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Friday, September 17, 2021

Chronicle Of Visitor Narrative

 Hmmm....




STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

CONFUSED



I am a married woman, with a child.

My Marriage has been really rocky. Quarrels every now and then. What basically causes the problems is our differences, we just don’t understand each other, it wasn’t so visible during dating...although we did not date for long....but being married, it has been from one issue to the other right from a week after our wedding.

I have always contemplated leaving, but I am yet to be fully independent...I’m working very hard on this part.

Sometime this year, I found out he has been cheating (I was not surprised, but I was heart-broken) my discovery strengthened my resolve to leave the union.

In the process of nursing my heartbreak, I reconnected with an ex, we got talking and he helped me heal ...I did not tell him what I was going through at the time...I was just enjoying the attention he was showing me.

I should state that I did not tell my husband about his cheating, I held all the emotions back, it was a very difficult period for me because I am usually the outspoken type.

The cause of our issues is from our background, he comes from a family where women should suffer in silence...this I found out after marriage...while I come from a family where women have a say.

My ex is not based in the country where me and my husband reside, we just communicate on phone, he says he misses me and would want us to meet when he is in town.
I should also state that my ex was married but divorced.

I would not deny my having feelings for my ex, and I also do not want to believe in a fairytale ending, I am just confused.





* I dont understand.. Your man cheated and you cheated back to complete the equation and now you are confused? What kind of advice are you asking for? You want to continue cheating with your ex or you want to dump your man and go to your ex?

If you want to leave your man and go to your ex, please do the right thing and stop using the  ''he cheated and i cheated back '' as excuse.

50 comments:

  1. Human beings are just so unpredictable sometimes and in this your particular case,it is an eye for an eye kinda is

    It be nice you pull through with what's running through your mind joor..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Madam don't mind Stella. Two can very well play that game. Stupidly cannot be monopolized by one gender.

      Delete
    2. Side eyes at u poster. I think your feelings for your ex is making you reach breaking points with your husband, and not want to work things out. Know this now that, "the grass is not always greener on the other side" although it can be too. If u were divorced and now seeing your ex, I would say you are using a clear head, but now I think your senses are clouded by false hopes. You need to be careful, let me ask you a question, are you 100% certain this your ex would have you should you leave? If your marriage is not working, leave the marriage, and then you can decide what you want to do, keep the communication with your ex if you are sure he loves you and you don't want your marriage anymore. People say things they don't mean, that your ex might want u now cos you are not his, don't be surprised he might stop taking your calls after u have dumped your husband.

      Delete
    3. I agree with you Tiana. Poster you reconnected with your ex at your low moment so your judgement might be clouded.
      First, let your husband know you are aware he cheated, stop 'tighting' it to your chest. Afterwards, have a sit down conversation with him and tell him how you feel, that you are tired and on the verge of separating from him. Gauge his response and reaction. If he is willing to do right, then stay and give him time to change. If he isn't, you can then make your choice.
      In all these, I think you need to stay away from your ex.
      Don't separate from your husband solely because of your ex before dem serve you breakfast reloaded.
      If you are eventually going to separate from your hubby, do it because you have exhausted your options, and don't get entangled with that your ex or any man immediately, take your time before jumping into another relationship.

      Delete
    4. "we got talking and he helped me heal ..."๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…

      Delete
  2. Your ex is making u feel wanted. Bear this in mind, your ex wanna lash you whenever he is in town, if you lose guard, you will collect dick, and he will go away. Remember you are not d only woman ur ex is flirting with, if u leave your marriage coz of this ex, hahahahahahahahaaa... ewooo.. you won't like it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've seen someone that left her husband with 2 kids because of irreconcilable differences and later settled with her divorced ex, this is their 5th year wedding and she will always tell whosoever that wishes to listen that the best decision she made was to leave her marriage then. I'm not saying hers will be just like this, but I've seen ex coming together and it works



      *Larry was here*

      Delete
    2. Larry your head de dia.

      Madam, please let him know you found out he is cheating. Enjoy the attention and protect your sanity. If it ever gets to the point where you want the dick nko? Make sure you collect it without apologies or regret. If your mind no carry am, don't do it. And if he makes sense and offers marriage, dump the fool like hot potato! This is 2021! Enough is enough!!

      Delete
    3. Me I have made up my mind,after marriage I and my wife will disconnect from all our ex's period.

      Delete
  3. Poster I will advice you to just take things easy now. all these is a phase and it shall pass. pray to God, ask for forgiveness, block your ex from reaching you and end all the communication between you guys. face your marriage and pray.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Please there is no perfect man or marriage. Tread carefully okay

    ReplyDelete
  5. Do not cheat cos your hubby is cheating. That’s on him.
    If you feel you don’t want the marriage anymore, get a divorce and be free to do whatever you want.
    Do not go with the tag of an adulterous woman”

    ReplyDelete
  6. Poster,
    You see why I said your partners will be sending their own part of story to enable us judge the matter well.

