Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Sunday In House Gists - Worst 'Toasting' Ever.

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Sunday, 5 February 2017

Sunday In House Gists - Worst 'Toasting' Ever.

Today is just for gisting about the worst toasting you ever received...It doesnt matter whether it was funny or not..It doesnt matter if you are male or female.....*stops in track* oh you dont know that women 'toast'?..You never ''chichontin'' be that ..lol




I have been toasted by someone back then who said he liked the way i eat puff puff..LMAO

Winner if any from yesterday's in house gists will be published in tomorrow's in house news.


100 comments:

  1. A guy excused me and started telling me he want to get me pregnant, with all seriousness ohhh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I grew up around a tertiary institution so there where lots of students staying off campus around us. This particular guy called Clem disturbed me so much so that whenever I see him I will run. I just completed ss3 at 15 and came back home from the state where I schooled. This guy blocked me and started toasting. His tenses were wrong and it was obvious he " crammed " all he was pouring out...next thing I heard was a loud fart. Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu ! The guy stopped in mid speech and released yet another long puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Chimo !!!!!! I ran away fast.
      Next time I saw him, he told me to come and visit him that he made okro soup with plenty fish. Dude was from lokoja and somehow mentioned fish whenever he was able to chat with me. Maybe na fish them take dey toast lokoja girls... Lol.
      Clem Clem with his black and white shirt and kpomo lips.
      Akpo!!!
      Memories...

      Delete
    2. Hahahahahahaha. Imagine okro soup with plenty fish. Na wa

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    3. @happyheart, you've killed me o!!!! Lmaoooo!!!!!

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    4. Lol. Happy heart.

      Imagine toasting girls and trying to entice them with okro and fish πŸ˜†

      But in case you still okro soup & dry fish. Please signify πŸ˜—.

      #EdoBreed

      Delete
  2. Saw one in a bus and said did I grow up in kano, I said No, he paid my tfare, dropped where I dropped and asked for my number. I said I don't have a phone and I was praying my nokia torchlight shouldn't ring because it was very loud.

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  3. Brb... Lemme goan type and come
    ........................
    I saw this on fb

    Ade how far
    I **I dey o

    You hear say tomorrow na ajoke birthday?
    **Seriously?

    Yeah!

    **How old are her

    Oyinbo...

    **Correct me

    How many years are she!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nna mehn i no remember
    Na only tush guys don toast me before kwakwakwakwa

    I'm here to read and laugh

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tush guys ko, tush guys ni.. so only tush guys say the right things or what? If you dont remember any just close ya mouth and read comments..abegy

      Delete
    2. Dy there dy deceive yourself. Area boys and tush drivers wey full your case.

      Delete
    3. Abeg o. You guys should leave my babe alone o.na person tell uba make una nor tush?..village guys

      Delete
  5. Dear brothers...
    See bro, if ur girlfriend calls another guy "sweetie, bae, my sugar, boo, baby", trust me, there is a 98% chance that it means nothing...
    Buh see eh bros, Shey u see that one she is calling "big
    head"?
    Thats the potential threat...
    Bro find him and kill him,
    I repeat, KILL HIM... #Copied

    ReplyDelete
  6. Many male and female have toasted me because,I have a sexy eyes with a sexy lips.
    Someone even followed me to my church today because my sexy eyes got in contact with his and he had no option to follow me to church and I disappear thru.the back door after church..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Show us your photo now

      Delete
    2. Send ihn picture on Monday to a Stella

      Delete
    3. Send to my eye only.

      Delete
    4. Madam sexy eyes n lips. Please send in your picture to IHN. We go find you come house πŸš›πŸš“πŸš”

      Delete
  7. #There's always a wild side to an innocent face*

    ReplyDelete
  8. worst toasting ever was when I was in secondary school, there is thus guy that happened to be my brothers friend, one day the.guy asked me to stay back after school hours, I actually liked him but I see him as a big brother, he started toasting me oh, after like 2 hrs of toasting I accepted to date him, only for the idiot to laugh and call me brother to come out of his hiding o, that where is his money. Chai shame catch me that day no be small, so they actually had a bet .# original

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    Replies
    1. Lol. I swear I will enter the ground. But you sef fall your brother hand.hahahaha

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    2. God will punish him... dis got me laughing so hard

      Delete
    3. Rotfl!!! Damn! Your brother is savage mehn!

