PARENTAL ENTITLEMENT MENTALITY
I feel down by my Daddy’s latest action
My dad has been retired for four years now
Recently his gratuity was paid which we all prayed for
Runs into tens of millions.......
Now he said he wants to use part of it to renovate the house, house is very old
And start a business so he won’t be dependent on anyone....
The money will barely be enough for both aspirations from our projection, but we plan to manage as much as we can.....
Now, my eldest sister is a petty trader, barely makes enough for herself or to send home
So my dad decided to send almost 750k to her so she can uplift herself financially
Gave another hundreds of thousand to my younger sister to learn a skill online...
I didn’t expect to get any, since I’m working and I have been the person supporting home and my other siblings at different times
We were all trained to University level by my dad....
I earn a little above 500k and every month
I spend more than 150k on family this is excluding unplanned expenses from them...
Remove my transport (which is high here) and feeding, I barely have enough left for other things
I struggle to bring out 50 to 100k every month to save...
My dad has been retired for four years now
Recently his gratuity was paid which we all prayed for
Runs into tens of millions.......
Now he said he wants to use part of it to renovate the house, house is very old
And start a business so he won’t be dependent on anyone....
The money will barely be enough for both aspirations from our projection, but we plan to manage as much as we can.....
Now, my eldest sister is a petty trader, barely makes enough for herself or to send home
So my dad decided to send almost 750k to her so she can uplift herself financially
Gave another hundreds of thousand to my younger sister to learn a skill online...
I didn’t expect to get any, since I’m working and I have been the person supporting home and my other siblings at different times
We were all trained to University level by my dad....
I earn a little above 500k and every month
I spend more than 150k on family this is excluding unplanned expenses from them...
Remove my transport (which is high here) and feeding, I barely have enough left for other things
I struggle to bring out 50 to 100k every month to save...
I’m working but amongst my colleagues, I can barely afford to dress well or hang out with them and hold my own
I don’t complain because it’s all for family after all
Now after this, my younger bro needs money in school
My dad reached out to me expecting me to pay it, it’s within the range of 70 to 90k
I told him that this month with everything going on, I plan to take a respite
Buy one or two wears for work and eat well, yes eat well
Cos most times I forfeit and skip mealtimes intentionally to meet up
Little 3k meal here and there makes 15 to 20k which I can send to my younger bro in school to assist...
I believe the money can also be squeezed out and let me rest small this month
But almost like he is still interested in tasking me
Cos this wasn’t the first request he has suggested I help with regarding my siblings, he suggested I add 100k to my elder sister money for trading
I turned the first down, thinking he got the message now this again
Now my dad is angry with me
I feel bad...
Let him be angry with you if he wants...Dont kill yourself for anyone abeg you....Parental entitlement mentality is just wrong, dont encourage it atall...Sibling entitlement mentality is also another big problem in Naija setting, dont encourage it at all...
Take care of yourself cos no one else will oh.......
Leave your DAD TO BE ANGRY WITH YOU; HE WILL BE FINE; WHEN HE IS SEES that you are serious, he will use his anger to cook beans.....Ignore all of them do you!
Please,take a breather and spoil yourself. You have worked for it and should enjoy .
ReplyDeleteDon't be bothered about his anger,he will calm down later. Now that he has the means,he should take care of his responsibility for his son in school.
Don't send any more money till December for the celebration. Take a break and care for yourself, it's called self love. Your dad can be angry for all he wants,you have fulfilled your duty as a daughter to him. Your brother in school can do something to have a little income. My cousin barbs hair in school to argument his allowance.
DeleteBut the guy in question is his son not urs,why disturb u for it..
DeleteIf you calculate your expenses and tell him but don't tell him your main salary.
DeleteIt's well
Let him stay angry if he wants to poster, don't stress yourself.
DeleteNa you born pikin for am? I do not like it when people become entitled to other's stuff like this.
Can't he see how stressed up you've been? Which business does he want to start at his old age, with how much sef? He should better go fix that money somewhere so it will be generating some interest monthly no matter how small.
You've really really tried poster. Please don't bulge or renege on your decision. After a while,it will sink in and everyone will get the message. 🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteCalled him and talk to him. Is better than be silent on him.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you type well , other times you type as if you are high on something. What is it?
Delete18:50 probably autocorrect
DeletePlease rest, you have really tried. Bone face, let him vex well well. After him vex finish, he will adjust.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, prioritize your well-being. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteYou've been assisting your family all along. This one time you've chosen to take a break shouldn't be so much of a problem. Politely explain to your dad, I'm sure he'll understand.
If you keep being a people pleaser, you'll be so drained and when things go bad, you'll be shocked at how people move on so quickly.
Family is everything but while tending to them, do not lose yourself.
I have observed that most good children in few homes are always taken for granted.
ReplyDeleteWhy did you let them know you were collecting such amount of money?
