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A lot of Nigerian men in the diaspora return to Nigeria to search for partners and most times end up actualising their dream search....They meet,they marry and they return.
I live in the diaspora and i know for sure that a lot of the Nigerian men here have partners that their Nigerian based wives know nothing about.
Most of them marry these women and leave them back home in Nigeria to attend to the Nigerian end........that sucks!
I got contacted on facebook late last year by a lady who works in a bank,she wanted me to help her find her husband whom she last heard from two years ago,they have a child together.
she gave me the name and i searched for the man...he lives in another big city not too far from mine...my findings revealed he is happily married here.
I didn't get back to the lady because i was really sad for her.
This is a memo to ladies out there who think Marrying a Nigerian man in the diaspora is a ladder to greener pasture or a visa to the white man's land.
Do not marry in absentia.
If he tells you all the reasons he will not take you back to his base with him,dust your shoes and run,do not marry him.
Nigerian men in the diaspora suck and you will end up with a broken heart and children whose father will not be there for them!
If you are a wife whose husband lives in the diaspora,please tell us your experience. and how often you get to see him.
If you are a Nigerian man in the disapora,tell us why......
This article is my opinion and based on what i have seen and heard....you think i am wrong,please present your facts,if this steps on your toes,ho please forgive 'naive' me.
Man scarce sha. So if u see better man wey get money, marry him.if u like be his fifth wife. Na money matter jare.
ReplyDeletePlease remove that pic. Her husband is a millitary man who went for peacekeeping. He didn't want to miss too as the wedding had to hold. She's really sad you used her picture. Thank you
DeleteI understand your point but even in cases like this one you explained, why not postpone the wedding? Why marry a framed photo?
DeleteNo matter how you explain it, the woman looks silly in that pic. My cousin married her husband same way,though he came back months later for the white wedding. I still told her that it looked stupid. Why not do both same weekend?
OLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
DeleteI know of a lady who married a photograph cus the man couldn't make it for the wedding, we all had a good laugh at the time but right now, she's been with the man for about 10 years now and they have a fantastic home with beautiful kids.
DeleteSame tin happnd to a frd, married a framed pix. Den stayed wit d moda inlaw for yrs awaiting d husb's return and taking care of d old sick woman. Wen d woman died d husb came home and after burial asked d girl to go back to her parents house cos he married her to take care of d woman. D girl had gone Bak to her parents now
DeleteAunty stella please create a memo for women married to military men? I'm really lost how to marry my police bf
DeleteI can't but Lol @DAT picture up deer. Its super funny, see the bride using her shoulder to hold tightly to d frame. Smh
ReplyDeleteI still believe we have the good ones who take their wives along after the wedding..those you leave dere wives in Nigeria do so due to paper problems,somemarry the whites cos of the papers too..but those men come to Nigeria to increase its population which is not fair..
DeleteAnd if a man is legally married to a white he can't bring he's wife..there. Are still men who never married the whites and still had their wedding in Nigeria and brought their wives
DeleteWhat is this rubbish?
DeleteYou are not wrong Stella. I have a neighbour whose husband has imprisoned her in the name of marriage...after getting married the guy rushed off to the US with a promise of coming to get her three weeks after. It is now five years and the man is yet to come back...now, is that a marriage or a mirage? DON'T start what you can not finish...ladies out there, be on your guard! No be by force to marry yankee dude o!
ReplyDeleteI know ds lady,she's a cousin to my friend. That was there introduction pix,the guy wasn't around then,he was in the US cos he's in the military. They did thr proper wedding some weeks ago in Ilorin. This lady according to my friend is very cool n not d gold digging type
DeleteQuit lying I've had this picture on my phone for like 2years
DeleteShe is right dey did deir proper weddin some wks ago and believe me she is more descent dan most of u condemning her.
DeleteSee that one posing with picture!! How dumb can one be? People sef gather come this wedding?
ReplyDeleteIf your to-be spouse is not around, must you do the wedding? Doing it in absential for both of them is better than one physically present with a pix..Will she kiss d pix?
katikati!!
Huh Stella, this is our nollywood babes modus operandi na. Before you say one thing they'll quickly tell u that their hubby lives abroad. Big time cliché and it irritates me. Heck.
DeleteKeeping Imaginary husbands while they fuck about in Nigeria. Some of them have never even met the dude o, yet they'll quickly adopt his name and start to bear 'Mrs Sanjay". oshisko.
Meanwhile the foolish guys sef, they'll just watch a movie o, then they'll start to look for the babes number, start to send monies and gifts..and the babe too go comply..dey spend dey go. Then later they'll cry wolf that the babe is cheating bla bla. Before nko? As much as women shouldn't be desperate, guys too should also respect themselves and not entice any woman with their money.
Even if u are not a runz gal and u see free atm, won't u collect the money? If u don't start off materially the ones that will love u genuinely will pursue d relationship to a logical end. So both gender are to blame. Some Girls want money while some guys want pussy...so who be thief? Na everybody be barawo bansa..shege!
Marriage of convenience. It is mostly those who are illegal immigrants that will marry and not be able to invite their partners over, or be able to visit them. Those who have neutralised have no excuse under the earth. U are either in or out.
*naturalised* jare before I begin gbagaun for this matter.
DeleteStella,here u come again.
ReplyDeleteHaven't u seen the ratio of men to women in Nigeria?
Most of these women ure advocating for don't really give a rat ass abt the presence of d man in their life.cos some know for sure the man is taken n they still go ahead.All they want is to escape the miss status.
Haven't u seen Isaiah 4:1 that says "In that day seven women will take hold of one man and say, We will eat our food and provide our own clothes, only let us be called by your name.Take away our disgrace.".
It's already coming to pass.
#endtimethings
Mamie , you're so rite...scriptures must b fufilled. Lol
DeleteHmmmm M-amie you are right as per the isaiah 4:1 it was the period i saw that bible verse that my story changed and God connected me to my husband. The verse scared me when i read it and i had to stand up in faith and call forth my husband,and God heard me quickly.
DeleteDamn Mamie, you made sense!! Nice one!
DeleteSpot on M-amie darling
DeleteI remember my girlfriend in the uni. She left me during my service year to marry her ex bf who had moved to the US.
ReplyDeleteThe guy had wedding ceremony, returned and left her high and dry.
She's has been abandoned till today . She will be 38 this year. No kids and the guy has moved on.
SMH.
Have you not been sampling it since the husband left her in Nigeria? Or are you a slacker. The guy did a big favor for you by leaving her in Nigeria all alone by herself.
DeleteI pray that more of these abroad based niggers dumped their wives in nijja for us. We will be happily doing their jobs for them.
Owoblow..
Professional job doer..joblessness!
DeleteI have a friend in d same shoes but d difference is dat the hubby now lives in Nigeria with her but still has his abroad wife. And he has refused to do any marriage that ll involve certificate i.e white or court wedding. They r still married sha but i sincerely worry for her, tho he paid her bride price.
ReplyDeleteAnd Stells, some people have been lucky..They do this and later join their spouse over there... Life can be unfair!
ReplyDeleteMy own is sha, if your husband is in another country, make sure you DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY O, MAKE SURE IT IS THE OTHER WAY, make he no take your money still go marry another wife..If he is not performing his obligation, tie your wrapper, face your children and forget he even exists.
Am not a guy, but I ve a husband who lives abroad. Happy to say it wasn't the case for me as I ve joined him. From stories I ve heard, its not so rosy for some of them, financial hardship might contribute as its easier to live together expenses wise. Some guys marry whites for papers and until they get their citizenship, are not qualified to get their wives over. Finally some of them are just greedy and evil, they want to eat their cake and have it; marry from both sides
DeleteWhat a silly excuse, marry white for paper is so mean! It's all marriage in the sight of God.
DeleteI think I know u mrs hundeyin iya kiksy
DeleteI give some nigerian women hand sha. Why would I marry a man I will only see once in 3 years. This practice is more common with yoruba people.
