This notion that Nigerian women are materialistic and only date for survival and status and that foreign ladies are better. Let's break this down bit by bit. There is a lot to unpack here.
Like attracts like.
The quality of a man, determines the quality of women he attracts. High quality men, attract high quality women. If your money is all a woman notices about you then maybe check yourself.
A high quality woman won’t be impressed by your spending. Sure, it is a nice and welcome addition but she’s looking for something deeper. When a man’s emotional maturity and intelligence is lacking, knowledge and conversational depth is minimal, has no understanding of intimacy beyond sxx, has little understanding of what it means to provide leadership and cannot immediately define where his relationship is headed, he thinks money is all he needs.
The shepherd doesn't know where he is heading but he blames the ship for demanding incentives before she follows.
But we Nigerian men are something aren’t we? O yes, we are loud, we are braggadocios, clubs in Dubai, Durban, Johannesburg testify.
But we Nigerian men are something aren’t we? O yes, we are loud, we are braggadocios, clubs in Dubai, Durban, Johannesburg testify.
The Nigerian man is the life of the party. He sprays, he declares ‘money na water’.
Desperate Nigerian men, with nothing going for them but with change to spare, have women at their beck and call. O well, shxt attracts flies. But take the money away and how of the man is left?
Few women outside Nigeria, can tolerate the practical life of near slavery it means to be married to the typical Nigerian man. What? She will wash, cook and clean for him and his kids, give him sxx on demand, slave up for in-laws, contribute financially to the home and still tolerate his cheating? She voices out concern and she is told that ‘a wise woman builds her home’ and while this may be true, what is in it for her? If she doesn’t do most of the above, she gets labelled a bad wife.
If we say our ladies are only after money, probably because that’s all we show them. We think money covers for a lot and maybe it does. But does it cover for genuine connection and affection? And we are surprised that paternity fraud is rampant in Nigeria?
Admittedly, some ladies clearly state they can’t date a man without financial muscle and that’s fine. If this rubs you the wrong way, you don’t have to date them and if you date them, don’t complain.
Few women outside Nigeria, can tolerate the practical life of near slavery it means to be married to the typical Nigerian man. What? She will wash, cook and clean for him and his kids, give him sxx on demand, slave up for in-laws, contribute financially to the home and still tolerate his cheating? She voices out concern and she is told that ‘a wise woman builds her home’ and while this may be true, what is in it for her? If she doesn’t do most of the above, she gets labelled a bad wife.
If we say our ladies are only after money, probably because that’s all we show them. We think money covers for a lot and maybe it does. But does it cover for genuine connection and affection? And we are surprised that paternity fraud is rampant in Nigeria?
Admittedly, some ladies clearly state they can’t date a man without financial muscle and that’s fine. If this rubs you the wrong way, you don’t have to date them and if you date them, don’t complain.
There are ladies out there who don’t care about the coins you have to spare or the pot you have to piss in. They just need you to be real, treat the heart they’ve given you with care and stay faithful. Your money will go nowhere with them but your heart will.
Here’s a secret. You can be that man to a lady out there. Find her and when you do, show her you have a lot more going for you than money.
In the end, a woman is only what you make of her.
Make sense!!!!
ReplyDeleteDog, I like your write ups a lot and I must commend you for bringing up the above subject and giving it the attention it deserves.
DeleteHowever, I must admit that your submission is grossly one-sided. I head an international NGO whose mandate is to promote gender equality and respect for the female species.
My experience across Africa clearly shows that the Nigerian society is a materialistic society. Our country worships money and our women are not left out.
Through interviews, surveys, data analysis, and several other empirical analysis, the Nigerian dating scene is polluted, transactional, and largely defined by mundane and monetary values. It's disgusting.
Among West Africans, Nigerian women are more likely to be lured by money than by character. I do not want to sound misogynistic, but the truth is the truth. If it was possible to post the last ten years research work by my organization (we work for the united nations,and other diplomatic bodies), you would be surprised that the average Nigerian woman scores very low when it comes to judging character. The Nigerian woman is big on money but little on the values that matter. Look at our society!
AND BY THE WAY, I'M A VERY PROUD NIGERIAN WOMAN.
Anon. 18:58. Maybe I am speaking from a position of bias. Through out my dating life, I have never dated a woman clearly out for money and if they were, they never showed it to me. Probably because I had other things going for me besides money or I attracted the kind of women with the same values and ideals I have.
