80 YEAR OLD MUM IN LOVE
My mom just turned 80 in April. She's still very strong and healthy that makes us very happy. We take very good care of my mom, it's been 4 years since my dad her husband passed away so we try as much as we can to make sure she's comfortable and doesn't miss him too much.
My mom was staying with my sister in Abuja until when she came to the village recently for a meeting and decided that she's not going back to Abuja.
We all agreed that it's okay for her to stay in the village for a while. I'm the last of four siblings. My two older siblings are overseas, my immediate older sister is in Abuja; I'm the only one living in the east with my mom. Though I stay in the city my mom lives in the village.
I go to see her at the end of every month, with foodstuff and any other thing she will ask for. All my siblings send me money for her upkeep. So she lacks nothing.
On my last visit something happened that has left me feeling shocked!!!
I went to see my mom as usual, but I got there around some few minutes past 8:00 p.m. On getting to our compound I saw a man in our living room, I don't know him, but I didn't think much of it. Maybe he came to do a job for her, he greeted me like he knew me very well, which is not surprising, because my family is quite popular, but then he didn't want to leave.
I was in the kitchen looking for what to eat when my mom walked in. I asked her who that was and why is he still here? She said, "that's my man" Man ke!
As in your boyfriend? My mom answered me boldly, "yes" to say I was shocked is an understatement.
As in your boyfriend? My mom answered me boldly, "yes" to say I was shocked is an understatement.
I was flabbergasted.
What could my 80 year old mother possibly want with a boyfriend. I think the man is a parasite that targets lonely old widows that will take care of him.
He even looks younger, like someone in his 60s. To make matters worse this man walked into my parents bedroom as if I was not even there, about to spend the night with my mom while am still around. Who does that? That is to tell you the kind of man that he is shameless!
I told my mom to send him away or I will she said, I had no right that this is her house. I didn't want to make a scene by forcefully asking him to leave because I know how my mom can get. I told her to stop whatever she had going on with him, that what will people say?
she said, she doesn't care what people will say. I now said what about my siblings, what will they say? she said if I like I should tell them that she doesn't care. This is so unlike my mom, she's acting strange. I don't know if I should tell my siblings but on the other hand if I tell them, they may likely cut her off, then how would she manage? I am worried that she's not thinking about the consequences of her actions, for someone that is relying on others to feed, why is she acting so recklessly.
Any advice or suggestions will be helpful at this time.
Any advice or suggestions will be helpful at this time.
Hmmm that was why your mum refused to go back to Abuja...LOL
It might be that he is giving her a good time...Your mum is happy and thats what matters but he might also be a love scammer...Why dont you investigate him to know what to do?Maybe it would be better to cut off her income than to continue giving her......
Just like old widowers get new wives/mistresses who become their companion and take care of their other needs, old widows too deserve the same treatment. I blame our culture that limits these women.
ReplyDeletePls do well to investigate the man in your village and know the type of person he is, to avoid regrets later as a heartbreak at her age would be disastrous.
If he is okay, your mum deserves happiness too. Let them be. You can then tell your siblings and let them know that you have investigated him and he is fine. Don't let them cut her off .the allowances.
Your mum was probably lonely, she needed a companion.
Pls investigate well to be sure she is doing it with clear eyes and that the man is not a jobless gigolo..
Hmmmmm
ReplyDeleteMaleh is in love again
But instead of assuming the man is this or that, do your findings then know whether to tell your siblings or not
Please can a woman in 80s still long or have sex,? I'm suprise here
ReplyDeleteEverything is not all about sex my dear. She needs a companion that will be with her.
DeletePeople looking down on the elderly are missing a lot. Infact sex gets better and sweeter with age .I grew a small di×k with age I don't know how .and my orgasms are so strong. I'm shocked sef..
Delete16:16, the short answer is, yes
Delete16:59, you GREW a dick? Wait. Is something wrong with the internet today or has everyone just gone crazy? WTF did I just read?
