Hmmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
OVER REACTION OR NOT?
There's a friend of mine whom I met during our undergrad program in Lagos, we were roommates and later became family friends.
We became tight like sisters and bonded very well. After graduation, we parted ways, she stays in kogi state, and I in the FCT, but we still find time to see.
We grace and celebrated each other's family’s occasions and milestones, and whenever she's in town she stays at mine. I knew all her partners, and she knows mine.
We are both unmarried though and we have no secrets kept from each other. Or so I thought. So, last week while I was browsing Facebook, I saw a wedding invitation bearing her name on her page, then later in the day I saw same thing on her Whatsapp status updates plus a wedding photoshoot for her wedding. I was so shocked and speechless....
I tried to convince myself that it might be a joke or prank. So I confronted her immediately. She hurt me the more by saying it wasn't a big deal and her excuse was that the wedding has taken place she didn’t want to “stress” me by making me come to kogi.
A distance that is just a trip away.She has sent some of our mutual friends to beg me, but I wont budge. I've blocked her everywhere, I can't put into words exactly how I'm feeling or I'm i overreacting?
This is mean!!!
Have you snatched her man before? why will she be so mean to you?
Please you are not over reacting, she didnt want you at the wedding...BLOCK AND EVERYWHERE AND MOVE ON..
Poster just know that the lady doesn’t trust you. Wish her well and stay away from her.
ReplyDeleteOr she is not proud of the man she got married to. She feels you will judge her.
DeleteYes there is no trust. Friendship suppose to be a strong mutual relationship that involves a bond of reciprocated affections between the two parties.
DeleteObviously you love your friend as a family but she sees you as a person she while away time with. Never mind, she will soon find out that marriage is not all that and will want to come back.
My ex friend stopped talking to me when I got married. We grew up together, all our family know themselves. We went to school together and lived in a room before we move into the hostel in our university days. She came abroad as a visitor before I came as a student.
I used to think she loved me, because she loaned me money when I was broke, gave me advice and support when I needed it. Apparently she is happier when she is better off than I.
Then I got married before her and things changed. She didn’t want to speak to me or have anything to with me. Later she got married and never told me, her sister will come online and argue with me as if I am a stranger.
Now, we are all in our 50s and competition has dwindled and they want to come back. I told them nne, life doesn’t work that way inugo. If you left the ship in your own free will, do not say that the ship has left you (onye ji aka ya puta na ugbo, asikwala na ugbo ahala ya).
She didn't try at all.
DeleteMove on and don't bother her again
Thank you fan..so this behavior is common like this?..something similar happened to me but in my own case I'm married, friend that I used to gist with regularly got married, gave birth and she didn't say pim! She was at my wedding and also my sister's wedding..I later found out and let me just say right now,I've moved on from the 'friendship'. I just couldn't deal..poster kindly move on..there's no friendship here.
DeleteYou saw her as a friend, she didn't.
ReplyDeleteAhhhh. It can pain. My childhood ex-friend got me running errands for her wedding without knowing what I was running errands for. When I found out, she said “I feel sad my secret is out” Asin Ezigbote ding bat. I forgave her oo. I then asked for her help twice, she ignored my message. Omo. She doesn’t exist to me.
DeleteLemmi perch here.
DeleteIn my opinion, your feelings are valid but your reaction was cheap. I would have summoned courage to wish her well and moved on. I would also leave a communication door open because…you don’t know everything, you can’t see everything. You people in this generation and gbas gbos, block everywhere, ghost them, burn bridges… very fickle people.
You shouldn’t go asking for explanations or closure. If she was your friend, you may eventually understand her plight in due course. For now, console yourself and excuse her.
You're right beautiful Candy. You're befriending yourself for too long. Ndo nne.
DeleteThis friendship thing ehn
ReplyDeletethis is why I have faced front since. You will be doing friendship giving your best not knowing you are the only one in the friendship.
If you are blessed to have good friends thank God for you.
Poster forgive her and keep your distance
The next thing they will all say now is that you are jealous after all they have begged you but you are still angry but that's their problem. Only value those who value you.
she have to let go and face her front before someone will tag her jealous friend.
