URGENT ADVICE NEEDED FOR URGENT SITUATION
Good day Stella ,
It is very URGENT PLS
I have a sister she's the first daughter of my mother and she's a working class lady .
Here is the short story
this my sister happened to be the closest person to my mom because she doesn't keep friends but always from work to the church basically everyone in the church call her my mom's twinny, my sister started seeing a guy " he happens to be a FAKE church goer too but attends another church..
They dated for 3 to 4 years plus but in these relationship it was always back and forth , the guy will go for a while and return to apologise again, mind you my sister is the best friend to my mom and she disclosed mostly everything to my mom and this guy sensed it cause it obvious during their courtship.
My mom was extra nice to this guy because of my sister in term of hospitality whenever he's coming you will think a president is visiting from the food and small chops and orishirishii but naturally my mom is so nice to people out there but the very last time the guy returned with his usual on and off attitude coming back to our house, my mother never wanted to take him back but my yeye sister pleaded again
Ever since his last return after going again my mom stopped being too nice to him, no more extra but observing , they pleaded and my mom gave her blessings since that's what her daughter wanted.
Fast forward 5 years ago they got married both traditional and white ( sponsored by both families)
They had 2 years delay in pregnancy and after my mom and my sister fasted and prayed and she became pregnant but for the first 3 months my sister wasn't herself due to the pregnancy she was off from work always in the hospital.
The so called husband kept her situation away from us and whenever we call he will tell us she's fine but having her rest instructed by the doctors.
we became worried after a month my mom insisted to go over there and she met my sister in a condition that is not OK, she began taking care of her and during this time my sisters side hustle provision shop business she set up, the husband started taking money and food stuff from the shop until every crumbled due to my sister couldn't make it to the store cause of her health at that time.
The husband noticed my mom had seen everything(he was trying to hide) without my sister saying much and he started giving my mom some bad attitude but my mom ignored and focused on her daughter's health which is important.
Forward to 9month the doctor advised my sister to deliver via CS because the baby is too big and she" my sister "doesn't have that big stature to push then and she delivered becos of weakness
Note : Now she my sister isn't closer to my mom again she started covering something up from my mom and the only first and last time she opened up to us was when her husband slapped her, we all reacted and involved his family and they pleaded. my mom seems not to welcome her husband as her son inlaw anymore..Also there is a lot of disrespect from the husband but we pleaded with my mom to let it slide and my sister too doesn't want to disclose much about her family to my mom, maybe not to provoke or trigger us
Stella the issue at hand now is that my sister is pregnant again because her first child is around 3 years now and she's becoming sick again somehow, mostly complaining weakness but she's just a month or two month pregnant but I think after 3 months she often becomes herself maybe just like the previous pregnancy.
Now my family is monitoring the situation with her on the phone.... she stays 7 hours away from my mom but right now whenever my mom calls her asking if she can she come over to be with her for the main time my sister will respond no that she will be fine and the husband will also say same.
Bvs please does it make sense if my mom forcefully go to visit them to see her condition because I'm loosing my mind already.
Mother in laws don't visit that daughters when they get married??
Thanks
URGENT URGENT URGENT
I have a sister she's the first daughter of my mother and she's a working class lady .
Here is the short story
this my sister happened to be the closest person to my mom because she doesn't keep friends but always from work to the church basically everyone in the church call her my mom's twinny, my sister started seeing a guy " he happens to be a FAKE church goer too but attends another church..
They dated for 3 to 4 years plus but in these relationship it was always back and forth , the guy will go for a while and return to apologise again, mind you my sister is the best friend to my mom and she disclosed mostly everything to my mom and this guy sensed it cause it obvious during their courtship.
My mom was extra nice to this guy because of my sister in term of hospitality whenever he's coming you will think a president is visiting from the food and small chops and orishirishii but naturally my mom is so nice to people out there but the very last time the guy returned with his usual on and off attitude coming back to our house, my mother never wanted to take him back but my yeye sister pleaded again
Ever since his last return after going again my mom stopped being too nice to him, no more extra but observing , they pleaded and my mom gave her blessings since that's what her daughter wanted.