DeleteI know an elderly woman (probably close to her 80s) who still gives sermons in church on the importance of s*x in marriages.She uses her home as example always and how she gives her man till date.She says, this together with prayers, submission and respect for one another has kept her home
DeleteDog, they meant that their clitoris enlarged and maybe elongated after they got older. I don’t think they grew an actual peen🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Dog
DeleteAn 80 year old getting shagged? Oh! My gag reflexes aren't strong enough for this. OP what are you people feeding her that is keeping her horny like this?
ReplyDelete@DOGgedity, should you know this...that women's libido increases with age and the man's...decreases they say...
DeleteBomb sex is confusing grandma. But you have to stand firm not confrontational. The man is a confirmed jerk. Who enters his lover's bedroom in front of her daughter without prior introduction.
ReplyDeleteMama don dey collect head.
ReplyDeleteIt will be hard to get her to leave that guy.
You guys should stop the fund from coming for now and see if that will.push the guy away
You are selfish.
DeleteIf it was a widowed man, living alone that got himself a woman, will you tell his kids to stop his funds so that the woman will leave him?
The double standards with you guys is sickening.
Mama needs a companion, she is free, just like widowers do, but some of you are yarning dust just because she is a woman.
Poster, I hope you don't drive your mum to an early grave with your actions if you follow some advice here.
That local lawyer too will come on SP tomorrow morning and continue from where these ones stopped.
You should tell your siblings. She needs to return to Abuja or you cut her off. That man is probably with her for the money and food you all send to her. Tell your siblings so all of you can come together and safeguard your father's properties if he had any before the man convinced her into selling them.
ReplyDeleteIf you stop sending her money, that man will leave if he's a scam.
You can't really stop her from being with him. My only advice is to monitor she doesn't handover vital documents to him and he plays her to include him in his will.
ReplyDeleteIt's better you inform your siblings, tell your mum it's better she informs everyone properly for her safety cause the man you described up there can pull stunts before and after her death.
Felicity
Exactly! That's why she doesn't want to return to Abuja. Stella is right on this one.
ReplyDeleteWhat about the man's wife? Is he single?
Please, report her to your siblings.
Please tell your siblings ASAP
ReplyDeleteWith that man she will never leave that village to city for any reason, that guy is keeping her company plus he is giving her some feelings that you her children cannot do for her. You should go ahead and make your findings about that guy, get to know everything about him and speak to him one on one about your mum and what he is doing with her.
ReplyDeleteYou people should cut down her upkeep money, you too should reduce what you bring to her on monthly basis but for her health do not cut down on any expenses in that. The guy is enjoying the luxury life, free food, money she is giving him plus no liability from her so is an advantage to him.
We all know that a person in love doesn't see anything wrong with their lover. You are the only one with your siblings who can see the wrong but your mum is carried away already. She need to be happy and have a man but thr man must be genuine and not so fuck fools.
You must tell your siblings. What if she contracts an sti, they need to know what is up. Seniors do contract sti's like every other age group. You may want to tell her to visit her doctor and have a personal discussion so she can protect herself. One thing I have learned is that the elderly can be very stubborn, you have to find the right approach or you could end up alienating her and if the dude is a love scammer, that is exactly what he wants. Keep being there, keep up your regular visits and tell your siblings not to shorten or stop her support, any love scammer can use that against you and say he had to financially support her and file suit to claim her assets or some of it.
ReplyDeleteSeek legal advice so she is protected and show her horror stories of older women who were scammed. Please advice her to protect herself financially. Develop a code word with her, that if she feels in danger she can call or text any of you and say the word and you will know to get to her immediately. You must practice the code word and tell her never to tell anybody outside of you and your siblings, and all she has to do is say the word or text it if she is in danger or feel unsafe. Good luck
Is her property in her name only
ReplyDeleteJust make sure she protects herself and not transfer anything to anyone
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeleteYour concern is valid, and so is your mother’s longing. At 80, the need for affection doesn’t retire. Widowhood isn’t exile from love. What you’re witnessing is not confusion but a clear assertiveness of an old woman unashamed of her emotional hunger.
