WHAT WAS ORDERED VERSUS WHAT ARRIVED
I got married about six months ago. As soon as I moved in, my husband changed. I have been crying for three months in his hands under his roof.
There is nothing I havent tried...I am just trying different ways to please him cos no matter what I do,he won't see or feel my pain.
I thought of leaving and even made an attempt but each time I pack my things,he will call the world to intervene and start again later.
I'm thinking of how to put a stop to this madness myself. How can i do it?
Couples please help, new couples please help me.
For example, When I cook and he grumbles,I will cover the food immediately and my new reply will be '' but you never complained when we were in courtship so I won't take this now." Right now, I wan be boss for house.
I'm sick and tired and don't want to be continue like this or develop a heart attack and die.
Hmmmm....what he ordered versus what arrived are not the same thing and that is why he is complaining.....Has it not occurred to you to ask him what he is complaining about? Have you tried to find out why he has changed and now complaining? Dont you think its causes you were pretending and now showing your real self?
Check yourself before you complain....
Better asked him before it is too late.6months marriage is too soon to be divorced better ask him the reason otherwise the pressure will pressure you into other things .
ReplyDeleteYou havent made any sense
ReplyDeleteThanks alot
DeleteWhatever you do just don’t get pregnant until you know what this marriage is made of. Seems like you got married to some old curmudgeon who did not prepare for the realities of living with someone else closely. Some ppl forget that you have to see your spouse everyday and interact with them. Figure out what the haell is going on with him cause he doesn’t seem like he is spiritually, emotionally, or mentally ready for marriage. Did you have a love connection or the marriage is intended to serve physical purposes?
ReplyDeleteTechnically, you should both still be on honeymoon phase and feeding each other and cooing over each other, acting like nobody has been married ever before un the history of time. You need to find out what he is trying to say without saying it. You get big baby at home😀
Wisdom
DeleteMadam how old are you and which Kain chronicle be this?? We gon need more explanations Nne,
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile are you pregnant??
Very good question
DeleteHope she isn't a genz
DeletePoster, sit him down and ask him what the issue is. Then you can then key in . Check your hygiene, appearance.
ReplyDeleteIf your cooking is not appetising enough, tell him you need more money for all the obstacles. It cost money,you know.!
When I cook I use good quality dry fish,goat meat, stockfish, pommo. And nobody can ever fault my cooking.
You need to save your marriage. It's too early. There must be something going on in his mind. Please,draw his attention to the fact that he has changed . Good luck
When you are ready to get a divorce, we will know.
ReplyDeleteYou know what to do, just keep lying to yourself that you need advice.
Aunty Cruel
DeleteThe fact that you are trying, and he's not making it easy for you is so unfair. Why must women be the ones to make a marriage work?
ReplyDeleteNa because women carry marriage wahala for head pass men. No be women dey find husband everyday. All of una go dey alright. Poster, ndo.
DeleteIs there something you are not doing right ?
ReplyDeleteDid you not see any sign while dating ?
This came rather too early I will say.
Poster check yourself very well.
You need both spiritual and physical intervention. Marriage no be beans. Like the they say the early stage of Marriage is always the most difficult . Be patient n be prayerful.
ReplyDeleteI don’t understand those blaming you
Many people do this
Marry and start making their spouse feel like the person is not a good choice
It’s not fair to you at all
He wants you to think you’re not up to par so you’ll keep trying to please him
It’s a way to control you
I don’t understand your chronicle.
ReplyDeleteCalm down poster,this is the reality phase of marriage. Take notes of his complaints and work over it. Stop leaving your home.
ReplyDeleteAll you wrote didn't make sense..pls help us understand better
ReplyDeleteMy dear, your husband is a narcissist,I dated one…hmmmm, one moment it seems like everything is fine and the next moment he is keeping malice or wants space or acting like you didn’t wake up together. Just out of the blues!!. I will try to please, gist, ask what the problem is but nothing…. But if I try to leave or stay away, he will not allow me to rest. Very confusing behavior… please love is not selfish or confusing, start making up your mind to leave for good and don’t look back. It will only get worse!!
ReplyDeleteDon't let that man manipulate you into thinking you are not good at anything and running after him while sits there and feels like a trophy.
ReplyDeleteIf you are not pregnant already, make such you don't get pregnant yet. Take time to understand who you are with. Marriage is not like going for a visit.
Do not let him waste your time with that outdated strategy of calling family members to beg you to stay. Study the situation and know if you are ment to be there or not. Personally, I will say the earlier you find your bearing the better.
Dear poster,
ReplyDeleteI have been in your shoes. I later figured out that my ex don't like living with anyone, "visit and go" is his mantra.
The first day I packed in, he find it difficult to create space for me in the wardrobe, my bags stayed by the corner of the room for 3days ,till I demanded him move some of his clothes so that I can put mine. Lots of complaints to another. The fertility issues later scatter the union
This sounds like a control tactic by your man. Marriage should not cause constant emotional distress, especially early on, though the first few months / years are usually not easy for some. Things improve over time for many while some won't be able to hold it together
ReplyDeleteI know you're getting frustrated, but i won't advise you to tow the line of 'I wan be boss now'. It's not going to help. Check yourself and see where you need to make adjustments, have a calm communication with him and you both can consider professional counselling.
if there is no improvement after everything, then you can consider leaving because you need to prioritise your emotional and physical well-being.
Hello Poster,
ReplyDeleteWhat you narrated is not normal settling-in stress. It is a pattern rooted in power. Early marriage is often when people relax their pretence and reveal who they are once the fear of loss fades. Except they are yet to conquer their motivation.
Some behave well until they feel secure in marriage. Then criticism starts, confidence is worn down, and distress becomes routine. Calling outsiders each time you try to leave is not caring. But a way to interrupt your resolve, restore control, and continue unchanged.
Before acting otherwise, look inward once more, sternly at the mirror, honestly and without blame. Process the role you played in all of this, and account for it. Understand your limits, and your values. Then make your move. Sometimes it is easy to be blindsided by our orientation and perspectives, and not see that we stoked the fire or are part of the problem.
However you want to go about this, do not respond by rebelling, competing, or trying to dominate the home. That only locks you into reaction. The only move that matters is a calm, private line in the sand. Ask what changed, what he now expects, and whether he accepts responsibility for how he treats you. State clearly what you will no longer indulge, tolerate, and mean it.
If nothing shifts, then it was never about reconciliation but containment. So, stop reshaping yourself to survive it. Protect your health instead. Delay pregnancy. Keep your finances, family, and support system within reach. Be prepared to leave if respect no longer exists.
Emotional harm that begins this early and way usually hardens with time, without mutual self-reflection. A marriage cannot be held together by one exhausted person shrinking themselves to keep the peace.
First five years of the marriage is usually hard. Don't worry, everything will be ok. Just go for therapy and don't involve family
ReplyDeletePoster pack and GO. Marriage is not do or die! Most men are nit ready for marriage. They marry under pressure. This is just the beginning soon he will shout at you when you keep towel on the bed, or when you leave your slippers lying carelessly on the floor. Kolomental behaviour to Narcissistic behaviour. RUN OUT OF THAT MARRIAGE!
ReplyDelete