Na wah!!!!
NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
DOES LOVE GROW?
Hello Stella,
I'm a super SDK addict and I want to commend you for doing an amazing job. May God continue to bless you richly.
Please pardon the narrative as its quite lengthy but I'll like you to share this as I'm beginning to think something might be wrong with me.
I'll consider myself a beautiful, decent and smart lady and I've never had a problem getting male attention, neither have I leveraged on this as I believe in working hard and relying on no one.
I'm in my mid twenties and I currently have a good job with one of the leading multinationals in Nigeria.
My issue is this, I met a guy about 2 years ago on one of the social media networks. I didn't take him serious but instead friend zoned him because I wasn't looking to start a distance relationship. This guy is everything you'll want in a man. He is tall, good looking, God fearing, has a personal relationship with God, supports me, encourages me, worships the ground I walk on. His an engineer with one of the top oil companies abroad
(My sister based at his location confirmed it and his LinkedIn also confirms it) So its not a case of cat fish. Before I got my job he has helped me out once when I had some financial issues without even asking for anything in return. I haven't met him physically yet because the last time he came, I made up an excuse not to see him even though he came specifically to see me. (And till today I don't know why I did that)
He has made it clear he wants to marry me and is coming to Nigeria this December. He is willing to meet my parents when he comes and even asked for my mum's no to call her but I told him to chill first.
He has made it clear he wants to marry me and is coming to Nigeria this December. He is willing to meet my parents when he comes and even asked for my mum's no to call her but I told him to chill first.
The problem is Stella I don't like him like that and I can't think of a reason why. I'm beginning to think something is wrong with me or my village people are following me because I've been praying to God for a good man and here is one staring me in the face. I need opinions from SDK readers especially those who have probably married someone they weren't in love with at first. Does love grow? Especially for a woman. I'll really appreciate if you could help me share this as I'll need all the constrictive and unbiased advice I can get. Thank you.
Love definitely grows but is selective of environment to grow in,love cannot grow in a broke ass environment....For a woman love grows but i dont know about men.
.........................................................................................................................................................
NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
DEALING WITH MOTHERHOOD STRESS AND VERBAL ABUSE
Good morning Mrs Korkus, God bless you for the wonderful job you are doing on your blog. I am a regular blog visitor based here in Ph with my family.
I'd like to go anon, I'm a nursing mother of 6 months old twin boys , my DH has been supportive all the way, he has never given me reason to suspect him because he always comes home from work and doesn't go out at night. He is not into clubbing or keeping late nights, and he keeps bragging to me that other women are looking for his type. We have been married for four years now.
The issue is, I suffer serious verbal abuse from this man to the extent that I used to go to work feeling sad while I was still working. It's not as if he is perfect but everything I do must be criticized . My house help left recently she told my sister that if she knew we had twins in this house she wouldn't have come. They keep complaining that the work is too much. I keep the children's milk and cerelac on the dining table so that when they cry at night, I can easily sit there and prepare their food and serve them there immediateLy, but I noticed that my DH came and changed the position of their food to another place saying that I'm mentally deranged and scattered and lazy,why should I keep their food on the table.
I still try to tidy up my room and wash my toilet myself regularly since I don't like. Sending people to do that for me, but the moment anything is not where it's suppose to be in the room I receive insult for that. I'm currently thinking of returning to the banking sector I resigned from because he keeps insulting me how my mates are supporting their husbands and i don't have anything to offer. how I am not making progress I'm just stagnant, how I'm a block head I don't know anything etc. the stress I face daily taking care of my kids and this is driving me crazy especially because I feel I'm doing my best but it's not been appreciated. Even with all the sleepless night, he brought his mum some time ago and she just sits down all day while I was alone,I complained because the time I'd use to rest I'd be using it to also attend to his mother and he said I was the one putting myself under pressure. We are both Christians and attend a Pentecostal church around.
He's from a large family and keeps sending money to one relative or the other, or lending money to people that keep asking him. I'm even saving money to go back to school for my Masters now so I can earn more on a new level at work. I just need to hear what reasonable Bv's think about this. I'm thinking of going to school in Europe where it's a bit affordable. Let me just pause here.
Thanks a lot.
God bless you.
Sometimes i ask myself..''how does it get so bad?why does no one see it until it gets to this rot-stage?May God bless you with Solomon's wisdom so that you can take the right decision to suit your circumstance!
Jesus will fix you!
Jesus fix it!!!
ReplyDelete********LONG LIVE SDK & SDKERS*******
Poster 1- You are kidding right? Why do unserious girls always meet the right guys.? Anyway still meet him and assess his character very well before taking him to ur parents. Poster 2- Jesus will fix it for u.
DeleteLmao!
DeleteFunny gal@em jay
P1 stella don answer u. But i think after 2 yrs and no love, maybe u the kind that needs physical attention for love to grow and also it might ne u just arnt into him but pls dont marry sm1 u dont love else u wont have respect 4 him as time goes by neither will u tolerate his excesses.