DeleteI like that you used your findings in your NGO to buttress your points. They are very valid. But are these girls not functioning in the society we've created for them? Limiting their potentials as it were? Absence of social safety nets, limited earning opportunities for women and of course the domination of males across all sectors brings our ladies under pressure. Plus the girl child gets prepared from a very young age to hope for a man of substance to take care of her and her kids. Little attention is paid on nurturing her own capabilities and abilities. She is programmed to be a dependant pretty early on.
Instead of her success being celebrated, she gets told it will scare off potential suitors. I have witnessed a situation where a manager of a bank upgraded her car but her mom forced her to sell it off. The mom's view was that it would drive away suitors. That's the programming part I am talking about. A woman has to sell herself short to assuage egos of men or appear as a desirable partner. The Nigerian society forces a sense of male dependency on her and at the same time, this same society blames the Nigerian woman for being too money conscious.
We cut off her ability to stand on her own and now blame her for trying to hold onto a man to stand.
You are intellectually sound and intelligent Dog....I must commed you for that👍👍
DeleteThe last 2 paragraphs is NOT for Lagos, Anambra, Imo, Ogun, Asaba and Abuja ladies!
ReplyDeleteThose ladies are piranhas! Transactional relationships is strictly what's on the table these days.
The man is the slave, they don't care where you get money from, Yahoo? Better! Finding TRUE love is extremely difficult to find these days. Just manage what you get. My take.
“The man is the slave” but his wife who births, cooks, cleans, is an emotional support system , accepts cheating and the man’s excesses” look you people in Nigeria should leave gender role talks for elevated and self aware societies. Una never ready. It’s always one sided n male centered. Other cultures around the world encourage their women to be materialistic and seek out men with resources because they understand what a woman risks and trades off by getting married n giving a man a legacy. Look at Russian women, Arab women unapologetically materialistic and dgaf! But Nigeria una own always different. It’s not like the Nigerian men sef are the primary breadwinners these days and it’s not like they aren’t looking for women with papers , visas and successful jobs to marry
DeleteTrue talk
ReplyDeleteYou made sense.
ReplyDelete... A Woman is slowly what you make of her 💯
ReplyDeleteWish every Man on here would read this with a clean and open mind.
Thanks for this great Input Doged
The money gang have the "have you eaten?" Committee as their brothers in crime. Very limited emotional bandwidth.
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong with looking out for money when you date
ReplyDeleteI wish my female cousins will date rich and stop having kids with people that have no money to care for the kids
If you want to date potential, you must be very careful because it seems many people never reach the hoped for potential
They’ll just leave it all for you if your family
Thank you jere! I don finally see person with sense for this blog for once lol. I hate when they shame women for wanting a man with resources . It’s so disingenuous and manipulative 😂. And only perpetuates generations of poverty. If a woman grew up in poverty why should she still marry a poor man? The Nigerian men that are seeking grandmas with visas are they the only ones that like a better life? At the end of the day people who shame materialistic women want to reserve socioeconomic elevation for men alone. It’s a misogynistic mindset that ensures a man’s mediocrity is continued for generations. Then we wonder why Nigeria is the way it is. The bitter truth is not every man is supposed to have his lineage continued . Those that married a man for love ask them how far . Those women that married poor men nko? Then birthed 20 children into poverty. Their kids just end up as slaves for the rich. I guess if everyone is rich, the rich won’t have any housegirls or mayguards so make them continue. Wo. Una go dey alright
DeleteLeave these sandcastle in the sky people alone. Those that wanna face reality know that money makes relationships easier. A woman should have her own money but the man must always have more. Always . It’s not rocket science . lol
DeleteHello Doggedity, Relationships have always been complicated. What's changed is how visible the workings have become - and how comfortable people are defending those logics rather than questioning them.
ReplyDeleteBut observationally, something deeper has shifted too. The broader patriarchal society we're operating in has become genuinely polluted over the years - transactional at its core, shaped almost entirely by mundane and monetary measures of worth. And relationships don't exist outside cultural patterns; they absorb them.
When a society quietly teaches people that value is something you display rather than something you are, it shouldn't surprise anyone that morality follows the same corrupted logic.
Every interaction has always carried a motive - just more pronounced now. No two people want the same thing, and that gap, however small, is where exploitation quietly settles.