      Delete
    4. Omg... Laugh wan kill me oooooooooooooo.... That guy is the bomb...... Wtf..!! What if he had fingered u nko??? Lol

      Delete
    5. Really? I'm sure this wasn't funny then.....kai

      Delete
    6. Yeeee,lmao.this is really funny and embarrassing

      Delete
  9. Some guy said to me that I look like his ex.I said I'm most def not your ex.I'm sure you know her well and I'm not her. He said Linda y r u pretending not to know me again? Linda stop pulling my legs na! I looked at him like where did this guy escape from abeg? Then he said even if you're not linda I like you. Can we be friends?

    ReplyDelete
  10. I remember this shy guy that was toasting me back then. This guy is tall, huge and very much older than me(he was around 25 and i was 17) but if he starts d toasting he'll be smiling uncontrollably, counting his fingers and then later cover his face with his hand. I always stiffle laughter whenever i see him. Dunno if he's still like that though.
    #OriginalGist

    ReplyDelete
  11. Someone said he loves my black lips and and another, the way I arrange my brows. Na wa!

    ReplyDelete
  12. A rich guy who wooed me started his conversation on that like this
    Guy: I like ur top
    Me: thank u
    Guy: I like ur smile, d way u walk... Oh my gosh, ur voice is so nice
    Me:aww, thank u
    Fast forward to when we met again.. He started his conversation with his usual intro and boom he said " baby I love u" in the most cutest way.





    We dated but ko really werk.
    Chai... U don suffer...i was saying that to my self after my encounter with one agbero guy
    Guy: oh baby
    Me: (pressing my phone) cos he was so annoying, from his dressing to hi scanty teeth. Chai... He was something else
    Guy: if u like MA da mi lohun (if u like don't answer me)
    Me: kilode gan (what did u want)
    Guy: na u sabi, mo ko aye je sha, she iwo nikan lo ni Gbogbo aya yi.
    He was saying all this on top of his voice. Shouting like a mad man.
    Me: (walks to the other side of the road) I was just praying to see a bike man immediately cos I was embarrassed to deat after he said Shey na only u get all this breast.. Almost everybody around started staring at my breast. Lo and behold, I saw one bike man while d man was about moving.. I now told him to move closer to me, he was so happy, collected his friend's phone thinking I wanted to give him my number. I just whispered to him that "o sick gan, o need Lati ri doctor".
    And the bike zoomed off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What manner of razzness is this?

      Delete
  13. My most embarassing toasting was a guy I was friends with. At a time, i guess he started liking me but didn't have the courage to toast me so he went to drink to gather morale. He came to my house. It was a full house, my folks were having their dinner at the dinning table, myself n my siblings were in the living room seeing a soap opera, he started stammering n suddenly vomited on me and all over our living room, then fainted. Immediately, there was chaos n a strong stench of alchohol enveloped everywhere. seriouz gbege! Everyone was in confusion trying to revive him amidst cleaning vomit. Gosh! My dad still gets angry each time he recollects d incidence, we had to discard our rug n fixed tiles! Unplanned expense chai. He never visited our house ever since.
    Original

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fixed tiles? What happened to mopping of d floor, I beg you let's take it easy wit d lies. Koda rara

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    2. I think she meant that they discarded their rug replaces it with tiles

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    3. Highest height, yeah we did all that n my dad who has been prolonging the removal of the rug took d incidence as an opportunity 4 a change
      Anonymous u right..

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    4. So he was sitting so close to you eh in your house

      Delete
  14. Worst toasting plenty, there was a day one told me, i love your boobs, so round bla bla bla. I vex ehn.

    Another one like that, a guy walked up to me and said he liked my lips that they looked kissable. Who does that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ad per your first paragraph my ex colleague once said that to me. I insulted the hell out of him and gave him good distance.

      Delete
  15. I will toast any guy who's cute,speaks and write good EnglishπŸ˜‚
    My worst toasting experience was when a guy told me he likes girls with big boobs,that's why he wants to date me ...then I didn't have big boobs o...so I told the guy that "bros but I no get big boobs nah" and he said he knows they will get bigger in years to come...and it was true...my boobs became bigger ehn...OK let me go and play ludoπŸ˜’

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now nko? Do you hv big boobs?

      Delete
    2. Anon 15:31, lmao. This is the reason why I come to this blog. Crazy peeps. SDK is the best.

      Delete
  16. Worst toast ever.

    I was 18 yrs old then. And I sure won't forget that in a hurry. I was walking home with my mum as a fast Walker that I was, I was ahead of her only for one guy to start toasting me. I refused talking to him because I know my mum was seeing everything and I know the kind of person my mum is. The guy kwanu couldn't respect himself he started insulting me called me all kind of names.

