HELP!!!
My home has been from one trouble to another.
There has been No meeting point since I married this man!
He has been praying that God should takeaway anything that will cost his peace of mind.
I am in pains ..I didn't imagine my once beautiful relationship turned marriage will turn out like this!
This is just our second year and I have had 3 miscarriages, he is dealing with hormonal imbalance too.
I can't sleep at night.there is no violence but we disagree a lot. I believe in one marriage but here I am at the cross road. Please help me!!!:
Miscarriages and hormonal imbalance is what is causing the stress in your marriage or it self induced by you?Your writeup is too vague so i dont know what to tell you at all...
Please take it easy......Marriage is still early, so it will still need time to stabilise, make una take am easy....
poster check your self. are you the kind that always claim right? or either of you is a perfectionist. please note that marriage is not children but for grown adult.
ReplyDeleteyour marriage is still young sha. it will take minimum of 4 years to understand yourselves because both of you are from different backgrounds
Also pray for God to rebuke the enemy causing the Crisis
All the best
Aveg divorce and move on. Don't listen to these ones that will stay in a marriage until they kpay just to answer Mrs.
DeleteIs this not a sign you guys should go your separate ways? Poster sit down and advise yourself o
ReplyDeleteWhich separate ways?
Delete1 to 5years is the most critical time for marriage survival. If you survive the first 5yrs, fine. Then face the next 5years. After 10years, most couples agree more with each other.
I passed through this myself. I almost left because we were always at loggerheads. Now after 10yrs, we now have our balance.
Poster, don't separate.
separate ways at this early stage? both need time and bonding.
DeleteNo. It's not a sign that they should go their separate ways. It just means their marriage is under an attack. 80% of marriages are under spiritual attack.
DeleteIt is not true that the first 5yrs are critical and if you go past it, the marriage will survive. A big fallacy! A lot of marriages are only surviving cos of kids involved. The common happening now is called 'grey divorce" where old couples divorce after 30 - 40yrs of marriage - the kids are groun up and married, so the old couple are by themselves again and now discover they have nothing in common- they don't speak to each other or are intimate.
DeleteHmmmm my dear. If it wasn't so from the beginning, please go into prayers.
ReplyDeleteMaybe someone somewhere did something...
You can also separate for the time being.
Mental health is necessary ooo. Protect yours.
Marriage no be doo or d.ie
Both of you should relax
ReplyDeleteIf the relationship was beautiful why has the marriage changed into something else?
ReplyDeleteIt appears as if neither of you understand that marriage requires submission first with both of you submitting to God and secondly with each of you submitting to each other. If respect is fading you need to build it back. Not everytime No, sometimes say ok let’s do it your way, sometimes I never looked at it from that point of view, or no matter how it is done it will be right because we are doing it together and two is stronger than one. Submission is protective because nobody has the right answer all of the time.
As for your miscarriages that is very hard to deal with and I can’t even imagine the pain, I wish it had been easy for both of you. Forget about conceiving for a while and just reconnect with each other. Go back on dates, do the cute things that you used to do. Having a child does not keep a marriage together, connection does, so prioritize each other because if the foundation isn’t strong nothing you build on it will hold. Both of you are that foundation.
please read this over and over again.
DeletePoster, take this advice.
DeleteAll the best.
Invite God ......
ReplyDeleteBoth of you should pray together,
Eat together ( dnt sparate plates) spend more time together, infact learn new xxx position.... have a heart to heart talk at night after discussion make una knack better knack again.
Staying worrried might make it difficult to concieve ok? Again involve God and draw strength from him....
Goodluck
poster read this too.
DeleteMan getting hormonal imbalance? First time I'm hearing about that.
ReplyDeleteYour issue OP lies in your last paragraph. Why do you guys have to disagree a lot? Your clashing of egos, obstinacy in views and opinions is the reason why your home is where it is. You argue just the way you write because your communication skills are poorly developed. Conflict is certain.
Marriage is not for children and obviously you and your husband are still mentally immature to be in marriage. The best solution is you and your husband to separate for a while until one of you develops the required level and degree of maturity needed for marriage.
hormonal imbalance is not only for women, men too experience same. Factors like age, stress, fatigue, drugs, alcohol, some illness or chronic illness can throw a man's hormonal imbalance. That is why when a couple are still in the waiting room, both should be tested to eb sure where the challenge is coming from.
DeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteCome and take some sugar hugs and I am sorry about your miscarriages.....Please relax...This is the early stage of marriage.....The underlining factor here is stress and you need to give yourselves some grace....I know you want to conceive and have your children in earnest however if you both keep having disagreements plus your husband's health challenges...How will conception happen? Everything starts from the mind.....