DeletePoster.
ReplyDeleteMove on!
She doesn't value your friendship at all.
You can unblock her but end the friendship already.
no need to block her, allow her chat you when she want to but deep down you have placed her where she should be.
DeletePls don't budge.
ReplyDeleteSimply let the mutual friends know that you honestly bear no grudges against her, you genuinely wish her well and helping her by keeping away since she for whatever reasons she chose not to tell you and she has revealed herself.
you can send her this message as you unblock her. Make sure you don't discuss anything about your life, family with her and do not pay attention to her gist on anything after this message.
DeletePlease, let her remain blocked and don’t even feel bad about it! She’s shown you that you are not a special person to her
ReplyDeleteEka you for add say make poster use the money when she for take attend the wedding spoil herself/bury the friendship
DeleteThank you Eka, same thing i did when something similar happened to me,I've moved on from the so called friendship
DeleteI didn't block but just kept my distance...you can do this poster
DeleteA female colleague was always probing me with personal questions.
ReplyDeleteI would give her a lift after work, whenever our HOD doesn't see me, he would harass me like we leave together. (I live in Gwarinpa,she-Bwari).
One day,a letter came in that she had diabetes, I was questioned as usual.
FF, I called after several months of her being absent to ask after her health,she claimed she was before a Dr, that she would call me back.
She didn't call back till the next day, and said I should join her to thank God that she put to bed the day before,I was shocked, sha congratulated her,she asked if I will come and visit her.
I never went to visit her.
Back at the office, our HOD & the next in line started interrogating me,so Ur friend was pregnant and she claimed Diabetes.
Colleagues were whispering when did was she pregnant.
She has resumed, I still give her and her child lift but we know how far.
If you are hiding something,I will further help you by staying far away.
The beautiful point here is, you recognised your place and respected yourself but you never cut her off. That is maturity. We don’t know everything. This lady probably did “cryptic pregnancy “ baby factory scam and needed to cover up. We don’t have to know everything. People do what they must to protect themselves, not necessarily to hurt others.
DeleteWhy are people like this?that was how a friend hid the fact that she had a baby..someone i was gisting with regularly on the phone!it doesn't make sense
DeleteAre you sure the wedding has already taken place? Because I believe you would have seen her photos on other mutual friends' WhatsApp statuses congratulating her. Remember, what you saw was the invitation and not the wedding photos. She may still be lying that the wedding has already been done because she doesn't want you to come at all.
ReplyDeleteAnd if the wedding has already taken place, why didn't any of those mutual friends who are begging you to forgive her tell you about the wedding or ask why you weren't present when they noticed your absence on that day? You better fling all the fake friends away.
You are wise. She needs to be careful about her whole circle of friends.
DeleteYou are not overreacting. Make sure you don't unblock her.
ReplyDeleteId your mutual friends reach out to you, tell them you've heard and move on.
Cancel that friendship for life. If anyone comes to preach forgiveness, let them shove it.
Let her go, she wasn't your friend
ReplyDeleteShe didnt even have the courtesy to dm you the card, you saw it online like everyone else. Through that friendship in the trash
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine did same thing to me, we were so closed to each other and I have never for once wronged her in any way, But she got married without telling me. I got to know through my neigbour and I blocked her everywhere and since then, she has been trying to reach me no way. It is only an evil friend that deserves to be treated that way. if the person is not a bad friend to you, why treat the person in such manner by not telling them about your marriage. Poster you did well biko. Just forgive her and move on, don't have nothing to do with her again.
ReplyDeleteAre you me? This happened to me too..
DeleteLast month I blocked my babe,my gee,my best friend of over 25 years
ReplyDeleteThis girl is a bastard I'm separated from my ex I married 18 years ago she comes to me call me up I gist her as per bestie,she records and goes to him to download
Are you mad?
Shey everything's alright shaa?
Bloody ding at is crying foul
I didn't confront her just blocked her two-timing ass. She's been looking for me
Got my brother's office told them to tell her where I am then turned around to tell them not to tell me she came
Are you real?