Delete2. Why do u women keep making excuses 4 ur useless husbands? Hes a goood man, he supports u yet he calls u block head and insults u simply cos u put things in d wrong place according to him. My parents adopted twins and they have 2 helps 4 them...my bro has a chikd and has 1 help and a lil cousin that helps out too. Taking care of kids sint childs play ooo. And after it all, u still get insults instead of love 4 being a good mother to his own kids.
My own is simple...a man that fears God and loves u wont do all these u mentioned. Thats all
Poster 1: I feel if you guys see physically, u might end up loving him or begin to love him!!
DeletePoster1. U will grow to lov him. Poster 2. Its well with your marriage
DeleteU n jesus fix it
DeletePoster 2,
DeleteThere's nothing like being independent an having your own source of income no matter how little. If you can get back into the banking sector or find any other decent work, do it and you can do your Masters by the side. Being busy would also take away unnecessary thinking.
Nappyhaired.com
Em Jay, errrrm. I rove you.
Delete@ Stella, WORD!!! Love does not grow in a broke ass environment. I learnt to love my current partner cos he provides. And he does so without me asking and I've never heard him complain. Even when we quarrel, he doesn't use his help against me. My dear, I've grown to love and appreciate him to the extent that when he does not have, I stay put. I'd advise that if he comes around, spend time. Don't just get married yet. If he can spend his entire annual leave here, better. So you can get to know him. Poster 2: get a job. Be confident. Let him know this "Honey, you have to stop running me down! Show some kindness. You may be who you are but I don't want my son's growing up to think that it's ok to be rude, harsh and ungrateful "
Delete@Precious Ibik, I sight you
Delete#ogbo na ncha
Hmmmmm
ReplyDeleteP1, if you have a personal relationship with God just like you want a man of like description, then you wouldn't be so confused. All you need to do is fast and pray so that God will reveal your right life partner to you. Go on two weeks fasting and midnight praying. A lot will be revealed to you at the end. However, you should bear in mind that walking with God means submitting yourself to His will, so if at the end of your prayers, you get an affirmation from God, please get married to him. The love will flow in sooner than you can imagine.
DeleteP2, get a help, get a job, be independent! Even you wouldn't want a house-husband
Second to comment
ReplyDeleteOh I was first? *shines teeth*
DeleteSo poster 1, in all my 2 decades and some years have been on planet earth, have come to realise that you just can conclude that you don't like or love a person without seeing, relating or being with the person.
Invite him, you guys should see, talk,and then you can decide.
Poster 2: I can take it for you to beat me than verbal abuse, it lowers your self esteem, it brings depression, makes you feel there is nothing you are living for, my dear talk to your husband let him know that you don't like the way he talks to you. If you can't talk face to face to him, pour out your worries, anger and concern in a letter and keep it where he can see it. Then you can ask him about it when you are sure he has seen it, you could also call a family meeting.
My dear just try to communicate with him, it is well with your home, the devil will not have his way, any vice or device the devil is using against your marriage is terminated this second in Jesus name.
Ah! Stella why you carry me come back to number third? * breaks bottle *
DeletePoster 1 luv grows oh esp with we the women. Wen a guy is nice and caring b4 u know, u re automatically in luv!!! My friend married a guy she was nt inluv with and she is doing ok and happy and she luvs her husband now ,
Delete@Poster 1, initially, I did not love my husband, I accepted to marry him due to how my brother's wife use to maltreat me(just wnt to leave the house for her. I've already confessed that to him. Now, I love him with my life, my love for him is like a human being without air. We are happily married with 2 kids. Would still marry him in my next life! So Poster 1, the choice is urs. Am out of here!
DeleteI will go anonymous on this cos I relate to the 2 chronicles in a way..poster 1: you can marry him n you would grow to love him if the environment is right but if it's my type of environment where my husband has become a violent drunkard n says I should not get a househelp despite my 6mnth old n abuses me with every sort of insult in this world, my bday would come n he won't say even c'mon HBD even with my cake staring at him so he won't say he forgot rather prefers to go n smoke n drink as a gift to me. Poster2: I have learnt to stay positive, prayerful n do things that make me happy to avoid depression n in Em Jay's voice waiting for Jesus to fix it.
DeleteHappy Sunday to you all......
ReplyDeleteAm not here to compete with Em Jay today..
She has been loosing her position for sometimes all through last week...
Em Jay, I still love you even when u r not the ftc
losing" sometime"
DeleteP1 Love grows!
ReplyDeleteTill U see him though.
When U do, things will be more clearer.
P2 All I see is someone whining whining and whining. Pls chill!!
Really, someone whining? You will be worse than the said husband, I hope your sister gets treated same way.
DeleteHelp me o. Yu avnt seen nor spent time with the guy n u know u dont love me Stupid No1 narrative. sounds fake too. harrumph
Delete6, she isn't just whining darl, she's sharing her hurt n trust me these things ain't easy to spill, good u did poster2. With all you've said, u are troubling yourself darling, u know this man n u have his Mumu button, use it against him na. When he says you've displeased him, remind him he's there to support ur shortcomings. Life isn't so hard, u have twins (that's a lot of work already) u con dey add hubby stress, some men like being "MEN" with their mouth sha, u better tell him how his words makes u feel just so u won't fall into depression. Lastly, in bid to live long, pay attention to things that matter only. It is well *hugs*
DeleteP1, u don chop belleful.