Pls, look out for yourself too and the money you are saving is a little small, add to it especially if you are still single. Start building your future
Tell your dad that you applied for masters programme that's why you are low on cash. Quickly cut the entitlement mentality before it's too late.
You can help your younger brother with money for food.
It's the responsibility of parents to care for their children.
It's when you are at your lowest that you will know you have no one except God. Start SAVING MORE,GO TO SCHOOL FOR MORE CERTIFICATIONS, APPLY TO CANADA for part time school and work. I mean, START BUILDING YOURSELF AS YOU ARE STILL YOUNG. No one told me this during my time but as I age, I'm getting more wisdom.
Words of wisdom!
DeletePoster, you can't be earning abive 500k monthly and be living like a pauper. You need to learn how to say no and mean it. Put yourself first, eat well, dress well. Everybody will be fine eventually.
ReplyDeleteAbove 500k is not a big money my dear Hannah, depending on where you live. By the time you deduct transport or fueling, house expenses and bills, feeding, you will see that it is nothing in some cities.
DeletePoster, you can give your brother in school 20k if you can.
Henceforth, anytime they ask you for money, divide it into five places and give them one part. If they ask for 100k, give them 20k. Stop spending too much on them. Let them start taking care of themselves if their father cannot take care of them.You have tried. Start planning your own future seriously. Things are getting more expensive everyday o.
Don’t give him nothing.
DeleteHer dad got paid after so long
If he had any respect for what she has meant to them, he would have sat her down and had a good conversation before he started spending this money
But no he has done what he wants. Didn’t even get her a good gift and he’s asking for more
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDo what you think it's best, more important, whatever makes you sleep well at night. It's that simple.
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel, times are hard. Remember your dad has been there for you guys and I'm sure he also deprived himself of alot just to make sure you guys were okay.
ReplyDeleteI think you should try and help your brother out with his school fees. your sister can manage.
Your dad hasn't done anything wrong....responsibilities must be shared, it is normal.
Their dadhas millions now, let him take care of the son's bill this time
DeleteI disagree, her dad is getting seriously entitled, Nigerian parents tend to do this a lot and it's unfair on their kids.
DeleteThe son in question is the father's responsibility, it is abnormal for a father to abrogate the responsibility of taking care of his kids to another kid (who obviously is still trying to put her life together too), and if situation warrants that happens, then the parents who have failed in their responsibility should be really grateful they have a kind child who is stepping up for them, not make it look like it's their right.
Who else is meant to take up the responsibility? Na person wey born pikin nau.
I will suggest,.. make sure for the next 6 months, you lock up. Don't give shishi, so they can all understand the memo.
ReplyDeleteThen, use this 6 months to plan your financial life, have a saving plan, change wardrobe if need be. Stock up etc. after 6 months, wether their businesses (dad and sis) flourishes or not, don't take the whole responsibility on your shoulders. Do d best you can and don't forget yourself.
Truth is, if anything happens to that job tomorrow (God forbid) you will be shocked what they will become to you
So use your head
No do pass yourself, you cannot come and die because you want to help family or siblings. Since your dad got millions from his payment let him also empower your younger brother in school so that he can have something to be giving him little little money while in school. Since your other siblings are graduate they should get something doing while you all add up money to train your younger brother.
ReplyDeleteOne person alone cannot take care of a family, else you will break down in no time. You should always eat well no matter family wahala or need. Is very important to take good care of yourself before anything.
Some of our African parents ehhhhhh
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteDear Poster,
Please don’t feel bad because your dad isn’t happy with you.....I know it hurts, but I want you to know that choosing to look after yourself is not selfish but very necessary.....You deserve peace too.
Black tax is real, and if it’s not managed properly, it can hold you back and build resentment over time.....It’s okay to help, but not at the cost of your own well-being......Your brother is ultimately your father’s responsibility......The fact that you have been helping already shows how much you care but it shouldn’t become your burden alone......
Take time to properly budget your income.....Plan for your own goals first; savings, investments, and then see what you can give without putting yourself in a tough spot....Support is meaningful, but it should never come from a place of guilt, pressure & self-sabotage.....You must save and invest o....
Please keep choosing yourself. You’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough. ❤️
All the best....
Words in gold..' Support is meaningful but it should never come from a place of guilt, pressure and aelf-sabotage'
Deleteseriously. dad why now. poster you have done what you are suppose to do. it's like you mentioned what you earn to them. that's why they have this mentality
ReplyDeleteAsk him for money
ReplyDeleteIf you don’t ask them for money they never stop
Don't mind him .This is time for you to care of your self.
