BETRAYED AND LOST SELF ESTEEM
I Found out my husband has been knacking his coworker. This girl pretended she was my Friend, and even cooked for me when I gave birth.
The betrayal hurts deep.
He spent on her, took her out, they traveled together. I knew this would eventually happen when I discovered text messages between them.
Shes been in our marriage for the past 6 years and robbed me from getting attention from my husband.
It hurts deeply. We are now separated.
Please pray for me because we have 2 kids and I hate that we’re no longer together as a family unit.
Ladies that are separated from their husbands, how are the kids coping? Did they eventually adjust?
Ps:I am on the chubby side while she’s skinny. He likes them skinny. I was depressed in the marriage and gained weight. Gained weight also from childbirth. He belittled me, body shamed me and made me lose my self esteem.
Ladies that are separated from their husbands, how are the kids coping? Did they eventually adjust?
Ps:I am on the chubby side while she’s skinny. He likes them skinny. I was depressed in the marriage and gained weight. Gained weight also from childbirth. He belittled me, body shamed me and made me lose my self esteem.
*It hurt me so much to read this!!!
I am so sorry OK? Now it is time for revenge!!!
You know what you will do? please lose weight and get yourself back on track, let the hurt and anger be your motivation OK?
Dear Poster, I am sorry about the betrayal you suffered....Not that you need to prove anything to them but your best revenge is to be the best version of yourself; no competition with her because both of you are on different levels....
ReplyDeleteYou are your own competition; you got to do this for your children...You have mourned the family you thought you would nurture and grow but love cannot grow in a garden of betrayal...It's okay to cry once in a while but buck and brace up with resilience and strength...
Always pray to God to give you strength and wisdom...Provided your husband was not violent, let him have a relationship with his children.....
All the best & E-hugs
Me feel sorry for ya. Issa painful tin man. Is he remorseful, or repentant? Du ya wanna forgive im? Can yu still live with im?
DeleteIf itta possible, ya two can reconcile. Children are beta wen both inna dem parents are together.
Yu can think bout it. Nuff sympathy from me end. Jah give yu strength madam!
Perfect
DeleteLater the foolish idiot will say she was dating the man while they were separated not knowing she caused the separation.
DeleteMen ehhnn
Don't lose hope my dear. Trust God more
DeleteHe is a foolish man. Bodyshamed you, because you gained weight from carrying your child. Please work on yourself, focus more on your health and your kids. 🤗🤗🤗🤗
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for the betrayal dear poster, it's obvious your husband never loved you as much as you thought. Please try to shed the weight for your health purpose and focus on your beautiful kids. As for the kids, they will eventuslly adjust but please don't deny them talking to their dad on phone.
DeleteIt's well dear. Only God can be trusted 💯.
ReplyDeleteTrust Him solely and completely lean on Him to see you through this phase.
For the kids, commit them into God's hand and hold your peace.
It's not the end of the world.
This too shall pass, and no matter how it looks now, trust me, light will definitely shine again.
Just trust God with your future, as you take each day at a time.
BECAUSE OUR LORD JESUS LIVES, YOU CAN FACE TOMORROW. HE'S YOUR ASSURANCE.
PS: I must commend your boldness to leave. Eventually, someone who loves your physique will find you and worship the ground you walk on.
Sending you 💕💕💕💕
Nothing hurts like a betrayal from someone you thought was on your side.
ReplyDeleteThe children will adjust with time. Just keep positive ppl around you and them. Not those who will speak down to them because their parents are separated. Remember ppl like to make underhand remarks if they feel they are superior in some way. Children will repeat what they hear in their homes, not understanding the ugliness of it and saying it to an innocent child. So you will have to be more protective and loving with them. This will call for a lot considering that you are dealing with your own pain, but you cannot afford to give them less.
I love this comment.
DeleteWhat you need right now are people who are supportive, positive and optimistic that your tomorrow would be fine.
I hope he is open to peaceful coparenting and if not you all would be fine eventually.