    My mum got upset and started exchanging words with the guy. We were in a public place gosh! I was so ashamed, I was now begging my mom that it is OK. For where! The yeye guy was still standing and exchanging words, that was how my mom described the guy from head to toe. If not that passerby was telling her madam e don do atleast him no rape your daughter. We won't have left that place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol.............. Typical naija mother. I almost tot I wrote this. Lol

      Delete
  17. I was on my way back from school,I was so hungry and tired,suddenly I saw one haggard looking guy on bicycle running after me,I was scared bcos we're in a very secluded place,so I started running, he was also running after me..ha see gobe, I added speed .. I got tired of running and stopped. I started panting for air,the guy too stopped and said "exiscus me belefu babe,i do being seing u pas my houise front gate eferi day.. I wanst you to be my friends"" time stood still,I was frozen. Mouth wide open. I opened my mouth and nothing came out.. I just nodded my head and walked away without saying a word.
    After walking some distance, I prayed to God and rejected that kind of man in life,physical or spiritual

    Things I see in Gate4..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ this your own experience is the real "worst toasting"

      Delete
  18. Where is d couch? I wanna sit n read comments

    ReplyDelete
  19. I went to an only girls school then in secondary
    A classmate of mine Toyin lemme forgive her and not add her surname as i can never ever forget her name for this life
    That's how she wrote a love letter to me saying she loves me
    I was so irritated and waited till after closing to give her the warning of her life
    Let devil not use her to my side

    ReplyDelete
  20. I had this calabar girl with.massive hips like the horn of Africa tell me one day say na only playboy and fine face I sabi do say I go be akamu for room

    When she carry me go her shanty I confess I chook so tey I had to pay am to please leave me. Before bloggers and punch news( them sabi carry that kain news()say fine young man gbenshed to death by calabar girl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Na wa you ooo calabar girl make you confess lol

      Delete
    2. Hahaha gerrahia mehn

      Delete
  21. Am not sure if na toasting sha
    D guy walk up to me and says he like me and DAT we should just be gbenshing











    coming....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahhhhhhaaaaa like the one that parked his car,came out to stand beside me and start telling me bought a new bed in his house we can test run together. And started begging me to help test run his bed for him.I have many stories jare. Nigerian men harassing women in the name of toasting

      Delete
    2. Did you fall for it? What was your reply?

      Delete
    3. Anon 15:54 are u sure you're not SDK herself? Your naughty tone is so her.

      Delete
  22. Mine was like his name is sunday and since I was also born on a sunday and bear bose we are soulmates,chai I just shook my head and was like I hope you are okay right?

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  23. I dislike so much wen a guy works up to me n goes ' my name is Ebuka john elede, can I have ur number?'

    I'm like WADAFUCK!
    CNT u guys just look for more beautiful ways of whooing a girl.

    For example...
    U like a gal who lives in ur estate.
    -Start by noticing her
    -look for ways whereby u could be around her, like trying to know wen she lives her house, wen she goes to d market,wen she's back from work , what church she attends etc.
    - from here u could jam in any of this places church, market, estate party etc then u come up with a beautiful conversation

    In no time, ur future galfreind is already into u.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I dislike it so much when a girl writes works instead of walks...

      Delete
    2. No time for that o..after all these things, you find out she falls short of your expectations?? I'm not saying that you're nt right but TIME! It's of essence here

      Delete
    3. I'm sure she meant classy not classic in her blog id! Olosho plus olodo

      Delete
    4. Classic chic u see ur life? You wan be teacher but u no go school.

      Delete
  24. Babe your ass is massive, , I feel like diving into you!!!

    Jezzz,,i was angry ehhh!!

    I didn't say " pim"


    Nigga vex,, " what sef,,ass no be for shit,,y u d do shakara..."

    ReplyDelete
  25. So I learnt my lesson, now I respond jokingly.


    I went to the market one day and one guy said " Nne,ima na nka egbuli gi" maama,do u know I can handle u"

    I responded " of course,i bu Nwoke "


    Since after ass na for shit,,,,i handle annoying toasters better.

    ReplyDelete
  26. There is this lanky hungry looking guy that do brings books to sell in my office during nysc, as a new ajuwaya wey I be, he told me that there was a new business in town he will like to introduce me to. I accepted and agreed to go on a date with him so we can discuss. Gentleman gave me the adress of one of the finest hotels in eket, on reaching there I met the security officers who refused me entrance citing that you have to be invited by a guest if not they won't allow you in as per almost all the exon Mobil oyibo full there and their security mattered. I nearly started yelling at them claiming that my date was there. They were like call him and confirm, I picked my phone only to hear someone whistling across the street at one dirty looking buka heeei siii am here just cross road meet me. Chaai my shakara fall for ground with the way the security officers were looking at me,madam go meet your Boo for that bacha Hiaaa which stupid boo for my mind. On getting there dude started toasting and professing how he was into me bla bla untop the one bottle of hot malt he gave me. I was like dude go straight to the point about the business na. To my greatest shock, there was no business. Until I finished the hot malt and left, didn't hear any other thing he said.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahaha!!! πŸ˜‚ i can imagine d embarrassment! Chai! Pele

