Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Saturday In House Gists...

Saturday, 23 January 2016

Saturday In House Gists...

Saturday in house gists this week try!.....I always try to look for the construction and how witty the gist is...you should do the same and stop coming in here to look for flaws and whether they copied it or not..I did say its okay to copy a gist and put source,the only thing is that you cannot be the winner.
Enjoy todays gists,I did!




GIST ONE
''SWEETY''

This happened to me during my secondary school, the very first time i contracted infection. i was so scared to tell my mum because i don't know what she will make of it. 

I could scratch for Africa Sotey one day during night prayer, NEPA took light and i was lying down reciting the rosary with my Mum's sister conducting the prayer. i felt that since no one could see me so i could scratch my tohtoh very well. Lo and behold i was on it scratching well and immediately NEPA brought light. My Aunt saw me first and started nodding while still reciting ( Hail Mary Full of Grace.....).

After the prayer she reported me to me mum and that was how i was taken to the hospital and got treated.


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GIST TWO
GOYA OIL

Hi Stella.
So this happened to me yesterday night. I decided to hang out with this guy that has been on my case for way too long. I have turned him down times without number so i felt pity for him yesterday and decided to go out with him.
                                                                                                                                          
I am not a huge fan of Olamide but I listen to his hilarious lyrics and one of his songs was playing on the radio. Don't know the title of the song but I heard a line that got me laughing. Olamide said something like 'won ti fi ororo adura e din dodo" (meaning they've used your prayer oil to fry plantain) and it got me laughing. 

The next thing I heard from this guy is "that's why I don't like all those cele prayer oil. I prefer Goya oil". WTF!!!!!!!!! Somebody rescue me.
 I wanted to faint. Immediately I got home, I said thank you and blocked the guy's number. I cannot come and go and die in Lagos. 


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GIST THREE
DOG CHASE

 Hi everyone this is buoyant again still on the hustle...i won't bore you
with these gist.so sit back and relax
I still remember that day. It was in 2003 when i went for holiday at
my uncle's place.On that fateful day, my uncle sent me to buy kerosine.

On my way, i was attacked by this ugly looking ekuke local dog. Y'all
know how local dogs use to be very fierce in those days unlike these
days.So i picked race and ran back home. My uncle got mad at me and started
saying i won't eat if i don't go out and buy the kerosine but for where? I no gree ni.

He got angry and snatch the gallon and money from me and headed out angrily.
Not up to a minute i started hearing foot steps and someone calling my
name to please open the door.
I looked through the window and saw my tall uncle running for his dear
life and that same dog was chasing him!
In my childish thinking, i ran locked the door with keys so that the
dog doesn't come in when i open the door.Na so uncle bang the door like say he wan break am but i no send.
Oboy, nobody told him to run go enter our neighbour's house... Smh



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GIST FOUR
KAKA PALAVA


My name is Shulamite and that is my blog ID too.
This is my own in-house gist. It happened when i was still in hundred level in Ambrose Alli University Ekpoma in 2005. I will tag it shit palava.

Na so we dey receive lectures for NLT(new lecture theatre) on this beautiful day o, nai shit begin catch me. As a confirm jjc na, I no know how to excuse myself comot for hall. My mind say if I waka comot, lecturer go vex. Besides, shame sef dey catch me because the class full no be small. 

Na so I gum my yansh for chair. At a point, I no dey hear wetin the lecturer dey talk again. The shit don hold me like mad. Sweat don full my body. Nai I begin pray o "Jehovah God abeg no let this shit disgrace me oo. How people go hear say I shit for body for class?"
As I no fit endure again and lecturer no gree go nai I carry my two legs comot for the hall. At this time, I no even fit waka again. I come dey form swag on top shit. Lol. Poor me, my JJC brain no tell me say make I go hostel go shit. And hostels like emotan and oyeregbulem hostels dey very free for girls to enter any how. 
Hmmm... 
I come go enter campus shuttle to gate first. The girls inside the bus just dey gist in a  care free manner. The thing come dey vex me eh. E just be like say na me them dey laugh. OK na, I come reach gate jump enter one Okada. Instead of 50 naira to town, the Okada man see say I dey hurry, nai the guy say 100 naira. I just dey shout "gooooo I say go oooo". Hahahaha. 

