Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HUBBY HAS MARRIED HIS SIDE CHIC
My husband told me after we had an argument about another girl he was dating..... He said that the lady is coming as second wife and she's pregnant and about to give birth.
After my findings I discovered it's 2weeks left before she gave birth. He told me to use the rest room if I wanna cry.
My second child was just 3months old then.
This is somebody we’ve been together for 10years and hardly have issues. I am even depressed, he also told me that he will be passing two days in a week with her.....He and his family didn't introduce us together, and we have never seen each other and we never met even till now that she put to bed...
My husband has now rented an apartment for her not far from our area, family members and in-laws are now telling me to go and greet her and accept her, please I'm losing my mind,i need your advice.
WTF!!!!...To go and greet her and accept her that what?......He is supposed to bring her to you to do the introductions and then you will accept her and welcome her into the family.....Dont you dare go to her house!
Please there is no need to be depressed.....Look for something doing and focus on your kids....I hope that you have something doing and not financially dependent on him?....Its the audacity to marry his pregnant sidechic and tell you to go and cry in the bathroom...wicked man!!!!
If it is me, with that comment, I will check out of that marriage socially, emotionally, gbenshingly and otherwise, i will only be present physically.....GOSH I AM SO PISSED!!!
Omo!😳 wetin be dis?
ReplyDeleteYour husband is WICKED. WTF!!! He only told you about her, because she is pregnant. Poster, I know it is hard o, but do not focus on that. FOCUS on yourself, and your kids. As per you going to greet her, DON'T.
ReplyDeletePoster are you a Muslim? Even at that he didn’t do it the right way.
ReplyDeleteThat man is very selfish so I will advise you never forgive him cos he will definitely come around. I just hope you are not financially dependent on him but if you are, plan and render him poor. Make sure you bring him down he is so wicked and deserves to suffer. Ekwensu
I do not know what to tell you because I am from a different nationality and culture where there is no official polygamy, it’s one husband and one wife. If polygamy is legal in Nigeria and acceptable to most, then I feel like every woman who gets married should be aware of the potential for polygamy to enter the picture.
ReplyDeleteYour story highlights that the length of time you have known someone is not a protective factor in anything. Now, it feels like he got the second wife not just for himself but to hurt you. The words he spoke in anger feels malicious to me. Seems like it was a power move on his part to get back at you. Focus on your peace and do your best to stop thinking about it. The quicker you accept it the better you will be to get to a place of being unbothered. No, you did not sign up for it but it has entered your marriage. Do as Stella said with the meeting thing, I wouldn’t go to meet her either, if this is not traditional practice then do not do it, she can come meet you after the birth of her child.
Divorce him ASAP.
ReplyDeleteBiggest Disrespect.
ReplyDeleteWicked family. If it were their daughter will they tell her to accept the said woman. I think every woman should behave like may.if you accept rubbish they will keep feeding you rubbish. Imagine the hight of disrespect and disregard. There is nothing like If you leave your house the other woman has won. You have to divorce him
ReplyDeleteIf you accept rubbish, they will multiply it.
DeletePoster you deserve better. Wipe your tears and lock up. Think with your head and not emotions. You might have kids for him and might need the financial support for now and his presence in the kids life.
Focus on how to maximise that, while you start building your financial independence and improving yourself.
.have a five years plan of what you wanna achieve and where you wanna be
Don't go visiting the lady. If anything happens to her or child. , fingers will be pointed at you.
If he eventually brings her or she comes around, say very few words and mind your biz.
Then, face your focus squarely.(Now you know he doesn't have your back, and you both ain't a team)
What we read daily and what women go through daily. It's well with you poster. Can you leave there for a while, for your sanity.
ReplyDeleteWahala.pls take it easy.
ReplyDeleteDon't go and greet her. Just focus on you and your children, you have no business with the other woman.
ReplyDeleteIt is well sha! Because ehn…
ReplyDeletewhat your husband did is terrible but for me the deed has already been done nothing to get yourself depressed as your husband is not interested on how you feel or the out come of his actions towards you two. I will say you should just concentrate on your children, your business or job, get more education, focus on making money, make yourself happy, try and hang out with friends so that you will not leave your children motherless.
ReplyDeleteNo need to get depress or think of crying because if just a man. Your children should very important to you than anything. Never you go anywhere to go and greet any woman or welcome anyone. Your husband was supposed to bring her to come and greet you, then you can welcome her into the family. Since he did not do so, just face front and allow her be. She knows there was a wife before her but never tot is necessary to come see you and ask for your blessings. Just focus and forget about her. Make sure you do not sit with anyone to talk about the whole story just focus on your children.
What did your family say
ReplyDeletePls go and greet her don't take Stella's advice because when you're sent out with 2kids in nigerian economy highest she'll give you is 300k. Stay there let him be paying school fees and feeding when you're stronger financially you can leave . Pele dear it is well with you
ReplyDeleteYour husband didn't do well at all. So unfair. Don't let them see your tears. Move on if you can and don't give them any attention
ReplyDeleteYour husband didn't do well at all. So unfair. Don't let them see your tears. Move on if you can and don't give them any attention
ReplyDeleteYa Horseback is Wicked ooo
ReplyDeletePlease Dnt Be Depressed ooo
Life Goes On My Darling
Try As Much As Possible To Look For Something That Will Keep You Busy Please
It Is Well
Hello iya Boys
Poster, I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this. That can’t be easy. She is the new wife, and it’s actually your husband’s responsibility to handle proper introductions between you both. If he didn’t do that, then that’s on him, not you. The next time his family asks you to go visit her, calmly say that it’s your husband’s place to introduce everyone properly, and until he does that, you’d rather step back. There’s nothing wrong with protecting your dignity.