ReplyDeleteCeeCee.
No more tribal comments on this blog! You have been warned!!
DeleteNo vex anonymous but ceecee said the truth na , na una way, even in naija hubby dey zaria wifey dey ibadan and they have biN living like that for almost 15yrs
DeleteDont mind the fool. Ceecee, dont let me place a curse on you. It will affect u. Tibalistic Idiot. Ppl r trying to keep this blog free of hate n u r coming to exhibit ur stupidity. U've been warned o!
DeleteImagine?3years? For most of such women, na long throat to travel abroad dat landed them in dat shit!
DeleteThis kind of marriage will definitely lead the woman to sin of infidelity and adultery,so what's d point?
Can't even try that!tank God I was never an 'abroad freak' cos I know and believe there is so much good to benefit from in dis naija.
She is not abroad freak as well.
Deletecurse and it will go back to you and your family a hundred fold......i was born in ibadan and have lived in lagos since 1992......it is the yorubas who started this and they are the tribe who do this 90%.....this is not a tribalistic comment but a fact so you all can go die for all i care......any insults back to sender a 1000 fold.....no shaking
Deleteah i know plenty of them o! hahahaha... my uncle sef is one. but i think in his case his Nigerian wife knows he is married to another woman here. she has two kids for him and she lives in their ph house and isnt working cos shes getting them dollar checks. The arrangement works for them. But then again im a lil kid on the outside looking in. maybe it isnt rosy...
ReplyDeleteOne of my dear friends in Naija is about to have her introduction with one. its this coming saturday sef. The guy is in Holland or so but the family is the one standing in and marrying her for him. That sounds crazy right? Theyve talked on phone for about 3months now. lol. I tried to talk her out of that kind of commitment but then they started carrying my name around that im not a good friend. That i want to be only one abroad. I don leave matter o! Before they will say im blocking someone's destiny.
I know another guy here who is engaged to his Naij sweetheart but he is married to a white babe for papers. He plans on divorcing her in 2016 but he is going ahead with his wedding to the naija girl this year . Im like why not wait till you finish what you are doing with this American one before you marry the Naija girl? And this boy carry church for head o! Thats ehn... i ve seen something in this world.
then there is an older guy i know that is married to this hot babe in naija. the girl just gave birth in nigeria and i know he is a citizen. so i asked him why he is leaving his wife and child in Naija? He then said that Nigerian women are more submissive in Nigeria. That he just gives her money and comes home to Naija on Holidays. and she is happy because all she wants is money and hes supplying it. He said he is never bringing her here cos she will grow wings and start misbehaving once she comes here. That Nigerian women here dont respect their husbands anymore... haaaaaaa
I wish my Nigerian girls dont fall at hello for all these abroad guys. Not everything is what it seems. Dont let the foreign currency blind you. You cant be anybody's rag or diaspora wife just because white man's land is involved. Before you marry him sef start with the immigration paper inquires so una two can leave the country at the same time after the wedding. Refuse to be a kept woman. That is not your portion. Dont let desperation or a lil flash of wealth blind you into a once a year husband. It really aint worth it.
Bless you.
DeleteYour analysis is so on point and you have a humorous way of telling stories.
DeleteLeona boo love yah
DeleteLeona, I keep saying it u r a lady after my heart, always on point with humor inbetween.
DeleteIt depends SDk, most of them have wives and kids there but some don't, I have a cousin dat married a guy dat lives abroad and she didn't get to see him for 5 years, so she left him and married Anova man after building a mansion for d abroad guy(with d money he was sendin) but she didn't get to leave in d mansion cos she left d marriage.
ReplyDeleteStella a lot of ladies in dis mess....i feel for them so bad, some of them after marriage d man travels abroad n dats it...i cnt deal wiv such attitude of men,its sad!!!
ReplyDeleteHmmm Stella,u wud be shocked that some of d so called Nigerian wives know and encourage dia husbands.All cos of Green card,I know of a lady,her husband travelled to d US afta two kids with her,got there married an American(with d knowledge of d Nigerian wife).He comes home every year with his Obodo Oyinbo wife and stays in d house that his Nigerian wife and two kids are,d wife pretends to be his sister(cooks for d oyinbo wife,washes her clothes,takes her shopping,practically licks her feet)d children call him uncle in d presence of d oyinbo wife.I mean how dumb culd some women be in d name of green card?Mind yu d Nigerian wife is educated and working in a good organisation.
ReplyDeleteEWOOOOO dat is crazy,anyman dat doesn't carry me with him is0 crazy my dear.I nor go marry oo
DeleteNa poverty mentality no matter how much money involved, its an insane way to live and a toxic environment to raise children. I wish the children were not involved, wish all of them luck; as you make your bed so you shall lie. You can't plant cassava to reap yam
DeleteOmg ... She actually got married to a photograph???? :O.0
ReplyDeleteNice topic Stella. I have like 5 friends suffering this. They are always complaining bitterly because they hardly see their husbands. Inshort their husbands just come home once in a year or 2 years, stay about 3 weeks to 1 month, get them pregnant and go back. 2 of those my friends gave birth early last year and till date their husbands have not come home to see their new babies. Guess they are waiting for the baby to grow so that when they come back, it will be time to get them pregnant again.
ReplyDeleteSingle girls should be careful. All that glitters is not gold. If the man is not ready to take you over there with them, don't marry him. Don't listen to promises of "I will send for you later" it's all lies. Your papers should be ready before your wedding day so that after wedding,you both will travel together.
These women in this situation suffer a lot,some are lucky their husbands remember to send money steady, others are not so lucky. What is the essence of marriage if you won't live together under the same roof as husband and wife? It is not healthy for couple to live apart for a long time. One or both must start cheating.
What about the poor kids? They will not know what it is to live a complete family life because their fathers are never around.
A lot of these men in the diaspora give silly reasons why they can't bring their Nigerian wife over there. Some say if the woman comes there, she will start misbehaving. Some claim they don't want their kids to grow there cos they believe kids trained in Nigeria turn out better(yimu). These are the same men that marry another wife over there and have kids o. Does it mean they don't want those ones to turn out well? Some claim they are planning to relocate back to Nigeria soon so no need taking the wife over there and bringing her back when she might have started enjoying life there.
Girls make una shine your eyes well well biko.
I must add that it is not all men in the diaspora that are like this. There are still a lot of responsible ones. I also have friends who traveled with their husbands immidiately after they got married and they are living very fine. The ones that don't take their wives along are usually those that have a wife or a lover there already,those that are staying there illegally or doing illegal business, and those that don't have any good means of livelihood over there. I repeat, babes shine your eyes before you marry any obodo oyibo man please, to avoid stories that touch.
Thousand likes, you know what's up.
DeleteIts simple! If I can't see you, can't feel or touch you, then you don't exist.
ReplyDeleteFalling in love with someone you don't see is like falling in love with a ghost.
Lmao that picture got me rolling oh,see the woman's pose of life.
ReplyDeleteBack to the matter, it works for some people and it doesn't work for others, the most important thing is don't present your self cheap to a guy,that's when they tell you trash or take advantage of your despiracy, if he wants to marry you, you should be sure he has met all your criteria before you collect the ring,go there and stay with him for like 6months be sure you have met all his family members and he has met yours before you accept his proposal,marriage should be enjoyed and not endured.
stella, i met my hubby online,chatting, phone calls, etc. we met online in august 2008, he came visiting in jan 2009. he spent a month in nigeria and went back to his base in europe. phone calls,chattings continued. he visited again in august 2009, left and visited again in dec 2009. i have access to travelling out but due to the nature of my job, i judt didnt want to cos ive heard many stories of this kind.2010 he proposed to me, i accepted, he started speaking with my family members and they all fell in love with him. hes a charmer.he visited nigeria 2 times in 2010 before we finally got married in dec 2010.after we got married i found out he has a baby girl from a woman that helped him with his papers, though they are not together anymore, infact the woman relocated to another country but within that europe and took her daughter with her. in 2011, i travelled to see my hubby, i spent one month, to be sincere, he does not live with anyone, and nobody came knocking at the door, but i know definietly he must be sleeping with other women. i got pregnanat, in 2011, when i was due to have my baby, he inisted i must come over and have the baby, so i travelled to be with him, in total, i spent 5 months in europe before coming back to nigeria. and for one day nobody came visiting,now i travel to see him, anytime i feel like with our child.i will say my hubby is goodm but i still feel bad he never told me he has a daughter until i found out myself.
