HUSBAND WITH ENTITLEMENT MENTALITY
Hi Stella.
How does one keep covering up for a man that is ungrateful? I'm always there to cover his nakedness financially but you know what I get after bending over backwards? Complaints and more complaints. But if you see the way I sing his praises when he does even the barest minimum for the family, you will be shocked at how unappreciative he is of me.
I singlehandedly paid the rent because he didn't have. Instead of showing appreciation, this man told me he is disappointed that I couldn't save the rent once. Why did I pay it in installments? How hard is it to save rent? The things this man said to me broke me.
This is someone that has never singlehandedly paid the rent since we got married. I've always been the one to bring 60-70% of the rent.
I know how I looked before marriage. After marriage, I cut down on my expensive skin care and make up products so I can be there for him financially. He started complaining how I've let myself go. How he remembers before we got married how I was glowing. Because of all the stress I've been going through I got so dark and had pimples all over my face because I started using cheap toilet soap because I was saving money to be there for the family.
Is it when I go and buy foodstuff and stock up the house without asking him for a dime and the thank you I get is criticism and complains about what I bought or couldn't buy.
So many instances of ingratitude I can't say here for lack of space.
So I've decided to put me and my children first. I've stopped stocking up the house or doing anything extra. I just buy things for my children first. Then I focus on myself. If he gives me 10naira for food, I will cook food worth 10naira and serve him. He has been stylishly complaining about the drop in the quality of food. That one is not my business. I've bought all my skin care products for the first time in a very long while and I'm looking fresh again. I've bought new clothes and shoes for myself. I take myself out every now and then. I'm doing a birthday getaway. I've told him I'm not going the extra mile to again. He has even noticed that I've stopped. Any money I have when the time reaches for rent, I will give and he should find the rest.
He's saying I'm overreacting and I wash my hands off people too quickly. That it's wrong. So my question is; Am I overreacting?
No, you are not over reacting...Your decision is perfectly OK with his actions...I would have advised you to take the focus off him and concentrate on the kids and yourself and you are already doing that...he is a lazy and ungrateful man, let him go and work and provide fo his kids.......Do not ever be fooled into letting yourself back into his trap..Any extra money you have, pleae save it for a plan B.....
Men like him will soon resort to phyisical abuse once their verbal abuse has no effect again.
You are not over reacting. Good thing you have decided to put YOU first.
ReplyDeleteBehold! Another gee is already being roasted.
DeleteI can guarantee a thousand percent that this man has a serious side chick he is spending on. Please stop contributing to the rent. Face yourself and your kids. He needs a brain reset. Plus by not paying the rent you are allowing him to lead. Helping out some ego driven immature men is a double edged sword. They end up resenting you for making them feel inadequate. Allow him to take charge. Now is your time to start saving.
DeleteThank God you finally received sense. You are not overreacting. And never go back to your previous self.
DeleteNo, you are not over reacting.
ReplyDeleteNext time, let him handle the rents alone. I detest ungrateful people.
You are doing well, keep it up.
Make sure he doesn’t accompany you on that birthday getaway. Go with your kids.
Sluttychic.
Poster listen to this comment
DeleteLET HIM HANDLE THE RENT ALONE MOVING FORWARD.
You are too kind poster, why people always take advantage of kind people beats me, the only language they understand is wickedness, show them a lirru wickedness plus ogbanje attitude and their brains will realign
Gifty
Poster listen to this comment
DeleteLET HIM HANDLE THE RENT ALONE MOVING FORWARD.
You are too kind poster, why people always take advantage of kind people beats me, the only language they understand is wickedness, show them a lirru wickedness plus ogbanje attitude and their brains will realign
Gifty
Na there then go see this Gifty..
DeleteNa all these kind stories wey she go use support her behaviour she like..
Poster, na Una 2 dey live for the house, still support in the rent if he doesn't have, you're not doing him a favour in that, you're helping yourself and kid too..
