NON EXISTENT WIFE AND MOTHER
I don’t know what else to do help my wife fulfill her potentials.She just wants to sit around doing nothing even though she knows how to make really beautiful clothes of all kinds.
Yes I was attracted to her because she fine and hot AF and initially I didn’t have any issues with her laying around doing nothing but now it’s becoming irritating.
I sent her to fashion school per her request, gave her huge capital to start, she squandered all the funds and couldn’t account for it.
She later came and said she wants to start importing bags and shoes, I gave her funds, she couldn’t account for it. I was pissed and ignored her. Then she said she wanted to open a spa/saloon and you know rent in VI ain’t cheap.
She just abandoned the shop and would barely go there just check on her business. The place ran down.
I don tire. She doesn’t take care of the kids cos we have a nanny.
This year I stylishly I asked for a divorce. She knelt down and started crying. That week she acted right and then went back to factory settings.
My daughter doesn’t like spending time with her, it’s that bad.
Times when I travel, the nanny keeps calling me for things when my wife is right there in the house.
But when it’s time to party, she’s the first to buy aso-ebi no matter how expensive it is. I’m basically the mother and father to my kids.
WHAT!!!!.....Please if she is not playing ayn role and the house can do without her then separate for a while from her, maybe it will reset her brain. You have been enabling this behaviour and need to put a stop to it immediately!
I dont even care about her not being a good wife but being a useless mum added toit is the height uselessness....
You just carry financial vampire put for house.
ReplyDeleteThe kids deserve better biko.
Dodo.
No words for you. You overlooked everything deep and married her looks. Stay married
DeleteThank you, Anonymous 22:07. The main thing here is that he married her obviously for looks and didn't care much about what's below the surface. There are many shallow men and women like this. Social media has intensified the level of shallowness these days. The woman is being who she is, and now you have issues with it. I wish you well, Poster.
DeleteYou married a smart money face. It was never her fault. You saw Dangote trailer coming before you enter road. So deal with it sir but never blame her. You can only train a child not an adult. She don pass the age of fixing. Her mind is already set.
ReplyDeleteYou tolerated her from the beginning,some women are so annoying and irritating.poster you have to sit up stop giving her money! I hate lazy women .
ReplyDeleteNmee gi. Carry your cross jor
ReplyDeleteThat's a very lazy woman, " I don't cook, I don't wash" baby girl for life, maybe she wants to be a housewife.
ReplyDeleteThis is exact reason why my mom's friend younger brother left his baby mama, the man was ready to set her up in business, sponsor her education in higher institution or sponsor her if she wanted to learn any skills or handwork, but she refused and insisted that she would not do anything, even when both families were contacted and did a meeting because of the issue, she was very adamant until the man said he wasn't interested in the relationship again, that he would be sending child support and collect his child as soon as she weaned the child.
Nothing wrong with being lazy but you need to be a financial woman in lieu.
DeleteAs it is she is good for nothing
Financial woman with whose and what money?
DeletePlease more education is needed o.
Me no go plenty school but I can understand more explanation
Housework bores me but I am very good at my day job. I just hire house cleaners instead
DeleteIs the sek good
ReplyDeleteIf so, hold that one and be enjoying your marriage
Don’t set up any other biz for her. Just give her monthly allowance according to your pocket
So you think sex is all there is to life? God have mercy!!
DeleteHe should overlook all that he just complained of cos of sex? How about her own kids that she's neglected? Sex too will help? SMH.
Reading your story, I can feel your exhaustion. You’ve done everything possible to help your wife find her path, yet it seems no matter how much you give, she drifts further away from purpose and responsibility. Anyone in your position would feel drained and disappointed.
ReplyDeleteBut before you give up completely, I want you to take a step back and look deeper. Sometimes what looks like laziness or indifference could be something more, emotional emptiness, loss of identity, or even depression. Still, none of these are excuses for her to neglect her home, her children, or her marriage. She has to take responsibility for her life. You cannot keep pouring from an empty cup while she does nothing to refill her own.
