DECISION TO REMARRY SPARKS BROUHAHA IN FAMILY
I am planning to remarry because I don’t intend to remain single for the rest of my life.
Remarrying is on my mind now because i realized that I cannot stay single forever and keep moving from one man to another.
It wasn’t like that from the beginning. I even wrote in my late husband’s tribute that I would never remarry...
My elder brother and my mother have been the ones supporting me with my rent and some of my bills but I can’t continue like this anymore.
I want to have a man in my life, and I also know he may not be able to take care of all the bills for myself and my two children.
I told my family that I would like to remarry, but my brother said he would disown me, and now my mother no longer responds to my greetings.
I was 39 years old when I lost my husband seven years ago, and now they are refusing to let me remarry at my age.
They are telling me not to remarry, and my husband’s people are not helping matters even though they don’t even care about me and my children.
Please, I need your help on what to do and how to go about it.
Please, I need your help on what to do and how to go about it.
You want to remarry but have you seen someone that has asked you abi nah kpekus you just dey gift your boyfriends up and down?
When you have your own funds, no one can dictate to you so i am guessing that they are scared that you will increase the burden on them.....
Please first find out why everyone saying No to your remarrying plan is objecting....
What killed your husband???? Did you take an oath not to remarry or it was just a tribute????
You sound lazy, go and look for work abeg!
Haba Stella, there's nothing wrong with her wanting to remarry, if na man write dis now you no go respond like this. poster i agree with Stella though, find out why everyone is objecting to your remarriage and see if you can get a better job or a good business so you'll be financially independent
ReplyDeletePoster I can decode 2 major things from your Chronicle as to why you want to remarry:
ReplyDeleteNo 1: You no longer want to be moving from one man to another.
No 2: You want a man to partly be financially responsible for all your bills.
Well..you are an adult at 46 so no one should decide for you.
I dont know how old your kids are, I would have said discuss it with them too, because you have to look out for their interest in all of these.
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DeleteMen are the prize!
DeleteTomorrow, we would say man has no value as a husband. We would deprecate other women who stayed in their marriages with the challenges common between even the tongue and the teeth. We would present that single womanhood is bae. It is now a case of being slower to hear/listen. This life.
ReplyDeleteShe’s a widow
DeleteStop talking rubbish
A widow who confesses to jumping from men to men?
DeleteDespite all the troubles men bring on women?
Stop thinking in the rubbish.
If you find someone you like, remarry pls
ReplyDeleteBut find someone that can help you na
Many of you go and bring more mouths to feed when you pick men
At 46, you still have every right to love, companionship, peace, and support. You have already spent seven years mourning and raising your children. Wanting to remarry does not mean you did not love your late husband. Life must continue. Your family may be reacting from emotion, culture, or fear of change, but this is your life to live, not theirs. You should respectfully stand your ground and make decisions based on what is best for you and your children’s future.
ReplyDeleteDo not rush into marriage because of loneliness or financial pressure. Take your time, heal fully, pray, and choose a man who will respect you, love your children, and bring peace into your life. A good marriage is better than moving from one relationship to another without stability.
Also, strive to become more financially independent little by little, so you are not forced to stay in a bad situation/relationship because of money.
Wanting to remarry is not a bad idea but your reasons for wanting to is a problem.
ReplyDeleteFinancial wise, hustles and be able to take care of yourself and children (with the assistance you said you get from your brother). How are you sure the one you want to go and marry is ready to carry responsibility of another man's children? He can promise heaven and earth now then when you enter he changes.
Have your own means of taking care of the children and meeting your needs so you don't go and see sege promax oo.
You don’t need your own means
DeleteThere are men very happy to take care of a woman that takes care of the home
Find one like that if that’s what you want
Do you have your own source of income? How have you been able to change your life and children welfare or your living from hand to mouth?
ReplyDeleteYou need to become independent financially and capable of feeding your family before you add liability into another person life.
Talk to your mum and find out why she is snobbing you..
You want to remarry so that you can absolve yourself of paying your bills .. lol men are wiser now
ReplyDeleteShe would still get into it and quote social media laws of marriage for the man. Lol
DeleteI guess the reason why they ar saying no is for the fact you said the man may not be able to cater for all your needs. With two children madam double your hustle ,your mother and brother are the ones financing you. Pease get something diing
ReplyDeleteI just can’t understand some cultural practices. So it is better for you to be sleeping around with a different man up and down instead of remarrying and being connected to one? Also, why can’t you work if you desire? Your husband dying, God rest his soul, does not mean that your talents and skills disappeared. You still have contributions to make. Work is not only about money, it allows us space to create, contribute, and co-create with God. It can also help with our mental health so you have something else to put your mind on. Having work to do has saved many ppl during rough periods of life.