Pls easy with d sassing n firing.
DeleteBcos U've kids don't mean the house shd smell piss piss n disorganized.
If husby no want milk on d table abeg put am for shelve.
And there is no other better way to correct her than to be verbal abusive. .u think u can take care of a baby talk more of two?...ewu gambia
Delete@ sixfeeta, u don born twins b4? See ur goat mouth like 'piss piss'!
DeletePoster 2 what happens to your family if you travel to Europe. Sorry about the verbal abuse, it's as worse as physical abuse and not acceptable. Please try talk to your hubby about it and tell him you don't like it. Taking care of one child is hard enough not to talk of 2 and having to work. I can't begin to imagine how stressed you are but tell your husband to stop abusing you, you're his wife not his slave.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 how do you conclude you don't like someone or can't grow to like them if you haven't met them. Try meet this guy first before you conclude biko. There is no one doing you from anywhere, you're responsible solely for your actions and inaction. Peace
Poster 1,
ReplyDeleteNothing is wrong with you. Your problem is d devil and d devil is YOU ....
Immaturity is a sin that must be cast away from you.
Someone came specifically for you from a far distance and you knew he was coming, yet you refused to see him. You de here de here de say ''u don't know why u did dat''?
Park made.
Dats bad of her, wat if he does dat 2 u will u like it.
DeleteAsin a very stupid immature somebody is poster 1.
DeleteAm so upset on behalf of the guy ... It's so clear to see that u don't know what you want .
Till ur 35 ....with all the money but single .
*shits on you ***
Hello Travel consultant, life does not end in marriage. You may not marry but be a successful person in all areas of life. You can even be a mother and live a full life. Nigerian women with I must marry mentality! Take it easy
DeleteThis geh dey annoy me! It's so funny that if it's a player that forms 'too fine', she will be all over him saying how she's in love with him and he's not reciprocating.
DeleteConfused small girl looking for arrogant boys!
Stop accepting his abuse. Tell him to stop it. He is meant to be helping not adding to your stress. Why did you let him bully you into leaving your job? Please next time he abuses you tell him to stop it, I don't get women who sit and let people ride over them is there is a good wife award for being a doormat? So because he doesn't club or cheat he is justified in abusing you?
ReplyDeleteHer point is that his behaviour is not as a result of a side chick!
DeletePoster 1, u don't have a problem! Luv grows, I'm glad d guy adores u dts more important u ll grow to love him, probably it's Cuz u haven't had enough time physically with him u know! Concentrate on building a solid r/ship, ensure ur communication level nd understanding is strengthened, soon things wud fall in place. #hugs
ReplyDeletePoster 2, God will help u, It's well
Poster 1, Drop his contact, let me talk to him for you.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, listen to TGW.
Lol. And I bet that will be the last time she will hear from him.
DeleteHahahahahahaha
DeleteOllie baby wot did u say?
Chai craaay People full dis blog Hahahahaha
Wow! Marriage these days...may God give us the foresight so that we won't be lonely or heartbroken in marriage, poster one -im in the same situation the only difference is that he stays around so we see from time to time, I spoke with an older person and he advised me and said it's better that he's heads over hills for me than me being so in love with him, well I'm trying to give him the chance, I hope it works out right!!
ReplyDeleteMarriage!!!
ReplyDeletePoster 2
ReplyDeleteA man is allowed to fuck, while married, depending on what he believes in. Many men do this. More than you can imagine. That's why we have many blog visitors here with perfect husbands. If only they knew shaaaa.
But when the wife knows, then it is game over. Only a foolish man will continue when the game is over.
And funny enough, in this society, same applies to women who fuck outside codedly too
First time u r being sensitive. One day, you'll drop your 'fun'(reckless) ways. Amen.
DeleteBut you didn't say anything about the abuse she's suffering form. That's the help she needs.
How does this relate to her problem or re u running mad lately?
DeleteSeems ur loosing ur mind. Women cheat more than men these days so ur fuck fuck fuck is no more interesting. Olodo
Lmao ...I think he's starting to have Alzheimer's .
DeleteHow else does one explain that this man would read a story and come and be giving unrelated advice ????
Kikikkikikiiiikkkikikikikikkkikk
Pls give ur life to Christ !
Poster1 you've not even seen and talked to the man one on one you are already talking about love.Meet him and get to know about him more, then u can start talking about love.Yes,love does grow but I prefer the love grows while both of u are dating. Poster2 If u leave ur husband and travel abroad for ur masters,don't u think that u are gradually separating yourself from him?Be careful of the decision you make.Get a job and do the best u can.Don't forget to pray in any situation u find yourself because nothing prayer can not do,Jesus answers prayer.
ReplyDeleteN1. Be looking for "bad boy". If you knew how real the hustle was to find a man you won't be asking us. I don't know why you lack sense. Please free him let a grateful sister catch him if you don't want. Finances isn't a problem and you're complaining. See better marry a man who loves you more, you will never regret it . At least you like him small.