      Delete
    2. One mechanic did almost same to me. Christmas day, He said he makes 80k daily . He barely wear good clothes. I thought maybe boxing day he'll change for where, he repeated the three days old clothes and rubber slippers smelling of sweat and dust. Always taking me to king square ringroad. I begged him to even get me bottle Pepsi. Touching me anyhow in public. I had to stop and think. First class graduate like me been rubbished by an illiterate. Yes he is. Am thinking he is a boyboy. Even told me to leave my banking job and learn hairdressing or tailoring. Chai. Desperation is bad. Though he promised to marry me and even sent me 150k to get and apartment for us. I had to send the money back to him. Our spirit no match. His touch annoys me. Lemme go anonymous

      Delete
    3. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ you still get mind to drink his hot malt. Chia

      Delete
    4. Grace wetin you want make I do after wasting my time to get there, dude even brought out #200 make I take enter bike,the way I rejected it eeeh am sure he got the message

      Delete
  27. My best pick up lines then were

    I thought happiness starts with H so why does mine start with U

    Wow now I know why Solomon had 700 wives,he never met you he would have been contented

    If I could rearrange the alphabets my dear I would put U next to I

    Hey excuse me pls I just lost my phone number could you borrow me yours


    Then one funny toasting I heard about was when a guy approached a girl and said hey excuse me...she said yes hw can I help you? And bros begin stammer and say your face looks similar....babe was puzzled and confused and asked hysterically what kind of English is that? Do you know the meaning and bros say sorry I mean to say your appearance is familiarity to me...she was laughing and embarrassing the guy,she called her friends to come and see joke of the year...bros was feeling stupid and was walking away and she said bros don't go ooo be brave just tell me what you want?

    And he said forget it If I tell you now that am loving you since since you go say am lieing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol. Some girls can for kill a guy moral.

      Delete
  28. My friend's Aunty, Aunty Esther is a comedian she told use so many stories , there was this joke she told us about how her parents were very strict especially her father so it was very difficult for her to leave the house when she finished secondary school, so this particular day she and her friends came up with a plan on how to deceive her parents so she could go see her boyfriend, they came up with a plan of lying that they were going for a church program and was able to deceive her parents which they accepted that she can go, when it was time she went to inform her parents that her and her friends are ready to leave for the church program only to find out that her parents were dressed up....next thing her father said was we are all going for the church program together, she became confused she had to come up with a plan to stop them because the church program was a lie all of a sudden she started shivering and shaking ahh! Her mother was very surprised and shocked, everybody was shocked. Is it not same Esther that was dressed up.... that was how they all ended up in the hospital and the doctor even prescribed drugs for her..... all her friends and siblings kept on laughing at her but the parents couldn't comprehend. She and her then boyfriend have been married for years. Original


    Long live SDK

    ReplyDelete
  29. Not my worst toasting tho, just the worst most recent toasting!
    I was learning how to ride bike this past christmas and i was still kinda shaky on the bike, thats how this man motioned for me to stop, see me thinking i had done something wrong and he wanted to correct me, so i pulled over and that one started talking of how hes seen me before,and likes me,that he was supposed to travel out of the villa but im the reason he came back, i told him i wasnt interested, he was now like i shouldnt dismiss him as a nobody because im seeing him like this in the villa(in my mind that was what i had done sha), he said he is a big man and bla , i still told him i wasnt interested, and the man started preaching , that this is how girls miss their destinies(God forbid) i told him if he is my destiny, let me miss it, and started my bike oh, and thats how i fired too much and landed inside bush, same man came to help me, i was really embarrassed sha but i didnt still give him my no..
    #original

    ReplyDelete
  30. My own toasting was funny, went to the market and a guy walked up to me...
    Hello my name is.......(an English name- I've forgotten) . I am a pharmacist, my car is parked over there
    #chai
    See introduction na
    I burst out laughing o!
    I guess he was an igbo guy, coz na their small work be that. Introduction with all their titles, even if na bricklayer, dem wan announce to person. Yimu

