Hmmmm.....
COMPLICATED SITUATION
Please people, help advise me.
My husband can keep malice with me for up to a year.
I am tired of begging for forgiveness even when I do not know what my offense is.
He is nice to our kids. He pays their school fees and buys them clothes but for me, he does not buy anything or give me money.
He is so wicked to me and is a strong woman beater.
Pastors and counsellors have advised him, yet he is still the same. I cry almost every night.
All my life, I have been in Abuja. I only travel to my state of origin once in a while. I am an orphan, and I cannot open up to my aunty about my marital problems. Sometimes I feel like committing suicide. Other times, I feel like running to a new state to start my life afresh. Is it possible? I am 42 years old.
Please fellow BVs, how do I go about this matter of running away? Depression is eating me up.
A man who beats you, keeps malice for a year, withholds money, and isolates you is not a husband but an abuser.
Please start planning quietly, gather your documents, save whatever monies you can, identify a safe place to go, and leave without announcing it. Your life is more important than the marriage..
He does all of this to you, and you want to die there, literally. You better open up to your Aunt, and also look for a way to leave him. If you commit suicide, it is yourself and your kids you are doing. My own advice.
ReplyDeleteDisappears and leave no trail behind.
ReplyDeleteJust before that, be determined to survive and thrive once you are out of that space, no turning back. Also, find every means to save for the times ahead and draft your escape plan very carefully. Try put your children into this escape plan.
Leave to Live.
Follow Stella advise, and please don't leave your children behind.
ReplyDeleteNawao and you're still there. Is it until he kpais you? He's not just a king of malice but also a beater. Please stop being a punch bag. Leave to live 🤗
ReplyDeleteYou better leave before it turns to something else, and don't bother to leave with your children, leave them for him, you can go back to take them when you're on your feet, but for now, save yourself first.
ReplyDeleteStay and take care of your children
ReplyDeleteWe won’t feed you
Stop begging him and focus on your life.
You should actually leave this man and if he chooses to stop providing for his kids, use the law to go after him!
ReplyDeleteWhy can’t you open up to your aunty, God did not give you a tongue to swallow, tell someone. Pray for God’s judgment and retribution to reach him for his wickedness. Why can’t you open your mouth and cry out to God for justice, will you be able to cry out in the grave, will you be able to speak in the grave? You must be alive to mother your children and get them to adulthood and meet your grandchildren.
ReplyDeleteToo many women think it is their portion to suffer in marriage no matter the level of wickedness doled out to them. Did God tell a man that keeping malice with his wife is what he should do? Did God tell a man to ill-treat his wife? Did God tell a man that striking his wife is acceptable? Stop acting as though your husband’s evil is right. He is not doing it to people in the world, so why is he coming home to use you as a beating post and treat you like an object he doesn’t even have to speak to, teaching those children that you’re garbage not worth respecting. You better use those two knees to get down on them and tell God what you need, because anything you ask you will get it. His wickedness is known in heaven and any judgment you seek God will give it to you, ANY. So go seek, knock, and ask for your justice and claim your freedom in this world. You were not born to be in bondage, you are not a slave and you’re not garbage. So reclaim your identity, you’re not an orphan you have a father in heaven who did not put you here for any man to abuse. Do not accept shyt from anyone because you feel you need their love. Open up your mouth and cry out for God to deal with him without mercy because he is no husband to you and his wickedness is unbearable. Closed mouths do not get fed sister, so go to your father and open up that mouth and demand divine justice.
I wish women would just be brave. So many sit silently not even knowing God is waiting to hear them request justice. If they only knew what God would be happy to do, men would fear even talking hard to their wives.
If you are not ready to leave and want the marriage to work, then let's start from the root, what is it that you do that trigger his reaction, unless he has a mental problem, he won't just be mean to you for nothing
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you're like the poster's horseband. See comment ooo. Is there any justification for a man to beat his wife? This comment is annoying me.
DeleteIf the poster is working, pls request for transfer to.another state and start your life from there pls. I'm a victim of DV and I know that part of depression she's saying. I swear if she doesn't live ehn, she fit run mad gradually. In my case, I have both parents alive, so I left and stayed with them before they set up.a biz for.me. now, I'm a sane person again. So, poster pls leave to live abeg.
Like it's not obvious from her story that the man has a mental problem and is a narcissist. Stupid question. Does anyone deserve to be beaten even if they did something wrong. I can see you and her husband are the same. A mentally deranged narcissist. I pity your wife or who will marry you. Psycho.
DeleteSo there is a basis or justification for beating not just someone but your wife, a full grown woman.......it is well. All the people who annoy him outside, does he beat them? The things some of you say eh.... na wa.
DeleteSupposing that he died, will you not live? Are you not working. Pls forgive me for seeming insensitive.... but i can never understand how someone will stay in a relationship with someone who beats them. All this i am an orphan...i am an orphan.... does that mean you cannot stand on your own. When you are ready you will know what to do........ las las when he beats and kills you and/or deforms you, maybe you will know what to do.
DeleteSister, please do not remain in an environment where you are being beaten cinstantky. This is abuse, and you do not have to endure it because you are married. At 42, you can absolutely rebuild your life.
ReplyDeleteBecause you mentioned suicide, please don’t stay alone with those thoughts. Reach out to someone you trust today and get yourself and the children somewhere safe if necessary.
For immediate danger, call 112. For domestic violence/human-rights support, contact the National Human Rights Commission: 6472 or 08006472428 (toll-free).
For urgent mental-health support, Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative (MANI): 08091116264 or 08111680686.
Please don’t announce your plan to leave to an abusive spouse before you have a safe place and a proper plan. Gather your documents, some money, essential belongings and evidence of the abuse, and quietly seek help.
And please tell your aunty or another trusted person. You don’t have to carry this alone. Your life is worth protecting, and 42 is not too late to start again.
Thanks for providing this valuable information to the poster. God bless you. Poster, there you have it.
DeleteOop, wonder shall never end.
ReplyDeleteso you are saying that your horsband is a wife bitter, doesn't provide for you, chai that means your horsband is worst than infidel according to the bible.
Does he cheat aw well.
Poster, better leave that sham of a marriage before it's kills you. And please don't go with your children. Let them be with him. Your children will look for you later. And they will be happy you left a toxic marriage.
ReplyDeleteYou enabled his bad behavior by begging him when he offends you , or were you always the one offending him? Why are you always begging? You are saying he says school fees, is he not supposed to pay his kids school fees before? He shouldn't pay na , he should leave them to wallow around the streets like kids without a father na him name go spoil in the end. .
ReplyDeleteMadam you married a narcissist. Go and study how to deal with a narcissist. Learn how to strip them off their powers, break their wings into pieces. They are highly possessed fellows send to drain your energy. Call your glory back from him using the name and authority given to you in Jesus name. Take back your crown and your throne.. Call your power back to you madam. This is spiritual. Use words of your mouth to call back your glory from him.
Na who die lose oo
ReplyDeleteSo sad. It's because he knows you have nowhere to go that's why he's behaving that way
ReplyDelete