Sorry sis, I know what betrayal means, don't beat yourself too much, you need your mentaland physical health to raise healthy children.
All will be well🤗🤗🤗
Betrayal will always come from those that are either close to you or know you. That's why it hurts especially when you put all your trust in them.
DeleteYesterday's chronicle said that she wants to snatch her best friend's husband while today's poster said that her girlfriend snatched her husband.
When you trust them as friends.
it's hurts. but you just have to forgive. it's not brighter at the other side. remember you have two kids now. you have to play a mother role.
ReplyDeletein marriage, you must know to forgive. it's not for the immature but for the mature minds
i hope this helps
Which kind advice be this???
DeletePoster please ignore this advice ☝️..so she should stay with a toxic cheating man because of the children?..this was how a relative stayed in this same situation and depression killed her..the children will be fine please, you can share custody with him..just put your well being first and take care of yourself and don't let anyone advise you to stay in a toxic marriage.
DeleteWhy did you leave. In situation like this you didn't have to leave. Wait, didn't I get your story clearly? Did you divorce or you separated to come back latter? You know there is separation and there is breakup. Which one did you do?
ReplyDeleteEndeavor to loose weight ok. But please try to make her relationship with your hubby to cease as soon as possible. You are the wife, he already married you. Look for a way to put her to shame. I don't mean for you to go and fight her but there are smarter ways to make her loose her self esteem at her work place and in her neighborhood. Gather evidences that shows that she's been doing things with your husband without your consent. Make sure you get the romantic text messages that she exchanged with him. These things are what you would have done while still with him. Na wa o.
Your husband didn't see the colleague before he approached you for marriage?
Why did she leave? 🤦♀️. So she should fight to be with someone that clearly doesn't want to be with her, abi. Shame his side chic. Poster, please do not waste your time doing this. FOCUS ON YOURSELF, AND YOUR KIDS.
DeleteI will never advise anyone to fight for a man who doesn't care to place a little honour on them, your husband can kill if given the opportunity, he brought his chick to your home close to the kids, anything could have happened. Someone that can date a married and easily kill as well, they are both foolish.
DeleteYou can choose to embarass her but know for good that your man is wicked
Felicity
In my opinion and experience, this is terrible advice. A six year side relationship isn’t a mistake, it’s not a one time thing, it’s basically a marriage without certificate.
DeletePoster don’t ever try to beg or force or manipulate a man into loving you. You will regret it in the long run. You will realize you have wasted your life pining after someone who doesn’t like or respect you, when you could have taken your affection elsewhere. You will never have peace or joy in that marriage. Everything go dey bite you.
If you run this side chick away, will it cure his lust? Because that’s the main issue.. his lust and greed.
You have done the hardest part which is to gather the courage to leave. You will be okay with time. Your children will be more than okay. This is better for them than growing up in a home where their parents resent each other.
I also pray that you heal and find someone who loves and respects you and wouldn’t want to hurt you.
Let me also add, that I know how it feels not to have your husband’s attention in marriage, but to then find out that the reason is because he is giving it to another woman? That’s a different kind of hurt. It makes you feel like you’re not good enough for love, like you’re worth nothing. It can do a number on your self esteem.
DeleteBut let me assure you that you’re not enough, you’re good enough to be loved. Whether you are slim or not, it doesn’t matter.
See, if you have money for ozempic, get on it for a short while (though it has side effects… some people experience side effects more than others).
If not, go on calorie deficit. Do intermittent fasting. Eat mostly protein (meats or egg) and veggies, minimal carbs. In two months you’ll see results.
If you want me to give you a simple diet plan for weight loss that eliminates thinking about what to eat, indicate and I’ll come back and write it
@slim, *later not latter. They r two different words.
DeleteShe did the right thing by leaving..do you want her to die of depression?? Marriage is not by force abeg..the husband did not respect the marriage and he was even emotionally abusive..this was what my cousin endured for years, staying for the kids, she became depressed but she borrowed herself brain one day and left ..now she's doing so well for herself,her only regret is not leaving earlier.