You both need to go back and revisit what brought you both together...Companionship is very important; yes children are a blessing from God but never underestimate companionship in marriage.....This is the time for both of you to respectfully and calmly iron out your differences while you both support each other in getting better healthwise.....Both of you have to agree and align now you want your kids...It takes 2 to tango...Let down pride, ego, stubbornness for the betterment of your union....
Have you both visited the doctor? If yes, go through the treatment process....I know it is very challenging for both of you and this early as well....But this is phase that will pass away and it will end in praise to God....
Don't give chance to the devil to disrupt what was joined in happiness and joy 2 years ago....Please go back to your honeymoon phase and love it each other....It is not too late....Wisdom and maturity is to allow things go, overlook & forgive each other.....Remember the vows you made to God and man....
I wish you all the best....May God restore peace in your home....
poster read this and apply them to your marriage, you will see changes.
DeleteMay God restore a lasting peace in your home and settle all your issues in Jesus' name.
ReplyDeleteAre you fighting each other ? Or are you both fighting the issue together. Think about it…
ReplyDeletethey are fighting each other instead working as a team to fight the issue at hand. God will give them wisdom on how to tolerate each other.
DeleteBoth of you should learn compromise, one of you should learn to overlook some things sometimes.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your miscarriage
Think well before you add a child to this
ReplyDeleteThis might be your chance to make a “clean” break
Both of you are only interested in making babies the reason you both are fighting each other, is marriage only for making babies, where is the place of love, patience, companionship? you and your husband need to take life easy, relax and enjoy each other before making babies. You keep on overstressing your body, mind. How will babies survive when you are not at peace with your husband?
ReplyDeleteAllow your body to heal, see the good in your husband, you both should stay together in love, stop argument here and there. Children will come when you both have peace within you, too much stress is not good for any marriage. You need to lay low and avoid what is causing argument or fight with your husband, in a short time you two will be okay.
Poster, find a way to make peace reign in your marriage, Before you bring a child into it,Cause you might end up having a child soon and the both of you are still at this point of not having each other's back. You need to think fast, is your marriage salvageable? If yes, Work on it now Before an innocent child gets in the mix. Then you would be full of regrets.
ReplyDeletePls only married or divorced people should be giving advice on marital issues. How can you be a marriage counsellor when you haven't been married? Doesn't make sense to me - experience is the best teacher in marital issues. So single ladies and bachelors back out from marital chronicles
ReplyDeleteWho the hell are you to ask single ladies and bachelor's to back off Chronicles? Just imagine this comment!
DeleteFrom chronicles we've read so far here, alot of married couples do not even have sense.
This mentality of yours is why some of you do not know your left from right and are stuck in bad marriages.
Your single friends will give you great advice, you will not take it cos you feel they are not married and so should not be advising you. Mtceeeeeeeew.
If a male doctor can be found fit to be a gynaecologist then any darn thing on this planet is possible.
DeletePoster take a deep breath and calm down
ReplyDeleteFirst, TTC does a number on marriages. Both of you should calm down and remember that you are not each other’s enemies, rather the issue at hand is the enemy. Have you been to a good gynecologist to ascertain the cause of your recurrent miscarriages? Ask to be screened for Antiphospholipid syndrome and other autoimmune diseases.
Are you under pressure from any of your family members to conceive? You both will have to tune them out and face your issues by yourselves.
I was in your shoes but I wasn’t even taking in at all, infact I discovered I was pregnant on the day I was about to start IVF. I had done intrauterine insemination twice prior to that and it didn’t work. Now that the kids are here, I wish I had spent the waiting period doing other things instead of worrying.
Two,.. the first few years of marriage can be hard for a lot of people. That’s because you are still learning each other and trying to merge your different ways of life. I must confess, earlier this year I was considering divorce because like you, our disagreements were just too much and my husband has an ugly style of disagreement, he says really hurtful stuff and that’s not my style at all. But right now I look back and think thank God I didn’t immediately jump to divorce.
So i think that, as long as you know for sure that your husband is not emotionally abusive towards you, not financially abusive, he’s not womanizing, and is not violent, it’s worth it to calm down and give your marriage a chance. Learn to brush things off, you don’t have to reply everything he says, sometimes just agree with him. He should do the same for you, ideally. Pray to God that he helps you let go of resentment. With time things will settle and you will start to enjoy your marriage.
One more thing, sometimes have sex without expecting that it will lead to conception. I know that’s hard to do while TTCing but sex does help to bond a couple.
I really wish you the best with everything.
Hugs poster.
ReplyDeletePray
Do not underestimate the power of praying. Praying brings clarity and peace. Go to God. If its something that can be worked he would let you know.
Marriage. If you enter, you no go understand. Please see a therapist. I believe it might help
ReplyDelete