I've been open hearted with a skunkall these years
When some suitors came back then they will tell me she's not a good friend
Not oneman ortwo or three
Witch
I'm not confronting anything but till I die she will know nothing about me
Idiot
I would have confronted her. I don't joke with things like that.
DeleteI hate betrayals.
You sure say she no theif your glory to take progress? Why all this secrecy? I'm talking from personal experience of my own freind. Be very prayerful and stay away from that girl. She doesn't love you. Pray that eveey glory thief will die.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of friend is that?
ReplyDeletePlease stay away from her.like you are forcing the friendship on her.
Please don't unblock her o, stay very far away from her.
ReplyDeletePoster you said that she is your friend, that you know everything about her and all her friends. Meanwhile two of you were still communicating before her wedding and yet you didn't get to know.
ReplyDeleteNo,You don't really know her.
Guess she takes you as a friend like you do?? Was there any trust issues along the line?
Wow
ReplyDeleteJust keep it moving please. You're obviously the one that regarded her as a friend, it wasn't mutual. Forgive her for the hurt caused by her actions so you can feel better, but don't allow such a person in ever again.
ReplyDeleteI feel she hid the relationship and the wedding from you because you know all her secrets, I suspect she didn't want you revealing her secrets especially if she's not proud of her past considering you don't hid things from each other
ReplyDeleteThis is another angle
DeleteShe doesn't trust you
Maybe she knows poster talks too much and doesn’t want any accidental discharges
Deletevery true. or maybe she married someone poster once dated or she doesnt trust poster
DeleteThey just do it sometimes with no valid reason..a friend did this to me and I didn't know any secret..poster just move on abeg,friendship is not by force.
DeletePlease don't feel bad about your reaction and let her remain blocked
ReplyDeleteYou are not her friend, let that stuck in your brain.
This person shouldn't be called a friend na. You were alone all along in the friendship. Sorry. Keep her at arm length
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wish people would just be like me. If you don’t invite me to your function, how does that concern me? Yoruba will say- gbomo wa kimi, owo ni nani.
ReplyDeleteshe didn't do well at all, even if it was an inside room event should have told you and allow you to make that decision if you can make it or not. She is not your friend, she felt you are not needed at her wedding and is time for you to forgive her and face front. You don't need to be angry for so long so that you too can heal or feel better. Forgive her since she has apologize and sent some persons to plead on her behalf but make sure you stay away from her from now onward.
ReplyDeleteDo not take this to heart please, she did what she felt was best for now, is now time for you to return that favour by staying on your lane while you watch her from far. Unblock her but face front please.
I am a loner now, so female friendships and besties are not for me.
ReplyDeleteI was married once but divorced now.
I tried to pick up my life and move forward.
But my so-called friend/beetie kept telling guys who liked/wanted me that I was still married, even though she knew I was not married again, being that I am the pretty and younger one, as well as the attractive one. I severed contact sharperly, friendship of more than 10 yes ooo.
I don’t enjoy all the wahala with female friendships so I avoid making me a loner now. I do love having friends but the headache ehn abeg
DeleteAll these friendship thing ehn. Who knows maybe she was told you're an enemy of progress and should not be informed about the wedding. Pls keep your distance. I know it hurts but God will compensate you.
ReplyDeleteOP alluded that she and her 'friend' had multiple partners. She went ahead to get married without you in the picture and you see something wrong with that. Hmmm....let's see what could be the problem here. Would it be out of place to think she probably doesn't want to risk you jeopardising her chances of finally settling down? Seeing as you have made something of a hobbie keeping multiple partners?
ReplyDeleteSometimes the babygirl lifestyle gets tiring and some would want to move on. Blocking her only shows her she was right to have kept you out of the picture. It is shallow and petty and a true reflection of someone who can't be the bigger person.
Carry your vex park one side.
The two of them are not clean.
DeleteYou say that like there’s something wrong with having more than one boyfriend before marriage
DeleteIt is extremely possible that she meant different partners at different time intervals. shy people don't break up and enter new relationships ni?
DeleteIt's not that complicated, if you go through the comments you'll see ladies do this a lot, same happened to me, for no valid reason a so called friend hid her marriage and birth of her baby from me, this is someone who is more like a family friend o..she gets invited all family occasions, was at my wedding and that of my siblings and we talk regularly..till date I don't understand her rationale, I just ended the so called friendship.
