Stella Dimoko Sunday In House Gists


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Sunday, January 08, 2017

Sunday In House Gists

We are still searching for a winner..I do not know if Saturday In House gists produced a winner until the gists collator gets back to me.....

Winner -2k Recharge card
Runner up- 1k recharge card.
Gists collator - 500....

Winner and runner up must both be from Saturday and Sunday gists.


  1. Phone Rings...
    Akpos: Hello? Who am I speaking with Pls?
    Yahoo boy: Ah, don't u know who is calling?
    Akpos: No I don't, the number is restricted.
    Yahoo boy: How is Ligeria?
    Akpos: Nigeria is fine but who am I speaking with?
    Yahoo boy: It's your friend from London.
    Akpos: I have a couple of friends in London which of them is this?
    Yahoo boy: Just guess.
    Akpos: Em, is it Fatai?
    Yahoo boy: Yes! It's me Fatai!
    Akpos: Ah! Fatai! Looonggg time no see, how now? How is London?
    Yahoo boy: London is fine, how is Ligeria?
    Akpos: Nigeria dey there o, the usual wahala, Ehen! The other day I saw ur mother, she is very sick o, dat was two weeks ago, I am sure she should be dead by now....
    Yahoo boy: Ah!
    Akpos: Yes o, your father's house in the village rain-storm blew away the roof and it landed on the old mans legs and shattered them, he is at Ogwa presently ......
    Yahoo boy: Shuuooooo:O!
    Akpos: ....yes o, the bone mender says it will not heal because he has diabetes, later they said tetanus has entered already, the man is quarter to go, your younger brother went to smoke Igbo with those bad boys and since then the guy kolo, he is in Uselu psychiatric now, your elder brother went to a burial at Ugbegunebudin he went to drink anyhow there, they nack am epilepsy there, he is just falling every time .....
    Yahoo boy: Haaaaa!!!!!
    Akpos: ...wait o, there is more, your sister carry belle, e go do aborti ....
    Yahoo boy: You wait! E don do for you! I reject everything you say in Jesus name! Those things will never happen to me....
    Akpos: Ah! Is this not Fatai, they have already happened ...
    Yahoo boy: I am not Fatai, you idiot, na God go punish u.
    Akpos: Na devil go solder ur yash, no go find work bloody thief! 419...wait make I burn your credit small,idiot.


    1. Hahahahahhahahha I actually listened to the video frm Facebook

    2. this joke never get old. lol

    3. 😁😁😁😁😁

  2. A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while their seven-year- old son was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was going on in the neighborhood. So the boy stood on the balcony and reported on everything that was happening.

    "A police car has just arrived at the Hamilton's house, the Christopher's are taking delivery of a new wardrobe, and the Mitchell's are having sex."

    Hearing this, the boy's parents freezed. "How do you know the Mitchells are having sex?"

    "Because their kid is standing on the balcony too."


  3. WATCHING FOOTBALL with some wives can be very frustrating and stressful!

    Wife: Dipo, who's that guy? Is that Chris Brown?

    Husband: Chris Brown bawo? No na, that's Theo Walcott!!

    Wife: Hey! What's that yellow card for?

    Husband: It's a warning to a player; and red means the player must stop playing and leave the pitch.

    Wife: Ohhh! It's something similar to a traffic light: Yellow - warning, Red - stop.

    Husband: Yeah, yeah sure.. You are right!!
    Wife: What about the green card?

    Husband: Ohhh! there's nothing like that in football.
    Wife: Which teams are these?

    Husband: Which kind wahala be this na?!! God! It's Arsenal and Chelsea. What again?!

    Wife: Ok ok ok! What colour is Arsenal putting on?

    Husband: You no get eyes? No be red jersey be that?

    Wife: Ok.. which team is putting on blue?

    Husband: (upset)... Omg! Haba! Wetin na? Don't you know it's Chelsea?

    Wife: Hen hen? Wow! I want Arsenal to win the world cup.

    Husband: Wetin concern Arsenal with world cup? Where you from sef?

    Wife: Take am easy na! Pls who's that old man?

    Husband: Hmmm... that's Arsenal's coach, Arsene Wenger.

    Wife: Oooh Ok..... I understand now. Sooo that means the other coach is Chelsea Wenger?

    Husband: Chai!

    Wife: What's the score now,

    Husband: Just 1 - 1

    Wife: Who's having 1, who's having the other 1 πŸ˜‚

    Husband: You are silly. Wo, arabirin free me jare!!
    (Changes Channel to Africa Magic & leaves the house for a viewing center nearby!)....

    Wife: (Smiling to herself) If I don't do that, I won't be able to watch my favorite Telemundo.


