The statement was out of line to be honest, but I understand your frustration. Cultural expectations will always come up even when the elder is wrong. People can easily write her bad behaviour off as being due to old age, stress, or even dementia. She will always have the upper hand, especially among her children and grandchildren, you will be viewed as the villain. The Bible tell parents not to provoke their children to anger. She obviously does not care for you but she had no reason being verbally abusive to you. She could have avoided you and limit her interaction instead of choosing abuse.

When someone does not like you and you know it, the best approach is avoidance, let everyone stay in their corner. This means limiting contact and interaction. Now, things have escalated and your husband is in tight spot. You will have to work through the strain and if you value your marriage and want peace you may even have to apologize simply for the sake of peace. However, going forward you can avoid this woman, even if she is staying in your home or you must visit hers there are ways to avoid people that doesn't even appear rude. If you want to prove your point then always make sure you have a recording device on play when she comes around you, then folks will hear the abuse, but that may only help in a limited way, many will try to find an excuse on her behalf, stress, abuse, bad health, whatever. The expectation will always be that you as the younger person be forgiving and understanding.

What she said and what you said do they seem same to you
You insulted your husbands father and mother because you know your husband is weak. Where did you hear the stories. Hope not from same husband

Welldone jare

Op you were not wise in handling this

Honestly, I understand why you snapped. You had been swallowing a lot for a long time, and eventually you reacted. But yes, you went too far by bringing up her husband’s cheating. That was a sensitive matter, and now everyone is focusing on what you said instead of what pushed you to that point.

You’re not a bad wife or a bad person. You were hurt and angry, and you reacted badly. Apologize for that part, but don’t keep explaining or fighting with the family.

Most importantly, talk to your husband privately. Tell him you want peace, but you also need boundaries. Your mother-in-law can have her marriage, and you can have yours. Don’t let this become bigger than it needs to be.

I can feel your pain it must feel like constant bullying hearing her comments all the time but you could have been more tactful in your response. Sometimes when people go low don’t go lower go high, I probably would have just laughed and said if I don’t eat it who will she’ll be pained at not being able to trigger me. I know we respond differently to situations and the deed is done already. First apologize to your husband as a bedroom convo was made public even if it wasn’t him who told you, you’ve put him in a bad light and I’m sure he doesn’t want to be seen as taking sides with you. Then apologize to his mum don’t ever let anyone have an upper hand to determine the peace thermometer in your home. You’ve got the power Girl!

Your reaction was human, and your frustration is valid, but using her painful marital secret as a weapon gave everyone else an excuse to point fingers at you. You gave them the exact weapon they needed to paint you as the villain, completely erasing all the years you stayed quiet and patient. Owning it with your full chest felt good for a second, but it actually trapped you because now everyone is focused on your harsh words instead of her unfair behavior. If you want peace in your home and to save your marriage from breaking apart, the smartest thing you can do is swallow your pride and apologize to your mother in law, not because she is right, but because your peace and your relationship with your husband matter way more than winning a fight against a bitter woman.

When you apologize, you take away their power to play the victim and paint you as the villain, and it helps your husband breathe and stand by your side without feeling torn between his mother and his wife. After things calm down, you can still keep a safe, strict distance from her to protect your mental health without having to fight every time you see her.

It is well!

The deed has been done, please apologize to her and your husband ok. Look very contrite o, you can even fake a few tears

Now she will stay on her lane now, other will learn to respect themselves too😁😁😁

Honestly you were wrong. If your brother's wife had said same thing to your mum, how would you feel.

You were wrong by saying that to your mother in-law.

The insult went beyond his mom. You also threw a jab at his father so of course the situation would cause a strain between you and your husband

Your MiL was wrong to poke you and you had every right to be frustrated and to want those comments to stop but you brought a bazooka to a gun fight and that is why your husband and the rest of the family are focusing on what you said rather than what led you to say it.You may have successfully neutralised your MIL, but you only won the battle against her but lost the war when you went for the jugular. But I guess you took the phrase, 'desperate times call desperate measures' a bit too far.

I am someone who doesn't believe you must accept disrespect in order to remain respectful but you hardly said anything when she pokes you, held all the anger in, then one day you just went poof!
Please, always learn to pick your battles and don't keep swallowing everything until you eventually explode. Learn to set the boundary early, respectfully and calmly.

You are controlling her son? you could have told her that she thought wrong and the son she birthed has a mind of his own and you know she knows that too, after all she raised him.

You are eating his money? you could have asked her reason for saying such and if she complains about anything tell her, you acknowledge her concerns as a mother but she needs not worry, since you and her son are adults capable of making your own financial decisions.

Apologise to your husband, he is the one caught in the midst of the crossfire. I wonder if you had told him about all these before it escalated to this point and he didn't do anything about it. Well, he should help with creating boundaries with his mother and let her know her comments hurts you, while he also works with you to resolve the issue.

Wisdom is profitable to direct. If you want peace to return to your home, you need to apologize. See eh, marriage is more than one course o. In marriage you will practice Chemistry, Biology, Maths, Diplomacy, Management Science, Human relations etc. You didn't manage your issues with mum in-law well. Resolve this conflict quickly so it doesn't lead to a full blown battle.

You were pushed to the wall and I cannot blame you.
But my darling, that was a low blow to your MIL. I know it may have been your husband who told you about the story...the more reason not to have used that line to taunt your MIL. Pls apologize wholehearted to her 🙏 Also let her know her words hurt you so much that you had to say that to her (I think your hubby will help you in that direction). We learn from mistakes like this and I pray she tames her tongue henceforth. May God bless your marriage 🤗

You're very wrong. There's no correlation between what she said to you and your response and disrespect. Most married women hear what she said to you from their in-laws yet they keep moving on. Why didn't you see what she said to you in a positive light instead of a negative way. The woman seems to be right by what she said to you because you seem to want to control your mother in-law and her family. You're a bad person and I don't see anything hurtful in what she said to you. Enjoy the consequences of your words and deeds.