STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
AREA BIG SISTER ENTITLEMENT MENTALITY
Aunty Stella...
Please help me.
Some months after I finished my school (Uni), I saw this area big sister, we got talking and she asked what I was doing then, I told her I was job hunting as I had finished schooling. Then she asked how good I was with the computer, and I told her.
She asked for my CV and I sent it to her phone, she did not contact me again until I was called for an interview. I got a job at her place of work, then some months later she resigned from her job to start her own business.
In December, I called to thank her for the job and I sent her some money being a festive period and by January, I still sent something to her being the beginning of the year and things are sometimes tight during this period (I would not want to call that a mistake because I really appreciated the fact that I got my job thanks to her).
Since then, she has been calling and asking me for money..
I cannot even call to greet her; she would ask me for money and airtime. And when she calls to say she wants to check on me, it's money she would ask for at the end of the call. And she always asks for it like she is entitled to it. (that one no concern me, sha send me the money/airtime)
I always give her the money though, but the truth is I am not happy about it, I want to give her money at my own convenience, not she calling me every now and then to ask me for money.
Now I plan to not pick her calls again and even if I do and she asks me for money as usual, I will tell her I don’t have.
Am I being ungrateful here?
This is really making me feel uncomfortable......
This is really sad and unfortunate....I don't think you should stop picking her calls cos if she influenced your getting the Job, she might also be able to influence your losing it......Just tell her that you don't have anytime she asks you but send her what you have to send when you have it....Take away her entitlement mentality by doing it how it suits you and when it suits you
Politely decline when she calls you again for money. It is cowardice to avoid difficult conversations.
ReplyDeleteTell her you appreciate that she helped you to get the job but the fact still remains that you have your own problems as well just like everyone else and will give her if you can afford it but for now you haven’t got any money.
If she calls you again, tell her you don’t have. If she calls you hundred times, tell her in a nice and polite manner that you don’t have.
Stop feeding her entitlement. Let her call you ingrate and ungrateful but stick to your words.
Above all, talk to God about it. I wish you good luck.
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeleteHow can you even ask if you are ungrateful? I don't understand some of you guys...From your write up, you did a noble thing by appreciating her in the 2 instances you highlighted....And now she is becoming entitled by demanding money from you? Can't we help each other without demanding for 'reward'....
If she calls you, tell her that you don't have and stop the self-blackmailing...Watch her reaction when you turn her down......Why would you allow her to keep inconveniencing you? I just pray God opens another opportunity for you....Can you imagine? Don't even blame yourself at all...Which kind of longer-throat is this? This is how people spoil their good deeds then turn around and claiming to be the victim...
All the best....Tell her you don't have any money to spare..... E don do....
If you have it, send to her. Stella is right.
ReplyDeletePoster, just follow Stella's advice.
ReplyDeletePoster,you have to use wisdom in dealing with her. You don't have to be rude to her but you have to stand your ground in the aspect of giving. Don't make it frequent and give,when you have extra. I am certain,she regrets quitting her job for a business,full of uncertainties. God bless your kind heart.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should also be asking her for money every time and keep giving her subtle stories of how badly you are in need of money, she will understand that both of you need money and stop asking you for money.
ReplyDeleteExactly.
DeleteCall her and lament about prices of food stuff, your cooking gas finished same time as your prepaid nepa, talkless of data. price of water, payment for waste control, payment for pedt extermination. etc etc etc
Then pray for her to never be ill in this economy because hospital charges are bloody. PLEASE DONT SAY YOU ARE ILLIF YOU ARE NOT O, JUST MAKE IT A POINT, I BROUGHT IT UP CUS I AM ILL AND MY BILL IS 1.3M AND COUNTING AND PEOPLE I HAVE HELPED ARE NOT PICKING MY CALLS But thats me. No call sickness for ur head.
Tell her that you didnt know Adulthood be like this o.
I tell you, before your lamentations na she go dey give you advice on how to cope, possibly pray for you.
If she asks, you simply tell her you don't have na. Give at your own convenience.
ReplyDeleteYou don't owe her anything. A lot of Nigeria's think like the lady you described. You have appreciated her for her kindness. Why you at the job try to find something else cause she's starting to develop God complex mentality. It will also prevent you from developing anxiety whenever you see her calls . For you to bring it here means it's starting to impact your life in a negative way.
ReplyDeletePoster you be JJC?. She will keep asking until you say no. After all bible said ask and you know the rest.she has asked, it’s your duty to say no.
