Saturday in house gists only had two entries....I said the magic words and today's own is more than two..LMAO!
The winner will be announced next week by BVN Cocoz.
Enjoy the gists and learn something if you dont laugh.
All gists are unedited...lol
Good day everybody
This incidence happen to me last sunday which was first sunday of the
year,and every first sunday in my church we usually wear white
After the sermon na offering next,and as everybody was going out to
drop offering me sef join.Remain small make I reach where to drop the
offering nai I see one usher running towards me and I was like wetin I
do,she said nothing that she only wanted to tell my that my cloth is
stained.When I turned to check na blood oo,the girl behind was now
looking at me in such a way that I should just slap her,I gave the
usher a thank you but annoyed face.I didn't go back oo in my mind I
was like leave trash for lawma,after I dropped the offering I jejely
went back to my sit,pick my things and ran out when Pastor was
blessing the offering.
I have been having churchphobia since last week....God help me
Please overlook my gbagauns#leavetrashforlawma
EMERGENCY MAD MAN
So my brother gisted us about his experience with robbers in Benin. He was serving there. One day they stole his phone. After the experience he swore that robbers will not rob him again o. You know in benin na, if robbers come its better for you to release your phone than to form you are not with phone.
The kind of beating you will receive eh. Na the phone amount you will use treat yourself. So one night he was going back home very late. He reached one deadly junction and he has already sighted the armed robbers. As he was passing he picked race. They started chasing him. One was shouting 'I said bring that guy' 'shoot him down'. He just told himself its only if they shoot he will stop because he had only 2hundred naria in his wallet and he knows if he stop they will beat him up wella.
As he ran pass them he was still regaining his strenght when he entered another area and sighted another set. He just bent down raise one leg trouser, come tear the other one, removed his shirt. Carry dirt pour his singlet and come they talk to his self dey waka pass. Naso he take turn mad man o....
SE MO LANU LE
In 2004, I was working in a bank, young beautiful and single. There's this customer who was eyeing me. A rich young dude, I don't really like the guy cos he's kinda pompous. This faithfully evening, I was having dinner in one big hotel with a man and this dude walks in and saw me, we both pretended we didn't see each other.
The following day, dude came in to pay in as usual and went ahead to run his mouth that he saw me with a married man in a hotel. When my colleague told me, we just laughed over it and told her he is just jealous but inside me e pain me well well. I was looking for an avenue to get back at him. The following week I was transferred to bulk tellering which is where he use to pay.
On another faithfully day, dude brought in loads of cash, he seems tired as I was counting money, dude fell asleep, by the time I finished I called him to give his teller, he just jumped up and was asking Se mo lanu le? (Did I open mouth) I laughed so hard I cried, he felt terrible. The embarrassment for the guy was epic. Any time he comes into the banking hall I'll just ask anyone beside me "Se mo lanu le?" At some point he reported me to operations manager. I OP the story na so she sef begin laugh. Se mo lanu le....lol.
BUSHMEAT IS THE CAUSER
My gist na like this; I travel with my family go village for the festive season few years ago say make we go celebrate am wella with my extended family as we dey always do almost every end of year, As we reach our village na him everybody wey dey around our family house run come welcome us, the one wey fit carry load help us pack our bags, the one wey fit hug hug us, the one wey just come out to see wetin Lagos people bring come self come out come welcome us but me i come notice say some people dey missing from the scene, of all this people wey come welcome us my papa eldest brother wey be like family head and him wife no follow show face.
I notice this two people absence because say them for be the first two people wey we for meet for the entrance of the village, them no mind to even go dey wait for us the day before we go arrive so that everything wey we go bring come from lasgidi na dem go be the first to see am and go be the ones in charge of sharing out "na this kind time dem dey use punish anybody wey look dem two times for eyes" , dem go be the first to report any news or matter wey happen for we absence so that by the time wey you go table your own side of the story dem go get the upper hand pass you but I sha keep quiet dey look my own. Na after we done settle down for our apartment na him my parents begin dey ask after them, my uncles and aunties wey dey around tell us say no be matter for mouth alone na for us to see am too with our eyes so as par say i be the senior for my papa children na him I follow my papa dem match go them papa Ada house.