ReplyDeleteBeing sensitive to your culture and lacking understanding of it, if your desires are honourable then keep pushing for what you desire. You are not asking for anything immoral. It is better gor your children to see you settled with one man than different men passing through. Being a widow is painful enough it should not be a burden on you for life. Your mother will pass away one day and your brother too how will you support your family. Your children shouldn’t have to live on less or have a lower quality of life because of cultural beliefs.
So basically, you are broke and looking for someone to take up your responsibilities?Madam go and hussle for your kids first. What if you get married and give birth again, isn't that adding more responsibilities?
ReplyDeleteMen do not take permission to live their life and make their choices, but here you are, at 47 seeking CONSENT from your mother and brother to move on with your life.
ReplyDeleteThere is no virtue is staying single and non in getting married. Staying single or remarrying doesn't make you a virtuous woman.
If you want to remarry, go ahead and marry, it is nobody's business. Will your brother hug you at night when you're lonely, will your mother sleep with you and comfort you when you crave intimacy and male companionship.
Death breaks the marriage bond, you owe your husband nothing after his death, except to care for his children and love his family.
Don't say anything to anyone, you owe them nothing. When a good man comes along, open yourself up to him and if he proposes marriage, MARRY HIM!!!!!!
We celebrate men who find happiness again after the death of their wives and demonize women who attempt to be happy again. Rubbish!!!!!
My friend died, leaving behind 5 children, her husband married their longtime family friend who was also a widow less than one year after my friend died. We didn't crucify him. Funny thing is that my friend said if her husband dies that she will never remarry, but she died first and her husband remarried sharp sharp.
Abigail in the Bible remarried immediately after her husband died.
I am sure you most be from the East, nah their way be that. Rubbish!!!!!
Some men don’t remarry
DeleteThey decide to focus on the children
Each to his own pls
The reason between the lines of this chronicle is not culture. It is finance.
DeleteFamily know themselves better. Ostensibly the opposition has weight because it is based on withdrawal of support for her two children if she remarries as she has not brought home a man fit to carry her and her two children. If such a man shows up, the opposition will fade away. The key question is can she get such a man or is such a man within her sphere of influence.
The Biblical story of Ruth is apt here. Naomi recognised Boaz as culturally qualified, capable, honourable, and financially stable man for Ruth. So, Naomi encouraged her loyal daughter in law to act; or as it is said today, to shoot her shot.
Too many matters linked to culture and gender status are not even so related. We must also understand that very few chronicles tell the whole story. The human is conditioned to tell stories as it fits their quest.
I don't care what your reasons for remarrying, MARRY IF YOU WANT.
ReplyDeleteAfterall men who are quarter to kpai still marry wives even when the men is old and doesn't have shish.
Take charge of your life and your happiness.
Stella, you sound insensitive, no empathy at all, what is wrong if remarries? Do you know if she's in Nigeria and is unable to get a job? Or you think she likes the way she's dependent on her people for upkeep.
ReplyDeleteIt's always easy to look down on your nose one people.
Madam trust me you are not ready for another husband, you sound puerile!! If it was a girl in her 20s saying this I for say na small pikin dey worry am and to think you are 46??
ReplyDeleteYour reasons for getting married again is just wrong,
My goodness!!
Hum.lf you must marry,pls marry who can take care of you and your children.Don't go into a marriage that stress the people supporting you.Maybe that 's why they don't want you to remarry.And find something to do to upgrade your self financially.
ReplyDeleteYour reason for remarrying is not strong enough to be very honest. Go into the marriage whole. Invest in yourself so you can find a man who I worthy of you. Remember you have children now. Consider them. Will the man take them as his? Please be wise
ReplyDeleteI am concerned about your children if you remarry. If you are 39, your children are obviously not married yet. Can you wait till they marry?
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, not all women can feed themselves. And marriage is a means of livelihood for such women.
ReplyDeleteThat is why all the social media advocacy of aura for aura, nail for teeth in marriage is baseless. That is why some women use all guile and sense to manage their husbands.
The only thing that can be said is to find a partner who sees marriage as a vocation and needs what you have to offer. This why most women who pride in having good husbands (even on this blog) hardly can say what they put in their marriage. They found husbands who believe in marriage even before meeting them and saw an important need that marrying the women meets.