Fast forward 5 years ago they got married both traditional and white ( sponsored by both families)
They had 2 years delay in pregnancy and after my mom and my sister fasted and prayed and she became pregnant but for the first 3 months my sister wasn't herself due to the pregnancy she was off from work always in the hospital.
The so called husband kept her situation away from us and whenever we call he will tell us she's fine but having her rest instructed by the doctors.
we became worried after a month my mom insisted to go over there and she met my sister in a condition that is not OK, she began taking care of her and during this time my sisters side hustle provision shop business she set up, the husband started taking money and food stuff from the shop until every crumbled due to my sister couldn't make it to the store cause of her health at that time.
The husband noticed my mom had seen everything(he was trying to hide) without my sister saying much and he started giving my mom some bad attitude but my mom ignored and focused on her daughter's health which is important.
Forward to 9month the doctor advised my sister to deliver via CS because the baby is too big and she" my sister "doesn't have that big stature to push then and she delivered becos of weakness
Note : Now she my sister isn't closer to my mom again she started covering something up from my mom and the only first and last time she opened up to us was when her husband slapped her, we all reacted and involved his family and they pleaded. my mom seems not to welcome her husband as her son inlaw anymore..Also there is a lot of disrespect from the husband but we pleaded with my mom to let it slide and my sister too doesn't want to disclose much about her family to my mom, maybe not to provoke or trigger us
Stella the issue at hand now is that my sister is pregnant again because her first child is around 3 years now and she's becoming sick again somehow, mostly complaining weakness but she's just a month or two month pregnant but I think after 3 months she often becomes herself maybe just like the previous pregnancy.
Now my family is monitoring the situation with her on the phone.... she stays 7 hours away from my mom but right now whenever my mom calls her asking if she can she come over to be with her for the main time my sister will respond no that she will be fine and the husband will also say same.
Bvs please does it make sense if my mom forcefully go to visit them to see her condition because I'm loosing my mind already.
Mother in laws don't visit that daughters when they get married??
Thanks
URGENT URGENT URGENT
This kind of marriage sef na wah!!!
Hmmmmmm I dont know about your mum but if it is me ,i will get on the way to see what is going on with my daughter, otherwise if something happens will she ever forgive herself? he is probably abusing her physically and not wanting anyone to come around her to see and your sister is probably too ashamed to let anyone else see what is goin on....It is so sad that the marriage has strained your sisters bestie relationship with your mum but now it is up to your mum to see that nothing happens to her daughter.....
Let someone go to your sister’s, spend a few days and if they confirm she’s okay, then they can leave.
ReplyDeleteLet me mention this! One of the glaring signs that someone could be a narcissist is that they try to cut off or limit communications which someone that is a huge part of ur support system.
Your mum can just pay them a visit on a weekend. She should not sleep over. Buy fruits and just pop in . If she inform her ,she will not allow her visit.
ReplyDeletePlease let your mother go see her daughter. Had I known is an after thought which hurt most
ReplyDeleteIn my own experience when a person was distancing, it was abuse from the partner causing it. That may not be the case for the poster.
ReplyDeletethis is matter of life and death, no need to look for approval to go see your sister from her husband. Weather she say she is okay or her husband confirms that, let your mother go there and visit them. Your mum should take your sister with her to her place for the first three months to monitor her and allow her get strong before she can return back to her husband.
