Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Sunday Laughs

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Sunday, 23 October 2016

Sunday Laughs



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DEAR FUTURE WIFE. 
My loveliest queen to be.

The Muse whom my full days would be spent in continous admiration. 

Let me stop with the compliments now.

For i could fill all the papayus sheets along the Nile with words and still not tire.

I thank the creator for His precious gift today.

The gift of Life,
His breath that continually sustains our clay like mortal bodies.

How are you doing my dearest? 

I know those boys are still chasing you like bloodhounds on a trail.

Well 
Who won't?

With such beauty you radiate like the North star,
Wise men will want to follow.

With such graceful steps in which you move,
All would want to follow never minding the destination.

With such sweet and meek voic...

I am doing it again aren't I?

Well. 
Forgive me Nwuye mm.

I wanted to tell you somethings about me Iyawo mi.

I wanted you to hear from the horses mouth Imaami. 

Books upon books, you may have read up.

Seminar upon seminars you may have attended.

Burnt plates upon burnt pots, you may have stacked up.

Hours and hours of sitting you may have spent.

Sitting down under the tutelage of your mentors and mama.

All to know more about me.

Keep doing all that aponke mi.
But you can add these to them all.

*Communicate with God more Asa m*

For I am bringing in crazy baggages you will need Him to carry for you.

I am not perfect you know.
And my words will fail to heal your heart anytime I will break it. 

*Gird yourself in prayerful attires aponbepore mi*

For the temptress that keeps assaulting me, now and in future, cannot be physically challenged.

*Build your character mi dear*

For no amount of sweet delicacies would mask that flaw. 

*Keep a bridle on your tongue Bae*

For nothing turns me off like a woman with a loose tongue.

*I lovee Banga, nwanyi m*

So please stop perfecting your Indomie noddles.

*Ewedu and Gbegiri are my favorites too*.

So Patience would have to be an integral nature of yours. 

I will stop here mon baby.

I refuse to fall into the category of them.

Who insisted on the perfect 'this and that',
And ended up disappointed because she was human after all.

*Be yourself dearie*
And Keep communing with Jesus.

Only He will transform you into my perfect queen. 

You are special. 
Do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

You are unique.
God's fashioning hands perfected you before you were born. 

You are priceless. 
A jewel of inestimable worth and incomprehensible beauty. 

And I remain yours
A man God is building to spread His words across the universe. 
#BASHORUN




SIX YEARS AND IN LOVE - EPISODE 2.
*Mi o ba e sere mo*
(I am not playing with you again)

The first profound break up statement that left me sad.

Sad till Sunday evening at least.
For no one could be sad while seeing mommy prepare rice and stew.

Thank God for brother Nnamdi then.
For the sight of him, sending the chicken to its maker, warmed my heart very much.

Five weeks later,
I had another Muse in sight

Tinuke was her name
And my heart wanted to love her for all times.

I set my plan in motion 

*Mommy buy me kito*
Became my daily cry for the next three weeks.
Who does not know that children are fascinated by new things. 

I paid mama's purse it's unofficial visit too that week.
Forty naira was the full dividend of my endeavors 
Who could blame me?
I was only taking back the money Aunty Isioma gave my mommy to keep for me.

The next day came.
I ran to iya bisi first 
*Mummy mummy*
*Eclairs sweet twenty naira*
*Okin biscuit ten naira*

Then running westwards towards the day care class,

I me iya Ismaila.

*Guguru and epa  (popcorn and groundnut) ten naira*

Having gathered my gifts.
I marched to primary 1b again.

Shinning kito on my feet.
Red plastic wristwatch on my hands,
Blue plastic sunshades on my face,

Both gifts from father Christmas last December.

Or at least that is what Uncle Leke had wanted us all to believe.

Too bad his sweat had wiped off all the face powder when I got to seat on his lap.

Too bad his voice was heavily laced with the Ijebu accent that it corrupted his English language.

Entering the primary 1b class I walked over to Ayo's desk first.

Lord knows I needed to nullify the potential threat going to be posed by an ex-girlfriend.

*Aaa-yo I have a gift for you oo*

All the while, bringing out the three Okin biscuits one after the other and sliding it into her hands.

*Okay thank you*
Ayo replied with a lazy response. 

Hallelujah. 
My heart sang
My momentary joy could only be rivaled by the joy of seeing daddy put on the TV to watch my power-rangers.

*Open Sesame* I almost shouted.
Doing my best impression of The chief of thieves in 'Aladin and the forty thieves'

Ayo had fallen for the ruse.
Now I proceeded with a delightful gait towards Tinuke mi.

Tinu had on a 'skuuku' hairstyle today.

Her earrings had a golden look with a smudge of silver.

Her shoes were kito too
*We would make a dashing matching couple* 
My mind envisioned.

*Hee-loo Tinuke*
I said in whispered tones 
For Aunty Lydia, her class teacher, desk was nearby.
Lest her ears latch on to loose words from my prepared love speech.

*Tinuke do you like TeleTobies* 
I asked.
Trying to find a common ground from which to launch my assault. 

*Yeessss. I love lala and Dipsy very much* 
She said in sing song voice. 

*Me too. I like Tinkie Winkie and boy*
I replied.

Even though Tales by moonlight and power-rangers were my only two programs. 

*I have a gift for you o. You will like it*

All the while pushing the Eclairs sweet towards her.

*My mommy said I should not...* Tinuke started to say.

Up until her eyes sighted the Eclairs sweet. 

With a sweet like that, which child could refuse?
For everything about it was just perfect.

A very attractive blue wrapper.
And a two layered, milky and chocolaty taste that could rival the ambrosia of the ancient Greek gods. 