ReplyDeleteThat's why it's not good to let them know the exact amount of money you are earning. Tomorrow if you don't help them they'll forget all those years that you've been supportive and use this recent one that you turned down to judge you all their life. Someone close to me just died this week, he was neglected during his hard times by the people that ate from his abundance wealth when things were rosy. They say he didn't help them enough, it wasn't even his fault. He was a giver, very kind man that doesn't fail to give when ever you ask. But when he married everything changed because the wife wasn't allowing him to give anymore, so all those people had to use that against him when he was down. He was abandoned to die in pain😭... I added the story for you to know that your family may never forget the day you refused to assist them but they will easily forget all those years that they benefited from your benevolence. To prevent things like this, it's better you don't disclose the exact amount that you earn. If it's 500k you tell them that you are earning 300k. And when they ask for assistance, don't fail to assist them enough, assist them enough because they are your family and you are aware that they don't have any other support but you so that's why you need to assist them but as you are doing so, make them believe that it'll from the 300k that you are assisting them from and that you had to lend money from your friends to add to the ones you gave them. Then you withdraw your assistance when they start making something for themselves, just as your dad has got something to support with right now, if not, they'll relax and and allow themselves to be so dependent on you.
ReplyDeleteAs for advice on what you should do, let bvs give you that advice.
ReplyDelete@poster, it's high time u prioritize yourself, invest in yourself too
ReplyDeleteWith all these people telling you what to do and what not to do please evaluate your father many of them are talking maybe their homes are not as peaceful as yourselves do what you can do and leave the rest but to say don't do os wickedness .Your father trained you and the remaining ones will also finish one day and your burden will be over .He also must have deprived himself of things when you are growing up please don't let him be angry with you .
ReplyDeleteYou didn’t hear he just got millions
DeleteWhich part did he give her
He’s sharing money without discussing with the breadwinner of the family and you think he cares about her
17;16, did the poster say she is a woman?
Delete18:59 I can bet you it’s a female
DeleteWhy cause all these explanations instead of no and move on, na girl child dey do am
If it was a man, the father will sit him down to discuss
Who is supposed to deprive themselves of things before?
DeleteDo you know how many things I have deprived myself of for my kids? But I will NEVER hold that over their heads whether now or in future, like NEVER!!!
Did anybody send me to born pikin? Nope.
People need to understand that's how parenthood works, you choose that life the moment you decide to give birth to kids, they are your responsibility 💯, it's a one way traffic here brother.
What I can afford is send my parents soups I do that
ReplyDeleteI do business
I am the Ada
I am believing for more ,this month on my list I wrote down 50k to share between my parents
God knows I love them back and forth
God also knows I will eat well first,care for my business while doing all these
I won't burn out for anyone
I won't sacrifice my blood for anyone
The one I can do they appreciate it so well,no pressures family of 8
People treat us how we allow them to.
If you allow your parents this won't stop
Eat well oh.
Cloth yourself
Everything else Jesus died on the cross to take control of
Imagine family of 8. When they were giving birth to the children, didn't they think of taking care of them? They will now put the load on one of them that is working.
DeletePls do what you can and don't deprive yourself o
@Poster, you know what I started learning lately? I realized everyone around me (my siblings, my mum and in-laws) are all selfish. If you are doing well, everyone calls you, and believe me, if you are just a bit down and just mistakenly ask, everybody will go AWOL on you.
ReplyDeleteI will advise you look after yourself. Your dad sent 750k to your sister who is into business, and gave another couple of thousands to the one learning a skill online, it is time for your father to turn to those ones for assistance too. Give yourself a breather, get everything you had ever wish you get, press ignore until December. Eat well, dress well, and rest well. No let anybody kill you with billing.
If your father had the same mind set he wouldn't have sent you to school to get a job that pays over 500k.
ReplyDeleteParents make a lot of sacrifices for their kids, it's sad to know that these children are not ready to make sacrifices for their parents.
You will understand when you become a parent .
I saw this quote somewhere.
"A mother can take care of ten children but sometimes ten children can't take care of one mother"
Hellloooooooo @anon 18:29, did you see where she said she is the one catering for the home? And if we check am, you wey do like say you holy pass so, you never give your papa shishi since the year began o
DeleteIf you're not careful, they will run you down while they keep excelling, I'm not saying you shouldn't help your family, but choose yourself first and help at your own convenience.
ReplyDeleteAnybody that wants to be angry with you should continue, don't let them turn you to sowing machine that sows for everyone but it's naked.
Communication is key.Let them all know how hard it is for you right now.Presently, the economy isn't friendly and everyone should understand that.
ReplyDeleteThat's how they birth kids and later leave their responsibilities to one or two that are working or struggling to balance.
ReplyDeletePls ignore everyone and take care of your own life.
Are you a male or female?
Pls plan for your own future. Family will be fine.
Start complaining. Tell them they have cut your salary due to the economy downturn. Reduce what you spend on them and start saving more. Get a side hustle or travel outside the country. Settle down too if you are a fan of marriage.
It's so sad that our parents or siblings don't understand the stress people go through to make money. Very terrible
ReplyDelete