As we dey go I nearly fall for express road because my yansh no fit balance on top the okada. The shit hold me sotay I think  say I go faint.
Finally finally I come reach house. I jump down troway money for Okada man, rush enter compound. 
My mum and her friend wey dey outside dey gist see how I dey run, nai they themselves come run follow me enter house begin shout "wetin happen?" "Person dey pursue you?"
I no even answer. I just rush enter toilet do the thing jejeje. As I come out, I don weak like say I sick. Then I come begin narrate to mumsy and her friend how shit take pursue me comot for class. Them laugh me so tay tears dey comot from their eyes.
Anytime I remember this incident, I go just dey laugh like say I don dey kolo.

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GIST FIVE
NYSC GIST.

l served in a village school(secondary school,JSS1) in Edo state.There is this particular boy called "Abraham",just a sight of him will make you to start laughing.

He is smallish with a funny looking face and he has this funny bow-leg,infact everything he does is funny.Teachers no longer flog him cos you will end up laughing.This boy no know book at all.his own Olodo is second to none.I guess you can relate to that kind of person in your school days.

One day during a mid term test,a male corper and I were invigilating their class.
10mins into the test,Abraham started shouting,"go to your sit!,go to your sit !uncle!!......and he was covering his paper.....if you see ginger eeeh!!...

it happened that 4 students were trying to copy from him and he was telling them to go to their sits and I guess he must have told them that he has written some.I and the other guy looked at each other in disbelief,as in,no be this same Abraham wey everybody sabi? Wetin dem wan copy?if you see the way we rushed to see with our eyes eeeeh,lo and behold ,his answer sheet was still a virgin,he hadn't even written his name sef.we looked at each other and burst into laughter.loooolz

5mins again,another student from the back shouted,...
uncle see this boy!
the corper guy responded, what did he do?

The student said,..he is a corper!Huhhhh??A corper?The corper guy became confused,He shouted at the corper student,..stand up!you are a corper?where is your khaki?..I was already at the other end killing myself with laughter at the drama...Naim,the boy innocently stood up and said, ''Uncle,I no copy her ooooh''.That was when my guy understood that a coper means,someone that is coping from someone.O boy,we ran out of that class laughing.loooolz.

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GIST SIX
MADAM GARRI BALLS

This happened last week. So after all the festivities and holidays, school has resumed once again. I resumed 4 the semester last week, so I go skul on monday after all the usual "you are looking fresh" and "I missed you" talks me and some friends agreed to hang out that evening to catch up.

Evening reach we all met (both guys and babes) at a bar/club to drink and just chill. One of our female course mate that can form for Africa and middle east combined came with us too. Evribody in the faculty knows her cos of her forming and she is always acting posh. 

before we started drinking we were just gisting generally somehow the conversation got to how it's not good to drink on an empty stomach. this forming babe just immediately begin dey talk about how she went out with a guy and how she ate fried rice and chicken and oda  "foreign delicacies" before cuming to meet us and nobody even ask her oo.
This babe personally order 4 red wine, say she no dey drink cheap beer or stout. After taking 2 glasses, she rest her head 4 the table say her belle dey pain her. 

We just continued gisting and laffing all of a sudden she just jerked and sat upright, before we know she started throwing up. Throwing up na normal tin but wetin surprise us be say na big big balls of eba dey fly out of her mouth like small missiles mehn people begin dey take cover to dodge the eba. Evribody shock say na person way talk say she chop fried rice vomit eba and egusi soup,  omoh na dia I know say when God decide to expose you even devil sef go surprise.
 Her vomit end the get-together o. 

Her friends took her home and evribody left. For 3 days she no gree cum skul. Shame send her on 3days private holiday by force. When she finally show face 4 skul her catwalking  reduce and her fake accent don vanish but by then the news don spread. Evribody begin call her Mz Garri balls


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GIST SEVEN
ANDREWS LIVER SALT

So this gist happened to me many years ago, I was still in primary school then, I remembered recently and decided to share. 

