ANGRY WIFE
My husband is a graduate doing his masters and I am just only an OND holder and a teacher....
My husband is a graduate doing his masters and I am just only an OND holder and a teacher....
There is this lady in our church who helped my husband to get a hospital job. The closeness between this lady and my husband in church was too much that other members come to tell me ''why is this lady always being close to your husband even more than you the wife?''
I pretended I didn't notice and this has been going on for long, I see them in church being close but I decided to ignore. I spoke to my husband about it but he smiles and says that he does not have anything to do with her,which was true. it just the closeness that made people feel something was fishy, but the word my husband keep saying most times when we are just talking,he will say "oh Sandra made me who I am today,if not for her I will not get this job today,all my success goes to her."
All the things I did in the past for my husband, he has never one day said it or even be proud of me, the way he praises that lady in church but I decide to swallow it.
I feel bad in my heart if I had know I will have gone to school well and become big.My husband praises successful women and wishes he's their husband, he is always singing their praises.
I remember all I went through when we had nothing and how I stayed with him in his family house before we built our house, my husband has never said those things but only picks fault sometimes when we have disagreements.i don't know how else to contain this anger and not explode and disorganize our home.
Hmmmm you are jealous that your husband admires other successful Ladies? Why don't you pick up forms and better yourself instead of piling up anger in your heart? why not discuss with him that you wanna go back to school and get more Education? It is never too late to learn and even that your teaching job, you cant take it to the next level......dress well, comport yourself well and watch his admiration go up.....Most importantly, tell him how his reactions to other ladies make you feel...Abi you marry man wey you no fit tell your mind?
The man has upgraded more than your level and he is admiring women in positions of authority.
ReplyDeleteYou can change the narration. Get course on line. Go into tech . More importantly, dress very well. Hold your side tight.
Your husband shouldn't be saying that. So wrong
DeleteGod always position people to help and so, all glory should go to God.
Up your game sis, upgrade your cert and add value to yourself.
There's no woman that will be happy with such statement.
Commit everything to God.
He is selfish and disrespectful
DeleteHe is selfish and disrespectful
DeletePoster. You're clearly jealous which is a normal feeling. Channel your anger into bettering yourself. Not for your husband but for you. Your husband is excessively grateful,don't be offended.
ReplyDeleteSpot on. Poster, do all you can to get a degree. The past is past. You can only change the future. Let your regret fuel you to better yourself so you stop regretting. Register in school, get a degree and change your story. YOU CAN DO IT.
DeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel; anyone in your position would be hurt.......His actions don’t align with his words, and it's now clearer that some of the concerns raised by others may hold weight...... It’s disappointing, especially being made to feel like you’re in competition with someone simply because she once offered him help......
That said, don’t let his behavior shake you....... Approach this with calmness and dignity. When you're ready, have a mature, composed conversation with him....Ask respectfully how he would feel if the roles were reversed without anger or tears, which he may misinterpret as weakness....
Like the word of Michelle Obama ''When they go low, we go higher''........
Also, please don’t downplay yourself by saying you’re “just an OND holder and a teacher.”..... That mindset doesn’t serve you......Many people are using that as a stepping stone and growing......
Instead of comparing yourself to him, focus on how you can improve whether by furthering your education or pursuing other goals.....
Let this experience push you toward becoming a stronger, more fulfilled version of yourself.....
Wishing you strength and clarity ahead......
All the best
AI
DeletePoster you can go back to school to upgrade yourself. It is never late to do that. You can explore the option of National Open University of Nigeria. Not taking action now will haunt you for a long time.
ReplyDeleteIt is well with you @Poster
ReplyDeleteYour husband is not rooted in the word of God; otherwise he would have known that no man maltreats his wife and get away with it.
Have a talk with him and express your fears and unhappiness
Report him to God if he refused to change.
You have so much power with God if you are a faithful and supportive Christian wife - in this case, to an insensitive man
A soft slap from God will reset his brain.
SDK, maybe it is one of those "master and servant" relationship that they call marriage.
ReplyDeleteYou can't talk to the man you call your husband and he will listen and adjust ?
Thank God for my own husband..
He kuku know say I no go ever tolerate nonsense.
follow Stella's advise and enroll for NCE since your husband has the financial muscle to sponsor you. you already have the experience. from there you can start your own school with your certificate. it's not late my dear
ReplyDeleteYou can increase your earning capacity teaching online you can even teach people in the diaspora. You can also still get certificates etc it’s never too late..
ReplyDeletePls I love teaching too and a very experienced teacher, how can I teach online?
Delete" your husband praises successful women"....... Poster
ReplyDeleteBut why did he marry you instead of one of those successful women ??
