Saturday In House Gists...

These gists are hilarious if you take your time to read through,I don laugh tire!

GIST ONE

Madam Stella una well done o,abeg help me post these story in tomorrow IN HOUSE GIST..

My mother  want make i go learn auxiliary nurse  and me as i they  so i  fear ghost pass any thing,but i always do as if i no they fear ghost so that they no go punish me for that ,i just they pretend like say nothing they happen,naso one happen for one day,but me na afternoon duty i they as i just enter wey i keep my bag naso one of our staff call me say make i go do vital signs for the patience wey they the other word,naso me self carry sphygmomanometer and the other things ..

As i reach there i greet the man good afternoon but no response i think say the man don sleep and i no suppose check the man like that without waking him up,i greet am the second time the man no gree talk na so i carry my kaya go meet my staff i con tell her say the man they sleep,naso my staff send me  back say make i wake the man and check his vital signs..

I reach there i greet the man again he no answer na so i con tap the man say which kind sleep be that one he no still shake body na that time my head con go north say hey hope say this man never die...

Na so i carry my kaya again make i go call my staff say the man no they respond again i reach door side door don dey lock i con think say hope no be this ghost don lock door so,i try to open it again door no gree open

 naso i shout staff i no hear anything i shout again staff i con hear staff and the other people they laugh  naso i shout again they no gree  ansa na that time i con know say na plan work 

con see different thought for my mind, naso  i start to they cry and beg them to open the door before i know waiting they happen nepa just take light,com see cry, naso i carry chair sit down con turn my back to do dead and cover my face with my hand  so that i no go look him face but no way i just they thinK bad things for my mind, i con carry my chair face  the man i know still they 

okay,because i be like say the man they shine him eye well well for me, i begin they beg again 

They no gree the next thing i hear na collect this swab and do last respect for the man,i was like God i don die,na so i change my story and tell them say i no fear again o,con see laugh..

 When i noticed that they were not ready to open the door i just manage near the man con cut the swab big big rush take do last respect,i just shout say i don do am finish,naso i they sweat like Christmas goat,they con peep for window maybe i don do am or not,before they now open the door for me,naso i strong face comot for there,since that day i no they fear again. 

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GIST TWO

Hello SDK and honourable bvs, I believe you all are enjoying your weekend.

I bumped into an old secondary school friend of mine at a traditional marriage yesterday,and we relived old memories from our school days, one of the funny ones I'm about to share with the house.

So in school, I made friends with students from different parts of the country. 

Mixing with them and their sblings gave me the opportunity to understanding their native languages. I had these two Igbo friends at school, Uche and his brother Obinna. We were very close but I noticed that whenever I was with them, they switched from Igbo language to pidgin, they did not want me to understand Igbo language. 

I made up my mind to shame them by learning Igbo from other people.

In our compound were we lived, we had Igbo neighbours and one of the boys, Simon was my agemate, I started getting close to him. With time, he started teaching me Igbo language, he would speak it and then tell me the meaning in English, I in turn would go to my school friends and brag for them, saying the words/ sentences that I learnt. One day, I asked Simon to teach me how to say 'I will beat you' in Igbo. 

The naughty boy told me that it is 'Ntu nne nne gi'. I used to hear him speak to his younger ones and back then, it sounded similar to the one he taught me so I memorized it well. During break in school the following day, I went to the brothers and looked for their trouble, the older one said in English "See, I will beat you' I answered and said 'Ntu nne nne gi both of you', they both asked with anger 'what did you just say' I repeated with a wide grin 'ntu nne nne gi both of you'. 

Oboy, they pounced on me and gave me the beating of my life.

I later learnt that 'ntu nne nne gi' means 'your maternal grandma's p*ssy'.

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GIST THREE

I just want to put a smile on your face, abeg laugh the country is hard already, so here goes my experience on Friday while I was job hunting.

A big bro of mine invited me to come for an interview at lekki yesterday. After I finished with my interview I headed over to his office at marina, at the close of work, oya Broseley make we quick go queue for brt cuz we dey go ikorodu, na hin uncle dey look me like say I dey speak French, he was like who will waste time on a queue and sit inside holdup for hours, we are taking the boat my dear. 

Hian, bros no vex me I jo dey enter boat, I have phobia for water, give me the t-fare way u wan give me make I dey go my house, na him bros turn motivational speaker, saying Id, you must learn to conquer your fear and am going to help you do that today. Na hin bros jack me, when we reach that boat bus stop, abi wetin be the name of that place way we enter the boat na him we seat down o. Wait for our turn, na him bros dey show me people way I old pass way dey enter the boat confidently. 

I was sha looking at him, confessing all my sins, one fine aunty was besides us, she come dey ask bros whether I be first timer for the thing, him talk yes, na him two of them start to dey laugh me come dey gist ontop,

When time reach make we enter boat, those guys come dey wear me life jacket, na him I ask the guy, uncle if accident happen this thing go carry me reach house, the guy come talk say make I no dey negative naughty, na hin bros tell am say I be jjc for the level, he sha look me with bad eye. 

We enter, see as my body cold, as we start the journey na hin fine aunty come start song, mamy water power, powerless power. Hian, mammy water bawo, oti o. Aunty abeg stop it, aunty say are u not a Christian, na him I just start to dey embarrass my self o, come dey beg mammy water say make she no vex, say na play aunty dey. I beg mammy water till we reach where we come down, people don laugh tire, even that person way dey stay for back of the boat was pass for body when dem gist am. 

As we just reach na him I carry my shoe put for hand, look brosley for eye say make him keep hin work, I no do again.

Wetin person eye dey see when job hunting ehen, my own story fit full textbook.

Sorry for taking your time. As I just dey remember the thing, shame dey catch me, a whole prayer warrior. Choi

*So who wins this gist section today?I don have gists for tomorrow and i dont know if any will be sent in but ........one of this gists wins this week's IHG.