ReplyDeleteNow. Here's a nice ending. You see we are not all liars and cheats.
Deleteis your comment a joke @JJ
DeleteWhat is someone that wont tell hsi wife he has a daughter if not a liar.
@ ANonymous good for you that you can travel anytime but i suggest you pack up and go stay there permanently
So anon,why do u return to Nigeria. ?since he is dat clean.?why aren't you living in Europe with him?
DeleteNo JJ, I'm not sure you read the story carefully...She said she found out herself about the baby..so he technically lied. You guys are liars. Simple and Short!
DeleteMy husband is in diaspora, we met 3yrs ago and got married last year, he was a divorcee when we met, been divorced for well over 8yrs, and has a child out of it. prior to the wedding, iv always travelled over n he's always come home every 6weeks, when friends wonder y I won't just relocate, I say, 'choice'. I have never tot of fully leaving Nigeria, perhaps to study, so when the question came to who would v to relocate, it boiled down to him returning home(he's a citizen of the country he's in). He also runs a company over there and cannot just return, so we decided to set the home front b4 his return, I'm here setting our businesses up n he's over there doing same. I know of friends who v been lied to by men in diaspora, though a girl I know returned home to pick her husband(funny? Well that's d truth) dude wants to be abroad by all means n babe wants to be married cos age isn't on her side, wedding was organised in less than 4months n dey r married, she's returned n he's waiting till he can go over to be with her. As with life, there r d good, bad n worse.
ReplyDeleteAnd here's another happy ending.
Delete@jj, no fresh guy dey? its either the guy don marry and divorce before or the man get baby mama...u just dey shout happy ending up and down
DeleteHmmm to each his own
DeleteSteLla u r very ryt. Wen my cousin wanted 2marry dis quy 4rm netherlands she threw caution 2d wind. N juz last year we learnt he is happily married there too. D quy she was suppose to marry here is now a biq boi flexin is younq cute wife like eva. I wonder y we ladies neva learn
ReplyDeleteSDK i am with you a 100% on this one. based on what i have seen and heard too ( nah abroad i dey too ) i only go to Nigeria for business make my money and come back, you Nigerian men can curse me on this one but it will bounce back on you all!!! I no even care! Nigerian men in my opinion are the worst any woman can marry both the ones in Nigeria and the ones abroad. All the women i know that are married to them have one sad tale or the other to tell.
ReplyDeleteThat's same way some Nigeria men think about the women. i guess u will marry a Jamaican as u categorise all Nigeria men as same.
Delete@Moi, what is your personal experience with Nigerian men? You have none, and yet, you are talking about something you know nothing about. Let us know when you marry that foreign man that best fits your like.
Deletewhen you type-cast and generalize like that, you can never have a good one..
Deletei am married to a Naija man, born, bred and still resident in Naija...infact, we both are domiciled here and he is the best man ever..yes, i'm proud to say that...most times, when i get off the internet i give God thanks for him...we (the kids and i)mean everything to him...
and there are many Nigerian men like that!!!!
Stella dts y I love u n dis blog. As d day goes by no dull moment. Fun all the way. No day I dnt learn somtyn good here. Bck to d mata my dear also ve a frd dt got married n has nt seen her hussy for 5yrs. After d marriage he traveld n is nt bk. She is planning to remarry cos age is not on her syd n she hardly hears from him. Ladies pick wisely
ReplyDeleteE dey happen..........
ReplyDeleteChange your picture. You be like GOAT wey dem dey roast
DeleteLmbao... una go kill me o.
Delete95% of them has child(ren). In Europe, America, Asia...if u think am wrong make an investigation or confront them and thank me later. "Long hiss"
ReplyDeletedis marriage in absentia is as old as tym.i have an aunt who was married for 'an abroad man',dey have a son but d man never came bak after he perfmd d traditional rites,sadly n luckily for ma aunt,she couldnt wait agn for d man hu cut off all communications wt her for close to 6yrs so she remarried.i have a neighbour too who gave birth for her abroad hubby but luckily for her,she joined him last year after abt 4yrs of him marryn her.i for one,i wont n cant marry a man based overseas cos half of d tym,d nigerian wives are always at d receiving end.
ReplyDeleteStella I hope u took permission from d bride to put a pic of her personal life here?
ReplyDeletethis picture went viral last year, what nonsense permission does stella need? abeg park well
Deletebut dont think its fair, whether it went viral or not, she is a human being
DeleteStella, pls take it down
Stella,my advice to these ladies is if he can't come, then let him send for u or pay ur tickets/visa fee and invite you over.If you re sharp enough, make him marry you over there in court so u know anyhow or somehow, u ve a hold on him.And no matter what, ensure you re able to visit him on a regular basis if he can't do the visiting. To me, marrying a Nigerian based hubby or abroad based isn't a ticket to a successful marriage. No matter the case, make sure you get involved with ur senses intact.You marry Naija based, marry abroad based, me I'm after my happiness.If I can visit him anytime, get money from him and be happy then why not? Rather than settle for these insecure Naija broke ass men who won't even appreciate u even if u die on thier behalf.But whatever the case, make sure u join him soon or visit anytime u please.
ReplyDeleteHope my igbo sisters are reading this. Lol at the photo above.
ReplyDeleteMy igbo sister as if u know. All these our Igbo girls marrying Malaysia, Holland, Norway, Spain, UK based guys, make una hear o! The ladies I know married to guys abroad a lot of them stay in houses in lagos lamenting or sleeping with all Tom, Dick n Harry.
DeleteO wu ezi okwu o. But d tin is some work out tho. Imagine in december how d east is. Whn everyone returns home to 'pick' wife. No b small drama.
DeleteThis was common back then when most of my friends and acquaintances got married after Uni. Some were lucky and travelled to live with their husbands; others not so and got stuck in Nigeria raising 3 or 4 children on their own with their husbands coming home occasionally. I remember a particular story where the hubby never came back at all and the girl had to divorce him and raise their child alone. Different strokes for different folks, l guess. That's why it's imperative to involve God at the very start of every relationship.
ReplyDeleteAnd Stella, l'm sure the lady who wrote to you on Facebook about finding her husband , knows the truth now!
Nigerian men in the diaspora..... Hmmm. It works for some though. My diamond's buddy in North London married his wife in absentia and they are happy together now with a child. Though the babe always visited nd lived in the US.
ReplyDeleteLadies whose never travelled outter Nigeria always think marrying a man in diaspora is the ultimate, no way! I would even rather be here let my D live in Nigeria. *wink*
Stella, you have not stepped on anyone's toes, this things happen, oya, over to you victims/victors
ReplyDeleteU are on point stella.
ReplyDeleteNigerian men in the diaspora suck? Madam, Don't generalize it and pls activate your brain before you write or speak. Nonsense
ReplyDeleteDi Obodoyibo....odikwaegwu...,that's why majority of the women do RUNZ to survive....smh
ReplyDeleteFor those that their spouses are coming from UK, if he does not take u with him then dre is something fishy, spousal visa is clear, easy and straight forward. Did only court and applied for spousal visa before my traditional and church.