DeleteI honestly don’t understand why some women do this. Even if it was an ultra private wedding for just the immediate family members what was so hard about calling and letting your close friends know before posting the pics publicly. She is saying distance is why you weren’t officially invited, because she was being considerate, so the same consideration did not allow her to make a five minutes call. Some ppl are just complete shit.
ReplyDeleteAbuja to kogi is so close, you can go and come back the same day
DeleteShe hasn't done anything bad .So I don't see any big deal here ,the way she wanted her things to be is the way she did it .So you also can block her from everywhere that is your decision.All of you are adult.
ReplyDeleteWhat? She didn't do anything wrong? This is just like a sister getting married without informing her sister
DeleteWhat she did is bad abeg, If she wanted it private she wouldn't have posted it on her facebook
Your reasoning sometimes is crazy 🤣
DeleteVery rigid Goke🤣🤣
DeleteNo amount of sorry can bring back the love and trust,just block her and face front,you won't be comfortable with her anymore.
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing. She doesn't value what you both shared.
ReplyDeleteThis attitude is very common among women.
DeleteCut off from her immediately, She's not your friend, I hope she doesn't have your grave secrets because this kind of a person can kill
ReplyDeleteShe was never your friend, that's why I don't trust people enough to the extent of telling them about my life
Because she didn’t invite her for her wedding so she can kill? Na wa the way some people dey reason oo
DeleteHmmm, she didn't see you as a friend, let her stay blocked, no time for hide and seek friendship.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Some things people fancy in life. you don't invite me to your events that one concern you. me that kukuma have phobia for crowd
ReplyDeleteI might say she had a feeling you might get depressed telling you,but it's not 3ven an excuse,she did not try at all.
ReplyDeleteSome people that you think are your friends are not friends with you. This story is similar to mine; in my case, He is male and we are in the same town. We saw each other almost daily. He never told me of his wedding , until I saw the general Wedding Invitation Card on WhatsApp. I have never dated him or talked ill about his now wife, I have been the one pushing him to marry her; he went for his introduction and lied to me that he was going for his friend’s wedding. After, I had seen the Wedding Card, I cut him off. Our mutual friends still thinks that I was jealous, I don’t care!
ReplyDeleteWere you besties? Then his lady didn't want you in the picture.
DeleteSome people that you think are your friends are not friends with you. This story is similar to mine; in my case, He is male and we are in the same town. We saw each other almost daily. He never told me of his wedding , until I saw the general Wedding Invitation Card on WhatsApp. I have never dated him or talked ill about his now wife, I have been the one pushing him to marry her; he went for his introduction and lied to me that he was going for his friend’s wedding. After, I had seen the Wedding Card, I cut him off. Our mutual friends still thinks that I was jealous, I don’t care!
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I would have preferred this style your friend used on you compare to what my friend did to me last year May 31st. She placed my safety on the line, I couldn't even tell my family members what happened till date cause they'll abuse me tire. People are mean, that's all I can say sha.
ReplyDeleteFelicity
It amazes me when people confidently say they didn’t wrong another person (friend) in any way. It’s actually the other party who can say that because you never can tell.
ReplyDeleteWhat your friend did was very bad but I’m sure she had her reasons which she couldn’t divulge to you.
A very close friend of mine, 33yrs friendship, is currently angry with me and has withdrawn though I can’t really be bothered. My daughter got married ( she played a very good role even shared beautiful souvenirs) and within 1 yr was seperated and shortly after divorced.
I couldn’t tell any of my close friends because it’s not something worth celebrating, besides, it wasn’t my personal gist.
Why didn’t I tell my childhood friend though she always gisted me about things she wasn’t happy about in her children’s lives?
Firstly, she had mocked or gleefully told me about 2 of her nieces who had divorced their husbands and I didn’t like her tone neither did I feel I needed to hear the gist because it didn’t add any value to my life eg Mayowa ma ti wa dalemosu in her father’s house or Tosin’s husband has sent her packing.
She also took delight in spreading bad gists too.