Why not you try and do better to be successful in your own little way since he values them??
What were you contributing in those difficult times,were just managing him and be waiting for him to bounce
It takes two to tango. .
What and what did you do for him ??
Since his relationship with the other lady is mutual,why not you over look.
in case it bothers you, you approach her and try to be friend.
But don't bring her close.
Stella has said it all. You should pick up form and go back to school. Just improve for yourself and not because you want to impress one man who is not interested.
ReplyDeleteBetter do what Stella said before you kpai somebody because of jealousy
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear this.
ReplyDeleteYou are never just anything. You have a Diploma and are holding down a job.
You need to tell your husband what you told us. Couples should always thank each other and laud each other to the skies.
To conclude, you must join a HND program this August. Or tell him that the next person to school will be you and mean it.
It sounds like you have a huge thirst for knowledge. There is no reason not to pursue that.
Goodluck
I am a teacher. My Ex despised me for teaching. I took some training. I earn over a million naira monthly now from teaching and I am aiming for more
ReplyDeleteWhy don’t you tell poster some of the trainings you took?
DeleteDon’t listen to those people
ReplyDeleteIn fact why not ask the lady to connect you too
Some people are friendly. As far as nothing is going on then relax
Please show me the way. I desire to upgrade as a teacher.
DeletePoster, I understand what you are going through, But do not let what your husband is saying get to you, If you can afford to get other certifications for yourself, why not!
ReplyDeleteUpgrade yourself so bad, He would do everything to get your attention again, And mind you, Your husband is saying those things to make you feel jealous, Don't allow him to win you. Good luck.
@Poster, I understand how deeply hurt and disappointed you must feel right now. It’s painful when someone you love seems to lose sight of where their blessings truly come from. It appears your husband may have misplaced his focus—giving credit to a person, rather than recognizing that God is the ultimate source of every opportunity and breakthrough. Your husband may be caught up in gratitude to the point of forgetting this, but with time and wisdom, he can be reminded of where his help truly comes from.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, focus on you. If completing your HND is still in your heart, go for it. Your life and growth matter too—don’t put them on hold. And as hard as it may be, try not to bring up the lady in your conversations with him. Let her fade into the background. Pour that energy into nurturing your home, and investing in your own journey.
What is there to be deeply hurt by
DeleteThe lady changed his life with that job and he happily says it
His wife should be happy
Buy the lady something nice
Cook jollof rice for her
Get over yourself madam poster pls
AI
DeletePlease stop talking down on yourself.
ReplyDeleteGo back to school to better yourself. Tell him all you've told us and how you feel, you can't keep bottling things up, it's not advisable.
Work and make your own money, it's very important.
It's well with your home.
Your assumption about your hubby might be wrong.you have to speak to him, make him understand how you feel. Also learn more skills and improve your self so when he looks at his wife,he sees a very strong, successful and adorable woman.
ReplyDeleteI think is is far from being jealous. It is the fact that he puts her down. Didn't he know her level before marrying her?
ReplyDeleteMost men with putting down are 5&6.
Hass she being less of a wife??? If he knew he wanted a graduate or a doctor or lawyer he should have gone for one. He should appreciate what he has pls.
Madam, see how you can upgrade yourself. Your husband is not a nice person.
Poster, even Illiterates amount to something in life!!!! Your husband knows what he’s doing when he praises those successful women in ur presence! He’s sending you a message that he settled for less and that’s very mean and disrespectful of him. If u compare him to other men now, they will say u lack respect!!
ReplyDeleteIf you don’t have a job, start some business even if you have to make him start it up for you!!!!
Spot on Eka ! Nothing more to add. Ungrateful men.
DeletePls let’s not put words in his mouth
DeletePoster, it's never too late to dust yourself up. Don't retire your brain and ambition.
ReplyDeleteThat is how I also supported mine to reach a high level in his business while I managed a small online business from home, I used to give him money apart from taking care of kids and the home.. Then business boomed and he started shading me at any slight opportunity, he will say "when you are not the one buying this thing, how will you know the value? When you don't go out there to work and earn money, how will you know how expensive it is." Women are out there hustling and making cool cash, I wish I have such a woman ". Etc
ReplyDeleteI borrowed myself brain and learned a skill. I bought all the machines I need for start-up, he was trying to stop me , he was angry I bought machines. He said I should not rent a shop yet, I should bring the money for him to expand his business because I will not start making money immediately and we need money in the house, he said the present economy doesn't favour new businesses, I refused. He now said he won't help me if I need financial assistance when I start up and it is not bringing in money, I refused to listen. I started my business And put in energy. Now, I am no longer broke.
