THE WEDDING INVITE THAT NEVER CAME
In February this year, a friend of mine( not like we are so close or something. We met in a group platform on whatsapp and we are like hello, hi kinda) called and said she'll be getting married in April and i was so super excited for her and congratulated her. She said she wants me to be part of her asoebi girls and all which i agreed and materials with styles would be communicated.
February ending she sent me the pic of the material (lace) and said it is standard, 5 yards for 35,000 ( i.e 7k for a yard) and am like . So I asked her if I can get 3 yards because the 7 yards is expensive for me and she said no it's standard. Later she sent the style of the clothes and part of it is a corset. Going by the style, I can only use 3 yards or at most 3 and the half. Am not on the big side so what will I be doing with 5 yards.
After a while, she asked how far with payments that after it i'll be added to the asoebi girls whatsapp group, I told her the amount is a lot: 35k for materials and my tailor will take like 10 or 15k which makes it 50k, also there would be a uniform hair do which i'll have to get weavon and making of the hair might be 15k which is 65k .
Also the asoebi girls will decide on doing bridal shower so it's another contribution of money, accessories and other things. So I should spend almost 100k for someone's wedding bah
Well, I told her am sorry I can't afford it and that doesn't stop me from givin you my financial support on her big day ( i intended to give her 20k) She sounded cool and said it's not a problem that she understands.
Well she never sent me an invitation card for her wedding. And am like so because someone refused to get your asoebi, you decided not to invite the person? Am not upset but just thinking is this right?
Well, it's her big day and she's free to do whatever she wants to do. I wish her a happy married life though. Saw her status of the court wedding and all. It is well.
You said you could not do it and she probably thought that you meant that you could not attend.....You didnt state you would still attend, you told her it doesnt stop you from supporting her..She may not have wanted that since you complained you could not afford it or she could ahve forgotten about it in all the hustle of preparation..
You knew the date of the wedding, you could sent her a message that you would be attending,,, or was she supposed to send you an invite to be among her bridal train? I think the problem was you and not her.........
Try to reach out and congratulate her and tell her the truth that you felt hurt that she did not invite you and wait for her explanation......
Please forget that chic and her wedding invite. Why would you spend so much on just an ordinary “hello” hi” person.
ReplyDeleteYou can only go the xtra mile for someone who has been there for you through thick and thin, someone you can say has paid the price.
Ignore her, don’t even wish her HML. If she uploads pics, look and them and don’t drop any comment.
Sometimes, just don’t bother?
Sluttychic.
Poster, first I would like to emphasis on friendship and Acquaintance. Friendship is when you have a deep emotional bond, trust, and loyalty with another person. Friends provide us with support, share common interests and activities, and play a significant role in our lives. An acquaintance is someone we know casually, with limited interaction and shared experiences, in your case a WhatsApp group connection. I must applaud you for airing your opinion about the cost and not out of pride, do what you will regret inside.
Delete• Some lace materials come in 6yards or 4 yards and if that is the case, the bride (your friend) might not know what to do with the yards remaining from the one you want to take.
• If she posted the general invite on the WhatsApp group, then you don’t need a special invite except you know for sure she invited each person individually.
• You turned down the Asoebi because of the costs and told her you will still support her. If that is how you worded it, it doesn't mean you were not going to be at her wedding, nor does it mean you will not be there. If she understood it as ‘I am not coming’, it is a misunderstanding and because you are not friends, she would have asked you to be there, Asoebi or no Asoebi.
• You still have her contact, you saw the wedding pictures, congratulate and move on.
• If you like details, then tell her you didn’t come because you didn’t get an invitation and you were afraid that you might be turned away from the wedding if you do not have your invitation card with you.
• Girl! It is not easy oh! This Asoebi thing had brought rift and leaking pockets to so many people. Sometimes, we need to cut our coats according to our size. All in the name of Asoebi, some people have become borrowers, enemies, thieves, or even lay down their guards just to belong. We all need to learn how to say ‘No’ without malice and how to accept a ‘No’ without grudges.
No Stella there is no need for her to reach to her...She is a very condescending person...You already said both of you aint close...So let it be...Every body cannot be your friend...Some people are at best Whatsapp group mates....You said you cannot afford it the Asoebi and you informed her honestly. Meaning if you no buy Asoebi, no come my wedding...
