In house gist is the segment I love most on your blog after the weekend laughs. Let me share mine.
Last month I boarded a bus 'danfo' at a park in Ikotun which was to go to Ipaja. I went in and sat at the rear seat close to the right 'window'. We were three at the back.
The conductor started collecting money from every one.When he got to me , I paid him. When he asked the man seated next to me for his transport fare, the man mumbled some words.This infuriated the conductor and so he screamed at the man only to realize that the man was a well known mentally disturbed person whose well dressed appearance deceived us.
On finding out, the conductor shouted, "Chai, mad man dey inside motor,na mad man be dis oh!" . Omo, see as everybody for the bus begin to scatter run commot from the bus,including me.
Unfortunately, the mad man no run commot but was laughing loudly and there was a woman at the extreme who sat beside him('left window') and couldn't get out as the mad man obstructed her way. She kept on screaming "Aiye mi o, I don die today oh, if this mad man bites me today, I don finish. Please help me ooo, Angel Ralpha!;" we didnt know what to do to help her. Na so Laugh been wan tear our belle down that day.
Good day nwunye korkus
Be blessed forever
Long read alert
You see in this life ashawo no dey pay everybody ohhhhhh,that's why some people use juju,every hustle was a hit from UNN to Allen avenue lagos to bonny island to Abuja. Omo in all this hustle I no see pass 70,000naira in one game.
So let's start with UNN days in off campus, when I got admission into that school Hmmmmm my parents were convinced that I would make them proud but whossaai! Punanny no gree dey one place, I saw freedom and wanted to explore, I got one boyfriend then from our village campus meeting,i wanted to start big so I went for our president, that was the beginning of my undoing......he got me so many gifts from designer perfume save to wristwatches but I dey dey collect STD in return, every time wen we go gbnesh.....we no dey use condom because him prick small like my middle finger, I no know say Bros get serious untreated mighty gonocacus, if we just finish like this him go mix dettol for water take clean me........ 1st day....2nd day..... discharge plus serious oko T-junction every where....kai I scratch the thing sotey if I dey waka, person go think say I get boil for my thigh because of the blisters I don give my punanny.
It continued Ohhhhhh till second year I got another boyfriend....this one di*k na oseeei.....very big...we go gbnesh from evening till morning sotey him lodge mates then go come camp for front of him room dey wank because I sabi scream......I can scream for africa!
From there na so I meet some girls Wey begin teach me way, abortions nko Ahhhhhh na monthly affair sotey we get packet of PT strip for room.......GOD forgive us ohhhhhhh..these days wen we call ourselves we joke that our children would have been 10years...9years by now.....hmmmmm. So back to my gist......we come begin follow bankers then for Nsukka at least per night at all at all we go see 2k......na so one of my friends then tell me one day say one big manager den no wan leave am ohhh say she no want because the man wowo for the whole of Africa,come fat like fool, so we planned to drug him to sleep and run away with his money.
he already promised to give us 50k for threesome, so off we went to a chemist and told the guy we needed sleeping injection, so the guy gave us, my girl don book appointment with him for hotel, so we got to the hotel,ordered drinks and food, as them bring glass cups I excused myself to rinse the cups in the bathroom and I put the mixture in his own cup and served him in the glass cup.
Minutes after Hmmmm guy man begin shake like person Wey convulsion dey catch, hmmmmmm......voooooom ka statement mma.....na so I look my girl give am sign...we told him to lie down that maybe he's stressed, he agreed and laid down....guyman close him eyes, no movement..... na so we collect the money take race commot for the hotel ehhhhh....
As we reach house around 4pm na so we dey pray say make the man no die, no sleep for us ohhhh na so my girl phone ring by 2am, na the man number dey call, chai.........we gather liver come pick am,
Man: where you baby
My girl: (Ahhhhhh) baby how can you behave like this, you just slept like that......mtchewwwww am disappointed.
Man: oh baby I don't know what happened I will make it up to you
My girl just off phone.
Na so my ministry started expanding I started following my friends for lagos ashawo runs,(please don't ask me if I was studying in school at all) we would stay in a brothel for 6k a week and stay 2weeks......spirit of fuckery bad ohhhhh....registration is strictly by fucking the man without condom and still pay ohhhhh.......at night we would go to clubs or stand on the road at Allen but most nights na for club we dey get customer.........5k per night sometimes we get up to 20k....Sometimes e go be like say no body dey see u that day...nobody go even price you................those days na vex I dey use go house.........
how I followed men to hotels and houses I didn't know and still came out unhurt still surprises me......until one day.........I followed my friends to one club in ikeja.......dancing started and I noticed particular guy no wan rest for my matter, we got all cuddled up and smooching in the club and he asked for my price, I said 30k, he didn't even bargain and off we went to his place, turned out to be an old abandoned family house in one place like that,nobody in sight so I started planning my exit in my mind because I was uncomfortable, he got on me immediately and as a nollywood actress I started drama, I started talking to an imaginary person in the room.....
Me: why do you always follow me about? Why are you here now.....he will sleep with me without condom and you have him already.
Him: who are you talking to?
Me: my spirit husband is always disturbing me,he said he needs your sperm else he will kill you.
Him: what is this rubbish? Who do you think you are........*rushes to his wardrobe
Na so I just stand up, pick race and ran out half naked around 2am. Omo I slept on the road ohhhhh.
Abuja and bonny stories na story for another day as I became more careful, so many attempts to use me as money ritual.....hotel room or nothing, HIV Free up till today but hustle never pay. I don repent sha. Na the guy I dey date now na im I dey pity.....oko T-junction is back with discharge but Oga boyfriend will not sex without washing my plate thoroughly thereby swallowing pussy juice......biko say a prayer for me and vote me so I can use the money to treat my oko T.