ReplyDeleteN2. I don't understand verbally abusive men. I really don't.
To all the women in the house, never ever in your life resign from your place of work cos of a man/husband.... Even when u put to bed, take maternity leave and return to work when the leave expires.
ReplyDeleteAlso, never ever marry a man who is from a large home with so many relatives. Never do this!
Poster two, verbal abuse is even more than physical assault, try to get back to your job, try to give him space by temporarily leaving him so that he will see what u r doing and come back to beg u.
Poster1.No body in your village is doing you,If you can't marry him just let him know now.
ReplyDeleteposter2.try and get your banking job back
Some men though,Mtcheeeeeeew
I really don't know why women become burdens or liabilities to men when they are not working.I don't think i can stand verbal abuse from any man.
ReplyDeletePlease dont get pregnant after your twins. And if your plan is to go back to school,plan towards it and be the best you can be.
Blame it on the see finish syndrome.
DeleteNarrative 1: you are such a kid. Mid twenties and still brainless. When you finally grow brains, send us your wedding invite through another narrative *yawns*
ReplyDeleteNarrative 2: Why Europe? Do you think doing your masters abroad guarantees a high level in a bank? Abeg do your masters for naija and don't leave your husband for too long.
In respect to your husband's "over sabi" nature, I don't know what advice to give as e never happen to me before.
Poster 1: He has everything you want in a man, but you've refused to meet?
ReplyDeleteIt's certainly your family household witches *nods head vigorously * .Yes,no question.
Obviously, you're not in a relationship, so it's not like you don't want to two time.
Please, reject the spirit of Aunty Gwegwegweism.
Give the guy a chance. If it doesn't work out, then you'll know it wasn't meant to be.
Goodluck
Poster 2:Na wa!
Why some men enjoy hurting their wives this way,beats my imagination.
Yesterday, the same verbal abuse story.
Where did the wives get it wrong?
Hian!
You NEED to really talk to your husband, before he strips you of your self esteem.
Men be telling their wives to quit working, then turning around to accuse them of being lazy,and not contributing nada.
Y'all should mind the homefront for a week,and see how 'easy' it is.
*hiss*
God knows I can never be a housewife,even if hubby is Dangote's son and I don't need the money.
#WhiteDiamondOut
Just negodu.
ReplyDeletePoster 1: you're just like me...reserved. Met my boyfriend online, didn't fall in love with him until I physically met him and about 6 months of dating, with him being in my house everything. Don't worry, don't force yourself. Spend time with him this Christmas and trust me, if he treats you well, you'll subconsciously fall in love or atleast, start having feelings for him which would grow. I don't think I can love someone I've never met and it's probably the same for you. Anyway, I wish you luck.
ReplyDeletePosted 2: you need to sit that man down and have a talk. Women take so much from men, that's why they misbehave ugh.
God please fix this fast.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm......
ReplyDeleteSigh......
Twin boys for that matter!!!
Wisdom to handle dis situation is all am asking God to bestow on u.......
It is well!!!
Poster 1: try and open ur mind. Been in ur situation b4. If u try and it's not working, let him go. Don't force it.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: ur DH is just being stupid. Plz go back to work if that will save you from his verbal abuse coz soon it will turn to DV. If u can afford going to the states, plz go so u can have rest of mind. He might still call you on the fone and insult you but don't mind him. His words will do nothing coz you r far away
@Poster 1, love grows if the man treats you right. Though I knew my hubby from Uni years, I used my head when making a choice of who to marry and so far, so good. I also believe that something deep down you tells you when you meet the right person, not all those fluttering butterflies in the stomach kind o. It's a kind of conviction that you will be happy with this person.
ReplyDelete@Poster 2, I have a new born and I know how much time it takes to take care of him talk more of twins. You may need to try talking to him 1st, not shouting or complaining, I mean talk to him like an adult. Tell him how his abusive words affect you. You may also need to put your cuties in a creche/get a nanny since he respects working women. Let him pay for either of the two. Then get a job, save up and get your self confidence back. As for MIL, click on ignore for her, don't kill yourself o. You need to be wise in this case, when it comes to MIL matters, I use prayers and wisdom to handle am. I respect her but never kill myself to be loved.
Lol @ brokeass environment.
ReplyDeleteStella, na brokeass people do you for this world? Lmao
But you are 100% about that.
poster one abeeeeg park comot cos many BVs are looking for what you have so shine ya eyes and marry the guy who worships the ground you walk on and quit lusting after tha Ex: read my lips I said you face reality and let bygones be bygone.
ReplyDeleteposter Two, Ndoooo cos I told my gf that had twins two years ago NOT to quit her job at all at all, I helped her get a nanny when she reached this your frustrated point with a non helping DH, verbally abusing her over the home keeping and noise as the twins made it four kids. Now she has found her footing and balance as she is even doing her phd and home is balanced. Get a help a quit being a super woman but most of all get a job. Men havent learnt to be a help at home so if MIL wants to live with you then you need a help otherwise you are heading for a nervous breakdown. Men be the Man and keep your Mother in check mbok. Learn to handle your Mother, Wife, Daughters and these days Sidechicks biko.