ReplyDeleteIf I were in your shoes, I would honestly shift my focus to myself and my children. Not out of spite, but for my own peace. Pour your energy into building yourself emotionally, financially, and mentally. Let your silence and growth speak for you instead of arguments.
I also wouldn’t advise you to rush to leave if you’re not financially ready. Big decisions should be made from a place of strength, not pain. Prepare yourself first. Secure your stability.
But I won’t lie, from what you’ve described, it does sound like neither your husband nor his family treated you with the respect you deserve. And you deserve to be valued, considered, and honored in your own home. One more thing, if na me I no ge let that man touch me again o, walahi!
But who are these men with zero empathy like this?
ReplyDeleteThe problem is not just about him marrying the pregnant side-chick but the disrespect, the secrecy, even timing( having a 3 month old baby then). And also the cruelty of telling you to use the restroom to cry.🙆♀️ Even religions that permit polygamy do not do it this way. He did not prepare you emotionally,
discuss it respectfully,
take responsibility nor
show empathy. No seeking of consent, no structure, nothing. So sad.
And who are those telling you to go greet the other woman? As how now?
You are not obligated to perform acceptance to make everyone comfortable please. In fact, you have no business with her. Right now your only job is to protect your mental health,
protect your children and think what next.
Leaving or staying is entirely up to you but ask yourself these questions;
Can I genuinely live in polygamy?
Can I emotionally survive him sharing himself weekly like he said?
Will resentment poison me slowly?
If I stay, what are my conditions?
If I leave, what is my plan?
I really hope you're not financially dependent on him. Because my dear,,you need that financially power now.
Him and the family members asking you to go and greet her are wicked. What a height of insensitivity, unreasonableness and selfishness,
ReplyDeleteBased on your chronicle, the probability that you are a Muslim is high. If so you are supposed to be expectant of co wives.
ReplyDeleteEven so, your husband is the one that is expected to bring her to you introduce her to you. In African tradition she's to come to you and not the other way round.
Now you had known who your husband is, live at peace in your marriage and live. Thank God he didn't bring her home to be living under the same roof .
She’s Christian
DeleteYoruba guys do this too
Muslim ladies better marry Christian man
Was Yul a muslim man when he did what he did? Abi George Akume too na muslim man? When he married zainab and left his wife to be writing dogon turanci on social media?
DeleteChai! But na wa o.
ReplyDeletePlease, don't go to her house.
Your husband is a very mean man. Try and focus on self upgrading not wallow in self pity.
ReplyDeleteYour husband and his family do not rate you one bit!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat did i just read????
Do whatever you will oh, because it is obvious you have no plans to leave that sham.
Stella she's not financially dependent on him ke? I can bet she is, because what in the name of audacity is this??
ReplyDeleteIf you didn't wrong him that drove him away to find a side chick, there will always be a part B to your situation. Heed the advice of many not to be depressed. Find something doing that can sustain you should you elect to leave. If you want to stay, act like she doesn't exist and be very prayerful. God answers prayers.
ReplyDeleteSome Nigerian men and their ideologies about marriage. You just think of something and shove your ideas to your spouse and expect her to take it. So sad
ReplyDeletefamily members and in-laws are now telling me …
ReplyDeleteHe didn’t introduce her to you. He didn’t tell you to go there
Better don’t go before he brings her into the house
As you seem unable to leave him, just mind your business and plan your exit
"Poster, you don't need to go through that phase of depression or pain. The only way to retaliate is to rise above it: dust yourself off, focus on yourself, your children, and your business/job. Transform yourself, look good, and if you want to continue with the marriage, avoid your husband. Don't have a talk or fight with him, and see the outcome of your actions."
ReplyDeleteReally wicked of him. I don't know what your religion or culture is, but he should have let you know on time instead of taking you unaware
ReplyDeleteThe thing is that most of Nigerian men will continue dishing sh*t as long as Nigerian women continue to chop it, because tell me why you will still be calling her your husband and not so-called husband for all the shege banza you've seen from him.
ReplyDeleteYou don't need to be depressed, just focus on anything that will make you happy, that's why I always tell women to love with their brains and not hearts so that if sh*t hits the fan, it will be easier to move on, no dulling.
Hello Poster,
ReplyDeleteLet me be very clear. The deepest injury you’re facing is not apparent polygamy but contempt.
A man who tells his wife of ten years, with a three-month-old baby, to “use the restroom if you want to cry” is asserting dominance. He is signalling that your pain is irrelevant but his happiness is. That's what the real problem is.
This was thoughtfully planned. The pregnancy is full term. The apartment is secured. The family is mobilised. You were informed last. That tells you your current position in that structure.
Do not go to greet anyone. Not out of pride. Out of self-respect. Proper introductions are his responsibility. If he cannot carry that burden, you should not carry the humiliation however he portrays it.
You'll have to step back from emotion ask yourself one hard question: can you live in a marriage where you are structurally tertiary in decision-making? If yes, negotiate terms and protect your financial and emotional stability. If no, begin preparing quietly and intelligently.
Depression will not solve your present predicament, being strategic will. Your children need a stable mother, not a broken one. Regain your footing. Then decide from strength, not from the shock of the moment.
Wicked man indeed.
DeleteBV Official prestige