You’ve done more than most men would. But you can’t continue enabling a cycle that leaves you feeling like a single father and an unappreciated husband. Set boundaries. Stop financing ideas that have no plan. Let her prove her seriousness through action, not words.
And while you’re doing that, keep focusing on your children. They need stability and love, especially when one parent is emotionally distant. You’ve already been their anchor, continue to be that steady hand, but make sure you’re not losing yourself in the process.
Remember, real change isn’t in tears or promises; it’s in consistent effort and accountability. If she truly wants to rebuild, you’ll see it. But until then, protect your peace, prioritize your mental well-being, and keep being the solid father your kids already see you as.
Odi egwu
DeleteShe is lazy period
Endure sir, you were attracted by her beauty and nyash. That's what you are getting.
ReplyDeleteSeriously I don't understand how one will intentionally spoil the blessings God has given him or her. I think you need to keep enforcing these measures to make her sit up. You somehow enabled all these but it is not late to make amends.
ReplyDeleteHonestly it is annoying, eni ni ori koni fila . Oga you have tried but you can do more by cutting down money you are giving to her, before trying separation try reducing the money she has access to, buy everything you need at home but for her personal needs she must work for it , all the owambe should be financed by her.
DeletePoster you have to stop enabling her shenanigans. She's a spend thrift .🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteBut you said you married her for her beauty and hot asf so why are you complaining? Abeg bounce
ReplyDeleteThat's the reason why you should look beyond beauty and physique when choosing a spouse,because when you start what you can't finish and suddenly stop,you become the "wicked" husband.
ReplyDeleteAlso you don't just start a business for anyone without them having an indebt knowledge of how the business works,plus them showing enough dedication that they can manage/grow the business.
What your wife needs is dedication ,a business school if possible,or learn a particular business from someone already in it,she has to be humble to do this,keep "nwunye Oga" aside and learn it,after that you can open a business in that field for her.
Don't just open a business because you have the money to invest,it always ends in tears and mismanagement,because for every loss or lesson learnt,it hits back to your finances.
Also it might be that you are forcing her to do what she isn't capable of handling,because not everyone can manage a business,some are meant for a 9 to 5 job,so check that angle as well,so you won't just be wasting money forcing someone to do a business you only but imagined.
Hope this helps.
@MARTINS
If she can’t help her kids that she gave birth to, don’t waste your money on another business Biko
DeleteGot her a 9 to 5 but she stopped after a year and said she wanted to start a business to have time for the kids.
DeleteSince she to handle business, I told her to focus on the kids and I give her monthly allowance but still my kids are taken care of solely by their nanny. My work is very demanding and I can’t be there all the time, this is where I need her to support me.
I’ve tried all I can.
Yes she’s very pretty, yes the sex is good but my kids need two emotionally available parents.
*since she can’t
DeleteThis are the kind of women that will make me support Ned, Bimbo Akintola about polygamy. I guess second wife is the only heat that can change her
Delete17:59, he says she's pretty, sex is good. You will learn the hard way.
Delete17:59 another woman won’t be better for your kids so pls stop saying they are your reason
DeleteOga please do not compound your problems by listening to Yemi7up
DeleteSecond wife KO, polygamy ni
Oga please do not compound your problems by listening to Yemi7up
DeleteSecond wife KO, polygamy ni
See wetin I Dey pray for
ReplyDeleteHusband , your wife might just be one of those people that have forced entrepreneurship on themselves. Maybe she will do better in a 9-5. My elder sister was like this for more than 10yrs only her husband carried the family financially and she was just using his money for startups that failed in less than 6months. He helped her start businesses in Tailoring, cake making, soap making, make up..they all failed! And not that she was a fantastic home maker too..their house was always a mess! Then she went back to sch, got a job with the govt in the health care sector and today she is the pride and joy of her husband and the entire family! Let me mention that she graduated with first class and she is always doing one course or the other to better herself.Plus since she is now in the medical field, her husband opened a pharmacy for her but he runs it since he is better at management and he manages the home front too! Mister talk to your wife...all hope is not lost.