Sharumi
Nawa for Nigerians Oo! D fact that he's good to you doesn't mean he is good for you! If you don't like d dude, move on. U'll def like d ryt person for you!
DeleteNawa for Nigerians Oo! D fact that he's good to you doesn't mean he is good for you! If you don't like d dude, move on. U'll def like d ryt person for you!
DeletePoster 2....Abusive marriages I jump and pass in Jesus name Amen...All these narratives be making marriages look so bad biko where are the chronicles of hope...
ReplyDeletePoster 1 ...be there selecting...A good man in your way and you are doing shakara doh ooo..
poster one abeeeeg park comot cos many BVs are looking for what you have so shine ya eyes and marry the guy who worships the ground you walk on and quit lusting after tha Ex: read my lips I said you face reality and let bygones be bygone.
ReplyDeleteposter Two, Ndoooo cos I told my gf that had twins two years ago NOT to quit her job at all at all, I helped her get a nanny when she reached this your frustrated point with a non helping DH, verbally abusing her over the home keeping and noise as the twins made it four kids. Now she has found her footing and balance as she is even doing her phd and home is balanced. Get a help a quit being a super woman but most of all get a job. Men havent learnt to be a help at home so if MIL wants to live with you then you need a help otherwise you are heading for a nervous breakdown. Men be the Man and keep your Mother in check mbok. MEN pleeeez Learn to handle your Mother, Wife, Daughters and these days Sidechicks biko.
Sharumi
Some times is even good to be a rich single mother than to be trapped in dis thing called marriage,
ReplyDeleteposter one abeeeeg park comot cos many BVs are looking for what you have so shine ya eyes and marry the guy who worships the ground you walk on and quit lusting after tha Ex: read my lips I said you face reality and let bygones be bygone.
ReplyDeleteposter Two, Ndoooo cos I told my gf that had twins two years ago NOT to quit her job at all at all, I helped her get a nanny when she reached this your frustrated point with a non helping DH, verbally abusing her over the home keeping and noise as the twins made it four kids. Now she has found her footing and balance as she is even doing her phd and home is balanced. Get a help a quit being a super woman but most of all get a job. Men havent learnt to be a help at home so if MIL wants to live with you then you need a help otherwise you are heading for a nervous breakdown. Men be the Man and keep your Mother in check mbok. MEN pleeeeeez Learn to handle your Mother, Wife, Daughters and these days Sidechicks biko.
Sharumi
@poster 1 dat guy is might not be serious why cldnt he see you when he came to nigeria specially to see you, sometin like dis has happen to me b4 and he was based in quatar promise to marry wen he come to nigeria and behold wen he came he didn't call me thru out, we didn't see, wee also met on social media... I was dupe emotionally by him and it was hurtful so don't believe in dos abroad guys again, pls ask him again why he refuse to see you wen he came specifically to see you....pls guide ur heart and wish you all the best
ReplyDelete@poster 2 I feel for you pls dust ur certificate or better still learn a skill to while away your time, pray to Baba God and be strong for ur kids,,,, t serious why cldnt he see you when he came to nigeria specially to see you, sometin like dis has happen to me b4 and he was based in quatar promise to marry wen he come to nigeria and behold wen he came he didn't call me thru out,we also met on social media... I was dupe emotionally by him and it was hurtful so don't believe in dos abroad guys again, pls ask him again why he refuse to see you wen he came specificall
y to see you
@poster 2 I feel for you pls dust ur certificate or better still learn a skill to while away your time, pray to Baba God and be strong for ur kids... God is ur Helper
Did you read the first narrative at all?
DeleteReceive the spirit of reading and assimilation!
DeleteEastwestern
Baffles me when men complain over trivial things! My mum didn't work till date n if u c her u'll think she's working, she's receiving good pay from my papa till today n d guy never complained...same thing my DH is doing, my allowance is like oil n gas salary n he's happy paying me to stay at home n care for d kids..ive saved n saved u will think I'm a politician...for years now..what wrong with boys of these days?
ReplyDeleteAh! See Fellow "Correct Husband"
DeleteBuh even if he doesn't place her on a salary,I mean is asking for her peace of mind and some respect too much to as???
Cos yea,even if u placed ya wife on a salary and stil maltreat her,I mean dats evil! Doesn't make sense at all.not fair!
Lucky u.
DeleteIf I hear
DeleteImabinu, how old is ur marriage? *just asking*
DeleteAnd if tmr your husband dies, you would be lost cos you have no backbone.
DeleteYou are lucky dear . I guess some did not read your comment where you stated that you earn as much as those working in the oil industry . If anything happens (God forbid) her savings is there. Moreover the husband must have been buying properties in their names.
DeleteLol @ brokeass environment.