    1. ☺πŸ‘πŸ‘Œ

    2. Am I d only one dat doesn't watch telemundo?

    3. U are not not alone @lora.

    4. Lol,@lara I don't watch it too,telemundo kee u

    5. I don't have time for telemundo.

  4. The most embarrassing moment was when my Uncle who happens to be a short person visited us. At night due to his height my sister carried him outside removed his trousers and asked him to urinate mistaking him for my junior brother. The next morning he left angrily and till date we haven't seen him again... source, Copied from "Isaacson"

    1. Copy copy e no good oo..
      Say ur own..
      E go beta..

    2. Hahahahahhahahaaaaaaa Isac come and see ooo

    3. Can't stop laughing at this ur joke

  5. I copied that since Yesterday but before I even had time to check the blog it wasn't until about 12am this morning

  6. As we all know by now
    My Rules and regulations are as follows
    *Anonymous gist is invalid
    *Each person is only entitled to one gist, multiple entry get you
    disqualified for any win
    *You must state the source of a gist ie either #copied or #original

    *The reactions on your gist also boost your chances of winning ie the number of lol/lmao/hahahaha etc
    *Anonymous /PLASTIC blog id votes don't count ie only votes with blog id is valid

    Meanwhile stay tuned for Monday IHG for the results
    Love you all

  7. Men will be busy accusing a lady for flushing out(aborting) a baby.
    Let me ask you my fellow men how many babies have you tied on condom and flush in the toilet? Because na we flush out pass.

    As for me I will say the truth, I have flushed babies that can make the whole Nigerian citizens.
    Be sincere in your answer.

    Ladies don't be too fast to judge us because you people encourage us to do that so that belle will not show, so you ladies are shareholder in the sin and our partner in crime.

  8. A man shouted Holy Ghost fire from his sleep, his wife woke him up and ask
    Wife: honey what is it?
    Husband: i had a terrible nightmare
    Wife: were u being chased by a Lion?
    Husband: that would have been better
    Wife: what is it then?
    Husband: i almost voted Buhari again in my dream
    Wife: God forbid, we need to Pray... #lol #forlaughs #copiedfromdicksonosifo #GodblessNigeria #Godblessourleaders

  9. #Go for it. Whether it ends good or bad, it was an experience. An experience you can gain Value from*

    1. Who r u? Love ur comment..... It gives me life..... Always coping and pasting on my pm.

  10. Is alright, we are waiting for the result.

  11. This guy got so high on weed, that he was searching for his phone with the torchlight of the same phone he was looking for. He got so worried about the phone and was almost in tears. Even his roommate, who was also high, decided to join him in The search. After 45 minutes of searching, his phone rang, he picked the call and quickly replied the caller
    “I’ll call you back, I’m looking for my phone ” and he angrily ended the call and continued in the search for the phone he just answered a call with. After a while, he then decided to use the same phone to call his line and when he got the busy network signal he turned to his roommate and said “guy forget, that phone don loss, the person wey thief am, don off am ” πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    *SAY NO TO DRUGS!!!*

    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    2. Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha

    3. Lmao! This shit has happened to me too. Was late for work, I rushed back home looking for phone that is not looking for me. Hahahahaha! Ran straight to my room and spent about 20 mins looking for this thing. I had an important document to transfer to my system that morning. Heeyyyy! I was already sweating buckets when I noticed the bloody thing was on my dashboard all along. To think I had turned halfway. Lol! That day was a very eventful day for me. My eyes were just seeing double.

    4. Laugh my ass off. Three days ago I was late for work, I needed to buy fuel, so i ran inside the gas station, paid, got in my car and drove off, so after work, I went back to the car before I could drive one mile, 'omon' the gas light came on, I was like hehe them don steal my gas, that when I remember, I went back to the same gas station they were just looking at me like, sorry sir.....oh shit, that was 20 bucks

  12. I'll read comments.

    God Bless Everyone.

  13. during my university days, my friend/coursemate was dedicating her baby in the same town where our campus was located. we all attended (class mates), as a good dancer that i is nau everybody was just shouting for me to be in front of the thanksgiving procession to the altar. i did not know that my village witch i offended have vowed to do me public disgrace. we all lined up and the choir started singing, as i wan raise my leg to start the okoso dance na so my shoe hill hook my long gown and i fall down, face flat with a loud thud. J E S U, even preist laughed, by the time i carried my fat self up, my shoe was one side and hill another side, i just stood up left everything even the surviving left shoe, entered bike, went back to the hostel and hid my face in shame. since then, even song sweet me wella, i go just respect myself cos then even people wey no come dedication hear say i fall. #ORIGINAL

  14. The Stolen Goat

    Kunle stole a goat, he was arrested and taken to court.

    JUDGE: Gentleman, are you guilty or not guilty?

