ADVICE NEEDED
I have been dating a man for about two years, yet I still do not know where he lives. I am forty two and single. He is fifty, divorced, and has a teenage child. He usually visits me because I live alone. I care about him, and I have always hoped we would settle down together.
I want marriage and I want to have my own child.
The main problem is that he refuses to let me know where he lives.
At first I did not worry about it, but as time passed, I realised that two years is too long to be with someone and still not know their home. He insists he is not hiding anything. He keeps telling me to be patient, that he wants to move out of his current apartment, and that once he gets a new place, I will know where he lives. He also says he does not want to bring a woman to his house until he relocates.
When I asked him when he plans to rent another place, he said he does not know because he does not have the money yet.
We even broke up briefly last year because it felt like he would rather end the relationship than let me know his address. We later reconciled, but the same issue has come up again.
I told him I no longer want him to come to my house until I know where he lives. This is someone who enters my home anytime he wants, even when I am not around, when I am at work, or when I am travelling.
I feel like he is using me.
When I asked him when he plans to rent another place, he said he does not know because he does not have the money yet.
We even broke up briefly last year because it felt like he would rather end the relationship than let me know his address. We later reconciled, but the same issue has come up again.
I told him I no longer want him to come to my house until I know where he lives. This is someone who enters my home anytime he wants, even when I am not around, when I am at work, or when I am travelling.
I feel like he is using me.
Since we reconciled, we have only been talking on the phone. Now he has stopped talking to me completely because I refused to let him come to my house. He said he will stay on his own until further notice.
Honestly, I do not care that he is not speaking to me. I do not want anyone playing with my mind at my age.
Please BVs, I need your honest opinion. Am I overreacting?
You are not overreacting at all. in fact you are finally reacting correctly.
A man who hides his home for two years is hiding more than an address...You did right to treat his fcuk up!
Your boundary and decision are very valid.
Honestly, I do not care that he is not speaking to me. I do not want anyone playing with my mind at my age.
Please BVs, I need your honest opinion. Am I overreacting?
You are not overreacting at all. in fact you are finally reacting correctly.
A man who hides his home for two years is hiding more than an address...You did right to treat his fcuk up!
Your boundary and decision are very valid.
Do you knw what i think? his silencestance is very manipulative and you need to be strong and let your NO be NO!!!.
Remember that your peace and emotional safety matter more than his silly excuses.
Remember that your peace and emotional safety matter more than his silly excuses.
Poster you are not overreacting. He is likely still leaving peacefully with his wife and children. Please don't go back to him, he is a user.
ReplyDeleteNa married man my sister .
ReplyDeleteWomen. Nawa o. You have already done the right thing and still asking if you over reacted? 😁
ReplyDeleteAt her age. I thought they said white hair brings maturity???
DeleteDated someone and you don't know where he lives? FOR TWO YEARS.
Na only ode fit tell me that kind thing.
What if he's a murderer or ritualist?
You women sha, you fling your brains faster than you fling your panties.
Mummy, listen up: Daddy is married. He is only using you as toothpick.
I hope you were not spending on him as well apart, from your genital meet and greet.
Divorced ko, migwo ni...
You better end that thing. He has access to your place, but you don't know where he lives. And he claims he is not hiding anything. 2years is a long time.to waste.
ReplyDeleteHe might be a ghost you never can tell or he's not actually a divorcee, he's married and living with his wife and children.
ReplyDeleteExactly 💯
DeleteYou're right
DeleteHe might be a ghost you never can tell or he's not actually a divorcee, he's married and living with his wife and children.
ReplyDeleteI think women can learn a thing or 2 about how men behave; he stood his ground & didn’t mind if the relationship ended…
ReplyDeleteSweetie,
ReplyDeleteYou’re not overreacting. In fact, you reacted too late. You made him feel too comfortable playing games and manipulating you. I’m glad you’ve come to your senses now. A man shouldn’t be the one always coming to your place. It should be the other way around. If I’m guessing right, he was even sleeping with you in your house. That shouldn’t have happened.
I think there’s more to this. And let’s be honest, there’s no marriage plan here for you. He’s just using you for sexual satisfaction. The red flags were right in front of you, but you chose not to see them for what they were. Cut him off completely. Even if he now decides to take you to his place, don’t go back. Hope for a better man to find you. And please don’t be desperate for a man, or you’ll settle for anything.