DeletePoster please keep it moving...All the wedding and friendship brouhaha is exhausting...
Life is so simple na human beings always make it difficult and creating a mountain out of a molehill abeg....
All the best and don't give yourself headache
Slutty!!!! Love love love dis Ur comment.poster pls read dis sluttys comment 10times and digest.
DeleteIs like you like fault finding. You said you told her you will not be attending the wedding so what do you still need invite for?
ReplyDeleteShe did'nt say so
DeleteSee:
"Well, I told her am sorry I can't afford it and that doesn't stop me from givin you my financial support on her big day ( i intended to give her 20k) She sounded cool and said it's not a problem that she understands."
She promised to send you link of the asobi not the invitation card. You should reach out to her and just congratulate her and face front.
ReplyDeleteYou did no wrong!
ReplyDeleteIf she wanted you to come she could have still sent you an invite as a friend and not as the asoebi girls.
Most times some of the brises gain from the asoebi amd all sorts. Not buying asoebi shouldn't bring quarrel. Just let her be.
It is well with her.......
Marriage merchandise, imagine the extortion in the name of selling uniforms for wedding guest. Something is definitely wrong with most Nigerians who practice this nonsense. They have extended it to birthdays, burials and even naming ceremony. So disgusting
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteStellz, you gave a balanced and logical insight.
ReplyDeletePoster, just remember that in all this the individual is just an acquaintance to you, not your friend or family member. In truth, you should not have accepted her request because you do not know her well enough. I get that some folks may not have a lot of friends or family to ask these requests of, but aso ebi should be reserved for real friends and family members. The bride should be thinking of the cost and not be asking strangers for such a commitment and those who are asked should be contented with saying no, especially if they know they are of small means.
It's sad the unnecessary pressure weddings put on a whole lot of pple. My sis calls me a weirdo but Ieft for me a WHOLE LOT of these things should be scrapped!!! I honestly wish not to stress anyone just bcoz I'm getting married. Just come and rejoice with me and eat what I can afford to give you and be going.
ReplyDeleteYou are not weird but a logical person...All these Asoebi and wedding wahala, drama is so annoying...
DeleteThank you
DeleteShikena
As a rule, I DO NOT buy asoebi material, make nobody stress abeg.
Send me invite, I show up looking Peng as usual or don't show up at all😎🤨.
I am not built for stress at all.
Poster please keep it moving
Gifty
Poster , don't bother reaching out to her anything.I advice you stay on your own.
ReplyDeleteAbeg, reach out to her oooo. If I were you, I would have asked for the I.V myself since she has told me the date already.
ReplyDeleteJust reach out and be friendly, that's all. No big deal
Asked for IV ke. She didn’t send the IV cos she felt the poster wasn’t “big” enough to attend her wedding.
DeleteGod forbid I beg to be invited to any occasion.
Sluttychic.
She didn't send the invite cos she thinks since you can't buy the Asoebi;no need to waste invite;so make she kuku invite those that will buy the Asoebi and she gets more money;or those that she believes would spend money when they come to her wedding.
ReplyDeleteThe Asoebi and majority of the wedding done in Nigeria is more of "Tax collection" and an avenue to make money from family,friends, acquaintance and even enemies😉.
Lots of people in Nigeria don't respect you;but the money you have and the money you can give to them.
She doesn't also believe you can give her up to 20k as wedding gift;she has done the calculation that you not paying the Asoebi means you won't give wedding gift either.
Kindly do what your conscience allows;if you can send her the money as gift;fine!
If you can't;face your front and let it go.
Wishing you all the best.
@MARTINS
🎯🎯🎯🎯 You nailed it Martins, No purchase of Asoebi, no wedding invite...Poster rest your pretty head abeg. E no reach for drama creation...
DeletePerson wey be wan use you clout chase on her wedding day. Na their way be that. Users
ReplyDeletePlanning a wedding is huge. Maybe she forgot to remind you again. You also could have gone if you really wanted to attend.
ReplyDeleteIf I want to attend an event, weather you invite me or not is not my concern I must dress up and attend.
She didn't forget;The poster is simply not her "target Audience";hence no regard after she didn't buy the Asoebi.