The more damaging reality is that people have normalised a market view of relationships, then resent their partners for responding to it. Over-relying on financial display, over-expecting monetary reward - both sides have commodified their own value, then acted surprised when they're treated as a transaction rather than a person.
Underneath that is avoidance. It's easier to label Nigerian women as materialistic than for Nigerian men to honestly examine their own depth, consistency, and intent. Women don't simply respond to financial reward - they respond to what a man's behaviour reveals about his priorities. There's a market for every choice. People just prefer not to see themselves as the ones who positioned themselves in it.
The cost though, is quiet: mistrust, guarded affection, relationships that feel negotiated rather than chosen. Remove money and sex and most are empty - not because anyone is bad, but because the foundation was never built for growth.
Both sides fund the dynamics they claim to dislike.
The average man doesn't truly want an equal. He wants someone manageable - someone whose options feel smaller, whose confidence hasn't settled, whose need for security can be leveraged. And the average woman, conditioned over time, has learned to want less than she needs. She frames loyalty and availability as the ceiling rather than the floor. She optimises. She trades the deeper ask for something she can actually get.
That's why a man who seeks control through imbalance isn't looking for a partner. He's looking for a position because certain wounds recognise certain patterns, confidence gaps meet control needs. Which is not compatibility of character, but a compatibility of damage.
And all of it feeds back into the same sick culture: one where depth is undervalued, feeling is treated as weakness, and the measure of a relationship has been quietly reduced to what each person extracts from it.
Still, most women at their core want one thing above everything else: to feel safe enough to be fully seen. Not managed, not kept, not admired from a careful distance. Seen. It's the thing said least and needed most - a witness to their lives, someone present enough to notice what they don't say.
They usually ask for less than they want. Receive less than they deserve. And sometimes only understand what they need when someone finally offers it - or when no one ever does.
You wrote well, thanks for blessing us with your column today.
Mr DOGS corner, I won't stop looking forward to read from you but offence #1 sir you no dey greet..lol..before you go give us the major things to learn more about life..God bless you bro..I never digest the prev..I just wan enter this one and am sure ..knowledge is power..God bless us all..God bless SDK..make I bath and come back..
ReplyDeleteThere are ladies out there who don’t care about the coins you have to spare or the pot you have to piss in. They just need you to be real, treat the heart they’ve given you with care and stay faithful. Your money will go nowhere with them but your heart will. THIS IS ME @ Dog...Thanks for your submission!!!! I always look forward to your column...Keep being real..Na better man you be
ReplyDeleteWhy is it a problem when black women seek out wealthy men? Like genuinely . I don’t see any race of people denigrate their women for wanting a man with money. Is it because so many black women settle for less in marriage and wanna bring other black women down . Or is it because a lot of black men are not wealthy n need complacent women to warm their beds and homes ?
ReplyDeleteWhatever . I like that we have that reputation for liking money . Did u see that Russian man that used meta glasses to expose how cheap Kenyan women are when it comes to a man being white? All that man had to do was be white and their legs flung open so cheaply. married women too . No standards no nothing . A naija woman would never. I think the main problem in Nigeria is the men. Everywhere they’re disgracing the country , committing romance scams, SA, fraud. But yall aren’t ready fr tht conversation and will continue to push blame on the women to hide the mens shame
ReplyDeleteThis is a non factor. Women are wired to like money because children and womanhood are expensive 🤷🏾♀️ potential does not pay the bills and it’s time we stop tiptoeing around this conversation because being financially inclined saves u a lot of trouble. If u think poor men suffer then try living as a poor woman. The world is incredibly unkind to women who are poor. If ur a poor woman and u come marry poor man, ur children go see premium shege. A word is enough for the wise. Nigerian men that are marrying to secure papers why don’t we write think pieces on how they are creating a bad reputation or leaving Nigerian women without papers behind?
ReplyDeleteThis is not a “Nigerian” woman factor. All women like money. Nigerian women and society are just more vocal about it. Understandably so because a majority of nigerians live below the poverty line. Kinda hard to ignore. The problem is not every woman can access men with money and not every man has the money. Therein comes the shaming of “materialistic”women. In life , do what’s best for you. Cus when ur shamed into marrying a struggling man and the bills
ReplyDeleteCome knocking, none of the people shaming you will be there to help you .