As we reach their house, true true we meet the wife as she lie down for mat with bandage for hand and head outside for their verandah her mouth swell join while the husband siddon for chair him own leg sef dey covered with plaster Abi na bandage. As we exchange greetings finish come siddon our own na him my papa wey follow papa Ada for back as second son come ask them say na wetin cause the accident, papa Ada reply say na bush meat. My papa provoke tell am say dem dey talk important matter for hand him dey talk bush meat, na so papa Ada and him wife keep quiet like people wey dey dumb.
My small uncle come decide gist us the matter as dem no gree talk with their mouth; say three days before Christmas day mama Ada buy small roasted meat chop she no give her husband chop inside so the husband vex talk say because of that him go go set him own trap well for bush, say if he catch big Bush meat mama Ada no go chop inside too, na so she sef provoke begin dey argue with am say dat bush meat o she must chop inside in fact na correct bitter leaf soup she go use am cook as the bush meat na do or die, them begin quarrel seriously, papa Ada sef no gree o say him go show her say na him get bush meat dem quarrel so tey before dem know papa Ada done use man power lift him wife up come beat am join as mama Ada sef see small chance to stand up na so she sef carry stick woza her husband for back and leg, as my uncle narrate the story finish na him we begin dey hold laffta for cheek, my papa come ask them say so na where the causer of this problem dey, dem no answer, trap you never set, grasshopper you no even catch talk less of bush meat but una done fight kill una self finish.
my fellow BVN laffta no gree me hold body again as na run I take run go outside go throway laffta. See wetin bush meat causer. Hope say I try small to make una laugh. Happy weekend!
THE POWER OF NATIVE TONGUE
E get one of my aunty wey too like Church matter, if she hear kpen say any Church dey powerful na so she go run go dere, even if na on top mountain or inside water the Church dey my aunty go go she no mind, the truth is i no know wetin she dey find go for all these churches self because Church no show for her body, stick to one Church mbanu.
One day she come back from her daily waka - as she no get work, she begin dey gist us say one new Church done come out for one location like dat say the Church powerful so tey them dey raise the dead there, na him I take style ask her say whether dem dey perform miracle of giving people husband and work for there, she vex come give me side eyes 'lol. On that particular Sunday my aunty knack correct gown and hat come clutch beta purse, she leave house before 6.am so that she go reach there on time to sit down for front row 'the hustle is real hehehe'
By 3.pm my aunty come back she no even follow anybody smile, na dat one make us know say something done happen for where she go, na later in the evening aunty come get our time begin dey narrate wetin happen for Church, she say as she reach Church she meet other people wey done reach dere before her but she no mind as she follow dem enter sit down, as service start she enjoy am till e reach time for laying of hands wey the MOG go pray for all the new converts then spirit go descend on dem so dat dem go fit speak in tongues.
My aunty say after the MOG done pray and lay hands on top them finish many of dem begin fall dey speak in tongues, dem be few wey no speak including my aunty, na him MOG order him prayer warriors say make dem pack dem aunty enter one room say its a must for dem to speak in tongues say the devil is a liar, prayer warriors begin hammer prayer points on top them aunty, anybody wey succeed speak in tongues dem go let am go, aunty say as she see say e be as if na only she go remain for the room, she fall for ground begin dey cry for our 'Akwa-ibom language ' Abasi mmi mbok nyangh mien o, nyangh mien o, nyangh mien o, nyangh mien o, nyangh mien o, nyangh mien o, nyangh mien o (meaning- My God please help me o, help me o,help me o....).
As she dey cry dey talk na him the lead prayer warrior tap her for shoulder tell her say she done pass the test of the anointing as she done fit speak in tongues, na speed aunty say she use take run comot for the Church, Laugh done kill us tire dat day for house, since dat day till now aunty done turn usher for our family Church. make una follow me laugh this one out because the hustle is real for me mehn.