    Just see the way you painted your husband bad, just to justify your cheating ass.

    It is very obvious from your chronicle that you are a cheating, nagging and stubborn wife without any atom of respect for her husband.

    You came from a family where ladies fight their husbands.

    You ain't raised up properly and that's why your marriage is in a mess.

    I pity your husband, because only God knows how much you have abused that man verbally and call it being outspoken.

    Your character stinks so much that one can read that from your chronicle.


    You came from a family where "women have say" but don't have financial stability to take care of just one kid.

    Go and fuck your married ex and stop seeking validation from the blog.

    Own up your shit with your full chest... You are a lying cheating ass nagging troublesome "WiFi" connected to all niggas for sex

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you high today? Or somebody make ya vex you come pour am on poster

      Delete
    2. Chike I'm tempted to stand with your analysis of the poster's character. I think I will uphold it as true.

      However, poster please take a step backwards and assess your marriage.

      Are you sure you were truthful to your now husband during your courtship?

      It seems to me like you presented him with a false personality during your courtship, then after wedding you let loose your true colours of Ms Independent.

      Trash those extreme ideologies you picked from your upbringing and try to meet your husband halfway.

      Make a decision in your marriage that the first solution is not divorce (especially when there is no dv or extreme case of unfaithfulness?). Imbibe this ideology first, then you can begin to see things rationally instead of from emotions.

      Lack of emotional discipline is what I see all over your story.



      Delete
    3. See how u twisted the whole narrative.. please take some rest you sound stressed haba!!

      Delete
    4. Hmmm...Chike has scattered all my anger and support with his angle of view.

      Delete
    5. Goodyflexy,
      Merryment and
      Anon 15:57

      Let me ask 3 of you, so you want poster to leave a man that love her to the extent of marrying her and making her the mother of his kid to go and follow an ex who dumped her and married another lady and still divorced the lady?

      If the ex is a full package of husband material, why did he dump poster in the 1st place and still divorced his wife?

      3 of you should ask yourselves these simple logical questions and get answers that will help you advise the poster well.



      A lady will divorce her husband because he is cheating and she will start dating a married man or boyfriend who is cheating on his wife/girlfriend with her.


      Let's start telling ourselves the simple Truth about life.


      If you want to sin, please sin with your full chest and not coming here to seek for our support.

      Delete
    6. Thank you for saving me of writing long epistle. this chronicle poster only came up with "I came from a family where ladies speak up" so she will have support , I thinking she frustrated her husband into cheating and now she want to reciprocate. I mean she said she was not surprised he cheated, she was only hurt. woman the grass is not always greener at the other side and in this your case, I'm not sure their is any grass on that side you are looking at. your ex will chop you and clean mouth....

      Delete
    7. Until we the association of men in this blog also hear the husband's perspective, no response from here.

      Delete
  7. You are playing with fire, moving from frying pan to fire. if you are not happy in your marriage, it it better you move up with your life instead of playing games with your ex

    ReplyDelete
  8. Stella, She has not cheated yet oh, but planning to.
    Poster Hmm, why don't you try every possible option to work on your marriage before moving out, except if cheating is your deal breaker.
    But don't cheat on him while married to him oh, if not, there will be no difference between the two of you.

    God's grace

    ReplyDelete
  9. You saw this gully/well called confusion and jumped into it and begin to shout? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
    If you have a marital problem/challenge, talk to your spouse; dialogue resolves a lot.
    But if you decided to do tit for tat, then face the consequences; guilt, confusion, pregnancy and
    temptation to abort or pass it to your husband. Yes, that dude "seeing you when he comes to town" is to
    have sex, adultery, that is what is in the offing. And that will give you more heartbreak and confusion
    and of course, remember hell; yes, eternity. For God will judge the adulterers and all sexually immoral.
    You should better face your marriage and call Jesus to fix what is wrong there than jumping into darkness.
    ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—

    ReplyDelete
  10. So what is the essence of your chronicle; for us to support you in sexual immorality? Something you never even discussed with "the accused?" Even if
    you have irrefutable evidence, the way forward is not to commit adultery. If you cannot take it anymore and cannot forgive him then leave but do not pay
    back "presumed evil" for evil.
    You cannot come to God with eyes full of adultery, and a stinking soul after committing a willful sin and expect him not to chastise you if you
    are repentant. Please cut off all contacts with your ex...
    Have a time of soul-searching in the Bible and prayers and decide what you want to do. But your ex isn't the solution. Every feeling you have
    got now is due to vengeance. There is a reason why he is an ex and not a present feature in your life in marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Try and work on your marriage and don't be deceived by your ex,there is a reason he is an ex.
    Focus on making yourself independent and focus on your child.
    Marriage is not an easy walk in the park especially for couples who don't understand themselves.
    Work on yourself and make money, and see what you can achieve alone.
    FORGET YOUR EX.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you jare. I was about tying the same thing. Dear poster, your ex became an ex for a reason. Marriage involves learning to manage differences.. Find a way to work on yours. Women might not have a say in husband's family but how do women have their say in your family? No let ant ex deceive you. His wife divorced him for a reason so oga mr lover man aint perfect. You and your husband should see a marriage counsellor