    -Original

    ReplyDelete
  31. Mine was when I just graduated from secondary school. There was this guy (his mum used to sell fish, oil etc), I usually buy from them and I noticed he will dash me more than what I paid for. I didn't talk. Will just smile at him. So, one day, while coming from JAMB lesson, saw the guy (ugly somebody oo), he sha started gisting with me and just blurted out 'I wanna make love to you. Me that I didn't know anything then. Just hissed and walked away. Since then, I stopped buying from their shop.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Nne your black I chocolate.... I will like to eat this chocolate. SMH

    ReplyDelete
  33. Hahahahahahahah I remember when I travelled to uyo for one hols/gbenshing spree with Tee lol.Tee and I went out for sight seeing and decided to get some chocolates from one supermarket like that, there i met a guy who came to buy supreme bite (delicious bread) he went straight to Tee and ask Tee if he (Tee) could permit him to toast me hahahaahhah I saw them laughing like two friends who just got reunited. twas funny we became friends instantly and he became our chauffeur for the whole weekend he took us to all the nice places and joint in uyo, we had fun and he still has a crush on me and doesn't forget to remind Tee of that.
    iiiishhhh dude is so blunt and honest.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Toasters! I've had loads and most of them broke, at a point I began to wonder why me Lord?
    Exp 1- my colour,my colour answer me na, be be (in nna bros tongue) I like u give me that ya number. I kept silent and continued walking and the next thing dude put a 100 naira note into the carrier bag I was holding.
    Exp 2- excuse me please I will like to talk to u, I kept walking without looking back, Hello I'm talking to you, *still silent*, you are there keeping quiet u don't know if I am ur last chance.... At that point my tongue was loosened and I turned and said I beg your pardon, I am a married woman. Guy apologized and walked away, I just smiled to myself cos I wasn't married talk less about dating.
    Exp 3- this happened in nysc Camp, a guy walked up to me and said he always noticed me when we line up according to platoons, my head was busy swelling, I was there thinking I was so beautiful and my head was already swelling until I heard him say,"in fact there's this red thing you wear inside your white that makes ur boobs look so inviting". Please, Are you on your period? Cos I would like to get down with you now. I was speechless
    Loads of funny experiences too much to share. Travails of a single girl in lagos. Lol

    ReplyDelete
  35. My worst toasting was from my cousin.His dad is elder brother to my dad. He accompanied me to run an errand and on our way back he was holding my hand and shaking.i got scared and asked him what it was. He said he will like us to be cooperating.I asked him to explain what he meant by that he said I ought to know like boyfriend and girlfriend.I got so mad and threatened to tell his dad. He stopped but I started avoiding him from that day cos dude doesn't seem OK.I was 17 then

    ReplyDelete
  36. Goodness! I snooped and found out bastard did intro 4months afta we started dating. Need advise on how to punish d nigga. Hv given hm 10months of of life

    ReplyDelete
  37. Dude was toasting me, of all d lines in d world he said he wants me closer to him dan his singlet.... Didn't know wen i started laughing out xo loud..


    ReplyDelete
  38. Mine is baby I want all of u not just one part. I want u wholesale not retail. Mscheeeeeew

    ReplyDelete
  39. The worst toast ever was in my JSS3 days, I was gingered by my friends in class to toast a girl we've all being eyeing. I remembered when they were all saying you can do it! Go for it! So I summoned courage and walk straight to her class, she was chatting with her friends and I lifted one finger to excuse her, the pretty babe came o! As she stood up and walk straight to me and looked at me eyeball to eyeball I became speechless, I could not say a word, she just turned back and left me freeze standing there. My friends were all laughing at me. I can't forget that experience.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahahahahaha couldn't stop laughing

      Delete
  40. Mine was of recent in fact it is still on, Mr guy came to buy my uncle's car and has been on my case since. He pestered me until I agreed to go on a date with him, we went to KFC he ordered rice n chicken while I wanted to take ice cream. The the worst happened, He started talking mehn I wanted to dissapear he was shouting with food in his mouth like baibe see I Willi not do you bad thing, I want to marry you in fact when Willi I go to see your mummi. By this time people were like who is that, all eyes were on us. He was like if you want more ice creen I Willi buy for you. He is IBO like me by the way, I tried to pretend that I was not the one he was talking to then he began to tap me when he talks like he was bent on disgracing me. When it was time to go he entered his car and when I came in he opened his belt and was like can I kiss you, I remembered his mouth filled with food munching away like a goat, I hissed and left the car. He just called me yesterday and was like I want to have sex with you. I jejely blocked him. Nonsense

    ReplyDelete
  41. πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜‘

    ReplyDelete
  42. I was 14 years old in secondary school. Went to see my friend and her elder brother said he wants to put his tongue in my gap teeth in front of her! I died several times. Last time I went to her house. We never spoke about that incidence till we went our separate ways in uni.

    ReplyDelete

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