look back.” I agree. Every unexplained outing becomes a question. Every late reply becomes suspicion. Every argument gets dragged back to that one incident.
If you cheated and he knows, watch how he behaves. If you can tell he will never truly trust you again, then let each other go. Unfortunately, problems may still lie ahead. Some women find it difficult to leave their promiscuous lifestyle behind even after getting married. Understandably, there is no perfect woman anywhere. You only choose your own “trouble.”
ReplyDeleteThe Bible says in John 8 :32. The truth will set you free.
Never surrender to blackmail. The price only gets higher, and the secret usually comes out anyway. It is better to face the truth once than to live in fear every day.
And when trust is broken beyond repair in a relationship, be honest with yourself. If your heart can no longer forgive, let each other go than remain in a relationship with emotional pain. A relationship without trust becomes a prison where love slowly dies and every mistake is remembered.
Absolutely.
DeleteThanks for this. Often times, trust when broken can't be restored.
©️ TEEJAY
Its amazing how stories bring back memories. I cheated on a boyfriend ( he has talked marriage but no concrete moves as at then). He found out and even his friends knew about it ( long story). He "forgave me" and wanted us to continue but my mind could not accept it. I learnt his friends were shocked that he still wanted to marry me. I did however notice that he now begun insisting on using condoms which he has not done before. He was a bit of a proud person and i knew somewhere in my heart that , my actions would still come with repercussions so i ended the relationship. I was young then.... 22 and he was circa 30. In fact a friend had told him that i was not ready for marriage and he should look elsewhere. I guess his friend was right. This life.
ReplyDeleteYou did well.
DeleteThis is exactly why I advised in my piece that you should let go. He would never have trusted you in marriage. Best believe, he would have treated you with disdain after marrying you.
Thank your stars you took a walk.
I might not be married yet, but I have good knowledge about things concerning marriage.
©️ TEEJAY
Good writeup, please always give credit.
ReplyDeleteAgba Jon Doe deserves his credit please.
Marigold,
DeleteDid you see where I wrote this?
A man once said, “If as a lady you cheated on your boyfriend and he knows, leave that relationship and date someone else. Even if he says he has forgiven you, do not believe him. He will waste your time until you are 30+. If he eventually marries you, he will torture you in that marriage. Leave and do not look back.”
Isn’t that another way of attributing the statement to someone? Should I have included his name in the article?
Right after that quote, I continued by saying “I agree” before going forward.
Your comment is mischievous. You’re trying to paint the entire piece as if it was a copied article.
Please be specific next time. You know how people here run with unverified information.
©️ TEEJAY
I even quoted the very statement indicating it isn't mine. I don't know why comprehension looks this difficult here.
Delete©️ TEEJAY
Hello Teejay,
ReplyDeleteIf I were in the lady's shoes, I would accept that the relationship had effectively ended the moment the truth came to light. What followed was a web of deception that trapped everyone involved. Once trust gives way to secrets, bribery, and silence, a relationship is already living on borrowed time.
No relationship can survive fear and repeated betrayal. It leaves neither person with a solid foundation. The issue is not whether someone has a difficult past, but whether they are prepared to live honestly. The friend also betrayed the man by accepting repeated sexual favours while pretending to protect him. Everyone involved made choices that made the situation worse.
When trust has been damaged beyond repair, it is often kinder to walk away than to remain together under constant suspicion. Cheating does not automatically mean someone is incapable of change, just as forgiveness does not require a relationship to continue. Genuine change is shown through consistent actions over time, not promises.
I also agree that no one should give in to blackmail. Blackmailers are rarely satisfied. Every concession gives them more power, and the secret usually comes out anyway. When that happens, the damage is often far greater than if the truth had been faced from the beginning.
No relationship survives when the truth is feared more than the consequences of telling it.
Nice piece. You are doing well.
Thanks Ebony Oge for the compliment. I'm encouraged.
Delete©️ TEEJAY