So guys, there’s this person I’ve known for years. I see him as a friend turned brother. I’ve always looked out for him in difficult moments. I even got him the job he was working until he was sacked early this month.
Ordinarily, a kind-hearted person would have appreciated the help and the connection that got him the job, especially after receiving his first salary. A gift or even a token of appreciation would have been fine, but he never did. I didn’t ask either. Initially, he lied to me about his salary. He said it was ₦130,000. I later found out from the same person who helped me get him the job that his salary was actually ₦180,000. I didn’t confront him about it.
Last month, I needed to do a quick registration for an educational scholarship I was offered. I got the mail on Friday night and had just three days to accept by paying a stipend of less than ₦15,000. The offer came at a time when I wasn’t financially buoyant, and with a 3-day ultimatum, the slot would be given to someone else. For reference, it’s the Tech4Africans Cohort 9 Scholarship for the Cybersecurity track, the 9th edition. It’s a 95% scholarship sponsorship awarded to 2,500 recipients across 45+ African countries. I was selected.
Because of the urgency, I called this guy and explained the situation. I also told him work was suspended at my end due to the rainy season, and promised to reimburse him once I sorted things out. Excitedly, he said I was lucky because he had just been paid that same day. He asked me to call him the next morning, so he could send the money. I did. He disappointed me, saying the money had been budgeted on something else. I just smiled, thanked him, and ended the call. I reached out to one or two other people, but got no response. I dislike pressure, so I let it go. Life has to go on.
Unfortunately, he was sacked from work early this month due to issues that had been building up. The company could no longer tolerate his attitude. As his guarantor, I was informed but not by him. I felt bad for him. Losing a job right now in Nigeria isn’t something anyone should experience. The bills are endless. I didn’t contact him about it. I told myself, if he wants me to know, he’ll tell me.
Early last week, I had just gotten home when he called saying he wanted to see me. "I hope all is well?" I asked. "Not really," he replied. I told him to come to my place. The next day he visited. I entertained him well so he’d know I wasn’t starving. I already knew why he had come but pretended not to. Some people only remember you when they’re in trouble. He explained everything that happened at work and his sack. He also apologized for not being able to help me. I told him it was fine. It’s all in the past. I encouraged him to be hopeful for another job.
At this last weekend, he was at my place to seek for some help. After he told me his mom was sick, I got some drugs for her. I was able to help, not because I have everything, but even when I had little to nothing, I showed concern. I may have lost an opportunity, but that shouldn’t define who I am or change who I’ve been. Sometimes we may choose not to treat people the way they deserve, especially when they’ve treated us bad. If we pay them back in the same way, we become no different from them.
Forgiving a hurt doesn’t come easy, but true freedom comes from letting go.
Whatever we do for people, we do it for God.
ReplyDeleteThank you for not holding a grudge TJ. God bless you.
You can say that again. God is the only perfect judge over all.
Delete©️ TEEJAY
Tj, Mr Too-Good-Shoes! We understand the message you are passing😅Everyone is a saint on this blog
DeleteYou are human from not another planet. You deserve some accolades. Chop some knuckles there bro
ReplyDeleteYou will be a fool to believe this story, abi fabu
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ReplyDeleteThe Bible teaches us to forgive as christ forgave us. Forgiveness does not mean pretending that what happened was right, nor does it mean forgetting the lesson. It simply means refusing to allow someone else’s actions to poison your heart.
But as Christians, we must be careful not to allow disappointment to change the kind of people God has called us to be.
If someone refuses to help you when you are in need, that is their choice. If they fail to appreciate what you have done for them, that is a reflection of their heart not yours.
And when the same person later needs your help, you should pray for wisdom. Help when you genuinely can and when it is right to do so, but don't destroy yourself trying to prove that you are a good person.
Jesus said, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
That is not an invitation to foolishness. It is a call to keep our hearts free from revenge.
Sometimes we lose an opportunity because someone failed us. Sometimes people disappoint us at the exact moment we need them most. But one person's failure to show us kindness should never become an excuse for us to stop being kind.
Thanks so much BIG MAMA ♥️ I appreciate your kind words and advice always.