Move on. Count your losses and heal.
©️ TEEJAY
Thank you Teejay. Thank God he has stopped communicating with her on his own will. It is left for her to make sure he is not welcomed in again
DeleteThank you Teejay. Thank God he has stopped communicating with her on his own will. It is left for her to make sure he is not welcomed in again
DeleteLet that further notice become permanent. You need to block that man from your life
ReplyDeleteReading just the first paragraph alone is enough to tell you that he has a family.
ReplyDeletePlease run away from him, and don"t be desperate for him.
God will give you another Man that will cherish and love you.
Age has nothing to do in the ight of God.
DOZZYBEST.
That man is still MARRIED and his wife lives with him. This is the only logical explanation to why he would rather break up with you than tale you to his house.
ReplyDeleteAnd NO, you didn't over react, allow him go,do not reach out to him,I am happy you are busy, let him go Darling,your own man will come soon.
Regards....
Take you.
ReplyDeleteSister you're just his free lunch. Stop allowing him to your home. You're not running a brothel. Dear single ladies, stop bringing men to your house , especially if you live alone . E get why!
ReplyDeleteYou are not overreacting poster, please end the relationship asap.
ReplyDeleteHe’s still ‘happily’ married!
ReplyDeleteHe is not divorced. His wife is seating gidigba with him. You are his side chic. He is using your house as a brotel. Anytime he needs to relax and run away from house wahala, he comes to your house for free food, free acomodationa and free sxx.. You are the only one in this relationship.
ReplyDeleteAGBAYA IS VERY MARRIED
ReplyDeleteI don't know my you women are often so daft. That's why your nem don't respect you lot. Would he have dated you for 2 years without knowing where you lived???? Use your brain for God sake!!!! How are you so sure the man is actually divorced? Have you gone online to check???
ReplyDeleteWhat evidence do you have that he is who is claims to be? How are you sure he is 50? Do you even know who you are dating? Who are his friends and family? Two whole years and you are asking mumu questions. Embarrassing.
Please let him go and move on..
ReplyDeleteHe has a live in lover, or wife.
ReplyDeleteMy dear you did the right thing. A man should act like a man not to talk of a man that is already 50. What is he hiding? Because, there is something..
ReplyDeleteAre you really sure that he's divorced? Because, it's not adding up. No matter how broke he is, for someone that claims to love you, knowing his place of living is the first thing he would have done. He seems like a user. Maybe you're a rich lady and he is there for what he can get. The earlier you move on and forget about him, the better. I pray that God sends you a genuine man that you can call your own because, you sound like someone that knows what she wants.
God bless and I'm wishing you all the best
You did the right thing.There is something he"s hiding.Stay away from him.
ReplyDeleteNo, you're not overreacting. You're actually underreacting. A 50-year-old man who has dated you for two years but refuses to let you know where he lives is hiding something. It may not even be another woman, it could be financial problems, family issues, or something else, but whatever it is, he's choosing secrecy over transparency. That's not how someone behaves when they're building a future with you.
ReplyDeleteThe whole thing is not balance- he has unrestricted access to your home, knows where you live, can come and go as he pleases, yet you don't even know his address. That's not a balanced relationship. His excuses don't add up. If he's embarrassed about his apartment, he could simply tell you that. If he can't afford to move, that's understandable. But neither of those explains why you can't know where he currently lives. Someone who genuinely intends to marry you doesn't keep basic information like their address a secret for two years.
The fact that he stopped talking to you because you set one reasonable boundary is another red flag. Instead of addressing your concern, he chose silence. That looks more like manipulation than love. At 42, with marriage and having a child being important goals, you don't have the luxury of time waiting indefinitely for someone who won't even meet the minimum standard of openness. Your boundary was fair: "If you know where I live and have access to my home, I should know where you live too." That's common sense, not control. Leave him if he doesn't want to talk to you, just let the were go!
Young woman can you just block that man and.move on with your life. You know he is not ready for anything serious
ReplyDeleteThis is another example of' love is blind' poster I don't understand why you can't see clearly that you are being used and manipulated?
ReplyDeleteOh, well, we learn from our mistakes anyways. I pray you don't grow grey hair before you can see the handwriting on the wall .
Poster, please move on and leave that criminal.he dose not have the money now,hope you're not planning of giving him money? Love is wicked I swear.
ReplyDelete