ReplyDeleteTrue dat...also if u husband and leave d country of abode - Uk, USA, Canada ooo and return, then he has a legal stand in dat country, cus if he is illegal, then he cant go back in. If ur hubby is in Canada and he can come in n out, if he is not taking u with him, he is a fraud, cus spousal visa, infact permanent residence for spouse in canada has a processing time of 6 -12 mths. if all ur papers are complete and true, with pics to show dat u are married. If u guys have met ur conditions and its still delayed, tell ur hubby to contact his Regional MP's office....dats like d house of Rep. representing his area in d parliament....Canada immigration takes family uniting VERY serious
DeleteOutside naija hubby no be am @all, I have a friend whose is married to one of dem and dey have a son together. Do u knw dat dis guy dnt pick her calls talkless of calling her. We heard dat he was in 9ja lastyr and he did not contact his wife, and sum days ago he arrived 9ja again and have not called his wife till now. Men ar wicked
ReplyDeleteMen are not wicked, women are stupid and naive. Women will see the handwriting in the wall and still enter.
DeleteI second ur opinion SDK, nigerian men in diaspora sucks! Greed n desperation makes ladies fall prey t dem.
ReplyDeleteMadam stellina u are 1000% right on dis, d funniest part of it is dat naija babes try all dia best to marry guys in d diaspora by fire by Fox! some married ladies here don't even want dia men to visit naija alone cos of how desperate naija babes are. Sooo I put d blame on some ladies cos some of dem do use juju to tie dem down, dey can as well face d consequences.
ReplyDeleteForce not fox...tnk me ltr
DeleteNo need to thank you..fox looks like twas intentional
DeleteLadies be wise ..
ReplyDeleteSome men in diaspora prefer marrying ladies back home because they believe it will be easier to control them but most times they realize it's the other way round .
But ladies be wise and make sure the guy has his papers so he doesn't marry you and get you waiting for donkey years .
Also most have children with other women especially those that marry citizens in other to get papers .
So ladies shine your eyes well well !
Stella you're so right
ReplyDeleteI know of one that was married there,came home married another and still cheats on her with d little holiday visit of 2weeks that he does.
My own question is do they treat their foreign wives the way they treat the nigerian wives cuz that man and others I've heard of are not even good husbands
Some times you wouldn't blame the men. They just need to survive, anyhow.
ReplyDeleteStellla of life always on point.i live abroad but refuse to talk on this issue ,because the story na india film .
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteThats ur opinion, i live in Diaspora even from my early days abroad i prefer my black skin than white girls, i married as usual when i got abroad for stay but during d process we find out we re too young and agreed to end marriage after my permanent stay is released although during the process we separated and i lived alone. Had a home back home had girlfriend who stayed in my house sometimes and she also visited me abroad and i visited every 3months and spent 4 or 5months on each trip. All my stay abroad i have not really been serious with any woman abroad mine is long distance either with Nigerians or Caribbeans although once a while i hook up with girls here but always end up after few months bc most want to stay here and do not see themselves returning back to Nigeria,some might as well want to use me for stay even though same woman u bring from Nigeria might use u for stay. I prefer to be with a girl back home bc i am planning to return back and do not see myself staying abroad longer than i have stayed. Any woman who doesn't have access visiting husband or boyfriend abroad frequently should forgot it bc even single once are prone to temptation same way girls date other guys back home even when they got guys abroad. I prefer long distance relationship although it will affect me as i settle down because i am used to leaving alone, not all men abroad has wife or got women with them here while they keep wives back home. I am an example, it's an individual thing. My own problem is trusting our women bc some of them are not to be trusted, some have motives.
Bros you visit every three months and stay for 4 or 5 months?? How you take type this epistle..I can't understand a thing. We are all family on the SDK blog so no take my comment too far but this your 4/5 month stay get as e be. Hopefully you are a consultant or something.
DeleteI see u re one of the Anonymous bullies monetary peoples comment here, learn to create ur own story under ur name that will add up ok? Now run inside.
DeleteBros J, you must not know what bullying means! It was a simple observation. Why e pain you like this?? Stories are either true or false, yours get as e be,if it is true then may God help you and your woman. If not, toh na you get ya life and may God help your woman. No need for name calling bro.
DeleteThe one wey i know; the guy insisted the lady must get belle before the wedding. the lady carry belle, dem do wedding. 7 months after she had complications and lost the pregnancy. Meanwhile husband left for yankee after giving her belle nad doing white wedding,so he was not there when she lost the pregnancy. 3 years later,dem still dey do internet and phone love.
ReplyDeleteI just tire for gullible women.
Outside the country? Mba! I can't even do different states in Nigeria sef... I wonder how such women cope with the marriage... If we can't be together, then there's no point getting married
ReplyDeleteCan't they just get their visa b4 wedding? Some girls re just too desperate, All my frds dat married yankee guys got their visas b4 wedding nd 3days after wedding they re out wit their husbands, Ladies be wise.
ReplyDelete@Ms K, your friends if in the US, prob lied and did fiance visa which comes out fast. Many Nigerians do it, get married in Naija, and come to US and act like they didnt with the visa.
DeleteMarriage method (for the US) will take at least 6-12mths+ after turning in the papers, and with that marriage cert is needed for submission!!!
Stella i dn't even knw how to tell my own story. Am the youngest of 3 kids and my dad has been in d US 4 d past 19yrs, am 25yrs nw. Through out the 19yrs he only came home 14yrs ago, well we talk on phone every week, we've all outgrown missing him (maybe cos we communicate constantly). I dn't even knw if this is normal. My mum is still single and we're still a family but without the dad.
ReplyDelete@Anon, wow so you last saw your dad when you were 11, and you are 25 now. It appears he is still trying to sort out paper issues prob in the US, and prob remarried. Are you sure you dont have other siblings in the US?
DeletePart 1
ReplyDeleteI am not a Nigerian wife, but I will tell you about my experience with this man who will one day acquire one of these wives and I fear by then he will have contracted an STD. If anyone choses to insult me based on my experience then go at it, this is my experience and your insults can change it. I'm suffering from shame and a broken heart from this so go at it and "put me in my place" if you feel to. Make God proud of you. I'm sorry this is long and I may go of on a tangent at times :)
I live in a Canadian city. I have two Facebook accounts, one of them I give to random people (especially men) who ask me in social setting "do you have Facebook?" and the other I socialize with my family and very close friends. I also have two email accounts, one I use for family, friends and professionally and the other for socializing. I am paranoid about others distorting and invading my privacy.
One day this man friend requested me on Facebook. It was such a shocker because most people I add or who friend request me are people who I've met in social setting (e.g., If I go to a party and a gentle man at the party ask for my Facebook I would give this to him, out of courtesy). I added him and rudely ask him who is he because he did not have his personal photo. One conversation led to the next and we began chatting, our Facebook chats went on for 7 months. Then he asked to meet. I was very apprehensive because I'd never met someone off the internet before, muchness someone I have never exchange photos with, I did not know his ulterior motives and I did not give him my real name (because I did not plan on meeting him personally).
He reveal his photos on Facebook to prove that he is a good guy blah blah blah and after 2 months of coercion and asking we finally met. He was a respectful and funny guy and after meeting him, it felt like we knew each other all our lives. We then exchange numbers and continue chatting. He was striving and struggling to study to for his respective profession and I mine, so I was VERY BUSY and frankly had no time for him. But we met a few other times and went on walks, or sat by the lake and chat and he revealed to me that he had a Nigerian girlfriend, this was fine with me, but I got irritated by him and thought him a liar because in our months of conversation, he'd always stated he was single (I thought he found me unattractive hence he made up some girlfriend and my ego at that time was bruised).
Part 2
ReplyDeleteWe parted ways and continue to text and call each other of months, then gradually I realized I like this guy! This was a big shocker to me because it is not something I planned and he'd already told me he has a girlfriend back home. One day he texted me that he was thinking of me, and I responded "ok and?" because his text was just out of the blue (and didn't he say he had a girlfriend?). Then weeks later I asked him,what does he want from me. He said he wanted us to date. Truthfully despite knowing he had a girlfriend in Nigeria, I was happy when he said that because I'd realize I like this guy a lot.
We agreed to meet one day at his university to study together. When we did meet, we could not study because we talked and laughed too much. It became evening time and I was hungry and tired so he invited me to his place because he'd cook. At his house we ate and talk, chat and he revealed that he "liked me very much." And after 4 years me of "saving myself for the man I love" and a year of chatting/meeting randomly with this guy, we had sex/made love.