Our culture reveres widows who “endure,” to live in emotional abstinence. And shame those who dare to love again? Your unease isn’t just concern - it’s entangled in that shame. Norms that desexualise elderly women. If it were a father with a younger lover, the reactions would likely be laced with humour, not alarm bells - that double standard must go.
The elderly, especially when financially reliant, are easy prey for cunning hearts - there are many in the village. But to control her through guilt or the threat of cutting off support is coercion that may not end well. Your mother isn’t senile. She’s alive, and possibly in love. Don’t police her. Protect her by reducing cash flow, discreetly investigating the man’s background and antecedents, and quietly bringing your siblings into the loop.
After that understanding, depending on findings, open a non-judgmental dialogue. If it’s real, let her have it. With an urgent need to define whatever it is, through thorough regular health checks on both, just to be clear. She’s earned the right, even at 80.
Loneliness doesn’t always sit beside us. Sometimes it lies within us. Let her feel seen. Let her feel wanted, by the warmth of her emotions. Let her live.
Poster, read this again and again.
DeleteThat guy will force your mum to sell the remaining land/properry your dad left for you all. Your mum may be giving him money everyday.
ReplyDeleteShameless man, tell him to stay away from that house. Tell your siblings but investigate the man first and fast.
Protect your.mum from.him.
But my fears are your late father's family.what if they find out about this relationship she's having with another man after your father's death? She resides in the village not city so it's might be difficult due to traditions e.t.c. But I will advise she leaves the village to the city where she can start her life again with a good man.
ReplyDeleteYour mum needs companion, she may be lonely and needs someone . They can both visit the hospital to ensure there's no trace of infections of any kind. What you and your siblings should do, is to know more about the man to ensure he's not dangerous.
Well, mummy is not acting strange, she's just being human.
ReplyDeleteWe tend to view our elderly parents through the lens of their age, especially in our society where anything romantic or sexual is seen as inappropriate once someone is 'old'
Yes your mum is old but still healthy, mentally sound and clearly still wants companionship. Even with the good care and attention you guys provide, emotional connection is vital.
I notice your tone feels possessive, it's understandable though. Saying 'she's acting recklessly ' or 'she relies on us to feed' sounds a bit controlling and harsh.
The man might not be a parasite, though your suspicion is not out of place.
What I'd suggest is, have a heart to heart talk with her, no scolding, no judgement. Ask why she wants the man in her life. What does he bring to her?
Meet the man as well. Have a calm dialogue, learn about him, ask around before writing him off.
Reduce the money you guys give her, in case that's what he's after. Don't be far from her at this point.
About if you should tell your siblings, do that only if necessary. If she's truly happy, it might be better to protect her peace than trigger unnecessary drama. But if you see any signs of financial abuse, control, or health danger, then inform them.
You have to tell your siblings what's going on. Because if anything goes wrong, they will blame you because you are the closest to her and should know what's happening. There is nothing wrong if your mom has found love again. It's her right since your Dad is late.
ReplyDeleteA meeting should be held to know the man's intention. If he's coming for marriage or to chop and clean mouth. The house is coming is not his house. It's your father's house. If he wants to be intimate with your mom,he should take her to his house. The man can come around and go back but not spend the night in your father's house.
Also investigate if the man has a wife or family before somebody wife will come and embarrass her and your family for husband snatching
Marriage to an 80yr old woman? Funny you.
Delete80 years
ReplyDeleteI made up my mind a long time ago to enjoy this life
Honestly
I'm half her age
I am coming
See them 👆👆👆👆👆👆
ReplyDeleteI wonder what the comment section would have looked like if it was the other way round.
You would see comments like:
Bv A: Papa is lonely, you want him to die of loneliness? Increase his allowance so that it would be enough for him and his woman.