ReplyDeleteThanks.
DeleteShe had a 9- 5 but quit.
Some women are lucky sha. They are not even aware.
DeletePoster you went for the exterior and seggs so don't be too disappointed. You must have seen some signs but looks is very important to you.
So my small advise is that you try counseling with her. As Michohay mentioned, it sounds like she has some deep rooted issues that she can't articulate or manage on her own.
I commend you for trying your best and being understanding for so long and patient with her failures. In fact, you sound familiar like you sent in a chronicle before, but since that was on a different issue I will not mention it, as it may not be you. I think it is, though.
Lastly you may have to accept her as is and let her know you have accepted her as is, in case she is feeling resentful that you don't want to allow her be. Many are not cut out for business, many are not cut out for 9-5. Some women actually prefer being housewives. I don't see anything wrong with that, but there is something wrong with her behaviour with the kids. It is not maternal. Again counseling might help, but if not, you may need to bring in a surrogate mother, maybe like their grandma or aunty that can step in, because they need someone to mother them that they can confide in. Keep doing your best. If you are a religious man, also pray for her.
Someone said stop giving her money. Please don't take that advise, because it will make things worse and she could mentally check out of the marriage completely. But no need to invest in any other startups for now. For how long you have known her, what do you observe to be her strengths? You obviously know her weaknesses. Please try to focus on her strengths. I doubt she is useless. Nobody is. I wish you well sir. Please update us again. Things can get better. Just believe. 🤗
You married fine face, empty brain..
ReplyDeleteKpele..
Pretty face,big nyash,good sex empty brain indeed
DeleteSome women sef🤦
ReplyDeleteTruly, person wey get head no get cap
Exactly what I thought.
DeleteThat septation Stella mentioned would help. But the thing is, she won't leave the house nah and all allowances will still be paid. So she won't feel it. It will look like you travelled
ReplyDeleteWhy not call a family meeting?
You kept enabling rubbish attitide of that woman, you mad her so lazy and useless. She is not bringing in anything, she cannot also keep the house, she cannot take care of her kid. Allow her to go stay with her parent for a while and see if she will have some sense. Before you take her back, just make sure you have a good discussion with her and once no improvement just take some break.
ReplyDeleteI don't even think she will ever change because her attitude seems like is follow come.
So you picked a wife based solely on her looks and now you’re complaining? Go sit your tired arse down somewhere. What do you want from her or us? You met her as a slay queen, she gave you children and is still a slay queen, what more do you want from this woman? She is exactly what you married, you wanted a trophy wife and you got it! You wanted a wife that other men could lust after and envy you for and you got it! Now when you see other men’s wives achieving great feats you want to change her into what she isn’t so you can feel elevated like them.
ReplyDeleteYou been using that woman to compete with others from the day you met her. Let her live the soft life that she has become accustomed to. Stop envying other men high achieving wives and satisfy with what you selected, and took a vow before your god and men for. Let that woman live in peace. Being beautiful is time consuming and hard work. You think sticking to strict diet and exercise regimen is easy? You think wearing spanx and doing squats to keep your bum bum perky is easy? You think knowing the right makeup to wear to compliment your outfit is easy? Go walk in high heels for a day and tell us how you feel. It’s hard freaking work being a beauty, worse to be beautiful for a husband who doesn’t appreciate the hard work it takes. Shaddap and accept your wife and do not try to make her over. You knew from day one who she was. Out here want to turn her into merchant of trade selling shoes and bags, and expect her to go get Nobel peace prize for being pretty so your ego can be stroked….Mtsscchhwww
Lol Ano don vex.. So tell me why do you want to change your wife from slay queen to an achiever
DeleteEasy o fine geh
DeleteOne thing I learnt is that entitlement mentality has nothing to do with status but rather with an overinflated sense of worth and pretty and hot AF Nigerian females tend to be Entitlement itself. It's unfortunate you married one.