And then I began having emotional turmoil. I broke my convenant to myself and I slept with a guy who had a girlfriend. I found myself crying randomly and I became very irritated because after my fiancé (my first boyfriend) and I broke up I never thought I would do this. AND I slept with another woman's man!
Weeks later, we were together and I asked him randomly, how many girlfriends he had since coming to the country. He became told me 3. He always spoke of this oyinbo girl he date so I was confused and asked him their race and name. He became enraged and told me he "can't do this anymore" and he broke up with me that night. I left his place shame and on the verge of an anxiety attack. He called later to apologize.
We began fighting regularly. Its as if the communicative and open guy went out the door. And I took the blame for all the fights because I always thought it was something I did or said. I always thought if I just "behave" we wouldn't fight. And I could never behave in a way that pleases him because sporadic things I say to him would enraged him. I became so emotionally rot that I began missing my period and gaining weight. He then accused me of trying to "trap him into a pregnancy." Even after going to the doctor with him to prove I am not pregnant. I missed my periods because of emotional stress. He accused me off stalking his ex-girlfriend. These things were not true, because I don't even know what the woman looked like!! He told me I am jealous of oyibo women or non-black women. So many insults and all I did was admonish myself because it was all my fault! Then we parted ways days before christmas.
Part 3
ReplyDeleteI found out I may be pregnant. Me? Pregnant? I was suppose to be pregnant for my husband! I did not tell him because I was afraid of what he would say and I didn't know what to do. Abortions sounded so painful and what if I never get pregnant again. This was the first time ever to be pregnant. One day in April, I was walking the street and there he was in front of me. He turned around and saw me and continued walking. I with my growing bulge felt so bad! I text him to curse him, how dare he see me and ignore me! He said he had something to tell me but would not say. The next day, he revealed that he was going back home to Nigeria for good, i.e. not returning (in fact he was in the airport heading to Nigeria he said). I started having these heart palpitations and headaches which lead to increase in my blood pressure and voila miscarriage!!
We continue texting each other whilst he was in Nigeria, and he always claimed he was single. When I asked what of his girlfriend, he claimed "it did not work out." One day in his text he revealed, "I'm here!" And he said he wanted to see me so lets go for dinner that afternoon. For the first time in months I began having some 'life' in me. I suddenly felt happy and even went as far as forgetting the ordeal I went through months ago. This man with whom I've found myself in love with, such a complicated relationship, the father of my dead child was here! I was happy because emotionally I need him.
We became friends again, we did not fight. He called me everyday and I felt like a high school girl in love again. Since all our fights in the past were based on misunderstanding what the other said or meant via text, we spoke on the phone Then he moved to another city for work. He would visit me on weekends. I began sensing change in him (he called and text less, from 1-2/day to once/week) and I would always ask if he was seeing someone. He would get angry at me. But I couldn't put my finger on the change in his attitude. He'd already remove me from his Facebook in one of our fights. Then be said he "broke up" our relationship days before christmas, because he feels that he is cheating on his Nigerian girlfriend with me and cheating on me with this nigerian girlfriend (his words). I didn't even argue that point that he already told me that "it didn't work out" between himself and his Nigerian girlfriend. After 2 years of this emotional turmoil, I too was done with it, this man did not love or even like me. Because what man would call a woman a liar after she revealed to him that she had a miscarriage for him earlier in the year? He didn't ask anything other than to say I am a liar. I'm liar because he did not want to deal with the truth.
Part 4
ReplyDeleteOne of my best male friends who have seen us together out at the theatre (and thought we had good chemistry) is a computer programmer. He invited me to Starbucks coffee one day and show me a screen shot of my Nigerian man on a dating site thats known for random sexual hook up. And seeing that he is crazy for oyibo women, he most feel himself a king now.
To conclude this long epistle. Most of your good men you are waiting for who are in foreign countries are already in relationships (whether sexual or emotional). And in the case of my friend who doesn't use condoms they may bring you a STD. Be sure he does a STD profile when you finally get him. Never believe that they are single. In my church and when I socialized all the non-married Nigerian men I know are dating oyibo or asian women, some are even already married to them. Imagine my surprised when one day the organist at my church was with this chubby oyibo he lives with (whom he does not take to church because then everyone would know). Most of them live with this women. Most of them have children. ALL of them say they would NEVER date black women, because black women are this and that (we're not nice, we don't know how to treat a man, we can't cook, we become oyibo, we lack self esteem and we do not wear our own hair). EVERYONE of this un-married men in my city are dating oyibo, and if you see the women!! women who dress like street women (some no education or class other than they are fair in complexion). Yet when the meet an African woman she has to meet a long list of requirements, but yet they will marry and settle for oyibo women with virtues they would not tolerate in African/black women.
Wow!....whoever you are,thank you for this revelation..i am sure someone will learn from this.i pray that god heals your heart and helps you find love again!..God bless you.
DeleteThank you Stella. That was really kind of you to say. I don't think I will open myself to love. I've devoted myself to my relationship with God, and I pray that he will mend my heart that I may not become full of hate, and maybe he will send me someone who will love me. But I am not looking or receptive to it at the moment.
DeleteI did not share this for pity, it was very therapeutic to write this down other than keeping it all in. I do hope that anyone reading this will learn from it. It could happen to anyone. I'm not Nigerian (but I'm black) and I always thought my experience is unique because of that. Would he treat another Nigerian woman this way? Regardless I wouldn't wish this on any woman.
I sometimes wish him the evilest things but it would be another woman at the other end receiving whatever I am wishing so, I pray for forgiveness and I wish him all the best.
You are absolutely right. And oyinbo woman will meet her Mil and call her by her first name, but home grown nkechi or imported nkechi must say mama and lick mama's ass as well.
DeleteI really feel bad for you dear,but alas its one of those things most women go through,especially we the overly smart self confident ones,i say this because i am also such a woman too who has fallen for the wrong man in my past,so dnt feel too bad deary,infact be thankful because you saw it all and you conquered,now no man can treat you like trash anymore,now you know your priorities,now your instinct are very high and accurate and you would listen to your intuition more henceforth. I hope you know Jesus Christ?If you do,pls move closer to Him and watch Him cleanse your heart of all bitterness and bless you you with the bestest man on earth who would love you totally,i am confident of this because Jesus beautified my life after i knew Him better than i used to. Hugs deary,God bless you plenty.
DeleteI know a very true story of one of our naija female celeb whom her superstar boyfriend left her to be with his oyibo girlfriend.infact that was the cause of their breakup..Stella you know the actress am talking about if you dig very well.Their relationship was well talked about and they were as good as married and so in love.But the guy had a thing for white girls..he got the white girl pregnant and the actress found out and called it quits but hid it from people.The guy is/was a celeb based abroad.he lived with this girl,got married to her,had 2kids.turned him against his big star brother.And guess wat?the marriage did not last.the girl wrecked him,,financially,career wise.he was left with nothing.. Dat he had to come running back to his big bro..he is back home in Nigeria now..living lik a pauper..Beware of white women guyz especially you celebrities abroad.this is a true story Stella.hes still trying to beg for forgiveness from the actress..it's such a sad one.
DeleteI am a Nigerian man married to a white Eastern European lady. We have been together for 19 years and have three children. What you saying is very wrong, you suggesting that all oyibo women are the same. That is not true. My oyibo wife has been a true blessing for me and showed me the meaning of true love. She cooks all Nigerian dishes and is wonderful mother and wife. She loves God and me and our children. People should marry from love. I know cases of Nigerian men here in UK who were betrayed by their Nigerian wifes, it happens a lot. Please don't have double standards.
DeleteIt really depends on how they meet and all.
