STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
Please, I need your genius opinion.
I currently live with my dad. My mum is late, so I’m the one doing all the house chores, including cooking. I’m also the only girl among four boys.
We were given a quit notice last month to vacate the house by the end of this month.
Honestly, I don’t feel like moving to the new place with my dad. I want to stay alone. I’m 31, and I just want to have my own privacy and space.
But my issue is that we, the children, are the ones paying for his rent. That means if I decide to leave, I will have to pay for his rent as well as my own.
I don’t have that kind of money right now, but there is someone who is willing to lend me the money at a little interest.
What would be your advice, please?
Hmmm at 31, you should be staying alone otherwise you will wake up one day and you are 50.
My dear, moving out must not put you under financial pressure. Paying two rents will drain you, and borrowing money just to maintain two households is not wise at all oooooooooo.
What about your brothers? four of them cannot pay rent? or are you the oldest? If you have to move out, do so without otherwise you no go fit sleep for night…….
Please for now, move out with him but start planning for your exit from the house...You can start small by staying over at a friends place if it is convenient...
Giving advice on this chronicle would have been much easier if you had stated your actual reason(s) for wanting to live alone, away from your parents and siblings. I can easily understand a man of such age doing so, and not that single women of such age can't do the same, but since you're not financially buoyant, why intend to borrow money for it? What kind of privacy are you talking about? Is it the privacy to have men visit you in your house, or privacy about your movement?
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I have seen women, even up to 35, who stayed in their parents' house and eventually got married from there. The fact that you want to live alone doesn't guarantee that marriage will come immediately, if that's your reason or thought. Whether in your parents' house or living alone, if you will get married, you will get married. Unless there's another motive of yours I wouldn't know.
©️ TEEJAY
You clearly didn’t read the chronicle well. Is being the only one doing all the household chores including cooking not enough reason. In a household of 6 people fa!
DeleteI don’t support borrowing money to facilitate it though.
Teejay, Haba Teejay, everything doesn't revolve around men or marriage. Go read the post again and try to understand it.
DeleteAnon 18:26,
Delete"I want to stay alone. I’m 31, and I just want to have my own privacy and space."
I made that comment based on this statement above she wrote. I didn't even said it was about marriage or man. If you read my comment it was a question I asked.
©️ TEEJAY
Nowamagbe don drop quote.
DeleteNnenne your father needs to go back to the village. No rent needed there. If its doing the domestic work thats stressing you. Draw up a roster or everybody needs to chip in for a househelp.
Whats stopping your privacy now? Live exactly as you want at home, club,come back late,sleep over . They wont say anything as you are an adult picking up your bills
It's high time you stay on your own.
ReplyDeleteI quote the OP:
ReplyDelete"But my issue is that we, the children, are the ones paying for his rent. That means if I decide to leave, I will have to pay for his rent as well as my own."
From the above, I understand that these are four adult kids earning some form of income enough to contribute resources together to pay rent for where they and their parent stays. Not bad for a temporary arrangement and that's what OP should focus on.
I can understand housework gets overwhelming and the OP probably wants to avoid that but thinking about borrowing to offset rent payments doesn't really sound as a wise decision. Save up gradually and you might have just enough to pay for your own place without needing to be under debt.
Poster you can move with them but get a housegirl and add tje salary to the bills.
DeleteTake ma'am Stella advice. You can not start a life by borrowing money to pay a rent .
ReplyDeletePlease do not leave your father in his vulnerable position, is like living a child with support. Why can’t he pay his own bills? Doesn’t he have pension? As Stella said, what about your brothers. No matter what a parent does to their children, please look after them.
ReplyDeleteThe father should move to a house with father and sons so they can hire a house girl to do all the chores
DeleteHmmm I didn't know that staying with parents makes one to wake up one day and they are 50yrs old. So all this people that married while staying with their parents nko?
ReplyDeleteMy mum is late, so I’m the one doing all the house chores, including cooking
ReplyDeleteYou said that like it’s perfectly normal. Your father and brothers are taking advantage. Do all you can to move out including borrowing the money for your share of your fathers rent
The way I see it you don’t only need privacy, you need rest from chores that everyone can be doing
I hate nonsense
They are taking advantage. I do not know why they cannot help cook and do house chores too. Situations like this is why so many women run out to get married even at early ages, some to men they do not feel anything for, trying to escape the mess at home. When did being the only daughter means you automatically become the house help. All on top of having to help with the rent and working outside of the home. If she continues she will look worn out and tired and will only attract one horseband who will expect the same.
DeleteMove with him but don't be the one to foot all the rent. Pretend you don't have enough and let your brothers bring their share. When you are well settled in the new place, about 6 months, go and rent your own place but even when you move out, do not neglect your father,. Check on him often.
