STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
REAL ADVICE NEEDED
Please, I genuinely need advice because I don’t know what to do anymore. My stepmother has been pressuring me to marry a much older man who is already married. At first, I thought she was joking, so I laughed it off, but she has brought it up several times and she seems very serious about it.
She keeps telling me that the man is financially comfortable, that I won’t suffer if I marry him, and that I should think about my future instead of being too emotional. But honestly, something inside me does not feel right about it.
He is far older than anyone I ever imagined myself marrying, and the fact that he already has a wife makes everything even more complicated.
I haven’t told my late mother’s family or my father’s family because I’m scared of being judged, but I genuinely need someone to tell me what they would do if they were in my shoes.
Would you agree because of the financial security, or would you choose to walk away and build your own life, even if it means struggling because that is my reality right now.......
So you cannot make up your mind on this and you are struggling? Men use women so what is this? Yes i will marry for financial security and also because it removes me from the street...Nothing dey outside...He has another wife and wont trouble you much...
Why do you need your father or mums people? You cant say YES OR NO on your own? You like suffer? You dont feel right about it cos you are looking for love and if its one young poor man you would have agreed and suffered with him?
Well, if its me oh, i will survey everything, do my homework and walk in without emotions.
And you goody two shoes adviser should not bother about insulting me cos i wont enable it...face the topic at hand and disagree with mine if you like but insults at me or anyone wont be approved...
Please, I genuinely need advice because I don’t know what to do anymore. My stepmother has been pressuring me to marry a much older man who is already married. At first, I thought she was joking, so I laughed it off, but she has brought it up several times and she seems very serious about it.
She keeps telling me that the man is financially comfortable, that I won’t suffer if I marry him, and that I should think about my future instead of being too emotional. But honestly, something inside me does not feel right about it.
He is far older than anyone I ever imagined myself marrying, and the fact that he already has a wife makes everything even more complicated.
I haven’t told my late mother’s family or my father’s family because I’m scared of being judged, but I genuinely need someone to tell me what they would do if they were in my shoes.
Would you agree because of the financial security, or would you choose to walk away and build your own life, even if it means struggling because that is my reality right now.......
So you cannot make up your mind on this and you are struggling? Men use women so what is this? Yes i will marry for financial security and also because it removes me from the street...Nothing dey outside...He has another wife and wont trouble you much...
Why do you need your father or mums people? You cant say YES OR NO on your own? You like suffer? You dont feel right about it cos you are looking for love and if its one young poor man you would have agreed and suffered with him?
Well, if its me oh, i will survey everything, do my homework and walk in without emotions.
And you goody two shoes adviser should not bother about insulting me cos i wont enable it...face the topic at hand and disagree with mine if you like but insults at me or anyone wont be approved...
Poster how old are you? Bcos unless you are below 18, I see no reason why you'd give someone else the power to make important life decisions for you.
ReplyDeleteFor you to ask what you should do means you have no ambitions, no goals, nothing planned for your future and all there is to you is to be a second wife to an older man. It is a pity to see young women who have no ambitions whatsoever. We know things are hard, but do you really want to subject yourself to this kind of life? The lies that the man won't disturb you is a fallacy as we know the first wife will give you and your children HELL and this is for LIFE. You will be comfortable money wise but what about peace of mind? What a pity! And what with if it's a young man who is broke, why must the man she will marry be broke? Who knows their future not to talk of someone else future? GIRL DO NOT MARRY HIM OUT OF DESPERATION!
DeleteYou need someone to tell you what to do. So if they tell you to go ahead, you will listen to them. Then your step mother is right in pushing you to do this, cos you clearly do not have a mind of your own.
ReplyDeleteDon’t marry him oh….
ReplyDeleteSweetie,
ReplyDeleteYour reservations, or should I say your concerns, are valid. This is my advice to you, just as I would give to my sister if she were in your position.
First, why is your stepmom so desperate for this man to marry you? Is there any benefit she is getting from him? Secondly, you didn't state his age or give a hint of how old he is. Do you by chance know his wife and how they live? You need to be certain that she is aware he is taking a second wife, to avoid rivalry between wives that will eventually extend to the children. These are things you need to know and understand first. I wish you had also included your age, it would have helped me a lot in advising you.
Now, on the aspect of financial security, this is what I will tell you. I would never advise any woman to marry a man because of his financial status. You will just be like a liability to him, and he will treat you as one of his assets. You saw Prince Ned and Regina, right? The only saving grace Regina had was that she was already famous and popular before going into that marriage, otherwise she would have lost it all after the separation. This is one of the reasons why we often preach about women being valuable, or ask what value a woman brings to the table. It is for moments like this. If you were gainfully employed or financially successful, your stepmom wouldn't be making a choice for you. You, on the other hand, would have the luxury of picking the kind of man you want for yourself. So next time you hear us talk about a woman being valuable or what a woman should offer, understand that it is for your own good in the long run.
