Everybody wants mercy and understanding. We want people to consider the circumstances surrounding our decisions. But when the tables turn, suddenly, we become judges, jury and executioners.
Think about it.
A woman with a history of questionable relationships gets married and suddenly becomes an authority on how other women should live. The same woman who once dated married men or had one-night stands now shames another woman for her choices. A man who was once unfaithful becomes the loudest voice condemning another man's infidelity.
Did your marriage certificate erase your past? Did your improved circumstances make you morally superior?
There is a difference between recognising that something is wrong and behaving as though you have never done anything wrong yourself.
This is not about excusing bad behaviour. We can hold people accountable while still treating them with dignity. Accountability does not require humiliation. None of us knows what tomorrow may ask of us.
I am not claiming to be innocent. I have simply chosen to live a modest life, considerably better than some of the chapters behind me. I know what it means to have had my bad days, and I know what it means to make different choices. So, if I have once walked a particular road, I will be very careful about standing at the roadside, pointing fingers at someone else walking that same road.
I would rather encourage them than condemn them.
Perhaps we should remember that the things we condemn today are not necessarily things we have never done. Sometimes, the only difference between us and the person we are criticising is that our own story is no longer under public scrutiny.
Before you shame someone for their past, remember yours. Before you condemn someone for their present, remember that life has a way of changing circumstances. And before you deny someone the understanding you so desperately hope to receive when you make a mistake, ask yourself one simple question:
If the spotlight were on me, would I want the same treatment?
Everybody wants mercy. Perhaps it is time we learnt to give some, too.
IT'S RON
xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI believe as we grow older, we are blessed with more wisdom and should thread carefully.
Some situations require harsh judgment.
We are in an era where "we listen and don't judge" just look at the rot in our society.
We sin differently, okay.
I steal a pack of food and i am shamed for it. Someone else steals a baby and just cos i once stole a pack of food, i am not allowed to condemn the baby thief? If I see hammer sef, i go hammer the person.
Thank you
DeleteHi SluttyChic, Thanks for your comment. I totally understand your point, and I don't disagree that we should be able to correct people when they are wrong. But that's not exactly what my article is about.
DeleteI'm speaking about people who have once walked a particular road but, because their circumstances have changed, now feel entitled to shame others who are still walking that same road.
By all means, correct people. But do so with some humility and compassion, especially when you have once been in that position. That you're no longer doing something today doesn't mean you never did it. Sometimes, the only difference between you & the person you're judging is that you've moved on from that chapter of your life. So, leave room for grace. That's really my point.
Ron,
ReplyDeleteYou are a strong woman. Keep soaring higher. We are not defined by our past, and neither do our mistakes in life define who we become.
©️ TEEJAY
Hi Teejay, thanks for always stopping by to read and engage with my column. I truly appreciate it.
DeleteAnd yes, our past mistakes need not define who we become.
But, just to clarify, though, this piece isn't a personal account. I used myself as a reference to drive home a point, but the conversation is much bigger than me.
The conversation is about how we treat people, the grace we extend & the humility we should carry, even as we grow & become better versions of ourselves.
You've written well 😁. We shouldn't be so judgemental about things we know we're also guilty of. Not saying you shouldn't say anything when something is going wrong but outrightly condemning someone because, you've not been caught on your own wrong doing is not a good thing. Let's all learn compassion
ReplyDeleteThis completely summarises EVERYTHING I have written up there. Thank you Ace.
DeleteYou nailed it, Ron. There is a big difference between correcting someone and trying to humiliate them.
ReplyDeleteWe all have chapters we aren't proud of. Remembering our own past should keep us humble enough not to look down on others.
People who have never been tested often make the most noise, just like an empty drum. I have learned not to judge people by rumours, their appearance, their mistakes, or what others say about them. Instead, I measure a person by how they view life, how they handle mistakes, how they treat others around them and their sense of gratitude. Because that is where true wisdom and maturity live. You can tell how mature a person really is by how they look at life, how they treat others, and how they handle situations.
When you have been through the fire yourself, you learn to listen more and judge less. 💯👌
Life has a way of humbling all of us eventually, and the people who have survived tough seasons rarely look down on anyone else. They know how easy it is for things to change in a single day.
I learn from everyday experiences. Life is meant to be lived deeply, not watched from the sidelines while pointing fingers.
Thumbs up, Ron. 👌
Words on Marble:
Delete"When you have been through the fire yourself, you learn to listen more and judge less."
I'm definitely holding on to this!
Thanks Baci.
Such is life My dear 🥺 We forget so sooon that tables do turn and we keep pedaling till final destination.
ReplyDeleteMore ink to your Pen, Ron .
My sister, you have said it all o. That is why I believe write-ups like this are important. Sometimes, we need these little reminders and reality checks so we don't lose sight of the humane side of being human.
DeleteSo true. We all want grace for ourselves but judgment for others. May God help us to give to others the same compassion we pray for. 🙏
ReplyDeleteWe are all works in progress, saved by the grace and mercy of God. 🙏 Nobody has a perfect past and none of us is in a position to condemn another person. The Bible reminds us in Matthew 7:3 to remove the plank from our own eyes before pointing out the speck in another person's eye. We can correct others in love without humiliating them. May God help us to extend to others the same grace we continually ask him to show us.🙏
ReplyDelete