She questioned why some couples who have enjoyed happy relationships for years begin to feel scared or uncertain after getting married.
She encouraged couples to consider simpler wedding ceremonies instead of organising several events just to meet society’s expectations.
The actress also spoke about the pressure parents and extended family members put on young people, especially firstborn children, to achieve financial success and support their families.
Kadiri said success means different things to different people and urged Nigerians to prioritise their happiness and peace of mind rather than live to satisfy others.
She encouraged couples to consider simpler wedding ceremonies instead of organising several events just to meet society’s expectations.
The actress also spoke about the pressure parents and extended family members put on young people, especially firstborn children, to achieve financial success and support their families.
Kadiri said success means different things to different people and urged Nigerians to prioritise their happiness and peace of mind rather than live to satisfy others.
Hmmm π€π€π€
ReplyDeleteBeautiful Ruthie
ReplyDeleteWellcome Spoken
Hello Iya Boys
I love big weddings! If you can comfortably afford it and want it, by all means, go for the glamour!
ReplyDeleteI only have a problem with those that can’t comfortably afford it, squeezing themselves or even borrowing to do the wedding! That will never make sense to me.
Everyone should cut their coat according to their size!
Gbam ππ―
DeleteMost times people put themselves under pressure not necessarily the society. In the 90s when I was in my early 20s my cousins had a parlour tradition wedding with just the kindreds in attendance.
ReplyDeleteI had a simple court wedding in a far away country with just my family and husband’s family around to witness the vows. And I have friends then that had society wedding. It is people’s choice. I don’t believe anyone could pressure an adult.
About first children looking after their siblings, yes! We do it because we are Igbos and that’s what we do. We help our brothers and sisters stand on their feet.
Onye ahala Nwanne ya, it is a cruel world. Just remember to have boundaries so you are not being used by people who are entitled.
@Anonymous 13:29, I will slightly differ from your opening sentence, not because it is wrong. Far from it.
DeleteThe argument that society pressured us into anything is sometimes a convenient way of avoiding responsibility for our own decisions. Not every expensive wedding is the result of external pressure. Some people genuinely want the glamour, the attention and the public recognition that come with it. And as Eka Joy opined, if they can afford it, it's all good.
However, I would not go as far as saying that society cannot pressure an adult. Pressure does not always come as a direct command. It can come through repeated comparisons, family expectations, repeated subtle remarks, cultural traditions, grooming, fear of embarrassment and the desire not to appear unfulfilled or unsuccessful before one's peers.
Consider the peculiarity of Nigeria, where weddings can become a public display of family standing and new status; we all know these expectations are real. Parents may have their own ideas about what constitutes a respectable wedding. Relatives may have expectations about the number of guests to invite or the events to organise. Sometimes, the couple's own preferences get buried under everyone's demands. Especially where they are dependent on other people's financial goodwill.
I agree that being an adult comes with a personal responsibility to be accountable for our choices and decisions. Like which expectations to honour and which to reject. Recognising external pressure does not absolve us of personal responsibility.
Society does, as a matter of fact, set expectations, but those expectations only become pressure when we attach enough importance to meeting them. And that’s because culturally, we lean more into the habit of organising our lives around public approval to an extent.
However, maturity requires us to know the difference between what we genuinely want, what we owe others and what we are doing merely to avoid their judgement.
Most times people put themselves under pressure not necessarily the society. In the 90s when I was in my early 20s my cousins had a parlour tradition wedding with just the kindreds in attendance.
ReplyDeleteI had a simple court wedding in a far away country with just my family and husband’s family around to witness the vows. And I have friends then that had society wedding. It is people’s choice. I don’t believe anyone could pressure an adult.
About first children looking after their siblings, yes! We do it because we are Igbos and that’s what we do. We help our brothers and sisters stand on their feet.
Onye ahala Nwanne ya, it is a cruel world. Just remember to have boundaries so you are not being used by people who are entitled.
Na only me marry for my papa compound cos when we look our budget, and how much we go take do foundation works and fence for our land, we decide on the best option. Today, we dey live for our own house with one storey flat for back to rent. There shouldn't be any pressure if couples refuse like we did.
ReplyDeleteThe way we blame society for choices we willingly make deserves a study of its own. Just admit it, you did what you wanted!
ReplyDeletePersonally, I've always preferred an intimate wedding, with only the people closest to us.
All I can see is beautiful Ruth Kadiri π₯°
ReplyDeleteThe one I hate the most is, you are invited to a wedding party or any other event and you take your whole gang and family, not minding whether the host can afford to entertain the uninvited guest.
ReplyDeleteBut we are Nigerians and that’s what we do.
Some of us wey do COVID wedding no know wey tin God do for us πππ
ReplyDeleteLove you Ruthie, but I think it’s ppl who pressure themselves. I like weddings and do not see a thing wrong with nontraditional weddings. Folks have been marrying at home and registry since time immemorial. One person decides to have event centre and wedding halls and folks start feeling that’s what they need to have. NO. A simple wedding will always be in fashion, and there has never been any shame with an intimate event of close family members and friends.
ReplyDeleteAs for the first born pressure, it’s there but I think first borne also pressure their own self. The best thing a firstborn can do is to live an upright life and be of good character.
Hubby and I could afford a big wedding. However, we went low-key. Bride price was paid in absentia, we went for our court wedding with just two of our friends, one sibling each. Church wedding done with less than 200 guests.
ReplyDelete15 years counting and many more to come together.
Don't add pressure to your lives!