Abeg make I issue disclaimer first! This is my personal gist, based on my own experiences, experiences from people I know and a conversation I recently had with someone. I am not ranking any tribe above another, and I am certainly not trying to start tribal war. Abeg, come with an open mind. If I mention your tribe, no vex. Let's gist. Inugo? It's all playful banter, hahaha.
So I was having a conversation with a guy recently, and we somehow got talking about men from different tribes in Nigeria. My guy came with a whole list, and he was not smiling at all! According to him:
Esan, Benin, Yoruba and Kogi men? Same character, and a bunch of lazy people.
He said Esan men were the worst of the lot, while Yorubas were great betrayers.
Benin men? Apparently, jazz runs in the family. Lol.
Kogi men, he claimed, were disrespectful to their wives, and some were wife beaters.
Akwa Ibom men? dem too drink and dem too lazy!
Anambra men? They marry within their tribe, and mummy decides how they live their lives.
And Rivers men? Very stubborn!
Then came the warning that men from certain places don't consider their children theirs if their wives aren't from their tribe. Can you guess which tribe he was referring to? My guy was not smiling at all! Hahaha.
So I asked him, "Oga, with all these generalisations, where exactly do the best husbands in Nigeria come from?"
He mentioned Hausa, Calabar, Delta, Imo, Abia and Bayelsa men. But even Delta came with a disclaimer: "not Urhobo men, please!". According to him, those ones value respect more than money. Lol.
Esan, Benin, Yoruba and Kogi men? Same character, and a bunch of lazy people.
He said Esan men were the worst of the lot, while Yorubas were great betrayers.
Benin men? Apparently, jazz runs in the family. Lol.
Kogi men, he claimed, were disrespectful to their wives, and some were wife beaters.
Akwa Ibom men? dem too drink and dem too lazy!
Anambra men? They marry within their tribe, and mummy decides how they live their lives.
And Rivers men? Very stubborn!
Then came the warning that men from certain places don't consider their children theirs if their wives aren't from their tribe. Can you guess which tribe he was referring to? My guy was not smiling at all! Hahaha.
So I asked him, "Oga, with all these generalisations, where exactly do the best husbands in Nigeria come from?"
He mentioned Hausa, Calabar, Delta, Imo, Abia and Bayelsa men. But even Delta came with a disclaimer: "not Urhobo men, please!". According to him, those ones value respect more than money. Lol.
Now, let's talk about my own experiences.
I am an Akwa Ibom woman, but at this point, I won't touch an Akwa Ibom man with a ten-foot pole. My experience is my experience, abeg!
Yoruba men? Ah, the famous Yoruba demons! Some are as cold as ice and wouldn't make any effort to win a woman. And others will use their fine-boy faces and packaging to get women hooked, only to show another side of themselves later. Heartbreak with premium finishing! Lol
Delta men? Based on my own experience, I don't think I want to try that road again.
And Edo State, particularly Esan? My experience has not been pleasant. It was during my ordeal that I learnt more about the perceptions surrounding the people. When I told my friend I was married to an Esan man, his response was, "JESUS! You were not warned?" Hahahaha.
I laughed o but he was serious. His final advice was that I could gamble with any other tribe, but I should never cross the path of another Esan man if I truly loved myself and my children. Lol.
But let me be fair. Those men hurt me because of WHO THEY WERE, not because of WHERE THEY CAME FROM. The red flags were in how they spoke, how they treated people, and what they did when nobody was clapping for them. I know good men from every one of these places, and I know somebody's cautionary tale about every one of them too.
So no, I don't agree with my guy's whole list. I prefer to take people as they come, learn from my experiences and protect myself accordingly. My mantra henceforth became, "watch his actions, not his accent".
You can share your experience if you want to or defend any tribe you want to but please lets not turn this into a toxic conversation....
IT'S RON
XOXOXO
I am an Akwa Ibom woman, but at this point, I won't touch an Akwa Ibom man with a ten-foot pole. My experience is my experience, abeg!
Yoruba men? Ah, the famous Yoruba demons! Some are as cold as ice and wouldn't make any effort to win a woman. And others will use their fine-boy faces and packaging to get women hooked, only to show another side of themselves later. Heartbreak with premium finishing! Lol
Delta men? Based on my own experience, I don't think I want to try that road again.
And Edo State, particularly Esan? My experience has not been pleasant. It was during my ordeal that I learnt more about the perceptions surrounding the people. When I told my friend I was married to an Esan man, his response was, "JESUS! You were not warned?" Hahahaha.
I laughed o but he was serious. His final advice was that I could gamble with any other tribe, but I should never cross the path of another Esan man if I truly loved myself and my children. Lol.
But let me be fair. Those men hurt me because of WHO THEY WERE, not because of WHERE THEY CAME FROM. The red flags were in how they spoke, how they treated people, and what they did when nobody was clapping for them. I know good men from every one of these places, and I know somebody's cautionary tale about every one of them too.
So no, I don't agree with my guy's whole list. I prefer to take people as they come, learn from my experiences and protect myself accordingly. My mantra henceforth became, "watch his actions, not his accent".
You can share your experience if you want to or defend any tribe you want to but please lets not turn this into a toxic conversation....
IT'S RON
XOXOXO
huh???me that ran away from marrying a Delta man cause they may end up marrying multiple wives if care is not taken oooooooh....
Those of you married to Delta men and you are still the only wife, hmmmmm Just thank God oh...
It’s when you are discussing with other women that you’d realize it’s not just your tribesmen with issues!
ReplyDeleteI will be telling my friend that I can’t use an Igbo man do anything Chacha and she will tell me, my dear, those ones are better than Edo men and she’s Edo. Say the same to a Yoruba, Delta etc woman and 90% of the time, you will get the same response.