ReplyDeleteStella, na wetin brokeass people do you for this world? Lmao
But you are 100% about that.
poster one abeeeeg park comot cos many BVs are looking for what you have so shine ya eyes and marry the guy who worships the ground you walk on and quit lusting after tha Ex: read my lips I said you face reality and let bygones be bygone.
ReplyDeleteposter Two, Ndoooo cos I told my gf that had twins two years ago NOT to quit her job at all at all, I helped her get a nanny when she reached this your frustrated point with a non helping DH, verbally abusing her over the home keeping and noise as the twins made it four kids. Now she has found her footing and balance as she is even doing her phd and home is balanced. Get a help a quit being a super woman but most of all get a job. Men havent learnt to be a help at home so if MIL wants to live with you then you need a help otherwise you are heading for a nervous breakdown. Men be the Man and keep your Mother in check mbok. MEN pleeeeeeez Learn to handle your Mother, Wife, Daughters and these days Sidechicks biko.
Sharumi
E don do nah!!! Kilode?
DeleteN1-how can you know whether you love someone when you have not had a personal contact with the person?
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteCBV don land ehhhhhhh
*spreads mat*
*Covers duvet*
*scrolls t d chronicles*
Brb t comment!
@poster1 : why will you like him when you never gave him the space or time to be with you!
ReplyDeleteLet the marriage chill 4 now,when he comes back,spend time with him.
You might fall in love with him, who knows!
But if you try and it didn't work out, den find a sister and link them up..
@poster2 : you are going anonymous cause u are among the people cursing single ladies.
That's btw.........if your husband can sponsor or if you can sponsor yourself, then you go ahead....but if not,try and get a job asap.
Stop praising your husband, he is not all that!!
Hmmm, na waooh! After reading chronicles at times I get scared of marriages, before I accept to marry any guy I will make sure he is worth the stress, I will make sure he loves me more, I will make sure he adores me. God! Pls help poster 2 to fix her home!
ReplyDeleteI will ..I will ...I will..
DeletePls let go and let God
Poster 1, I hv a book for u to read it's called " self deliverance " dats wat u need.
ReplyDelete#1... Expectedly,many ppl will advice u to marry him cos he loves u,he has money,he lives abroad etc....feelings towards odas r natural,u can't force it...dias nothing wrong with u,it happens...if u marry him,dias a very high chance of u being miserable n unhappy for a very long time esp since he lives far away n u don't really know him.
ReplyDeleteExcellent Comment! Good to knw sum1 is thinkin straight!
DeleteU re right in a way,but poster marry him,u will learn to luv u,as far as he luvs u.
Delete
ReplyDeleteCBV don land ehhhhhhh
*spreads mat*
*Covers duvet*
*scrolls t d chronicles*
Brb t comment!
Poster 1: you need to pray seriously because it could be a spiritual thing.
ReplyDeletePoster 2: get yourself something to do. May God help you.
**vianson**
Póster 1,i suspect ur forefathers way back come from a Kingly lineage.and dey also worshipped Ancient gods who helped dem fortify deir Kingship and made dem win wars against deir enemies and dey in turn out of gratitude ,promised dose Ancient gods dat deir daughters wont marry.dat dey wil remain single and take care of them and deir Palace......
ReplyDeleteHahhahahahahhahaaaha ....just kidding dear.
Mana Bia,are u for real? Cos i dont get wots stopping u from at least meeting,only Meeting dis Man.u have not even met him.he came one time,u ran away,pls wots chasing u? If Linda comes now and calls u Ogbanje,u wil not like it.buh here u are,behaving like one.
And yes dear,u can "grow" to love someone.d important thing is to like d person first....forget love first.....likeness cant be over empahsized.
We treated dis Same issue about 3 weeks Ago.or less i think.
Pray about dis Man.God talks to us.Esp wen we wanna get married.buh if only u wil listen and STOP running.
Wishing u all d best.
NB:Pls should in case u cant stop running,i have a cousin.She is a Nurse.and a veeryy young and good Lady.
Thank U!
Póster 2,sorry dear.chai....I can imagine ur depression.see how sad n tired u r sounding.ur hubby is verbally abusive.just like dAt horseband of yesterday.honestly,I don't know why some peeps tear deir loved ones down.as in soo down.
D same woman u wil mount and take to places.while chanting Hosanna in different languages.and wit dAt same mouth u wil use it and keep tearing her down.....CHAI.
It's not fair o!
Nne,wot can I say? I am soo sorry.just try and be calm ok? Cos dis ur hubby sounds like he has anger issues plus OCD.
Have u guys sat and talked about it? How can he tell u dose hurtful things???
Try and get ur acts togeda,go and further ur studies and go back to work if dats wot u wanna do...buh please u have to address this issue,sensibly and with d utmost calm.
Communicate how u feel about all d things he does. Pardon me,I might be wrong buh u don't seem to be talking to him much.
Now how wil he know if you don't tell him??
Not excusing his wicked behaviour,buh we are here to find a solution,right?
So pls talk to him.And don't forget to keep praying.GoD anwers ok? And keep ur head up cos u are soo worth it babyyy!
Long epistle from the sanctimonious two faced woman.