ReplyDeleteI met my husband in 2005 in the UK, we were both in Uni. in 2008, I relocated back to Nigeria due to not having Valid visa to continue to living in the UK. Later, he came to Nigeria @ the end of 2008 and he'sc been coming here to see me @ least 3ce a year, We got serious... Got married last year. We been processing my Visa since last year and it hasn't clicked because I overstayed when I was in living in the UK. So, Yes, not of all them are liars and cheats. I'd say, If your man hasn't made efforts for you to join him.. Then something is up ladies.
Than you.
DeleteStella, some of the guys I know here go back home and marry their high school sweethearts due to pressure from the girls and their family, then they come back here and have to settle "paper things" with the "akata" and "oyinbo" chics. You can't blame nobody here. The girls don't know the system, then when things are taking too long, they start crying foul. One chic in naija got her bobo deported when she called the house and started yarning dust to the oyinbo lady say she be naija wife, dem get pickin bla, bla, bla, na so that one call immigration mess up the bobo papers. SMH for both of them.
ReplyDeleteAlot of people are in this bandwagon called arrangeee marriage.d funny tin is the wives dont complain,once there s money.ladies,beware of abroad husbands cos wat dey do ehen is jst to get you pregnant n they flee.most of dem even miss deir kids birthdays..sad.even entertainers too.ask some nollywood actresses uche j n co.dats y adaeze z a sharp chick.always with yobo.no slacks mehn.stephanie kalu uche,wen last did u see your hubby u r busy roaming lekki abi with ur big tummy.sorry..n she s busying posting lovey dovey pictures on instagram.we r nt deceived.pls carry d cross oh.n he sbusy gallivanting with differnt chicks in qatar abi turkey!!!!!!!!!!!my friend sarah pls give urself brain n divorce ur absentee hubby of 5yrs.its well oh.all na marriage.useless children.
ReplyDeleteFrenemy of life! Did you have to call them out? Why didn't you tell their stories without the names. Ewu mehhhh!
DeleteNot just a frenemie....a VERY bitter 1 with a mouth that leaks 4rm both sides. Aturu onye mere gi onye n'che ha?
DeleteIn a case like this everybody will be talking with one voice Nigerian MEN,but when it comes to home issues we will remember tribes,u see when we are outside we are one,just nigerians no igbo hausa or yoruba even oyibo can't differentiate
ReplyDeleteBack to the matter I live in UAE and as an igbo man I know whatsup my brothers are bad but sorry to say that the bad image nigeria have here is mainly as a result of my brothers from the west,stella an igbo man will tell his nigerian woman the truth if she is comfortable with the terms its her business,ada just married emeka as a third wife please its still the same,don't say we suck cos I never suck you...
What about our ladies that want ready made husband made in china or anywhere apart from nigeria,the issue is to tell the woman or lady the truth if u have another family haba please don't generalize this
My brothers from the west are lazy and corky yet they live above their earning so why won't there be such scam and cheat and crimes,if its ritual killing they will call igbos but when its like this its nigerian men place call a spade a spade
Fact is that my brothers from the west have more chances of traveling out than the wise men from the east
Every evil rises and sets in the west talk about cultism fraud scams oluwale yahoo yahoo,yahoo ++ sham marriages etc yet they ruin my chances as a good man ladies be careful and be grateful discover urself and build ur dream,u don't kill ur dream and drive just cos ur married or bEcos u wanna get married,why can't u be like that oyibo woman wey go help ur man get his paper
I support you 101% I met my husband 4 yrs ago and the first thing he told me was that he is a divorcee with two kids. He married an oyinbo when he travelled to Europe newly. We met 8 years after his divorce and he proposed. I was marvelled at his sincerity and that made me agree to be his wife. I joined him immediately I finished uni and I have lived here for 2 yrs now. I found out that it is the norm here to say the truth no matter how bitter it is. Igbo men here don't lie to their wives with that kind of stuff and most of them brought in their wives from Nigeria. They are all living together even with their oyinbo kids from previous marriages.
DeleteMr Ezenwa, please stop this nonsense. The three men that have passed themselves off as single to me but were fraudulent were Igbo. The ladies I know in absentee marriages are all igbo. Your type come home and marry us and never return. So please stop calling out brothers from the west. Naija men are doing this filth and it is not region specific. Just say you do not endorse this instead of coming here and making yourself look like someone filled with prejudice. Igbo men are all over the world so what are you saying, brothers from the west have more chances to travel. Haven't you heard the saying that if you go somewhere and do not see an Igbo man then chances are that place isn't fruitful? Ogini. Sorry Aunty Stella, I just hate when people start becoming so full of themselves. Naija men are messing up in general, it is not tribe specific. Naija women are being gullible and silly, it is not tribe specific. I only gave examples for you to know that it is not just your brothers from the West, abi you mean western part of Imo?
DeleteAnd what exactly is your point you tribalistic human being, no one is talking tribe here, we are discussing experiences.
DeleteSo you are one of those naija guys in diera doing cargo business. Always hanging around diera market looking for Nigerians to take around. I don't know why people will leave naija to go and be staying in dubai
DeleteWhat is wrong with this fool? What is 'my brothers from the west'? U just sound stupid especially cos u tribalized this whole post. Guess what? No one cares if its ur brothers from the east or west. Nigerians are equally stereotyped abroad. So deal with it.
DeleteANON 9:14 PM, it depends on the side of Dubai where you live, lots of Nigerians me inclusive, living and working in Dubai and making it as well.
Deleteonce someone tell u that he/she lives in Dubai, ur poor mind immediately goes to deira cargo boys!
for your info, I live on Emirates Hills, if you dnt know,pls googe is your friends, I even deira once in 4months ( to braid my hair at African saloons, as that is the only place they can afford rent, and to buy African food).
please be informed. by the way I make 12,000usd per month minue bonuses/commissions and ish.
12000 USD /mnth? Aga aju onye? Who asked u?
DeleteLol.stephanie dey naija.ok ooo.u can lie
ReplyDeleteIn a case like this everybody will be talking with one voice Nigerian MEN,but when it comes to home issues we will remember tribes,u see when we are outside we are one,just nigerians no igbo hausa or yoruba even oyibo can't differentiate
ReplyDeleteBack to the matter I live in UAE and as an igbo man I know whatsup my brothers are bad but sorry to say that the bad image nigeria have here is mainly as a result of my brothers from the west,stella an igbo man will tell his nigerian woman the truth if she is comfortable with the terms its her business,ada just married emeka as a third wife please its still the same,don't say we suck cos I never suck you...
What about our ladies that want ready made husband made in china or anywhere apart from nigeria,the issue is to tell the woman or lady the truth if u have another family haba please don't generalize this
My brothers from the west are lazy and corky yet they live above their earning so why won't there be such scam and cheat and crimes,if its ritual killing they will call igbos but when its like this its nigerian men place call a spade a spade
Fact is that my brothers from the west have more chances of traveling out than the wise men from the east
Every evil rises and sets in the west talk about cultism fraud scams oluwale yahoo yahoo,yahoo ++ sham marriages etc yet they ruin my chances as a good man ladies be careful and be grateful discover urself and build ur dream,u don't kill ur dream and drive just cos ur married or bEcos u wanna get married,why can't u be like that oyibo woman wey go help ur man get his paper
If he's not there physically, how can he be there spiritually?
ReplyDeleteI live in the United Kingdom. With respect, I have observed Nigerian men don't like Nigerian women. The Nigerian men treat the Nigerian women disrespectfully as opposed to their treatment of women of other nationalities. I'm not sure why? Gender inequality, perhaps?
ReplyDeleteIts cos guys from UK re tight fisted. Very stingy and always at the receiving end..A guy frm UK will come home and buy u maggi or even cutex and expect u to trip cos he just gave u UK meat spice . personally I don't talk to them cos thier own hunger pass some Naija gigolo own.Some in countries like cotonou and even SA claim abroad too.Chukwu aju! Pls women work hard, if u ve ur money/good job,oyibo man will give u visa one time.