    KUNLE: My Lord, I�m not guilty.

    JUDGE: How come you were arrested and brought before the court for stealing a goat?

    KUNLE: My Lord, I was just passing by Mr. Darlington's house and I saw a very big rope tied to a tree. I said to myself, "maybe the tree is trying to commit suicide," so I rescued the tree and took the rope home. My Lord� I swear I didn�t realise there was a goat tied to the rope until now!

    The Judge freed Kunle.


  15. This comment has been removed by the author.

  16. Copied#

    There were three men living together in London. An Afro-American, a
    West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn't
    have money to buy food.
    However upon coming close to a posh London restaurant in this classy
    neighbourhood, they decided to come up with a plan.
    The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three
    course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the
    waiter came by with the bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!"
    - the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because
    he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to
    cause any trouble, he let the brother leave.
    Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant
    and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished
    eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. "HEY,
    Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down
    the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other
    customers. He let the guy go.
    Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. And you know how we are.
    He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal
    on the menu, plus two bottles of Beer. After he had finished, the waiter
    came to collect the money for the meal, But before the Nigerian could
    say anything, the waiter spoke to him."Sir, I have been having all sorts
    of problems all day and I can't understand it. Two other people like
    you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don't
    remember getting any money from them so, " Before he could finish,
    the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, "OGA I SORRY FOR YOU
    MY CHANGE!!"

  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

  18. A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Primary 3.
    The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Primary 4. I am smarter than my sister and she's in Primary 4".

    The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.
    The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Primary 4.

    Principal: What is 3+3?

    Boy: 6.

    Principal: 6+6.

    Boy: 12.

    The boy got all the questions right.
    The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Primary 4 immediately.

    The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

    Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

    Boy: Legs.

    Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have?

    Boy: Pockets.

    Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

    Boy: Coconut.

    Madam: What goes in hard and then comes out soft and sticky?

    *The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge*

    Boy: Bubble gum.

    Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

    Boy: Tent.

    *The principal was looking restless*

    Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

    Boy: Wedding ring.

    Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

    Boy: Nose.

    Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

    Boy: Arrow.

    Principal: O MY GOD.

    Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?

    Boy: Fork.

    Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

    Boy: Surname.

    Principal: Chinekeme!!.

    Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

    Boy: Heart.

    Principal: Eeeeeh!!.. The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam,
    "Send this BLOODY boy to the university...
    Even I myself got all the answers wrong!"


  19. Some females are so sensitive. She said she was pregnant with twins; and all I said was "Well at least two of your kids will have the same daddy". Two months now she hasn't picked my call. Don't know what I did wrong:::::::

  20. I discovered something terrible with my neighbor. He was very sick and called a witch doctor to come to treat him at his house. The witch doctor said his case was critical and that he cannot be cured, but the sickness can be transferred to another person. My neighbor accepted. The witch doctor worked on him, and told him, as I am leaving, if anyone opens the door you must say 'tchaa'. And this person will die in your place. The witch doctor left, and my neighbor was waiting for the first unlucky person so as to say 'tchaa', and transfer his sickness to the person and be cured. But the witch doctor discovered that he didn't collect any money from my neighbor for his treatment, so he decided to take the risk to go back to my neighbor and ask. As soon as he opened the door, my neighbor said 'tchaa', the witch doctor said 'retchaa', my neighbor then said 'reretchaa', the witch doctor said 'rereretchaa'. As I am telling you now, the whole quarters are there watching how the two are in 'rererererereretchaa'.πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚


  21. An Arab was admitted in the Hospital for a heart operation, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to the neighboring towns. Finally an Igbo guy was located who had a similar type of blood. The IGBO guy willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery,the Arab sent the Igbo guy as appreciation, a new BMW 540iL, diamonds, lapis lazuli jewelry, and half a million US dollars. Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the igbo dude who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After a successful surgery, the Arab sent the dude a thank you card and a box of almond chocolate & sweets. The igbo guy was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and told him, 'I thought this time you would give me Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewelry. But you gave only a card and a box of almond chocolate & sweets. To this the Arab replied 'Nwanne I can't help it, ..... Now I have igbo blood running in my veins!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜¬πŸ˜¬πŸ˜¬πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€.