DeleteIf you find it difficult saying no, try this :
Next time she calls, once she says hello, sound down, if she says what is wrong, tell her a million and one problems you have “ you need money for lab tests”, your rent, you borrowed money from online lenders and you never pay back finish. In fact, you can use the lenders support for up to two years sef. If she doesn’t call, send her a message asking for ideas on where to borrow money, that you need 1m urgently. If she says what for?. Tell her you don’t want to discuss it now…
Very very sad our people over do things
ReplyDeleteEhya, she resigned her job with the believe that she would make it better in business, not knowing that sometimes you would have to try many businesses and loose until you find the one that can thrive better in your hands. . Now she has turned into a bigger because it's not that rossy outside as she thought. Business na by grace o. Hmmm....
ReplyDeletePoster, my advice is that you should look for excuse to give to her. Tell her you involved in something that takes away 80% of your money and it's not been easy with you as you had to reach out to relatives to lend you some money to manage every month .
Not everybody is mentally mature enough to know when to stop begging
What she's doing is totally wrong.
ReplyDeleteI will suggest the next time she calls, gently and nicely tell her your financial challenges and how you can't help her.
Do this consistently doe 6 months.
She will stop.
And to avoid raising d d.ead, don't go giving her randomly again for now please
Start calling her and asking for money.
ReplyDeleteI support this,call her and ask her for money,tell her you need to sort out some family needs and it's pressing, na she go run from you
DeleteHigh five ✋🏽
DeleteSorry about what you're facing. Just do as aunty Stells advised. But what if she's a blog visitor and sees this, won't she burn fire at your office?
ReplyDeleteA dicey one but nothing a bit of creativity won't solve. Spread around a narrative in the office that you've been scammed of a huge amount of money in a failed investment. Act the part too. Let her know that you are battling a heavy financial loss on something you took a loan to invest in. Let the office grapevine(thank God for them) pick it up and run with it.
ReplyDeleteWhen her sources in your work place confirm what you told her, she should give you a breather if she is a reasonable person. If she persists in making demands from you after that, put your foot down and tell her you won't be making monetary provisions for her anymore.
Life is simpler when we say no.
High five
DeleteThis is why I don’t like people helping me just like that. Poster, pls prayerfully do what Stella advised.
ReplyDeleteThe way I’m seeing it she will soon say this was the agreement
ReplyDeleteHey Poster! infact, call her right now, tell her you need her financial assistance as your mama/papa/uncle (anybody) dey terribly sick and needs urgent surgery! If she say she no get, call her again another 2 days, tell her she is the only one you think can help you, and that she should please help you. Tell her all your money has gone on taking care of the person and now you have started owing people too. Beg her as if your life depends on it. After that, she will call you less if at all she will call.
ReplyDeleteHigh five
DeleteIf a helping hand becomes a harvesting hand, always reaching out without regard, then boundaries are not just allowed - they are necessary. You’ve honoured her twice with cash gifts that came from a heart steeped in gratitude - that is already noble. But what you shouldn't encourage is a leash on how you are expected to show gratitude, nor should you allow your kindness to become a debt collector’s hook. You've watered it down enough; start uprooting the weed.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, it will become a salary she expects monthly. You need boundaries, not her extortion. Before this resentment grows a deeper root. Call her bluff with calm. Tell her no, without malice. Meaning you should still check up on her occasionally. Let your “no” be as honest as your “thank you” once was. If she chooses to see it as betrayal, that is her lens, not your truth. You owe her thanks - not a lifetime of appeasement. And let peace follow your honesty - your kindness is not a weakness, please.
Na so. AI in motion.
ReplyDeleteSometimes good deeds are our destruction.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure why she keeps asking you for money, you being a young person who is just starting life. Just keep looking for another job and when you get something else, delete and block her azz. On another note, you can tell her outright you have some financial commitments that you are dealing with right now and you will not be able to give her any money for the foreseeable future.
People often take advantage of those who aren't firm with decision making. So, you either continue giving to her or be firm with your responses.."No is no".
ReplyDeletePoster please look for an excuse when next she asks for money..this thing has turned to blackmail and if you're not careful you're going to be stuck with giving her money anytime she's broke..she has seen that you're soft hearted and she's taking advantage of you..there's no need to feel like you're ungrateful, she's the one with entitlement mentality..you need to let her know you don't have next time she asks you,unless she'd never stop asking..free yourself from this lady please!
ReplyDeleteTell her you have pressing issues, you can be remitting money to her all the time
ReplyDeletePoster just follow Stella's advice and save yourself all this stress. Life use to be great with my family then and I was always helping as much as I can but when life happened to us people vanished except for our siblings.
ReplyDeletePls plan yourself well if not this area Big sis will tell people how you didn't plan well with the job she got you.
Poster why are you blaming the lady for a problem you caused. You should have bought her a nice gift to thank her for the job she helped you get instead of gifting her money. This is your cup of tea.
ReplyDeleteNdi victim blaming don land
Delete