ReplyDeleteAny hoo, everyone have their redeeming qualities and if Flex is her thing, then get her into something related that can keep her interest...and build/work on her from there.
I could say throw her away like an Olympic discus but who E help?? It's for better/for worse and besides, better to be a D'Amato to someone's Tyson than just cancelling people based on their deficiencies.
Also, it's really important to ensure your kids pick up proper values and not just copy that from her and you as well, because bro..... You no try ab initio
One thing I learnt is that entitlement mentality has nothing to do with status but rather with an overinflated sense of worth and pretty and hot AF Nigerian females tend to be Entitlement itself. It's unfortunate you married one.
ReplyDeleteAny hoo, everyone have their redeeming qualities and if Flex is her thing, then get her into something related that can keep her interest...and build/work on her from there.
I could say throw her away like an Olympic discus but who E help?? It's for better/for worse and besides, better to be a D'Amato to someone's Tyson than just cancelling people based on their deficiencies.
Also, it's really important to ensure your kids pick up proper values and not just copy that from her and you as well, because bro..... You no try ab initio
You married a lazy woman, na load you carry oooo, till death do you part!
ReplyDeleteWhat a life. God forbid something happens to you today. You'll see this same lazy woman get up and become so hardworking. Some women ehn
ReplyDeleteWhen there are many out there who are marry to very pretty woman, great cooks, home makers, hands on mothers, emotionally available wives and accomplished professionals, you let yourself down with just looks. The danger is your kids have a bad role model and will suffer when you are no longer here.
ReplyDeletePeople like this are not only poor at creating anything but managing it. Whatever you leave behind will be squandered. Sadly, she is not making effort to be better. You will have to sit this out with yourself.
Hello Poster,
ReplyDeleteReading your story, I can feel the frustration running through every line - the exhaustion of carrying a marriage alone while watching the person you love drift into emotional emptiness. On the surface, it’s easy to blame your wife, but what stands out most is how familiar your story feels - a mirror of many modern marriages built on beauty, comfort, and control, which cannot sustain the evolving realities that come with staying married.
Unless one is extraordinarily wealthy, an emotional partnership should always take precedence over physical attraction or comfort. The pressures of daily living have a way of reshaping even the strongest of relationships, and couples must learn to grow together within their shared capacities. In your case, however, your wife’s recalcitrant behaviours to grow alongside the realities of your marriage have begun to breed resentment and emotional fatigue.
This isn’t simply about who failed whom; it’s about two people who lost connection and purpose. What looks like laziness might, in truth, be something deeper - perhaps emotional emptiness or a sense of unfulfilled purpose. Still, that doesn’t excuse neglect or irresponsibility. Yet your story feels one-sided - I hear your pain but not her silence. She may be speaking, but you might not be listening. Beneath her indifference could lie emotional stagnation and loss of identity, dysfunctions that have been quietly enabled by your tendency to throw money at the problem instead of confronting it together.
At this stage, the attraction and excitement of love you had about her, alone, won’t save your marriage - structure and consequence will. When a partner continually avoids accountability, drains the other emotionally, and abandons every effort to rebuild, continued cohabitation becomes a slow death, not marriage.
A trial separation may therefore be the most practical next step. It creates space for clarity. You need distance to heal from resentment and exhaustion, and she needs to confront the consequences of her passivity without the cushion of your constant rescue. That absence might expose indifference or spark genuine self-reflection - but it must be faced.
From there you can make an informed decision: if she returns with growth, accountability, and renewed purpose, reconciliation can be considered. But if nothing changes, it is wiser to end things honourably than to remain hopeful with alarming silent resentment. Sometimes, distance is the only mirror that reveals who we have truly become.