DeleteLook at ur daft reasoning and observation,uk guys are tight fisted why don't u say men u met in ur life are tight fisted and not generalise. Am sure u re ibo girl bc most of u expect heaven and earth from men u date and am also sure u re not free with ur pussy same way u do not expect guys to be free with their money. I don't like generalised opinion. People are stingy bc they re stingy not bc of where they live.
DeleteQueenie, So your measure men by what you can receive from them abi? What does that make you? Let me suggest... a parasite and a disgrace to women. If yiu had a daughter or daughtersyou will be teaching her to debase her independence as a woman in the era of the 21st century and be a leach? Get a life and fend for yourself. You went to school (if you actually did) for a reason. And all this talk of affirmative action and women empowerment is not for a set of women but ALL women. Very soon Nigeria would be led by women presidents and governors and local government chairmen and you dey here dey vomit rubbish about stingy men. The guys you probably interacted with and hoped to parasite on are most definitelt chaps who have come from environments where they see women stand their ground and meet them as equals. So you would have been a pathetic irritant with your parasitic outlook. Abi na you dem dey collect salary for?
DeleteIt doesn't happen all the time. It's just that our Nigerian sisters always go for the superficial like money and luxurious looks and even when the signs are staring at them they ignore it as long as the money is rolling in. I meet my hubby in my first year and we dated until he went to the Us three years later. We communicated thru the phone for more than 5 years before he even came on his first visit . I know he had a gf and so did I . We were honest with each other. Then we decided to get married two years later. He came back we had our court wedding and he left. After making arrangement for his family to come pay the bride price . And no I was told to hold his picture which I refused to do.
ReplyDeleteContd ...,,, with the court documents he filed for me and I got my green card 6 months later. He came in one month later we had a modest wedding and left together 2 weeks later. We r two years married and counting with a lovely son to show managing our life. No gimmicks , no baby mama breathing down our neck. Girls if it's too good to be true then it is
ReplyDeleteStella, I was arguing abt this topic a while ago with my sister, heaven forbids that I will ever be in that position. It is desperation that is making ladies settle for this idea, my uncle once wanted to introduce me to a friend who just got back from US or UK back then but I told him I wasn't interested. It is either we leave our happily ever after here or there, there is not way I will agree to marrying photo frame.
ReplyDeleteAnon part 1 - 4, your story is quite touching... I pray God heals you. I believe there are still good men out there, but you can only find them through God.. All the best....
ReplyDeleteOluyomi Odukoya
Hmnnnn..... only desperation would make a young lady marry a picture; even if i was that crazy before I got married my papa no go gree shikena.
ReplyDeleteHaba Marriage is deeper than this.
Infact i am too pissed to type * flips hair and walks away*
mschewwwwww lack of good self esteem.
ReplyDeleteAnon Part 1-4, Thanks 4 taking out time 2 share your experience with Us. May God in HIS Infinite Mercy Heal u & I prophesy Joel 2:25 into ur life. For HE shall turn your story to Glory for it is written None will lack its mate. For HIS mouth has commanded, And HIS Spirit has gathered them. Isaiah 34:16. God would turn your Shame to Fame ,
ReplyDeleteAll the promises of God are yea and amen in him 2 Corinthians 1:20 (all God’s promises are for you.
By HIS doing you are in HIM.1 Corinthians 1:30 (it’s by his work that you are in HIM,not your own efforts). So the promise of “none will lack his mate” is for YOU now based on the word of God. Remember,He that finds a wife (or husband) finds a GOOD thing. Proverbs 18:22. HE would turn ur sighing into singing IJN. God has plans for you for GOOD and not for evil for a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11. Everyone u called u cursed shall turn around and call u blessed & u are shall be a blessing to your generation. Therefore you shall be celebrated. Remember one with God is majority & HE also said seek Ye first he kingdom of GOD & HIS righteousness and everyother thing shall be added unto it. Jeremiah 29:13
“When you come looking for me, you’ll find me. “Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I’ll make sure you won’t be disappointed.” God’s Decree.
I Look forward 2 reading ur testimony on dis same SDK platform for it's indeed a year of Exceeding Grace! Wishing U God's guidance & choicest gift IJN!
*No
ReplyDeleteNo
ReplyDeleteWao. I ve learnt a lot today. Thanks to all SDKers. Diff strives for diff stroke. My friend is looking for abroad husband. According to her she wants her hubby to live there while she lives here in Naija. That she wants her freedom. She will have all she wants.
ReplyDeleteAfter her telling me all these I know for sure that she want yo be doing runs while married. I had distance myself. I wan marry jor. No bad infkuence. A young lady to ve such desire. I fear for her future. She works with an international courier here in naija and she is more thsn 30yrs.
First of all, Aunty Stella you are right on you assessment. I hear a lot rubbish these men do. But where I feel you may not have done well is not informing that lady who sought for your help. You should have given her the information so that she could move on with her life. The guy is living a full life but she's keeping hers on hold because of this idiot. She'd be hurt at the begining but at least she would know hpw to now plan her life.
ReplyDeleteI am a victim,clap for me.
ReplyDeleteof course you would say that, are you the one she wrote about? wicked man
DeleteI think every woman should do her research VERY WELL before falling for a guy in diaspora, but guess what? Nigerian women are so GREEDY and MATERIALISTIC that they don't. Who cares if he has a wife and children wherever he lives? As long as he keeps sending the dollars they are fine. Some will even prefer to be married to their hubbies and be living apart. They get to be called "Mrs" and also get to live the single live by partying and doing runs on the side. Its like them eating their cake and having it. So while I sympathize with the ones that were honestly duped into these marriages by lying men in diaspora, I feel no sympathy for most of these Nigerian women. Its the love of money and material things that pushes them into such situations.
ReplyDelete@stella,,how about those woman you will marry in Nigeria nd bring her to de west
ReplyDeleteone year later she will call police to send you out from your house?
Guy why do some of you talk like this. She calls police because you are pummeling her with your fist. You think because she is home bred she should be enduring Mike Tyson type treatment? It serves you right if she calls the police. Some men are brutes and then cry sob stories when you get arrested for hitting a woman. This is not Naija where you can get away with brutality o. You do not want police wahala? Join a boxing class and pour your energy on that punching bag and not your wife.
DeleteAre there any Nigerian lady who don't know that 80percents of a Nigerian man
ReplyDeletemust married a white woman before he can get a permit to travel home nd return back to his base?
Aunty Stella, thanks for listening to me as I suggested yesterday about this topic. I love ur blog cos u interact well with the ur readers and there is always a lot to learn from people's experience so u can avoid those mistakes. I find other blogs so empty when I visit them so I come here or go to bellanaija. Be blessed
ReplyDeleteAunty Stella, no contest your blog is the best thing ever. U cant imagine all d many thngs I've learnt here. These stories are even d best. considering the fact that I'm also a young Nigerian girl living abroad. I have learnt a lot thru dis your post.
DeleteAs far am I'm concerned, husband no dey here for me. Nigerian men dont even like to marry naija women here so no wahala me sef no look dem eye.
October, not always true. Still some good ones...when I was going abroad, I was advised against naija men and their gold digging ways so when you say hi to me as a naija man even my hello would be defensive as in what do you want from me. I told my self tha for me to give man my money for this country, that man must be maybe a magician as u go don talk taya. Fast forward to four months, I met naija man o, come dey observe am well...this one ehn, His mother did a good job raising him and his church level no be here. Uncountable dates and I feel like a princess, change of mind sharp sharp. lol. No need denying myself good thing jare, I'm so glad I made that decision..yaaaay! So we can't just generalize, once they start money talk...take ya leg and run!
Deletewow...that i opened sdk"s blog to see this topic this evening...just what my friend and i were talking about this evening..