So one day naso I siddon with my family dem dey watch tv as we they watch tv they con start to dey advertise for the station ooo, for the advertisement I saw one woman looking so tired and restless  immediately she siddon put Andrew liver salt for water con drink am, as she drink am finish her body con cooleee like person wey dey oyinbo land, as in heeen I was mesmerized, after i watch the same advertisement for some more days I was convinced I needed to taste this very refreshing drink, another thing wey con thrill me again for the drink be say the drink be like 7up or Mountain dew as he dey colourless like the two of them and he con get gas too, unlike Eve wey be powder Coke and Nutri C wey be like like powder Fanta, after being convinced that I have finally seen a way of licking 7up without necessarily drinking it afterall it's in the powder form I decided to buy it, shame on Nutri C and Eve I was singing joyfully in my heart.



Naso I go school that day I no chop anything for school I saved my money to by my dream powder drink, I couldn't buy it in the morning for fear of my parents,  so I waited patiently till I got back home from school, immediately I got back I didn't even bother to remove my school uniform before I dashed out to buy Andrew liver salt and chilled sachet water, choi my people I poured the suppose powder drink without even tasting, after pouring it inside the water the gas and bubble I saw was bliss to me, it's a preamble compared to the real taste, guys I was right! The taste na confirm preamble! 


You needed to see my face after the first few gulp, they were blood red i couldnt hold my tears i started crying uncontrollably, to think I starved my self cos of this? It was later I got to know that Andrew liver salt is for stomach pain or constipation. For many days I couldn't get over it.
Hope you enjoyed the gist guys.




81 comments:

em jay said...

So who I gho vote for now?

linasparkle said...

IHG will vote tom

natt nathaniel said...

Gist ti DE oooo
Support creativity and fiction writing.
end time laughter tho

natt nathaniel said...

"I cannot come and go and die in Lagos. "
Lol. U go fear gist. Nice one
End time come and go and die in lagos.
Lyrics to bad
Olamide & phyno ova to u.
Don j don cook beat already.

THE DOPEST MOTHER OF THIS BLOG said...

Gist 2 and 6 not funi atall cos I've read sometin very similar on this post before, all thesame una try. I vote for gist 5.

POSH Baby said...

All these gists are boring. I usually forget to send in mine. Oh well...

Tiii said...

Gist 3 win abeg still laughing oo,that dog do well

Cocoz said...

Stella, don't blame bvs. Perhaps if you stay in Nigeria, you won't find most of them funny too. Our sense of humour here is very wired that you must really get down to it to make us laugh. Sometimes when I open IHG and I see your very big laughter on top, I will be anticipating a very funny gist but after browsing through, I will be left wondering... what was Stella laughing abt nah?? Lol.

Gist 6 tried. I like it. Will vote tomor

BluntIjebuChic said...

Yawn*una welldone oooo

Blessing Imandojemu said...

Gist four

Blessing Imandojemu said...

Gist four

queenette Okeke said...

Goya oil killed me...lmao

Grace Obi said...

Gist 5, that coper thing got me laughing..

raphael michael said...

Gist 5!

optimisticlady said...

Gist 3!

Have been laughing ...kai!

divalicious said...

Am confused oh. Lol. Will vote tomorrow.

Everly Rockin' said...

I vote gist 3. Serves d uncle right.

Chidinma Grace said...

Very dry, maybe by tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

Na gist 3 jare

Small chops Empire said...

Gist 4. Hahahahah

Anonymous said...

Gist 3 made my day...

Wendy Ohanyerem said...

gist 7

Anonymous said...

Gistt 5 jor! Iv heard other gists before

em jay said...

AAU shity shity gurl na I vote for, I fit change mind tomorrow ohh, cocoz take note.

Wendy Ohanyerem said...

gist 7

Victoria Omosuyi said...

Will wait till tomorrow.
But gist 6 & 7 cracked me up.

Shyla said...

When did Andrews salt taste funny kwa? At least e no warrant this kain drama wey the poster narrate here oh.

Anonymous said...

No vex, my yawn ti take ova....

edekobi charles said...

I enjoyed all ........I vote gist 6

edekobi charles said...

Rotflmao..I vote gist 6

La Belle said...

Gist 4. Shit na bad thing menh! Especially when you dey for 1 important gathering.

EƐß♥ИY™ said...

I vote gist 7

Anonymous said...

Boring gists

CUTEBUKOLAH said...

Till 2morow jaree

African Royalty 4Sure said...

Gist 6.

CherishD said...

Gist 3 is it for me.

nzube izuu said...

Till tomorrow

arinola said...