Delete
ReplyDeleteCBV don land ehhhhhhh
*spreads mat*
*Covers duvet*
*scrolls t d chronicles*
Brb t comment!
So Stella,@ ur response to poster 1,what do u mean by love doesn't grow in a broke ass environment?so u are indirectly advising her to marry him as long as he is wealthy.hmmm!nothing wrong with dat dou,but hope we won't be bombarded with chronicles of how crazy and violent he is.
ReplyDeletePoster,its not abt money,but if he treats u right u will naturally grow to love him.
Poster2,seem ur husband is OCD-ish' and den a nag too!get another maid so u can start to organise how to improve ur life asap, cos he's already loosing respect for ur idle bum'..how many times will we keep advising women to stop resigning as a result of pregnancy?ts always the men's idea,but always stand ur ground,on that one even ur family will support u cos they stand to loose when u become a doormat to d man being jobless.these men want wat dey want,when they want it,unfortunately they easily get bored or overwhelmed,den they start to transfer aggression to d woman.!so women be wise abeg!
If you keep analyzing this thing called marriage, you will never go into it. Cos you can't know all the answers.
DeleteI think poster 1 should study his character and go with him if he's okay.
ReplyDeleteCBV don land ehhhhhhh
*spreads mat*
*Covers duvet*
*scrolls t d chronicles*
Brb t comment!
Poster 1, keep doing shakara until you reach 40 years and end up with a man that don't love you.
ReplyDeletePoster 2,you case get as it be. Prevention is always better than cure ie it is always better to seek advice b4 marriage.
But you can still pray your way out of your situation.
Diagnose d problem, set strategies to solve it and dn get to work..... Poster 1 sit urself down and ask urself question n give answers and more of prayers,if possible talk to ur spiritual fathers.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 my husband too doesn't keep late night and all. Infact I have never had a reason to think he's a cheat. In the past when my baby was young he used to abuse me and I used to give him double. His family tried me and I showed them pepper. That has been 5 years now and I can proudly say we don't abuse each other anymore and his family have learned to respect themselves. I'm not asking you to do same o but that's what worked for me. Find out what will work for you; in your case i believe getting a job will make him see some value in you. I can guarantee you that things will get better. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteMy dear. Marriage turned me to be aggressive. I used to be a very quiet person. But seems Oga like to talk talk too much, me I started my own o. If you give me one, I will lash back immediately. Now we respect each other. Thinking before talking! Beware. This might now work for everyone o.
DeleteUhmmmm
ReplyDeleteI need help too...same issue wit poster 1
ReplyDeleteDear poster1, pls give me his details as my younger sis is single an searching maybe u ll learn how to love from her. Mtcheeew.
ReplyDeletePosyer
ReplyDeleteAll this story self is making one to fair marriage, God help me oooooo
ReplyDeleteYou for dark marriage too. Fair indeed
Delete@mother Theresa,is English language that difficult? Fair indeed.
DeleteHunmmm, just because of fear and you turn yourself to Wole Soyinka! Continue, dia ris God
DeleteHmmmmm. @ poster 1: give him a chance cos love definitely grows. One thing have learnt, you can't really be too sure of love until you are married n the love is still there. Cos whom u think u actually love might surprise you in marriage.
ReplyDelete@ poster 2: ur story is really sad bt I can assure u dz is happening in a lot of homes. The question is can you live ur life dz way. My advice, first try n get a maid and put ur babies in creche so as to ease house chores for the maid. Then go back to ur job but not banking cos it's really a diff profession for a married woman. The demands n hours are crazy. Don't knw abt PH, but hia in lag, hold up makes one get home very late. Having a job will build ur self esteem and u won't be available for hubby to victimize n be lord over. + when u get bk frm work, u will be too tired to notice him. But den sit him down, tell him how u feel, if he is remorseful n willing to change, why not. It baffles me why Nigerian men thinks it's a woman's job only to take care of the home... where does the word help meet come into place if u ain't helping. it's really annoying. They won't help yet they xpect everything to be in other as if woman are super beings.... take of of 2 children, one self na full time job, house hubby n still be a vixen in bed. Abeg!!!!
Poster 1...simply give the guy my contact, we'll take it frm there.
ReplyDeletePoster1 spend time with him and you might end up falling in love with him
ReplyDeleteP1, please don't miss him this second time around. He might get pissed off. Please give him a chance, the chemistry might click when uiu gimallyy get to see him. P2, the Lord will fix your home for you
ReplyDeletePoster 1 - Can I have his contact pls
ReplyDeletePoster2: I think your husband is a very selfish goat , A typical Nigerian man whose right is it to lord it over you my two kobo ignore him and his bad mouth , get a maid , or two sef that is if he won't be sleeping with them , or get your kids to a crèche or his mum sef , then sweetheart find yourself a job .
ReplyDeleteDon't ever let him persuade you to do otherwise , like telling you the sob story of taking care of your kids , you need to be out and about , you need to meet better people , you need to add value to your life .
While @ it keep your legs well crossed you don't need any pregnancy to tie you down , when you ignore the Buffon and rejuvenate your life he'd come crawling back .