ReplyDeleteYour mum need to build that friendship with your sister again by giving her attention, love, care and never judge or blame her. Your sister got carried away with love, she tot the church guy was real, she tot she has found a God fearing man but life happened to her. She has accepted her mistake but too ashame to tell your mum or anyone because your mum told her not to marry him and she refused. Your mum should not blame her or keep saying sabi i told you. Your sister will be alright.
if you all can assist her to get her empowered while making sure that man is not beating her. Let her know that her family are with her and if she cannot handle the marriage and want out, you al will support her. Whatever she want you all will give her your full support, that way she will be free to speak to you people about it. Please do not force her into tell you all what she is going through in marriage, she is trying to keep things secret while she is suffering alone. With time everything will come to light.
you all should take good care of her especially now that she is expecting and how she is always weak during this period, she will be alright.
Your mom should visit regardless of what they say. Maybe for a weekend to observe things then decide if to stay longer.
ReplyDeleteLet her go immediately.
ReplyDeleteI am sure y'all gut feeling is right.
The way some people force and kick and scream to pick up shyt in their lives is unbelievable. Your mother saw everything and your sister had to beg and plead for the marriage approval and now this added stress on your mother when your sister could have chosen a correct man from the start. Picking up garbage and forcing everyone to deal with the stench of it.
ReplyDeleteThere are good men in the world. They may be drinking, smoking, even running wild but they were raised in good homes with a foundation in the church, they are prodigals but only for a moment. Women in the church should be open to dating men outside of the church, they don’t have to join them in their livity but those prodigals will come back eventually, so be open to going on a date and not just automatically crossing them off. Billy Graham’s son was a rebel for a while but he returned, there are thousands of stories like his. This idea that the man must first be baptized and in the church before you can date him is selling yourself short.
Your mother’s heart will lead her. When she is ready to go absolutely nothing will stop her from seeing her child and grandchildren.
Your mum should send a spy. We Nigerians are too forward thinking. Sometimes we do things with emotion, forgetting that people are not trees, they react if you take them by surprise.
ReplyDeleteLet your mum send someone to investigate your sisters’ condition without them knowing. Whatever they find out will then determine your family reaction to the situation.
Your Mum can go and say she was around the neighbourhood and decided to check on her. Let her get a few food items too. And it can be a day's visit or two days and leave.
ReplyDeleteSomeone needs to tell your sister that the fact she is married doesn't mean she should stop being close to family members. E get why...
She will always need Herr family. She should be out allow her husband to distance her from family.
If Una dey write chronicle make una dey try use English..Wetin be all these?
ReplyDeleteHahahahahaha
DeleteEnglish no be awa language.
No vex.
Bu if you really no understand the stori, sorry.
Hehehehe
Your sister is going through emotional abuse and she's already subdued. She needs a resident support system. Your mum should go please.
ReplyDeleteResident support.
DeleteAs in two deep rooted pillars.
Nice suggestion.
Is a subdued husband entitled to such a support too - his mother like Mama G or Aunt like Madam Rita?
No surnames were called O
Lolllllllllllll
Your mum should visit without informing her. She should not sleep over but what she sees will determine her next line of action.
ReplyDeleteYour sister is probably scared of what people will say.
Your mum's instinct is telling her something is wrong, she better check up on her to avoid had i known.
Marriage that should not have happened in the first place, see the end result?
ReplyDeleteNothing useful to add here
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeleteYour sister sounds sheltered and may have rushed into this relationship because it was the first serious attention she received......It is good to be a devoted Christian, but life also requires some street smarts.....That said, there is a fine line between care and interference; what feels like protection to you may feel overbearing to her.....Your mom can still visit but should frame it as support, not inspection, offering help and quiet observation......
The husband’s behaviour raises red flags, so staying vigilant is wise, but your sister also needs to feel she has a safe family to return to........
All the best....
Poster please and please, your mum does not need any approval from anyone,this is life,she should go with her food stuff and money and spend weeks with your sister whether they like it or not.
ReplyDeleteBetter go there or your mother so that her life can be settled properly .Pregnancy is not a fine situation to some people and very delicate.She will carry it to fruitfulness in Jesus name
ReplyDeleteThis thing called marriage. I'm so weak. Let your my go, if not she'll never have peace of mind
ReplyDelete