I also do not let him know how the business is doing before he will leave all the financial burden in the house for me.
I am fulfilled like this. Even if something happens to my shop today, the skill is in my brain and I can use it to make money by working for someone till I buy the equipment I need.
Tell him how you feel about things and also upgrade your self.
ReplyDeletePoster I’m angry on your behalf. Make I no give you stronghead advice because if na me, I must also compare him to other men.
ReplyDeleteSeems like you married a Tuface, always looking for a highly placed woman to attach himself to. Later they will call women Go ld dig gers.
I wish blog visitors would tell you what exact courses to take to upgrade your career. If I was in teaching and I had any idea, I would have told you.
I remember one evening, several years ago, during a usual family time with my male cousin, with whom I was staying at the time - off campus. My then-boyfriend, now husband, who visited for the weekend, was deep in conversation. The topic turned to women, and I listened quietly.
ReplyDeleteMy cousin shared something that struck me - he said most men don't want their wives' financial empowerment to cross the line of being independent, yet will often resent their shortcomings in comparison to their admiration for successful women, whom they sometimes even fantasise about, but rarely choose to marry. Why? Because they fear they won’t be able to control or dominate such women. That stuck with me.
Dear Poster, I encourage you to release the anger brewing within. I understand you feel deeply hurt, especially after all you’ve done to support your husband. But marriage is not a scoreboard. Yes, you stood by him - but has he also stood by you in some way? Reflect gently. Marriage is about us, not me versus him.
Many women lose themselves trying to hold the family together, putting their dreams on pause or entirely forgetting about them or being demanded to kill it. But marriage shouldn’t rob you of your growth - it should support it. Unless you’re with someone who doesn’t want your good, love should fuel mutual elevation. That’s what it means to grow together.
Now, back to your concerns: you’re not wrong to feel the way you do. Whether something is happening between your husband and that woman or not, what you’re experiencing is emotional neglect. You feel unseen, and that’s painful. But please don’t stay in self-pity. Your loyalty and sacrifice were born out of love and unity - they are nothing to be ashamed of. Sadly, not every man knows how to honour such devotion.
Your worry isn’t rooted in jealousy - it’s in longing to be seen again. You don’t need to compete with anyone. What you need is to reclaim yourself. Start speaking honestly with your husband - gently, clearly, but firmly. Let him know how his words and actions affect you. Communication is the backbone of any lasting relationship - including difficult conversations.
And as you do that, turn towards yourself. Invest in your own growth - upskill, not to prove any point nor for him, but for the renewal of the dreams you had for yourself. Go back to school if you must, upgrade yourself in any positive ways, start something small that brings you joy and reminds you of your worth.
Degrees and status don’t define you - your quiet strength does. You’ve already done so much. And no, it’s not too late. The moment you choose to begin again becomes your fresh start. Some of us have walked barefoot through fire, unburnt and unhurt.
And if, after all this, he still dismisses your presence and your voice, consider involving a respected family member who can mediate. You deserve to be loved with intention, not as an afterthought.
AI
DeleteGUY MAN IS HEAVILY CHEATING AND HAS PORTED LONG AGO. He's only trying to frustrate her out of the marriage
ReplyDeleteI cannot stand ppl like your husband. They give top respect to who is outside of the home and those who are inside are nothing to them. Will Sandra give him a kidney if he needs it? Will Sandra care for him and keep him in a dignified state if sickness knocks on his body? Only when tribulation reaches these types they see respect for who is in the home.
ReplyDeleteUpgrade yourself for you, not to please him. It’s never too late to build up yourself. The Nelfund is there, investigate it, they will give grants for vocational training or academic pursuits. In all you do, please don’t try to compete with that woman, stay your lane. I would even tell you to upgrade yourself behind his back if it possible without him knowing what you are doing. Me, as much as I support transparency, in a situation like this you would be within your rights to move in silence. Then when he thinks there is nothing good possible to come out of you, step out in your power job and keep moving up. Do not allow his words to cause any self-esteem issues in you. Never again be a sacrificial lamb for anyone, it is fine to put yourself first in life.
If you think it is impossible, remember the story of Jason Arday, who was illiterate until he was 18 and is now a professor at Cambridge university. Anybody can write a new life story. Don’t be afraid to chart a new course in life and leave a legacy beyond being a wife and mother, God didn’t give you life to just be a helpmeet, you have a greater destiny, go after it!
But is marriage a competition? You better ask God for guidance before the devil destroy your marital life. Because most of the issues in relationships may not be really serious before we insert sentiment and emotions into it. If your husband has not really got support with good job, you will still be living in family house remember.
ReplyDelete