DeleteNobody forgets to invite a Billionaire or Millionaire who is known to spend when invited to your occasion..
That's why people go as far as getting expensive wines for their target Audience as per inviting them to your wedding etc;why?
When they come;you would recover the money spent for wine invitation,plus interest(Money sprayed).
Hope this helps.
@MARTINS
That’s not self respect. No invite, no asoebi, and she would just gate crash at their event? Wat if she is denied access?
DeletePls even for urself, have some self respect and avoid events where you are not invited, cos it is only pointing at one thing- hunger. You just want to go and eat. I’m sure if there was no food, you won’t just gate crash to go and look at their faces and come back. Those that get invited, they don’t have two heads, it shows they are more important to the host than you are. So respect urslf and go where you are invited
Poster face front. She can't send an invite but wanted u to join the asoebi. If she was really worried about you spending too much money, she would have sent the invite and told u not to put pressure on yourself
ReplyDeleteShe doesn't regard u as a friend and just wanted to make whatever she could from u from the asoebi. Move on abeg
ReplyDeleteAnybody who snubs you because you refused to be tasked beyond your financial capacity is a user or an emotional blackmailer or both.
ReplyDeleteDo what you believe is right in your social circle and can still do.
Or Forget this matter.
Mr. Mann
I use mouth inform you of wedding. You simply did not attend because I didn't give you invitation card or formal invite? Humans sha. The kind of things that bother people don't bother me. I would attend so far I know the date. I don't care about formal invites. No wonder I have hordes of people ready to do anything for me, coz I hardly give a F about meagre things.
ReplyDeleteWeddings get level, may be the ones you attend are anyhow weddings. The proper weddings are mostly strictly on invitation, so i don’t see how you would have an access with just ‘word of mouth’. You know there are weddings and there are WEDDINGS!!
DeleteANONYMOUS 17;50 Some of the wedding wen get levels don scatter
DeleteThis is what AI thought-
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you're feeling a bit hurt or confused about not receiving an invitation to your acquaintance's wedding after declining to participate in the asoebi group. While it's understandable to feel this way, it's essential to remember that the bride has the right to decide who to invite and how to plan her special day.
It's possible that the bride felt uncomfortable inviting you after you declined to participate in the asoebi group, or maybe she simply didn't have the resources to invite everyone she would have liked to.
You took a gracious approach by offering a financial gift, and it's great that you've chosen to focus on wishing her well despite the situation. Remember that relationships and connections can be complex, and sometimes people prioritize differently.
Take care, and keep being a positive and supportive friend!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 freaking AI
DeleteYou know the date of the wedding through your group WhatsApp,why were you expecting an invitation message from her .......you know the date already what stop you from attending, it's your fault............ Josaria
ReplyDeleteAs in, she told you about the wedding preparation and aso- ebi, but because you couldn't afford the aso -ebi she did not invite you to the wedding and you call her a friend.
ReplyDeleteShe values the aso-ebi money more than you her friend.
Just wish her well, pick the lesson and keep it moving.
I don't even know who started that ' 'aso-ebi' of a thing that most times it ruins relationship you have with others, when they cannot afford it.
ReplyDeleteIf there is a card or any form of invite, it is always better to have one in hand. Me Went to a wedding reception hall. The Sentry allowed a young couple with a baby to go in quietly without question. He blocked my way. He asked me for the invite. I would have been sent back without it. Lesson learned. No invite. Me No show. The party will still go on. Life too simple to make am hard for self.
ReplyDeleteYou are wrong ,do you need IV to attend since you said you weren't close ,or you are not happy for her ?no big deal stay in your house if invitation card validate her asking you to attend?Stella is right at all you weren't close ,so let her be after all she didn't do anything to belittle you
ReplyDeleteNa so I supported all my friends during their wedding by buying the asoebi clothes and gele.
ReplyDeleteNow am about to wed, sent my invite to them for support cos I know that some may not be able to attend cos of their babies. They are now giving me excuses of how things are not going well with their families.
But I supported you all during una own.
People wicked oo.
Poster don't ever sent the 20k.