DeleteHugs baby .be strong just make sure he has access to them .with time they'll be fine. Arrange that friend .Just teach her a lesson.
ReplyDeleteOh! Friends from the pit of hell.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about your ordeal dear poster. I can only imagine how all of these have affected your mental well-being. I also feel pity for the kids
Please snap back, love yourself. May God amend what has been broken.
Poster, Stella is right.
ReplyDeleteDo you have something doing?
If yes, use that to distract yourself from the heart break.
You will be fine.
Pele ma'am
Get yourself together including Ur self esteem..
ReplyDeleteLook good and happy,then start dating him again..let your friend feel the pain too..
Today, I agree with you intoto.
DeleteWhat do men really want????
ReplyDeletePoster,
Don't you think your story isn't complete. You left out some details. What eventually led to the separation? You took a walk from the marriage or he chased you away? Was there a domestic violence on you from him? Who is in possession of the kids. Did you react anyway violently after your discovery?
All these would have helped properly in advice. However, to some people, cheating is a deal breaker and I condemn your husband's infidelity in its entirety.
I wish you healing from the hurt. I wouldn't know other things that trespassed in the marriage since you didn't elaborate. So I wouldn't know if reconciliation will be a good advice to give you.
© TEEJAY
The world is cruel to women that's all I can say because this is the same style Twitter boys when a man is openly at fault.
DeleteFelicity
*transpired not trespassed
DeleteSo sorry for the hurts you feel. Work on yourself, not necessarily being slim. Just appreciate yourself more, look, good smell nice. Upgrade yourself from bottom to top. Forget low self esteem and embrace yourself.
ReplyDeletePrioritize your happiness 😘. Don't look back but forward to becoming the best version of yourself.
DeleteConcentrate on making money and lose weight. Become the best mom to your children.
🤗
This is a one sided story and only God knows what really happened,just work on yourself so that what you did which you didn't tell us won't be a problem when you find another love, since both of you are separated now .No need for revenge or self pity. It takes two to tango and it also take to separate.Best of luck next time.
ReplyDeleteNa who dem catch be thief. Awon it can never ever be my husband. Just pray never ever to catch him. A man can be disciplined with food, money and everything on earth, except with women. I don’t know why, but God made them weak in that department.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, give ur self time to heal, but please forgive him if he has shown remorse, after a while go bck home. He would not do it again, any time soon, but i don’t guarantee you that he won’t cheat again till the end, he is human and therefore weak. In this marriage of a thing, you’d have to learn to forgive over and over again.
Please give urself some time, it is not easy but it is doable. Love and light.❤️
I am sure this is an elderly person. A very mature advice. Agba ko ni tan lorile o.
DeleteWhat type of advice is this? How did God make the man weak? Did God not say don't commit adultery?? God has nothing to do with his lack of self control..abi is it until he gives her an incurable disease and what about the emotional abuse?, she should stay in a toxic marriage and die of depression?..that man obviously does not love her ..a whole 6 years cheating with colleague!..poster your health is your priority, do not be trapped in a toxic marriage please.
DeleteAnonymous 20:13 oil dey your head. More wisdom
DeleteDo you want your husband back?
ReplyDeleteI'm provoked in my Spirit,
"Therefore in the name of Jesus, I declare that your husband return to you now, and every chains of strange woman be destroyed.
The bible says, "whatever the Lord has joined together, let no man put asunder", Let the asunder witchcraft be destroyed and let your marriage be restored, Amen".
Sharappp pls as if it's mandatory to be married to a fool .
DeleteWhy would she want such a person back???
DeleteNa real strange woman..so you did not see the man cheated and is even emotionally abusive sending poster into depression 😕..poster better reject this prayer! Marriage is not by force o,that was how Osinachi died in a toxic marriage.
