This writeup should be an eye opener for you Mister man!
I had a friend at a drinking joint I used to sit so many years ago. One day we
fell into a talk on family, women, wife, etc. In his contributions, he said "I
cannot sit at home with my wife for five minutes, we will fight. We will just
pick a quarrel. It's either she is not pleased with something I did or I am not
satisfied. We pick quarrel always so I don't even care to sit at home with her.
So if you see me at this joint always, that explains it." And truly, go to the
joint anytime, he was there, either sleeping or smoking or drinking.
He was so loud about this status with his wife. I have heard him say it so
many times that his wife or marriage is of no value to him other than go
home eat, sleep, bath and walk to the joint.
At a stage I didn't go to the joint for about a month. Was busy outside town.
The day I saw him on my return, he was a shadow of himself. Emaciated.
Sorrowful. Spent. Drawn. Taciturn. I hailed him and asked him to be served
his usual beer. He rejected it. I was shocked. Him rejecting beer? I walked
close to him.
"Wetin happen? I asked
"Bola, haven't you heard?
"My wife is DEAD." Vocal emphasis on "dead".
"Jeeeesssus!" I shouted as I walked back to my seat.
He fell into his sorrowful, quiet mood again. And it was like I saw tears rolling
down his cheek. As people came in, he was quick to announce to them
sorrowfully: My wife is dead. I heard him announce it to more than 20 people,
who commiserated with him.
That was when it occurred to me that why would he cry. Why announcing it?
Didn't this man say his marriage and wife mean nothing to him? Didn't he
say he could not sit for five minutes with her? He was never at home, an
absentee father and husband. So now that the woman is dead, what is the
That is marriage for you. Some couples treat themselves as if they don't
matter. Issues that could be resolved by a mere roundtable, they walk away
from it. And in most cases, even if you remarry another woman or man, the
same story repeats itself. Those who quit one marriage for the other, ask
them how it feels. Let us work the marriage. Marriage is work. My Yoruba
people would pray that "may couples not know each other's value when
death has taken one away."
More often than not marriage dictates if someone will succeed in life or not.
Marriage is not a creation of man. That is why you need to think properly on
your values and choices. On what your reactions to each other would be.
Some homes have been destroyed just by ONE careless statement the man or
woman made. In most cases, women are more sensitive. Men must know
women for that.
My guy, sit at home with your wife. Watch African magic or Telemundo with
her. They like it. When she is ill, sit with her. Call her from your office every
now and then. Behave as if a vital part of you is also ill. Offer to cook for
her. Pray for her. Let her see that her sickness affects you. Simple care! If
wives do this for husbands, why can't husbands do it for wives?
When you wake up, squeeze her hands. Squeeze her bum. Let her believe the
love is still like before. Ask her how was her day yesterday. Talk about the
children. Any food at home? Soup still dey? Even if you have no kobo to put
down, discuss it. Show you care. Most times these women have money. The
care you show will make them bring it out. They are no fools!
If my friend did these to his wife, that poor woman could still be alive today.
Till now, my friend is still drinking, smoking and sitting at the joint.
Disorganised. No home. Children distributed to family members and I am sure
he is not catering for any of them. The wife who catered for the children and
paid rent has gone.
Someone told me recently that he is even holding his wife's death responsible
for his misfortunes. He was quoted as saying "My wife warned me, na me no
hear. If I had known, I would have listened to her when she was alive."
Painful words. Painful lamentation.
Some people will never know the value of their spouses until they are forced
apart. May your home be very blissful. May your marriage be a loving
experience. But be ready to work it!
To show care for your wife is not a sign of weakness.
BV James (not that James)