However, don't bring a higher percentage, if he can't bring higher, then at least make Una share equally
Context matters a lot when telling a story. You acknowledged that he didn't have money to pay for the rent/house that both you and your children live so you assisted -that is partnership, marriage is built on that. Sorry that you feel unappreciated , seems he's unhappy and asking questions in anger to prove to you that it was also difficult for you to pay the rent on his behalf.
DeleteDuring difficult times tension rises and if not well managed couple tend to fight and drift apart, this is where FORGIVENESS becomes important. Words said in anger should not be held tightly if the union will survive.
Comments about your facial appearance may have hurt, thankfully you have started doing something about it. Our partner can give us feedback though it matters how they tell us.
You have already commenced the process of separation --reducing contribution to house expenditure and prioritizing yourself and the kids (no one will blame you especially because past efforts weren't reciprocated).
These are signs of a marriage in trouble...DO YOU WANT THIS UNION TO SURVIVE OR TO DIE?
Think, your actions will either help or hurt , are you prepared to train your children alone? Is he totally useless to you now? Is there any hope that the criticism and complaints can be remedied?
How do you want to be appreciated-is it possible you guys can discuss and reach a mutual understanding?
A cousin once narrated how his wife became condescending, rude and never passed up any opportunity to tell the whole world that he was broke and useless (when he lost his job). In the eyes of some of us, a man loses value/right to our submission once he can't provide, he ceased to have any rights to comment of what gives him displeasure in the home!
You don't need our validation to leave the marriage, unofficially you have started checking out, just waiting for the break point to physically leave.
Wishing you ✌️ and love
PCX
You have started a good thing baby feeding a grown man so why stopping now please continue more grace and God blessing ,I dont understand where women like you sees men like this, was it due to desperation to marry.
ReplyDeleteYou will still find a way to blame the woman..so the husband bad behaviour na desperation to marry na em cause am?
DeleteAfter they will ask what women bring to the table, this poster is the entire table yet what does she get in return? Learn to call out bad attitudes irrespective of gender.
DeleteNo you are not darling, just keep focusing on you and your kids, for the sake of your mental health
ReplyDeleteYou just have to be careful around him before he comes for you, people kill their spouse out of envy, be wise with how you choose to live going forward before he turns violent and frustrate your effort.
ReplyDeleteAfrican women dey marry sha, I don't understand how you sing the praises of someone that's not treating you right just because you want to pepper those that are not even interested in your life or even aware of how your man treats you, they watch you fool around on social media and get entertained.
I'm sorry, there seems to be nothing you can do to correct someone with such mindset, you will have to buckle up and plan properly because, you will be the one to train those children while he add penny or leave the burden on you.
Felicity
My sister you are not over reacting anything, you have really tried your best? Focus on your children and yourself for now..let him man up and continue his duty as a man..
ReplyDeleteYour decision and stance is perfect. Let him start acting the man in the home. No disrespect am o. Just dey look
ReplyDeleteNever take up a man’s responsibility he would resent you for it.
ReplyDeleteYou enabled him for long.
He may have even been funding one young girl on the side that sees him as her knight in shining armor.
Please what are a man's responsibilities in a marriage today?
DeleteJust as the Poster told of the wear and tear on her of fending for her family so it is on men who do the so called man's responsibilities stuff. They wear out. Men who are in that boat know how smooth and easy the rowing is.
How many women can cope with the so called "women's responsibilities" in a marriage today.
Here's not to support ingratitude as narrated by the Poster.
Marriage is an all round partnership in which both parties are rainmakers, grinders, and sharers of dividend s.
Anon 18:00 continue speaking grammar wear ko tear ni. When you marry your own go ahead n pay rent, school fees feeding and every expense. N see how he will still use his own personal funds to fund side chicks. Men are wired to be providers just like women are nurturers. You rub off his ego by doing those things and makes him feel less of a man n inadequate. Hence the resentment instead of the expected gratitude. Except it’s a momentary situation, maybe loss of job n business doing badly then you as a woman can support for the time being. If not. You are on your own.