ReplyDeleteThe brothers already pay part but that’s all they do
DeleteShe does all chores
If they have you in that house to be a beast of burden on top of working and paying then either move or ensure these boys start doing chores around the house. This is why I hate this idea of boys not learning to cook or clean. You cannot be expected to carry the house in every way just because you are the only girl in the family. Your father too should set up some house rules. Trust me that if you were to japa or get married they would all find their way. Stop being a workhorse!
ReplyDeleteMy dear, run from taking anybody’s loan no matter how tempting it seems. If you do not have the means you do not have it. In this 2026 economy it is best to live below your means and spend on your needs not your wants. Try to save and seek a better paying job so you can strengthen yourself financially.
Tough situation, I can understand. As much as you want to move out, it is financially wrong to start a life on borrowing, but then if you are sure of paying back, you may try. Life is about taking risks. Just make sure you know how to manage life. Dont get an apartment too far from your father sha.
ReplyDeleteIf you must get a new apartment, then talk to your siblings about sharing bills for your dad's next rent..
ReplyDeleteThey already share
DeletePlease don't borrow money the pressure will not be pleasant at all.
ReplyDeleteIt is well my sister.You need to independent. Please gather fund so you be on your own. Please don't be in rush and pray about it
ReplyDeleteMove with them.And plan your moving out.You can stay with a friend briefly until you get your own place.
ReplyDeleteI don't see anything wrong in living with your parents at any old age at all. You can still find a reasonable man even while staying with your parents. I've met men who prefer a lady who stays with her parents
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting your own space. You’re 31, and it’s completely normal to want privacy and independence. But I wouldn’t advise you to take a loan just yet. Paying your own rent plus your dad’s rent could put you under a lot of financial pressure.
ReplyDeleteTalk to your brothers first. You’re not the only child, so the responsibility of taking care of Dad shouldn’t fall on you simply because you’re the only girl. Everyone should contribute what they can.
If, after sharing the responsibility, you can comfortably afford your own place, then move out without feeling guilty. You can still love and support your dad without living with him.
Wanting your own life doesn’t make you a bad daughter. Just make sure you pursue that independence in a way you can actually afford.
You are the one doing all the household chores? How is that possible? It just doesn't make sense.
ReplyDeletePlease move out. And I am not saying it because of a man after all if you want men to visit you while living with them who can stop you? Are you a baby? nobody can stop you, you are a grown woman but you need time for yourself which the whole household responsibility won't allow. You may even look older than your age due to the stress at home but if you live alone you have enough time to take care of yourself cook when you want, sleep relax go out sometimes and eat out rather than rushing home to feed grown siblings who can't clean up after themselves. You don't need to move to the new place with your dad didn't you say you have four siblings and they are all men? If you marry will you take your dad with you?
It's only logical your father staying with his sons . He is going to be live with them eventually
I am reading again for the second time after giving the first advice. Don't get house help for them when you move out... Is it an abomination if your brothers cook and do house chores? Four grown up men ooo
DeleteHow old is your dad? Can he fix a meal for himself sometimes when your brothers aren't around? I have an uncle who is in his sixties and is a chef and owns his own businesses but then men over where he lives their cook their meals but I don't have an idea how old your dad is but still he has adults around him so what the fuss?
I am sure you won't be this bothered if your mom was the one alive because she would be able to handle her cooking herself and this is why some men quickly marry when their wives die. Men should learn how to be domesticated too . There is no reason for a man not to be able to house chores even women work in today's society. Gender role doesn't even exist like that anymore.
The only thing I don't support is you saying you guys are the ones paying for your dad's rent like were you expecting your dad to pay rent before? I don't see how a father with grown up sons should be expected to pay rent. If your father was in the village won't your brothers still need to get themselves a place so why should your dad living with them make any financial difference to them? Due to this reason you don't need to pay rent in two places anymore since when you move out you don't get to live there anymore. You think you are paying your dad's rent but I see it as you paying your brothers house rent and not your dad because to me your dad does not need to pay rent despite having four grown up sons.
Go and get your own place, always check up on your father and call constantly when you are unable to visit, also make sure you buy things for him when you visit and give him money every now and then.
I dont know why a woman leaving alone still tirggers people. i left my fathers house at 25 because i wanted space and needed my own privacy. It was not about men and wanting to not be under someone's authority. My dad wondered why i could not stay and split the rent and i told him that i could not stay in a house where i had no peace and space and he let me be. My friends were shocked and wondered how i would be viewed living on my own in the same Lagos as my parents that men would run from me. I did not care. I left. I married at 29 and am married to date with grown up children. As for the household chores, she needs to put her foot down. She did not say her position in the family but irrespective, she needs to draw a line across what she will and wont do. She is not a baby and should not allow herself to be bullied. This is what happens with most women.... you contribute financially but bear all the burdens of home management. The first task for them should be washing and ironing his clothes . Before you know it that is where she will stay and start looking old and then the same brothers will start using style to mock her. Lastly she should not borrow to move. She can move with the brothers and then begin saving for a small place for herself then she can check on her dad weekly.
ReplyDelete