Finally, take this seriously. I have no issue with a lady marrying an older man, or a man marrying an older woman, but let it be from your own decision and personal conviction, and not because you want to escape poverty or please anyone. Let me tell you something, being single is not the worst thing that can ever happen to anyone, but being married to the wrong partner is. The devastation and emotional trauma when it goes south is better imagined than experienced.
Have a moment of quietness and reflect on all of this and ask yourself, Is this what I really want?
©️ TEEJAY
Poster how old are you?
ReplyDeleteDon’t
ReplyDeletePoster, whether you are poor or struggling leave another person husband and look for your own. Do you know if he was also a struggling young man before now and the wife stood by him and they built whatever they have now. Don't be another woman's prayer point and tears to God. Just find ours and start with the person. There's no Competition in life. Do you know that in building up you can even learn life vital lessons. Leave the short cut you want to take now. Go for your generation and leave the Grandpa for his children and older wife.
ReplyDeleteWhat if he is a Muslim entitled to multiple wives? What if the wife is in support?
DeleteYour argument should be about the poster's welfare. It's not as if I'm advising her to marry the man, I'm just trying to make you understand the main point of the argument here. You didn't actually get the points in the chronicle and the poster reservations.
©️ TEEJAY
Please don't marry just for financial security. What is your own plans and goals for your life, pray and pray before you drag your next generation under a cursed blood line. Life is to deep to consider just money.
ReplyDeleteDo you even know the source of that wealth. Will the older wife take your intrusion calmly or you are going to be fighting battles all through. Think am well ooo
Your stepmother is not the one who will live in that marriage; you are! Money is good, but it is not worth sacrificing your peace, happiness, and freedom. Financial security is not a guarantee of a happy marriage, and desperation can make a bad decision look like a golden opportunity.
ReplyDeleteAsk yourself one question: If this man had no money, would you still want to marry him? If the answer is no, then you need to think carefully about why you are considering him. Is it love, or is it fear of poverty?
Yes, building your own life may be difficult, but struggling while building your future is not the same as trapping yourself in a marriage you never wanted, In fact, that the man is even already married made it worse. Your stepmother will not bear the consequences of this decision. You will.
Do not trade your future for financial security at the expense of your peace of mind. You deserve to choose your own life, so do it! waka far from that woman, dem don bribe am to destroy your life.
Step mother. Would she advice her own child to do same. Run for your life.let me say this in Yoruba: okele gbigbẹ pẹlu itẹlọrun ere nla ni. Proverbs 15:16; 15;17; 16:8; 17:1. If you were my relative I will tell you No.Money meets need but money does not necessarily bring happiness. Many are married into wealth but wish for more that money cannot buy. Pray and ask the Lord to guide you but I don't think He would want you in such a marriage.
ReplyDeleteExcept you are a Muslim, otherwise abort mission. Go to school, learn a marketable skill establish yourself.
ReplyDeleteYour step mother is not good person. Does she have kids? Where is your mum? Late or divorced? Don't listen to her
Dear Poster, do not listen to Stella. Whatever money that man has, you can have even more as long as you are alive and created by the same God who created him.
ReplyDeleteDo not sell your happiness, another woman's joy and your youthful age for money. Your stepmother might be genuinely just looking out for you but it doesn't mean you should follow her advice if you feel uneasy in your spirit.
...and yes, you have to tell your family what is going on. The bible says in Proverbs 11:14: "Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety."
Marriage is between two families, so let the ones whose counsel you trust be in the known.
See people who traded their future for all kinds of favours advising someone otherwise here. My dear, priority is everything. If your priorities are dependent on finances please rush to marry for financial security. Many of them telling not to would do so if same boat. Like I said, what are your priorities and if achieved by marrying said man, QED!
ReplyDeleteFollow your mind poster
ReplyDelete@Stella. Na why I like be this, very realistic and authentic. Not these no network hypocrites talking about becos he struggled with said wife, as if it was poster that told said wife to struggled with man, biko shift with your banal commentaries some of you. Na you holy pass. If they offer you a job you will say no becos there sacked someone from the job for the opportunity to open up. De play!
ReplyDeleteDear poster life is in stages,men are in phrases,at this point of your life I would advice you like how I would advise myself,seek financial independence for yourself by yourself and for your unborn children, don't hang your hopes on another person wealth, please try and have your own.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like you are interested.lf you are interested,think about it very well You are an adult
ReplyDelete