      Delete
  12. If you don’t want to be in your marriage anymore,leave.The court will grant a divorce based on infidelity ASAP but don’t cheat before you do.You are already cheating emotionally sef but before it becomes physical,leave that marriage and then you can do decide what you want to do with your ex with a clear mind and conscience.Two wrongs don’t always make it right.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Okoafor's law about t happen

    ReplyDelete
  14. Why is he your ex? What changed

    ReplyDelete
  15. This is why I don't believe in staying friends with EX in thr name of being mature. When you marry you should end every lingering relationship with the opposite sex to avoid stories that touch. Block them if need be. Not out of spite or anger or I better pass you, but to avoid temptation. Poster be patient with your hubby and respectful to him. Avoid that Mr.ex, he is divorced and horny, you know this. Avoid emotional cheating. May God grant you grace to overcome this temptation.

    ReplyDelete
  16. If u are no longer happy in that marriage, pls divorce and return home and then if you feel u want to pursue a relationship with ur ex after then, by all means, do.

    Who knows if that is where u will finally find a fulfilling marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eka talks like a perfect babe. Is cos you marry and stay abroad? Naija situation has a way of creating issues in a marriage.

      Delete
  17. Madam if you are tired of your partner especially the cheating part, leave the marriage. Don't cheat back. As for your ex, cut off from him as long as you are still married, he will want to sleep with you.
    Cheating is a deal breaker for me, I don't know about you but I will never cheat on my husband even if I catch him red handed, instead I will leave. Before anyone comes here to tell me all men cheat and so the next man will cheat, marriage is not all there is to my life. It is not by force to remarry. Y'all assume all women who leave their husbands want to marry again. Not all abeg, especially if one has kids already.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gbam๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ‘Œ. Well said....not all women wish to marry again ooo biko.

      Delete
  18. Poster instead of you to cheat in your marriage with your ex when he comes back and committees adultry, just divorce your cheating husband and be free

    ReplyDelete
  19. Poster,try to sought things out with your husband
    Try to communicate with each other, he is your husband and therefore you should Accord him with respect.
    Background issues is really dealing with you!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Poster, the grass is not always greener on the other side.

    I married a man from a family that sees their women as slave. My husband is different though maybe because he found Christ. Like the woman should always bow because she's a wife. I used to argue initially but I have pressed the ignore button. I no send any of them again. I only send messages on birthdays. They too only does on birthdays.

    I will advise you work on your marriage. For your peace of mind, ignore somethings. Marriage is between two different people from different backgrounds and culture. Don't force your beliefs on him.

    Your ex is only coming at your vulnerable self. He might smash you and that will be it. You will hate yourself for life.

    Just work on your marriage and try and find a common ground.

    All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Madam do the one u want to do abi you're waiting for us to tell you to go ahead and do same.. you already know the answer to your chronicle

    ReplyDelete
  22. Your mind is made up already.. Goodluck

    ReplyDelete
  23. Enjoy whatever while it last...life is too short..just explore

    ReplyDelete
  24. Madam, I understand you very well.

    The problem you are having in your marriage is lack of communication and unforgiveness. Your husband did not meet your expectation, you felt bad and hurt. However, running into the arms of your ex wont solve the problem, believe me.

    If you are a Christian, I will advise you to seek the face of God. Get a godly counsellor and work on your marriage. Marriage is WORK, you have to WORK on your marriage. I wish you all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  25. You have your mind made up already, its clearly seen that you know what you want to do. These advises wont be useful. My dear follow your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Tell your ex to send you money to start a business or something

    ReplyDelete
  27. Like anon 17.15 said things are never greener on the other side. I love what Stella wrote up there.
    Abeg go back and look at your marriage well, I wish we could also get a response from your hubby cos this marriage things ehn get two sides.

    All the best in whatever decision you take, but please put your children into consideration before all other things

    ReplyDelete
  28. Please if you truly tired with your marriage, you can opt out by getting a divorce, sometimes, if the marriage is savagable, your husband might have a 360 degree turn around and become a better person and husband.

    Your situation is kinda serious because you don't have a financial muscle to take care of yourself and your child, why not try to improve your financial statues for now.
    I don't really know how serious your ex is, I mean the TRUE INTENTION he has for you.

    Does he want to have an affair with with or maybe he wants to help you stand? Abi hรฉ wants to marry you if leave this your present situationship?

    Weigh your options well before making up your mind.
    Here's wishing you wisdom and guidance.

    ReplyDelete
  29. It's clear that you don't love your husband anymore, please follow your heart don't let anybody discourage you afterall it's your life.

    ReplyDelete

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