DeleteOf course..the married man who took wedding vow is not guilty na only side chick dey guilty..smh
DeleteSeparating is hard
ReplyDeleteThe first one-two years are worse
Don’t stop him from paying school fees and doing all he needs to do financially and all
My friend is dating a married man
The man’s wife is pregnant reading this gives me perspective
What eventually led to the separation! and I hope you didn't decide to live the marriage quickly, because your "horseband" may eventually marry the co worker.
ReplyDeleteHey Poster, come take a hug 🤗.
ReplyDeleteLook, put yourself together, physically, emotionally and otherwise, and you will be fine. It will hurt you, but try always to make yourself happy, for the sake of the kids. They need you.
Connect with your good friends, go out and have fun, Your kids would be happier seeing you happy. All the best.
poster you don't need to blame yourself or be hard on yourself cos he made up his mind to cheat. He should have stood by you to see that you loss some weight especially after child birth, the lady that is not fat should wait till she gives birth and then we will agree if she will still look skinny.
ReplyDeleteYour husband has no right to hurt you so deeply, you carried those kids for you both but he decided to treat you that way. Don't worry God will judge him with that lady who knows he is married but decided to be with him than to look for her own man. If she has any relationship just make sure that relationship will not survive or last with any man. You have to follow SDK's advice on making sure that you get your body back.
you are not feeling too okay with the separation, please work on your weight and if you both can reconcile back your union, do not let anyone to stop you from doing that but make sure that your self esteem is back intact before you do that. You will be alright just give it time.
Make una no dey judge one sided story. Let’s hear from the man too abeg. Some women are very terrible.
ReplyDeleteGo and bring the husband so that he will give his side. Until then we will judge from only this side. Chicken brain
DeleteYou shouldn't have left. Did he chase you out? How can you give up on your marriage just like that?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you were not skinny when he married you. And who told you that what he has with the skinny girl is not just a fling?
Patience is a virtue.
You and your husband can still come together and resolve the situation since it's separation and not divorce.
Anyway, I wish you luck.
I wish i could give you a hug.
ReplyDeleteYou would heal soon.
Try to put yourself together.
He gained weight too but you didn't cheat on him. None of this is your fault. He is a piece of shit.
ReplyDeleteE hugs poster. Time will heal your broken heart . Take each day slowly. 🤗🤗🤗😔
ReplyDeleteLet your SUCCESS STORY Be your best form of revenge.
ReplyDeleteLeave those two to karma. You will hear their story soonest . Keep showing your kids love, dont feed them anything negative ,even about him. Time heals and so will you ..
E-hugs💕
Best advice from ma'am Stella and Phoenix,I swear your hubby will come begging.if only you let go of the betrayal and hurt, take care of yourself and look.
ReplyDeleteOmg!!I can’t believe someone of the things you all are saying/ asking… do you not know that emotional abuse is literally worse than physical abuse? You can see the scars, do you know all the internal scars she has? Her husband did not kill her physically but he killed.. this is why some people commit s……
ReplyDeleteYou're correct, emotional abuse don't kill once, it leads to the break down of ones mental health and other serious health complications.
DeleteTo say I’m dumbfounded is an understatement. Seems like Nigerian women didn’t learn anything from Tuface and Annie, the only thing they learnt is to insult Tuface.
DeletePoster please don’t make the mistake of going back. Only way you can go back ever, is if he does extensive work to prove he has changed and he will never do it again. I mean, you have to involve a certified marriage counselor, members of clergy and trustworthy members of your family. He must work on the reconciliation for a year before you even consider.
But you and I know that majority of Nigerian men will never do this. They will rather blame you for their transgressions and tell you men are polygamous.
Thank you o..some are even praying for the toxic narcissistic man to return..SMH..
DeleteHmmm! Men!
ReplyDeletePoster look up to God
He is all you have now, he alone will see you through.
It is well with you.
This chronicle and yesterday's chronicle related. Same betrayal from close friends.
ReplyDeletePoster dust yourself you will be fine.