DeleteNo dear u are not over reacting. Reminds me of myself. I did so many things to cover up for my husband and like u all I got were insults and criticism.
ReplyDeleteI have been married 23 year so take it from me dear, they never change. Good thing u are focusing on the kids and yourself. Don’t go out of ur way for him anymore . They are never appreciative. Always be prepared cos they are so insecure they can do anything. Mine stained my white completely. It takes the grace of God for them to change. It’s not easy emotionally but the truth is that u are essentially on ur own so plan that way. Good luck dear.
YOU ARE NOT OVERREACTING!
ReplyDeleteYou have taken a perfect decision. His next move to get at you is to accuse you of adultery (looking good for other men).
ReplyDeleteAbeg enjoy your money.
Woman, you said you are the one contributing 60-70% of the rent right from inception? He hasn't paid any singlehandedly? That's the problem.
ReplyDeleteYou're an enabler to his behaviour.
If I should guess right, you saw the many signs and red flags before agreeing to marry him and I don't want to believe it was as a result of desperation.
It's a man's primary responsibility to provide for the family and take care of the rent. I will understand if a man fall short in providing at the kitchen sometimes but you see that rent aspect, it's his duty and not yours. You may only assist once in a while but not this constant you're doing.
You didn't give us an insight if your husband is working or not. So I will know if he's just being irresponsible.
Pls if you can reply my comment, pls do and tell us why it was you all along contributing in the rent. Don't tell me you were the one that financed the wedding. Tell me more for I don't understand how you should be the one bringing 60/70% of the rent from the get-go.
© TEEJAY
She probably picked him because she saw him as someone she can control.
DeleteThem go leave real gee, go pick sissy man wet dry sing women praises 😂😂.. you don't know why he's singing women praises, supporting and excusing all their rubbish bah?
No worry,. Your eyes go clear soon 😂😂
Hens in the house, food has been served. Knock yourselves out.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn’t have but he wants to use mouth to mess you up
ReplyDeleteYou are not over reacting, glad you are concentrating on yourself and kids.
ReplyDeleteYou are not overreacting Poster. Focus on your children and yourself like you are doing. Continue to make yourself happy.
ReplyDeleteI hate ungrateful people.
ReplyDeleteNa part of the thing wey make them demonize me for here when I talk about ungrateful females.
I'm not a hypocrite that change the definition of rubbish when it's done by my gender, unlike some people here..
So, yes, you're doing well.
Don't enable toxic behaviour.
See his mouth like he is disappointed that you couldn't save it once..
However, I believe in granting one the benefits of doubts before taking actions, so I'll ask this, did you sit down with him first and express yourself, pointing out to all his misbehaviour? This is what you should do first, then if he sees nothing wrong with his utterance and actions or he doesn't change,. Then you activate this above move.
There are some sissy people like that, both men and women, instead of them appreciating someone like someone with common sense, they feel it's better to break you, so you don't know your worth. I know a guy that does that with his girls in the past, and I have met a girl that wanted to do same with me, imagine someone telling you the monies you give her is what she spends in a day for data,. So you dey use 10-15k data daily, you wey no get work😂,. She probably thinks saying that will make me increase it, but rather, I'm not a 'kind' and 'real' man, so I stopped and told her to meet the people that can/are doing better 😁
How did you end up with this man in the first place sef? Him nack your brains out? Cos omo, if I tell you what I use in scrutinising a girl before I commit or become serious, e go shock you.
I have had girls that are up there and want something, but when I look at their inactions, I go just dey laff, you see the inactions ehn, not actions oh, na him I take dey judge.
You are not overreacting anything o...
ReplyDeleteMy question is, what future did you envision with this man that made you say yes? Sometimes we assume that a serious relationship must be short, apt, and direct. While this may work for some, the majority need a longer, more purposeful courtship. So I ask again, what did you see in this man that made you agree to marry him? Have those characteristics disappeared, or were they merely camouflaged?