Bv B: you guys should marry the woman for him so that it will be legal. She is doing you all a favor by taking care of his emotional and sexual needs. That will make him live longer.
Bv C: He is a man with blood running in his veins, you want konji to kill him? Can you his child give him ponyor?
Abeg leave papa to gbensh.
Bv D: Your dad is an OG, I like him already. Let him enjoy his last days biko.
I shake my head at y'all. May God have mercy on y'all with your double standards.
Are you minding them. Hypocrites all of them.
DeleteDo your findings to be sure the man isn't trying to love scam your mum
ReplyDeleteFor those urging that Mama be left alone, please understand that male and female experiences in old age aren’t quite the same. An 80-year-old man might still be physically active in certain ways, while for a woman of that age, priorities tend to shift from things like sex.
ReplyDeleteLet us all be honest in our advice. What if this were our Mother or Grandmother? Is it not very suspicious that 80 year old Mama has chosen to remain in the village with a much younger man in his 60s, especially when it appears she’s managing alone.
There’s no mention of a housemaid, which means she may end up taking on other wifely responsibilities that aren’t fair for her at this stage in life.
There is also a real risk that the man could be influencing her and trying to gain access to her late husband's properties.
Dear Poster, please act quickly to bring Mama back home, secure the house, and protect your father’s assets. It’s better to be cautious than regretful.
I think you are having an issue with this, because it's your mom, if you flip the script and it's your dad, you will be very happy and excited he found a companion at that age
ReplyDeleteYou dey mind them
DeleteFaux female feminists!
ReplyDeleteYou all cry for equal gender rights or even women on top.
But want it only on the backs, shoulders, and pockets of the men.
Whenever it appears the Naija man has one over his woman, the shout: “Oyibo women don’t take nonsense; they prioritise themselves as much as their partners.”
And when it appears the Naija man has one even in benefits with a woman, it peppers you.
Only your men should be intentional about you.
So what is wrong with a widow having male company?
Even if at her children’s expense?
Children are a part or the Pillar of the Naija’s aged persons’ pension scheme.
Once you give her the money and foodstuff, it all becomes hers, right?
Why can’t she use all for her pleasure as she wishes?
Are you guys ready to return to the Village to care for your Mum and minister to ALL her needs? Emphasis on ALL.
The bedroom!
In-laws allowed Wife to inherit her husband’s property in peace.
Daughter says she cannot use the house the way she likes in peace.
Where are those who lampooned the Clause in the Will of that Igbo Ogbuefi saying his wife cannot remarry into his “Obi”?
Do you still remember all the feminist talks and the barbing of Naija men on the post that day?
To justify the Igbo Chief’s Will clause, a comment was made about how a daughter found it offensive for a man to cross her father’s living room grave to go into her father’s bedroom with her mother.
A Bv, ostensibly a woman, retorted insultingly as some of you do here.
Now this!
Let your mother enjoy herself.
That is what an Oyibo woman would have done.
Above all there is no Will stopping her from “eating” in your Dad’s bedroom or on the Bed she last used with him.
Let us adopt the Oyibo standards.
Or does it apply only for women against men?
It appears the Mama in the Village is ahead of her children living in Oyibo Land and Cities.
Abeg, I no wan laff.
But people that are condemning the man as leech, but he is rendering some services her children could and would not be able to render for their mum. If it is your mum wishes, you have to respect that simple but harsh.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger, I was so convinced that people from their 40s downwards would no longer be interested in relationships. But here I am almost approaching 40 and I'm still willing to be in a relationship. So that she's in her 80s doesn't mean she doesn't want any relationship. Just allow her to be happy please. All the money and care you guys give her is enough to make her happy
ReplyDeleteThat's alright. So long as she is not being financially abused and is using protection.
ReplyDeleteL
Just get all documentation before leaving for the city before e take gbola whine her into transferring ownership
ReplyDeleteIf you people prevent ur mom from this man without just cause, then you people are wickeddddddd
ReplyDelete