Majority of Nigerian women are so men centered, marriage obsessed that they will endure all kinds of atrocities just be called married women or be in their husbands house. Because look at the nauseating comments flying around here. Goodness! A man emotionally abused his wife, cheated on her for so long and the people here are saying she should have stayed. Blimey!
ReplyDeleteKids do not need a perfect mom , they just need a happy home ! They do not need a terribly two parent dysfunctional home, they just need a parent who is happy!
My dear..it's the height of it..very low self esteem!..some will still stay where the man is even panel beating them..they'll use excuse of not wanting the children to grow up in a broken home as if growing up in a toxic environment is good for the kids..the worst part is how they'll be fighting sidechick on top a useless man o...
DeleteAnon you've summarised it all..they even excuse the man's cheating, you'll be hearing all men cheat ,the grass is not greener on the other side..When the man brings home incurable disease,they'll be running up and down.
DeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteListen, you don't need to be in a haste to lose any weight if you don’t yet have the toughened mentality for it, just to get back at someone - you need to heal first. Your pain is raw, and no sugarcoating can fix it. You gave your body, your loyalty, your energy - and still got handed betrayal on a silver tray. Betrayed by two people who should’ve protected your heart is like being stabbed while hugging a trusted loved one.
That kind of heartbreak cracks your spirit in places no one can see. So, don’t waste your healing on revenge or a crash diet for validation. But you know what: his colleague being slim and sneaky isn't why he cheated. That man didn’t cheat because you changed; he cheated because he’s spineless - cheating is a character flaw of emotional greediness, not a body size issue. There was something beautiful about you for him to decide to marry you, is he saying that thing doesn’t exist anymore? Or was it just physical attraction without value?
You didn't lose your self-worth, please; he just never saw it clearly as your ex-husband. Grieve, yes, not because you are heartbroken - let it be for a broken promise of togetherness. But don’t stay in the grave of a broken marriage. Rise. Heal loud. Love yourself louder. Your kids need your strength, your wholeness, not a disrupted mind living in silence. And you, you need your peace back for your sanity. Start reclaiming it, one powerful choice at a time - the ground is no place for a queen.
E-hugs to you. You shall be fine.
Ebony, this is such a deep yet realistic comment. I’m not the poster but this was for me. Thanks.
DeletePoster I can totally relate with this but talking from experience you would be fine. if possible try to get the court to help you out with child support or else you might just have to carry the financial burden alone. These men don't only cheat on you , they do same to their children. They chest them with not contributing any support to them.
ReplyDeleteTrue but you can’t force them. In the UK, they cheat the system by claiming to be self-employed and making no profit. Some are paying £30 a month for three children.
DeleteAm So Sorry Poster
ReplyDeletePlease Put Your Self Together
If You Kids Are Grown Small
Just Find Out Time To Jug Once In A while
And Also Avoid Late Nite Food..
Do Not Worry Your Kids Will Surely Cope..
I Pray That Yeye Relationship Will Crumble in Jesus mighty name 🙏 🙏
May God Almighty Be With You...
Hello iya Boys
Hmmmm........ So sorry for this, may you find strength to overcome this truly.
ReplyDeleteSo painful to read. As a single mother who is also separated, I didn't want my kids to grow up without their father, but I didn't have a choice. It's not easy and they are still very young, so we are taking it one day at a time. Just focus on getting your groove back together. You will be fine
ReplyDeleteIt's well sis. May God fix things up for you. Loosing weight might be tough if you only envision it. Start up now with removing carb and sugar from all you eat'
ReplyDeleteEXAMPLES OF FOOD YOU SHOULD NOT EAT ANYMORE ARE;
2) FRIES
2) BREAD.
3) ALL BOTTLED OR CAN DRINKS.
4) ALL TYPES OF FOOD SPICES, ESPECIALLY THOSE IN SACHETS.
5) GARRI (BOTH SWALLOWING AND DRINKING IT.
Lastly, drink more water than you eat food. Fruits and vegetables should be your favourite now.
Also reduce your meal sizes.
If all these are in tune you may likely not need much exercise.