I’ve sha come to conclude that na all tribes, just hope and pray hard that you find one of the good and genuine ones amongst them maka na, it’s bloody out there abeg.
And those of us that married Europeans, if we wanna pose and say they are the best, those who had horrible experiences with Europeans will come out and tell their stories and you will be weak
DeleteSeriously, at this point, it’s everywhere!
DeleteHad a good laugh reading this 😂
ReplyDeleteTruly, People behave how they are not about where they came from. As a Confirmed Anambra babe wey marry Anambra Man, Can't Imagine Myself going that route again Mba !!!! Especially the biz ones. Their ego stinks !
Chai 😀 Ron baby, you too has experience somethings, pele dear 🤗 Stella say na multiple wives 😂
ReplyDeleteI ran from a one Yoruba guy, fine boy no manners. Always putting comb inside his pocket 🤣🤣 Person don see plenty things sha 😵💫
Hahahahaha 😂 😂 😂 chai! Wetin he dey use the comb for?
DeleteHahahahahahahhahahaha wetin e dey use the comb do? please come back and explain o
DeleteHausa men ??
ReplyDeleteWeldone dear Ron, not d place they come from maketh a person, becos dis same men becomes angels once Europe put dem inorder. For our ladies still looking for, we pray they meet their fav in those they choose
ReplyDeleteUp up RON..
Ron, I’m with you 100%. I don’t judge by tribe, I judge by character, and character has been charactering. Hahahahaha 😂 make i no talk at all. But let’s be honest, from your write-up which is according to your experiences and that of others, maybe some of these “stereotypes” are not stereotypes again, na pattern. How can everybody, different people from different cities be saying the exact same thing about Edo men and Yoruba men? Coincidence don tire. At this point, it’s not gossip again. It’s a review.
ReplyDeleteNa Yoruba man I go still marry sha. By God, we will have good tales to tell about our union.
I think i know what you mean..hehehehehehhe no mind dem
DeleteI am married to an Esan Man. He's so loving and kind. Just pray to meet a good person. Each tribe get their own for body. Yoruba demon oh, Benin demon all don show me pepper before.
ReplyDeleteSome Esan men are evil......what one did to my sister, i will never forget...small thing that should have been settled turned into world war 3
DeleteThere are amazing, intentional, soft life husbands in Esan, Akwa Ibom, Yoruba land, Urhobo, and everywhere else, just like there are walking headaches in Calabar, Imo, and Bayelsa.
ReplyDeleteThe "Yoruba demon" packaging, the stubbornness, the mama's boy syndrome, or the lack of effort...you will find every single one of those traits across all 36 states and the FCT if you look hard enough.
Every single tribe in Nigeria has both the "premium tears" squad and the "husband material 100 yards" squad.
See how your friend dey praise Calabar, Imo, and Abia men, yet if you ask ten women who have dated men from those exact places, at least five of them will have a completely different story that will shock you. Even the "good" tribes have men who will show you pepper with a touch of banza kuma.
Once you start dating across different states, you realize bad behavior doesn't have a tribal mark. A selfish man in Benin will move the exact same way as a selfish man in Imo or Calabar...just with different packaging. What actually shapes how a Nigerian man treats his partner is his home training, his personal values, his personal exposure emotional maturity, the kind of home he grew up in, how he saw his father treat his mother, his fear of God, and his willingness to actually put in the work.
A man who lacks empathy, accountability, or basic home training will still be a terrible partner whether he is from Imo, Kogi, Delta, or abroad. On the flip side, there are solid, intentional men in every single one of those states who don't fit any of those tired clichés at all.
Funny enough, the tribes your friend praised....Hausa, Imo, Bayelsa....also have whole threads dedicated to their own red flags on social media! Nobody is safe in this country.
Make I no even start to talk about that Bayelsa matter. Na my life story be that. If I begin write book on top am, even my pikin pikin go still dey read am. I go write encyclopedia and I still no go finish am before i old. No be hearsay o, na wetin my eye don see. Safe to say, that state has earned my permanent side eye. I will always view that state with a healthy dose of skepticism...I have enough personal traumatic stories from there to write a bestseller.
Character is individual, not geographic. Breakfast has no state of origin. Bad character speaks every Nigerian language fluently. And a good husband isn't manufactured in just five states.
Once you step back from all the banter and look at reality, The pain is the exact same; it just speaks a different dialect.
if you eliminate every tribe that someone has a bad story about, you'll literally have nobody left in Nigeria to date!
At the same time, I will never invalidate anyone's personal experience. If you have dated or married men from a particular place and they showed you pepper, it is completely natural for your brain to pattern match and say, "Never again." Nobody has the right to tell you to go back there just to prove a point. Nobody can blame you for guarding your heart based on what you actually lived through.
Peace of mind is very expensive, and once bitten, twice shy.
Well done, Ron. 🫶
So which tribe remains now. Let me know before I fall in love. Lol 🤣
ReplyDeleteStella I thank God every day, I am married to an Isoko Man. 1 and only wife 😁😃😁😃😁😃....
ReplyDeleteRon I dated 2 tribes( 2 men before I met my husband and got married)
Yoruba Fine boy, Benin evil man.
Anyways we were all pretty young so I will chalk it down as adolescent relationship.
I am older and Wiser with my husband. I have literally spent half of my life with him and I will choose him again and again
Just pray to meet a good person. I ran away from an Igbo guy cos the guy lies a lot! He's always looking for ways to scam you.
ReplyDeleteThere are good and bad people in every tribe you think of. Just pray to meet the good ones.