ReplyDeleteThe issue is that many of us date superficially, without diligently evaluating our long-term compatibility and how their core character traits may impact us. The key to peaceful coexistence is understanding the intentional need and demands of choosing to share a lifetime with someone who possesses humane empathy and natural kindness.
You are human and not overreacting. Your decision to prioritise yourself and your children is a response to prolonged unappreciation and unfair treatment. Maintaining self-respect and ensuring your well-being is crucial, especially when your efforts are met with criticism rather than gratitude. Setting boundaries and focusing on your needs is a healthy and necessary step in such a situation. And should it become abusive or violent, sister kindly take a long walk. Nothing is worth sacrificing for your peace of mind, mental health and safety. You have tried.
May God give you both the wisdom to manage your present difficulties and navigate your marital turbulence with mutual beneficence, in Jesus' name.
Prof
DeleteYou're not overreacting at all.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend too who is of small means and nobody complains more than she does. I find it odd that ppl of small means expect so much when they don’t have the funds to give them anything better. But at the same time they will not push themselves in any way to go get a bit more, even for the sake of their children. Imagine a man that cannot even gift you a facial complaining about your appearance. His thoughts are so juvenile, that he cannot even see that the marriage has not added anything to you except given you children. Like he can’t even realize that you are worst off being married than single. You have not experienced any “two is stronger than one” with it. Then even with the economic woes he coming to talk about quality of food gone down. Mtsscchhwww. I bet he hasn’t tried to get a better paying job, go back to school, try a small business or anything to improve the family.
ReplyDeleteI'm a man but when I hear stories like this, I just wonder why women settle with men having this kind attitude. I find it very difficult to even collect gifts from a woman. If she buys me something, I make sure I reciprocate double the amount of what she gets me. I prefer to die in silence than to ask a woman for financial help. I was brought up to know its the responsibility of a man to take care of a woman not the other way round. Na wa o!
DeleteBefore you go home. Load your belly very well.
ReplyDeleteWhen you get make sure you don't complain, nag etc. Anything that is there manage as is.
I hope you are not doing that joint account rubbish nonsense.
This kind of person will clear account and disappear, when he sees you are not ready to swallow his errant stupidity.
Save, save and save. Eat well. Look good. Smell good.
Make sure the children are fed and well taken care to your capacity. They didnt ask to be born.
And plan for YOUR future, because babe right now, that isn't life.
Please have a back up plan,u married a feminine man,he will be physically and verbally abusive in future,learn self defense, and keep money for new house rent, for you and your children
ReplyDeleteOshe seer of life!🙌
DeleteYou are never over reacting , just keep spoiling yourself and kids instead wasting it on a useless man who is never appreciative.
ReplyDeleteYou are never over reacting , just keep spoiling yourself and kids instead wasting it on a useless man who is never appreciative.
ReplyDeleteWomen should also use a Post like this to thank their husbands who don't make them write chronicles to ask questions over rent, food, and toiletries.
ReplyDeleteIt is Not only the Poster's husband that may be ungrateful to a committed marriage partner. Some chronicles, should make us introspect.
Poster, does your husband have a job? Has he been gainfully employed since you met him? Are you both living beyond your means? Answers to these and more questions will get you the answer you really need to better your family.
As templated and written, your chronicle question will only get you the validating answer you seek plus the jara answers telling you what he would do next (answers which will make you start seeing him as a mortal enemy).
Ask yourself the real questions about your marriage. The real answer will be clear to you.
It is not for you to dictate how the females who visit this blog choose to react or respond to any chronicle posted. You also come across as trying to invalidate the poster's experience to suit the narrative you have in your own head. Good luck with that.
DeleteSadly, this is the norm in most Nigerian homes. The stress is too much. Yet dey get little or no appreciation. May God help us
ReplyDeleteIf na Igbo man? Don't expect any change just live your married life jejely, please 🙏 don't transfer the aggression to another man's pikin
ReplyDeleteWhat does Igbo have to do with this now? All you tribalistic bigots.
Delete