I know most people have types, but I strongly believe that irrespective of that, your God-given spouse would give room for grace and still like you exactly as you turned out at any given moment, whether skinny, chubby, fat, or thin—through every season of life. Amid that, they will uplift your spirit and motivate you to pursue a healthy lifestyle without ever diminishing your worth.
ReplyDeleteBut since your former spouse realized he lacked the fortitude to fulfill his marital vows of sticking by you during both joyous and challenging times, he resorted to guilt-tripping you.
Listen, he belittled and body-shamed you when you gained weight to feel justified about his inadequacies. It was his way of assuring himself that he was right to find succor in another woman's bosom. After all, wasn't he already cheating six years into the marriage before you got pregnant and gained weight? He reminds me of the poster of yesterday's chronicle, who went on the defensive and started listing everything that was wrong with her friend to soften the weight of her own betrayal so we could validate her misdeeds. You were never the problem; your ex-husband was. If it wasn't his co-worker, it would have been someone else.
Even though I know you may be tempted to think the other woman is better than you for being able to hold his attention for all those years, please don't stoop so low as to compare yourself with her. Someone who latched onto a married man for six years is a whole piece of work. Resist the urge to compare yourself with that. You are not in the same league, my dear. She is the one grappling with an overdose of low self-esteem who thinks she can't do better, so she must hang on for dear life to a married father of two.
She obviously feels the best she could get was your husband because, in her mind, no single guy would find her worthy of being a wife. Honestly, I feel guilty that I feel pity for her instead of feeling it for you, but it is impossible for me to overlook the fact that she is the one in dire need of my empathy at this moment.
Ultimately, everyone is already blessed with the physical body type needed to attract to themselves the one God has chosen for them. The right person for you—the physical body type you possess when you meet—will naturally be his exact preference. So about the weight, I do not think you have to do too much, since you said you were on the chubby side and not overweight. So, if yours naturally leans towards the fuller figure, as long as you are healthy, go on and embrace it.
Don't be sad; just know that sometimes divine intervention allows negativity to exit our lives, as it understands that we may lack the strength to do so ourselves. So shift your focus away from distractions and concentrate on your future. I am confident that your children will thrive as long as they witness their mother radiating happiness instead of sorrow, even if it means staying away from their dad. God will surely take care of you.🙏
The men that their misogynistic views are protected on this forum have come here to talk rubbish. If we handle them they will call us bullies.
ReplyDeletePoster, from one divorced woman to the other, you’ve done well for yourself and kids. If he’s cheating on you with one person, know that he’s doing it with at least 3 other women. The fact that he brought her close enough to cook for you is wicked. She could poison you. Adultery is despised by God and is a biblical ground for walking away.
As you’ve made a sensible and bold step to protect your mental and physically wellbeing and set a standard of exemplary dignity for your kids, God will reward you. Now is the time to focus on yourself and your kids. Pray like your life depends on it because it does.
I almost sank into depression when I left because everyone found it strange that it was a one time cheating that led me to leave. I was the only one who knew how I felt and what it did to me mentally. They came with all sorts of justification about my stomach that was cut open to bring out twins. As good as blamed me for being impatient and letting myself go. Accused me of even having someone outside that was why I was itching to leave.
It’s been 16 odd years and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made. I left to squat with a friend and today I have my own place, my kids are almost done with school. Life is going just fine. I’m even doing way better than all the people that shamed me for leaving. They see me today and treat me with respect. A few have even confided in me that they envied my strength to walk away and can’t wait for their husbands to die.
Lean on God, stop mourning, close your ears to people telling you things, find peace with yourself, don’t believe the stereotypes that divorced women don’t remarry or their kids are looked down on, and forge ahead. God will be with you each and every step of the way.
So sorry that it pains so much... Just wished you fought for your marriage a bit longer before given up! I pray you find your bearing soonest. Pray for your kids teach the the word of God to their own understanding, reprimand them where necessary and also learn to correct them in love. Try not to transfer aggression on them. 'Hugs'
ReplyDelete