I vote gist 3.i can imagine the scenario

SBS said...

I vote gist 3,really got me cracking

JustJewel said...

Strangely, I enjoyed all the gists today but 2,3 and 5 got me LOL. I will vote tomorrow

Sassy 'Meruche' Fire said...

NYSC gist poster,though I found your gist funny,I'm very angry that you has the guts to call somebody an olodo.The only difference I see between you and that little boy is that at least he has hope,a good teacher can whip him into shape.Before he leaves secondary school.But you,not so much cuz you are supposed to be a graduate.Having gone through higher institution, Your written English is nothing to write home about.You can't even get your tenses right and you're busy calling someone an olodo, aren't you foolish?

kike bunmi said...

I vote gist 7

Lily Anne said...

Gist 5 made me laugh a but

skitty bear said...

Gist 3 pls

Sir Alpachino said...

Gist4

skitty bear said...

Gist 3 pls

CHYGURL from CHYNA said...

Just Negodu ,what was gist 2 all about bikonu?

Amina Sanni said...

I vote for gist 2. Goya oil

Amina Sanni said...

I vote for gist 2

slimshady said...

Gist 7

Paris said...

I vote gist 3

Scholar Ibhagbe said...

I vote gist 4 because mhen... person don experience that kind thing like twice,and it wasn't funny at all

Anonymous said...

Gist 3 I vote, it got me laughing for a very long time.

Anonymous said...

Gist 3

Anonymous said...

Gist 3 oooo,laugh won kill me here

Damilola Okunlola said...

Had a good laugh. I vote gist 3

Buoyanticnaijablog said...

Lol gists are all funny but I vote gist 3 awesome..please y'all should read gist 3 damn funny

Sassy 'Meruche' Fire said...

had*

Ade Esther said...

Why do people vote on Saturday? I will rather wait for the completion on sunday before I cast my vote.

Adaora Ozoemena said...

I vote Gist 3

Anonymous said...

Make i know why gist 3 no win.

PWEETY FAITH said...

Gist. 5

Miss Ess said...

I vote gist 3

Aurora said...

Gist Four

damabiqs said...

Gist 3

BluntIjebuChic said...

Kikikikikiki@having gone through higher institution,your written english is nothing to write home about..lmao

Olaide Davies said...

5 & 7

Olaide Davies said...

Have

Anonymous said...

Stella that dog gist was stolen from a post on nairaland I saw sometime last year. How uncreative can a person be. I will try to mail you the link. You should be ashamed of yourself oga thief thief story. Ahan. just copied and pasted somebody else's expenrience.

Anonymous said...

Still angry about that gist 3 copy and pasting gist. Is your life that boring that you had to steal another person's experience wihout even crediting your source? Its people like you that are spoiling naija.

Muy said...

6

Chikito The Professional Runs Girl said...

Gist 3 all the way. Over sabi uncle

Sassy 'Meruche' Fire said...

Olaide,it's 'had'

Sense Distributor said...

Vote goes out to gist 4

Anonymous said...

Because yall are anonymous lol... get your ID if you want it to count innit

s@min@ir@ said...

Stella abeg post my gist abi no be ur email dem de send am to? Abeg no swallow my comment o

Anonymous said...

Lol gist 4 got me laughing my ass out...but some people are sadist ooo that dude criticizing poster 3 you gat no chill oo what if the poster is the real owner and decide to repost? Don't try to bring your fellow man down wetin you go gain ...hahaha all the gist are funny

Anonymous said...

Nawa... Pls appreciate ppl. They are trying to make u have a good day. They could have decided not to send the gist nd just wait to read nd criticize. So pls

Lyn said...

Ha

Anonymous said...

I'm not a sadist. And I appreciate good gists when I see it. Yes it's a possibility that it was the same writer. However no one should copy another person's work without crediting its source. I thought there was a cash reward for the in-house gist thing. I just felt that an original person should have it. Apparently there isnt. Sorry if i was taking panadol for another person's headache. You two can laugh away because it's obvious that staying entertained means a lot to you two. Infact let me search the qeb and bring all the sweet gists i can lay my hands on and send to stella just to bring thenmuch needed happiness in your lives. Abeg no vex for my head again. I don run commot .

Amusu Mobolaji said...

gist 2 goya oil