    Angels: Almighty Father, we are tired
    of these Nigerians ... in heaven o
    GOD: What have they done this time?
    Angels: Everything! They don't listen
    to instructions! They don't obey traffic
    rules, they don’t wait for their turn in
    anything! They are reckless!
    (exasperated). In fact they have
    turned heaven upside down since the first
    time we started admitting them.
    GOD: Pls, bear with them. They are very
    special to me...ehm let me call Satan in hell
    to see how he's doing....
    (phone rings) hell-o Lucifer, how are
    things over there…?
    Satan: Baba God, pls call me later.
    There's an issue I'm trying to resolve.
    (ten minutes later)
    GOD: hell-o Lucifer
    Satan: I'll call you back. The issue has
    turned into a crisis. (one hour later) Satan;
    Sorry Baba GOD.
    GOD: Lucifer are you having problems over
    Satan: It is these Nigerians I have with me
    in hell. He (stammers) they..
    they....they have quenched the fire in
    hell and installed air conditioners πŸ˜„πŸ˜…πŸ˜…


    1. Lol u got me

    2. This joke gets me any day anytime! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚


  23. ``` Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.

    One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.

    As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.

    Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One For Me, One For You, One For Me, One For You".....

    He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a Church nearby, for the priest.......................

    "Father, pls come with me. Come & witness God & satan sharing corpses at the cemetery"......

    They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One For Me, One For You, One For Me, One For You'............

    Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said:
    "What About The Two At The Gate?"...........

    You should see the marathon.........

    The priest almost ran pass the church gate shouting:"We Are Not Dead Yet oohh!!!".


    1. Hahahhahahahahahahhaahahahaha

    2. Hahahahahahehehehe
      Laffing like craaaaaaaazy

  24. *Bayo and his wife Ola received a letter from their daughter who went to study modern physics overseas. SHE WROTE~My beloved Parents, I miss u so much & it breaks my heart to think that by d time i get back, you will be too old. So, enclosed you will find a bottle of a red portion i have invented. It will make u young, so when i return, you will be the same age as i left u. NOTE: "Pls, take only a drop."GoodBye i love u! So they opened the envelope & in it, is a bottle with a red portion. The man looked at his wife & says U go first". So Ola takes a drop, thereafter Bayo follows. Indeed d wife turns 5yrs younger. Years later, the daughter returned home to find her mother young & pretty, carrying a baby on her back. The mother proceeds to tell her daughter how d portion worked & made her look young. D daughter was happy & asks after her father . "Your Father? Hmmmmm,, ur father was so jealous dat i was so young and beautiful, so he drank the whole bottle. Whaaaat? So where is he?" replied her daughter. Hmmmm, na him dey my back...*

    *Pls share....copied

  25. So on my first visit to Ikeja mall, I was with folks and we went shopping. At a point I was pressed and needed to use the convenience, after doing my business I came out to wash my hands. I put on the tap and after washing,see me trying to lock the tap na omo the water just kept flowing with so much 'anger'. I kept trying to lock the tap while some Lagos butty gehs were just looking at me some with disdain and others with pure amusement. I was at the verge of crying when a janitor came around and told me to just walk away that it would stop. I left with sounds of laughter ushering me out. CheiiiπŸ˜€πŸ™†πŸΎ
    I'm glad this internet craze had not started then otherwise my pic would have flooded the internet with some funny captions. πŸ˜€πŸ™ˆ

  26. Love this.

    With 100naira you can become a millionaire

  27. πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€
    An Ijebu Doctor can't find a job after graduation and so decided to open a clinic and puts a sign post outside
    20k - IF NOT CURED GET BACK 100k.

    An Ijesha Lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn 100k and goes to the clinic...

    Ijesha Lawyer:
    "I have lost my sense of taste"

    Ijebu Doctor:
    "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth"

    Ijesha Lawyer:
    "Ugh..this is kerosene"

    Ijebu Doctor:
    "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me 20k"
    The annoyed Ijesha Lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money...

    Ijesha Lawyer:
    "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything"

    Ijebu Doctor:
    "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth"

    Ijesha Lawyer (annoyed):
    "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste"

    Ijebu Doctor:
    "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me 20k"
    The fuming Ijesha Lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back 100k.

    Ijesha Lawyer:
    "My eyesight has become very weak"

    Ijebu Doctor:
    "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this 100k"
    The Ijesha Lawyer (staring at the cash):
    "But this is 20k,
    not 100k"

    Ijebu Doctor:
    "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me 20k"

    You can't beat an ijebu man.


  28. Juju man in trouble ooπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    This man had real problems in his family life so he decided to go and check a juju man.The juju man told him to come back in 2 weeks bringing along some sample of dirt from his yard. So the man went back after 2weeks with the sample of dirt. The juju man performed his rituals and said to the man....I don't know if you can handle hearing this, the man said go ahead I want to hear it.The juju man said the two boys are not your sons, your daughter is seeing five different men and your wife is pregnant for your own brother. The man started laughing, the juju man asked him why he was laughing, after all this bad news.The man responded I don't know if you can handle this; the juju man said go ahead, the man said I was running late and I forgot to bring the dirt sample so I dug out some from your yard.


  29. Stella neva posts my wa o nt fair at all


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