ReplyDeleteso this my friend's sis got married to her UK-based hubby...last February..the guy came in for the wedding..left afterwards and came in the August, and got her pregnant (despite her sis advising her not to till she goes over to meet him but she said the sis was envious)
she's hoping to go have the baby in UK and then stay for real...
i pray it works for her
It is really hard to fault any comments on this forum. There are always two sides to a coin. Let me take you into my private life a little bit, I cam to the US about 8 years ago, I have all my papers(No back doors). I enrolled in college, graduated in 2011(undergraduate) and 2013(graduate), started working here and there as an IT person since 2013. That's a brief bio data about me. Now to my story, I had a kid with me girlfriend while in college in Nigeria in year 2000, we dated from 1998 until I left Nigeria in 2005. While abroad I made sure I called her at least 2 times a day for the next 4 years, I went back home in 2010(first time since I came to the US) for our introduction and engagement. But due to the fact that I was a student from 2008 to 2013, I am not financially capable of bringing my family over, and I told my wife everything that needed at that time to bring them in. I started filling for my wife and kid as soon as I have full time job last year, and by God's grace they should be here within the next few months. I can authoritatively say it that since I left Nigeria, I don't have any side girlfriends in the US, I live by myself and all myself. It is doable if you are committed to a relationship. My point is, not all Diaspora husbands are bad. People do things for many reasons.
ReplyDeleteIt is really hard to fault any comments on this forum. There are always two sides to a coin. Let me take you into my private life a little bit, I cam to the US about 8 years ago, I have all my papers(No back doors). I enrolled in college, graduated in 2011(undergraduate) and 2013(graduate), started working here and there as an IT person since 2013. That's a brief bio data about me. Now to my story, I had a kid with me girlfriend while in college in Nigeria in year 2000, we dated from 1998 until I left Nigeria in 2005. While abroad I made sure I called her at least 2 times a day for the next 4 years, I went back home in 2010(first time since I came to the US) for our introduction and engagement. But due to the fact that I was a student from 2008 to 2013, I am not financially capable of bringing my family over, and I told my wife everything that needed at that time to bring them in. I started filling for my wife and kid as soon as I have full time job last year, and by God's grace they should be here within the next few months. I can authoritatively say it that since I left Nigeria, I don't have any side girlfriends in the US, I live by myself and all myself. It is doable if you are committed to a relationship. My point is, not all Diaspora husbands are bad. People do things for many reasons.
ReplyDeleteIts quite true that nigerian men abroad are sneaky.. its everywhere even the ones that are home.. we have just a few men who still have their morals intact and i'm proudly one of the few :).. and for you ladies making noise that she looks stupid, this, that.. y'all that didn't get married to a "frame" how many of u can boast of a happy marriage????!!! The same dude that sat beside u on your wedding is treating u like garbage nw and u feel u have d right to wag your lips over the internet? .. Sit and think•
ReplyDeleteTrue talk and most of them are modern prostitute calling themselves runz girls. mtchew
DeleteMost of the naija-man bashing comments here are from bitter, malicious or ignorant women or just silly kids with no experience of life or marriage. Life abroad is not a bed of roses. Its not always deliberate that an abroad man will not bring his wife over immediately. It could be due to financial challenge, it could be that he has not completed the paper marriage etc. Any Nigerian woman who claims not to know that 75% of naija guys abroad got their residency/citizenship through paper marriage is a born liar. There are enough naija women abroad to tell their sisters back home the truth. Paper marriage is not that easy. It is very expensive and can take years to process. So any Nigerian woman who is frustrated that her abroad hubby did not take her over immediately after marriage is a fool who got what she deserved. Ogonna de ibo marketer.
ReplyDeleteAs for my Igbo sisters dissing naija men, Amadioha go punish una ten times a day. As if you are innocent victims. Na una be the real perps of 419 marriage. Most of you are coached from childhood by your mothers, sisters and aunties on how to catch abroad hubby whom your family will parasite on and then dump the guy once you don find your way for yankee. Your fathers teach you how to siphon your abroad hubby's money to build that village mansion that your lazy, deadbeat father could never build in 10 lifetimes. That's why you all distribute your pussies so cheaply at Xmas in your desperation to land abroad hubby to salvage your impoverished, bone lazy, no good families from perpetual poverty. Nonsense and ingredient! Ogonna de ibo marketer.
ReplyDeleteshut your dirty mouth...you low life, gutter bred idiot.....may amadioha strike u 20 times and render u impotent....ewu gambia.....
DeletePlease what is the meaning of Amadioha? Is it like Sango in yoruba?
Delete@ Kemi - yes, Amadioha is the Igbo god of thunder and lightening, just like Sango. He is one of the most powerful deities in Igbo traditional religion and is believed to do justice to liars and wrongdoers by striking them with bolts of lightening. Traditionally, its believed that oaths sworn by Amadioha are very potent and any one who tells a lie after swearing by or invoking Amadioha will be killed instantly. Ogonna de ibo marketer.
Deleteits funny how people put everyone in a box.....true a lot do these things but not all...i am married to a man based in the UK...we were friends before he travelled for studies.....fast forward we are married and i still live in naija.........cos he does some buying and selling on the side and has a job with flexi hours he is able to come to naija like 4 times a year......i earn well and i travel to the UK like 2 times in between......i made sure he came home for the introduction, traditional, church and court wedding....agreed he had to marry for papers while in school my marriage to him was after school and i was sure he was legally off any contract.......he has a job and sends me money time to time though i earn more than he does and he buys me stuff whenever he visits.i do not spend my money except when neccesary ..my relationship was not about money and not about living abroad cos i used to travel abroad before then......people still ask me y am still here but i have a good job and not yet ready to start from the scratch out there.....he will come back to naija but wants to put stuff in place before finally coming back cos you cannot leave a bird in hand and start chasing 2 in this naija job market......so my point is not all cases are the same and women should learn not to be desperate...living abroad is not the end all be all but sometimes you just meet someone you love and he might just be in diaspora.....keep your eyes opened, ask more than u talk, listen and never make a man feel he is doing u a favour by marrying you.....you both need each other.....as for affairs i know am clean from my end and i choose to believe him though men can be funny but like i say i have friends whose hubbies live here with them 360/24/7 yet my ears tingle at their gist so what is the guarantee of fidelity anywhere....for now mine is working for me cos we are always in touch, plan stuff together and thank God we can visit often...
ReplyDeleteThank you, ezigbo nwanyi oma (good woman)! Na only you and 2 or 3 other women wey talk anything sensible for this thread. Your story depicts a sensible, practical, down to earth woman. Your hubby is a very lucky and privileged man to have you.
DeleteNo mind all these desperate runz girls who after distributing punani all over the place and no decent man will touch them, they now stake their lives on abroad guys only to come whining about being abandoned in naija. Ogonna de ibo marketer.
Ogbonna Iwu ikpu! Your kind of women have hurt you. stop the generalization
DeleteLook who is complaining about generalization! Where were you when your groupies were generalizing about diaspora men? Hypocrites! Ogonna de ibo marketer
DeleteLol @ this Ogonna the marketer. Ndo nnaa, ( bu ka o si ekpo gi?
ReplyDeleteNo be)by force to dey abroad.
With this mindset, your significant other (that is if you are straight) must be suffering!
LOL! Did I hit too close to home? Did I tell your life story of runz and di america desperation? Nne, ndo O! Sorry that I told the world the truth of my Igbo sisters and di america. Your groupies think its funny to cuss out and generalize naija men but you can't take a dose of your own medicine. Ogonna de ibo marketer
DeleteUmu nwoke (Men) shouldn't be taken umu nwanyi (women) for granted abeg.
ReplyDeleteUmu nwoke (Men) shouldn't be taken umu nwanyi (women) for granted abeg.
ReplyDeleteI would never support any lady to support\allow her supposed husband travel abroad for any reason. Relationships are meant to be mutual, hence separation is never permitted. Even if the woman is honest as to keep her marriage vows, men can never, [I repeat never] be honest. I am a living witness. Despite the fact that I know that my husband is not honest to me, I still keep my peace for the sake of my children not to be brought up from a broken marriage. So ladies, please never allow your spouse to separate from you for travelling purpose. It is not biblical and dangerous even to our health. I am a living witness.
ReplyDelete