I always cringed each time she gave me gists about other people because of her choice of words so I couldn’t just imagine.
She got to know because her daughter saw my ex-SIL displaying the pictures of his babe so was shocked to know they’ve divorced for 3yrs and I never told her.
My point is maybe there were some traits you displayed about other people during your friendship that she just couldn’t imagine being a victim of. I believe the way you talk about other people who are close to you is the way you will talk about me too, period.
I forgot to mention that I told her a very private and sensitive gist about my mom( spiritual issues) when I was overwhelmed because I trusted her…imagine my shock when I heard the gist from my uncle’s wife when we went for a family function. I wanted to deny the story but she said sebi it’s my friend that told her. I felt pained but never asked her.
Very insightful comment. I can relate.
DeleteWow! This isn't nice at all. One thing people don't know is, friendship should be mutual.
ReplyDeletePoster, it feels like you've placed her on a pedestal in your life, whereas, she doesn't really rate you highly as much as you do her.
Keep her at arms length for now. Who knows what she has up her sleeves that she's trying to hide from you.
If she really was worried about putting you through the stress of coming all the way, why didn't she keep you in plan of the wedding first. You should be the one to now state if you'll be able to make it or not.
Poster you are not overreacting ,she was never your friend.
ReplyDeletePoster yours is even better. What you did is actually good. I wish I could talk about mine. Maybe I will gather up strength and send SDK my story
ReplyDeletePls forgive but cut all relationship with her.you aren't so important to her reasons why she never invited you.Move on.
ReplyDeleteI have been on this shit.
ReplyDeleteI acted cool like it's nothing, maintained my lane. Until suddenly I heard she's dead.
Her dad informed me and I simply sympathise with him being an aged man.
It's a long story...
If I were you I wouldn't bother with the blockage so I won't look desperate /bitterd. JUST ACT NORMAL SIS.
You’re not overreacting - you’re simply awakening to a bitter truth: the friendship wasn’t as mutual as you believed. When someone you called “sister” blindsides you like that, the pain isn’t petty - it’s personal. She didn’t forget; she excluded you. That’s betrayal wrapped in polite excuses.
ReplyDeleteWhat hurts is not the wedding, but the betrayal of assumed closeness. You thought you were blood; she treated you like background noise. Emotional investments demand ROI, and she paid you in insult. But don’t let this wound rot into resentment - don’t let bitterness squat in your heart rent-free. Block or unblock - do whatever protects your peace.
Thoughtfully, by chance, you might have called this upon yourself in the course of your past discussions; you may have said something that didn't sit well with her but to which she couldn't bring herself to condemn at that time and instead acted in response to when her marriage beckons.
Yet know this: her silence during her joy was loud enough to redefine the bond. Some chapters end without closure; the lesson is the closure. Wish her well, but walk forward with your eyes open - because trust, once cracked, doesn’t heal with apologies; it calcifies with clarity.
I keep advising people, no matter how close you are with someone keep somethings to yourself. Friendship should be with your brain and not your heart.
ReplyDeleteMaybe one prophet someone adviced her not to let her friends know when she's marrying. Or the prophet adviced her to stay away from your so you won't do some spiritual work against the marriage.
ReplyDeleteThat one no be friend o. Leave her and move on
ReplyDeleteIt happens.Forgive her .And stop telling things about you.There is a message in the way people treat you.Just listen.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why most of our friends behave the way they did, my best friend is getting married soon but I'm being sideline. I knew about the relationship from the start, we don't hide things from each other but the way I'm being sideline is hurtful 💔
ReplyDeleteLet me explain why she did that to you. She did it because you know all her secrets and at anytime you can expose her so she decided to rep you at arms length. She was just being careful.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure the husband is not one of your ex or even the present.Unblock and confirm first.
ReplyDeleteMy childhood friend did this to me.
ReplyDeleteShe gave birth to twins and I got to know on Facebook. This is someone that knew when I got pregnant till the day I gave birth.
I just kept my distance. No more constant calling and gisting. Just Hello and Hi on social media and liking of pictures. And it's only what I want her to see that I post on social media. The friendship is dead to me.