Delete©️ TEEJAY
Madam Pastor, you try! On this blog, everyone of you pay good for wickedness done to you😂🤣.
DeleteI entertained him so well so he would know I wasn't starving, na wa. Was that line necessary?
ReplyDeleteYes it was necessary for someone who treated me badly.
Delete©️ TEEJAY
Don't mind him.
DeleteNa only mumu go believe ds TJ fabu😂🤣😅😁
DeleteYou sound really entitled. So bcos you got him a job he owes you his life? He hasn’t even collected his first paycheck and you’re running to him with your numerous life problems. Why do I feel you have a hand in his sack?
ReplyDeleteBtw, why will a man your age not have up to 15k to sort whatever issue? You need to get busy and get a REAL 9-5 if you’re educated not this ‘only dry season’ business you rely on.
I think you have comprehension issue here. Where did you read it was his first salary? Where was I entitled? Is showing appreciation entitlement? Even Christ asked after the nine lepers after only one came back.
DeleteSome of you need to be logical here and objective in reasoning.
©️ TEEJAY
TJ, truth be told, you sounded entitled, whether it was his first or second or third salary. Why didnt you get the job, instead of giving the opportunity to someone else. Not everybody will be an entrepreneur - lots of people prosper from 9-5 jobs, much more than business and its uncertainties. Like the above Anon advised, pls look for a 9-5 job if you can, to support yourself. You are not getting any younger and need to start your family. God bless
DeleteYes tj, you sounded entitled. Wanting him to show appreciation is what exactly. If you help someone, do it without expecting anything in return.
DeleteRead my message again carefully. I did NOT demand appreciation. I said ordinarily he would have shown appreciation, and I didn't even ask him for it.
DeleteSo I don't understand where this entitlement tag is coming from. This is someone I have been helping long before now, and I still helped him even after he disappointed me. So who is really entitled? Me that is always giving help, or someone that is always coming back to me for help?
You people shouldn't be sentimental in judgement here. If someone else said the same thing, it wouldn't be tagged as entitlement, but because it's me, it's now entitlement. If I was truly entitled, would I have still helped him? I would have even demanded appreciation at the time. I only referenced that statement to show the kind of person he is, nothing more.
Make of it whatever you have cooked from your brain. I won't respond on this again.
©️ TEEJAY
Why must he appreciate you worh cash? Is the thank youssss not enough? Smell off abeg
DeleteGo and look for job grandpa how long will u continue running to pple for assistance? Common 15k or less na wahala for u
DeleteNow, TJ, the striking thing about your story is how low the money was to secure the scholarship and it could not be found anywhere. I mean it's like $10-$15 in major currencies. This is frightening that a scholarship for some folks that could change their destiny may hinge on such a low sum and folks may have to give up on it because they cannot pay it. I hope you were able to pay the amount, work out a payment plan, or plead for forgiveness citing dire economic circumstances.
ReplyDeleteSo what happened with the course
ReplyDeleteDont let opportunity go like that next time
What type of scholarship requires 15k to accept
ReplyDeleteI tire ooo. The cyber security that he said is 500k, he no mention am again. Tj and fabu na 5 and 6. Always coming up with one story after the other.
DeleteHi Teejay,
ReplyDeleteYou are entitled to feel disappointed, but the line about entertaining him so he would know you were not starving suggests that the disappointment still hurts. Perhaps it's in the way you framed your narration. But to forgive is not only about helping someone after they hurt you. It is also about being honest with yourself about what you still expect from them.
That said, anyone would understand your disappointment, especially when someone you have consistently helped fails you at a time you genuinely need support. However, your account repeatedly reveals that the hurt goes beyond the money you requested. You expected appreciation and perhaps a sense of reciprocity from someone you regarded as a brother.
But you can remain kind without continuing the same level of closeness or responsibility, though you need boundaries to protect it. That's why we should help when we genuinely can, and stop measuring our goodness against another person's response.
TJ the same thing this guy did to you happened to me by someone I helped get a job. I left everything in God's hands. She got the job terminated and she remembered I helped her. I cut her off and moved on with my life. That's the attitude of ungrateful people but they always get their reward cos you reap what you sow.
ReplyDelete