*Thank you*
She said as she popped two sweets into her mouth.

*Will you be my friend*
As I laid down the popcorn and groundnut at her table. 

*Yess* 
She replied.
Opening the gateway of joy inflow into my soul once again

I was as lucky as Akpan Akan Udo.
Was feeling so much fly that Samurai Jack would envy me*

*Run to your class now*
Aunty Lydia thundered at me.
As I scampered towards the door to primary 1a.

Our relationship lasted four days.

Who could blame her?

Apparently her mommy discovered an Eclairs sweet in her bag and had made Tinuke remember the presence and essence of koboko in character building. 

Apparently I could not recollect three episodes of TeleTobies and did not even know Tinkie Winkie's color. 

Apparently, like Ayo, Tinuke hated maths and expected me to always solve multiplication table.

Who could blame me? 

Apparently mommy was the new owner of the money I thought belonged to me in the first place.

Apparently, Ayo, my ex girlfriend, told Tinuke that I was an *atoile* bedwetter. 

Apparently, the feeling of love can be washed away with a hot slap from an angry mother. 
This fact I learnt when mommy discovered the loss of her money two days later.

#BASHORUN


59 comments:

  1. God abeg o. I no wan know anybody wey get that kind of shoe in my life. Amen!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bashorun u r a good poet
    Laffs are funny.....washing plates,,, great stress reliever,,, if I hear.... Mayb I should start loving it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Okonta,are U Bashorun???

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    2. Bashorun I visited your blog and i must say ur poetry game is strong everysingle one i felt some kind of connection with my favourites were mamacita, broken ribs and humiliated for pleasure. You are blessed continue with the great work man i am a fanπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎ

      Delete
  3. Hilarious piece! I laugh out loud literally. Needed this! Cheers oh! Oshe..

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    Replies
    1. Lmaoooo today's laughs are legendary! Nigerian men and their lies o. Wat else did I read sef?

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    2. The first three compulsory questions πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
      Please I'm begging you , are you married ?

      Delete
  4. Yes!!!laughs my favourite SDK post. Thanks Stellzzz!!!

    Super excited today is boo birthday! Happy birthday to him and everyone celebrating today.
    Kisses

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thks@ Bashorun.
    Γ‰clairs sweet then was Bae.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This Bashorun, I do not find this ur epistle amusing at all. The reason for this laffs is to v series of memes- spontaeneous and quick. Isnt dt wt makes jokes funny? Dt they are short and spontaenous. I dont want a second comical Abati. He is doing a good
    Job at dt already with his useless articles. Stella dont post anymore Bashorun. Abati is enuf headache
    Peace out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well.
      Jokes are meant to be enjoyed no matter the length ma'am.
      Thanks all the same

      Delete
    2. Drink 4 tablespoons of honey, baibeh!!....

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    3. I concur with Ufuoma. Didn't even the joke.

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    4. I think you're slow and dull if you didn't find bashorun's piece amusing. You also have a short attention span.you should read more and widen your scope.

      Delete
  7. Nigerians copying everybody at the same time kwakwakwa, nd naturally stingy pple using buhari as excuse kikikiki.

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  8. Lmaooooo @ Mugabes post of swimming thingy..choi!!! We don suffer oo hahahaha

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  9. Hahahahahaha! Bashorun, that was hilarious. Nice one.

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  10. That little boy's pics is just so funny in itsits own. I laught so hard at it coupled with the meme attached.

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  11. #You can judge a lot about a person's character by what they laugh at*

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  12. Are you married?
    Is anyone married to you?
    Please i'm begging you, are you married?

    Kwakwakwakwa the fear of married men is the end of heart breaks lol

    The shoe na agent of darkeness
    That maid is sexy AF

    ReplyDelete
  13. I read everything with a straight face...really dry today.

    Allergic to bullshite*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You need some sweetness in ur life. Errmmmm.... let me see, okay, mix 2 tablespoons of sugar, six teaspoons of honey and in a bottle of coke. U will feel just right. Thank me later....

      Delete
    2. Lol. Chai Mix Cindy you need Lucille's coconut oil in addition to anon's prescription.

      That stingy uncle is so true.

      Delete
  14. Bashorun is Bae!!! I could literally picture it
    That was amazing

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  15. Bashorun,nice write up.Made for an interesting read.Keep it up.

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  16. Hahahahaha @the pair of shoes with teeth.

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  17. Hahahaha @ the pair of shoes with teeth.

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  18. Bashorun you are good keep them coming muaah

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  19. Bashorun, I like your poetry. 😍😍

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  20. Lol ver funny.mugbe,the short knicker,the shoe and i met bae 2years ago and he sent me to dubai 2013 really got me

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    Replies
    1. Same here and I wonder if Mugabe really said that. Mugabe e yaf really suffered oh in naija memes.

      Delete
  21. Choi!!! That shoe is just so disgusting.

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  22. Who is this Bashorun biko? Mehn!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That would be me sir. Thanks to God that you enjoyed the piece. And thanks to Stella for the opportunity

      Delete
  23. Pls my mummy shouldn't see that plates part oh

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  24. Bashorun don't mind anybody telling you otherwise dear, that was good and hilarious.

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  25. I laughed ehn...Bashorun well done.
    St Frankool, your quote is on point.
    Really enjoyed today's post.
    Thanks Stella mi.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Am guilty of calling shortknicker.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Bashorun, you should meet @si_ohumu. Check her out on instagram maybe. You're an amazing writer

    ReplyDelete
  28. πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜… living in London and working in owerri.

    http://cashjob.online/?ref=66076

    ReplyDelete

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