See what this stella is saying abeg @queen bee you are right which one is love does not grow in broje ass environent.why won't women be always complaining about their husband you are indirectly telling her to marry cos of he is rich omoh sister bone all this your love matter if the guy really really lives you and wanta to make it happen he will he will cone here and look for you he will disturb you till you see him....just get to see him first before even talking love
ReplyDeleteAm just interested in the comment, just to learn
ReplyDeletePoster 2, ive been there my hubby is so finicky, while i arrange things to make life easier for me he is more concerned about the aesthetics if it all. Being in a foreign land no family, friend or help. No job it was hard we eventuallt had a HUGE fight after i could not take it anymore after dt incident we got a maid. You didnt say if the verbal abuse is a recent development, babies strain a relationship in the early months he could be scared also try to sit him down andnhaveva talk with him. Pele
ReplyDeletePoster 2: men can't take what they dish out,so my advice is:
ReplyDelete1: talk to him and repeat all the names he has called you and how sad it makes you feel. He may apologize and change but incase he doesn't then my second advice would be
2: answer him back when he starts
the insults, if he annoys you at anytime don't keep quiet, say what he has done and learn how to insult him intelligently. For example when he calls you "block head " you can reply by saying his condition is worse than yours for him to be married to a block head.
3: stop acting like a super woman and get him involved with taking care of ur kids, for example,if the twins are hungry you can prepare their food and then hand one of the babies to him to feed, tell him u can't do both at the same time, delay his meals sometimes with the excuse that you were busy with the twins, if u normally do his laundry,skip it sometimes. Only a perfect man deserves a perfect / good woman. Verbal abuse is a lot worse than physical abuse cos no one will believe ur story and you will just end up suffering alone and ur self esteem would be in the gutter.. only you can deliver yourself. Goodluck
Another abusive husband. Where do you women meet these types? Did you court this man? Did you pray before you committed? My father din't abuse my mother, l will not tolerate abuse from any man and l hope to raise my daughters the same way. It's complete unacceptable. Make him understand this whichever way you can.
ReplyDeleteBam.
DeletePoster 2 - get a job or start a business. It will boost your self esteem. Women with low esteems are more suspectible to being verbally abused. Bullies prey on their victim's weak spots. You can enroll for a long distance programme with many schools in Europe where you will need to attend workshop classes for a week or two every six months. Get a nanny or help, not necessarily one that will live with you. I doubt your MIL will change. Talk to your husband and pray for your home.if you are overworked, feign sickness and let DH enjoy the practicals of taking care of kids. This life no get duplicate
ReplyDeleteVerbal abuse is terrible! I have an amazing husband but the bad mouth can kill. After 10 years together I have learnt to fight back and emphasize my point, we quarrel most sundays, sometimes I don't go to church, but I refuse to have a damaged self esteem because he might walk one day. My dear, as a woman you must be strong, confident and independent!
ReplyDeletePoster2, u in it already. Just overlook, plan itself but pls do not leave ur kids completely for ur help & u need house help if not u may breakdown someday. Be been there,its no joke to care for kids talk more, twins.
ReplyDeletePoster1, search well dia is always a reason, Poster 2 Jah fix it!
ReplyDelete@Poster 2 my dear I feel you completely. My own is I have four kids and my husband has always been verbally abusive but I have just been taking it in strides. The one that broke the camel's back, however, was when he refused to provide money to take care of the children. That was when I had to call on our wedding sponsors for help ooo abeg I no dey for that keep your marriage problems to urself. That is just a lie perpetuated by men to torture us women more. My dear I spoke up oooo and after all the insults that im lazy, have neva worked in my life so I don't know the value of money or how hard it is to get, etc. This is somebody that dashes money out to people on a regular basis yet cannot feed his family? I had to stand my ground ooo. As he was talking I was talking back altho I tried not to insult him. And I know the only reason he started talking was bcos of the intervention of our wedding sponsors. Ppl that are advising talk to him, me im done with talking to my own bcos I know he thinks I'm stupid and don't know anything. So I called outside help biko. My dear try and get a house help. I had my kids 1 at a time and its so hard, not to talk of twins at once. SThen talk to ppl that can help you. Don't die in silence!!
ReplyDelete1- Pls free yourself and give love a chance.
ReplyDelete2. Try get a job, look good and ignore him. Always pray for your family. Its good to further but will you be going with the kids?
1- Pls free yourself and give love a chance.
ReplyDelete2. Try get a job, look good and ignore him. Always pray for your family. Its good to further but will you be going with the kids?
@poster 2 the Lord is really your strength. Gather your acts together, try your best to keep your home in order to the best of your ability, get a maid asap this life is precious, concentrate on your kids and on improving yourself in all way. Don't take the bullying lightly. When he pushes you more than you can take shut him out. go hang out with some friends or immerse yourself in the bible or a book. most importantly say a prayer for him and don't stop loving him. When the environment is less tense and you feel a whole lot better talk to him seriously, remind him those things he said and how they made you feel. God bless you. You are a champion, never forget.
ReplyDelete