Nigerian girls, once they are engaged, about to wed, they will be forming fake serious bestie with you so that you will support them during their wedding, after that they will be forming"married", even to reply your message will be war, with nonsense excuse, my husband this, my husband that.
Rubbish.
Every cloud has a silver lining. Is there a role the older women in your family could play? Maybe make your grandma, aunts you love, older women you respect, future mil and your fiancé’s aunts he loves your asoebi ladies. Some of them never got to do this in their younger days, how much fun it would be for them. Do them up in nice makeup and lovely dresses. Give them the shine and do something that breaks convention. We can honour our elders in so many ways and show our love and respect for them. These are the ppl who will be there for you and your husband in the long run. Give them the shine and put your wedding on just the same🎉💃🏾
DeleteYou are right sha
DeleteMy friends are not like that but I agree with you on this
Poster, u really hit the nail. Are you me? 🤔
DeleteI don't completely agree becos friendship isn't quid-pro-quo. I must not support you in exact same ways you supported me. Its actually inefficient to do, people support people when they can and where they think they need support. Becoss you gave me N2k when I couldn't pay school fees doesn't mean I must have N2k to give you for your school fees too. I may have £5 to give when you need your car fixed. Life may just be happening to them and your event is wrong timing for them. From your posts they are newly weds, maybe with new babies, new families and dyncs, cut them some slacks.
DeletePoster please face your front, ignored such girlfriends,they have nothing to offer you after the wedding,use that money buy enough food stuff and send for your parents
ReplyDeleteAll of you billing your ashebis what is wrong with you people? The person you asked to do ashebi for you knows how many yards that will be enough for her with thesame stlye yet you still insist that she must buy all? God forbid. You are not even grateful that someone agrees to buy your ashebi uniform, your are here showing entitlement that she must buy more than she will use. Tufiakwa for you people.
ReplyDeleteIf you give them ashebi materials for free will you die? Na wa for the greed this days o.
And if you want them to support your wedding, kindly come out clean and tell people to support your weeding,not disguising everything as buying of ashebi. I will cut such friends off my life entirely.
Like you said, both of you are not friends..she only wants asoebi girls to Grace the occasion, and since you are not forthcoming, she has no need for you..know this and know peace
ReplyDeleteNo, Stella, I disagree.
ReplyDeleteYorubas say “Eniyan ni Aso”. Almost six decades on earth has taught me to go deeper than the superficial meaning. There are clothes you use to put the garbage can out, there are clothes you wear to church and cherished occasions, there are clothes in your closet you may not even have worn for years. Clothes are of different types and uses to the owner. I now categorize those I know like that. Summary, these SM contacts are NOT your friends. The trend among my friends now that our children are getting married is to call color and GIVE our free scarf and shawl to a close circle. I do not understand why I will make demands on your finances be It's the terrible fund raising oppressive part of Owanbe that is rarely talked about. Move on, she was never your friend but wanted to use you to make up the”numbers” when the math wasn’t “mathing”
ReplyDeleteIt’s the same with funerals of seniors. People want to use every thing as party and money making at other people’s expense. “ A friend lives at all times” says the Bible. A true friend will cover up if you are close and cannot afford the Aso Ebi. My siblings want a big funeral party in the village for my late parent and levied me the highest. I disagreed with the scope and complained. I took care of and honored my mom when she was in that body so the party is for them to show off and get “e ku inawo envelopes at my expense, not for my late parent. Huge parties are not my style and not how to honor your parents biblically. I know they are therapeutic in Nigeria and serve as antidepressants but at my age I’m not going to stretch myself to impress a crowd who don’t give a care about my life. It’s not happening.
Ignore her and stop trying to make a friend out of someone who doesn’t think you are worth it. You are worth it, you are not an ATM or Swifter jet disposable pad! Forget her! The style of many is to levy and burden people for parties they cannot afford. Why? I don’t get it. Those asking her to go, many weddings have reserved tables with names of invited guests or even wrist bands so why should she wedding-crash? You are worth more than making someone important to you who thinks you are just to be used. She wouldn’t become your friend (she currently isn’t) after the wedding anyway as she may leave the group with this attitude.
I like people like you who is not afraid to say her mind. I no dey stress my life at all. if I no come to your party , if I call for my own if you come I no go vex. Life continues.
ReplyDelete