Sunday In House Gists

Continued from Saturday In House gists HERE

GIST SIX

MAD MAN IN CHURCH

This incident happened last month at my church in Port Harcourt.The pastor said we should all stand up and hold our neighbours hand and say to them  in his presence there is fullness of joy! Twice, I stood up and held the hand of the guy sitting close to me.We said the same thing to each other with smiles on our faces.After that I then wanted to remove my hand,the guy held me tight and was still repeating in his presence there is fullness of joy,I was nodding my head and say yes..I tried to remove my hand again,he repeated in his presence again.That was when I knew na mad person sit don with me.I started forcing my hand from him,he held me tight and still repeating in his presence there is fullness of joy.People around us then intervene,it wasn't easy o! Even when he released my hand he was still repeating in his presence.


I was scared he might bite me,I looked around couldn't find a seat.I then use side eye dey look him.After some minute,the pastor said we should sit down and  tell God what we want him to do for us.I was busy praying,You can't believe what landed on my head.That my mad neighbour stood up and hit the bible on my head and also hitting the people close to him one by one.I didn't expect such,I screamed jesus with fear.My dear that was how the ushers took him outside.

 email.ifyangel81@gmail.com

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GIST SEVEN

FLYING AIR PLANE FOR THE FIRST TIME

Hello BVs, I read a story about a man that travelled out of the country for the 1st time and I thought I should share my experience too. After our wedding, DH decided we should travel to England and he obtained visa for me, when we were about leaving, at the Airport DH told me "Just do as I do, don't panic" I nodded. So all through the check in, I did well. So we boarded, everything seemed amazing. I ate everything that was shared. Time for me to go to toilet, I have been eyeing where they put toilet sign but fear dey catch me. 

But when the thing hold me well well, I stood up and went to the toilet, after everything, I saw where they put flush button, I pressed it, I heard a loud and long sound, I said wahala don happen, I have been followed by my village people to the plane as I don crash the plane, I was so scared. And the sound stopped, i thought the crew would come and knock the door and tell me to come out as i don destroy the plane. Fear dey catch me to come out of the toilet sef  because I thought people would be staring at me.I finally summoned courage and came out and saw people sleeping and some watching movies. I got to my seat and told DH what happened, he laughed and laughed. It was a  funny experience.

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GIST EIGHT 

PANT PHOBIA

So,when I was a very young girl,I hated wearing panties. the ordinary thought of it gave me rashes,I went virtually everywhere without one.it happened that this very cute boy packed into our compound with his family. I and my girlfriends were already betting on who will be the 1st to be his friend. 

So one day,we were playing in the compound and I was climbing a tree(another thing I loved doing was climbing trees)in my usual pantless state. Unknown to me,ants were already climbing my legs,by the time I realized what was happening I was already falling off the tree,luckily for me ,a tree branch broke my fall,next thing I knew I was hanging from the tree by the edge of my gown,my private areas were left open for the world to see,my friends laff me tire when the cute boy came and helped me down. From that day onwards,I wore my panties everywhere sometimes even two at a time.

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GIST NINE

BOYFRIEND TURNED EMERGENCY GIRLFRIEND

I was in a talking mood and discussing  with DH, when I remembered this funny incident.

Back then, I had just gotten admission into the university and was befriending this Dj Guy. Who was every inch a woman look-alike in every sense of it, with his ponytail, big ass, slim and tiny voice.

This day was a two-way party for me (Jambito and birthday) in our compound. The bash was supposed to end by 9pm but due to the late arrivals, large turnout, grooving and plenty food, drink and most importantly because my daddy wasn't around, it went on late into the night. But I was mandated by my mom to retire at 10:30pm. High and tipsy, my BF pestered to sleep over, so I sneaked him in, with full exuberance at play.

At 5am, as I was about to sneak him out but had to survey first. So I sneaked around observing, then I heard my fathers voice, and I froze.

 Unknown to me my dad had returned from his trip just to witness my birthday, but because he was tired he didn't show face.

Daddy: Young woman, why you the sneaky sneaky.

Me: Welcome papa, good morning Sir.

Daddy: I ask you question abi na you ask me.

Me: You papa. Nothing papa. (For my mind I don enter am)

Daddy: Nothing?

Me: No papa, Yes papa. (confused). I want to open door for my friend.

Daddy: Mama Mary come see o, your daughter don dey bring man come sleep for house o.

Me: (shocked, did he know? But I recovered), no Papa. It's Debbie, the girl I told you helped me with my registration. She came for my party but leaving this early to board bus going to Abeokuta to meet her mummy before she travels.

Mummy:(now out from her room), you tell me?

Me: No Ma, she came late like everyone else.

Daddy: so where is she?

Me: She dey inside, she dey dress.

Mummy: Ok, tell her say your Papa dey call her, abi? Make we for meet am na.

Daddy: And thank her for helping you.

Me: Ok mama. (Dashed inside, picked out a bra stuffed it and wore it on him. Unbond his hair with a comb in hand. Gave him my big towel to tie, and marched him to the door. I asked him not to go any further than that. They'll understand with the towel and combing hair. While I brought out my ladys jean and an ankara blouse. 

Thank God, it was our off day, so no power(electricity), more so the living room was dimly lit as the lamp was lowered for the night)

After all pleasantry, they excused themselves inside. I hurried him to get dressed and we virtually ran out of the house. It was along the street, at a counter(kiosk) nearby, he changed into his clothes. And I had to dash back inside before they come looking for me.

I got inside and was at my most behaved self that day. I never forgot. Don't want to imagine what would have happened. It was slutty of me but it never happen again. Because I avoided ever getting tipsy again.

But I often wondered why we ladies are so adventurous from our teens to mid 20s or a little higher probably. And then turns born-again as we climb 30?

myaimmygoal@yahoo.com

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GIST TEN

THIS DEEEEK IS MINE

 It happened between me and an ex of mine.

I once dated a Yoruba girl called Sade. Very sweet and homely girl. So one day we went for one of these school parties and things got really crazy really fast. Anything wey I dey drink she go collect am drink half gimme cup back.

 I just dey look the girl dey talk okay o, this one no sabi why dem dey call me wayward pikin. She go soon know. The kain lap dance wey she bin dey give me for the party ehn, konji go don give some people wey dey look us ruffcoil for head. I thought Sade was just catching fun, I no know say the thing wey she dey drink since dey react with her brain.

As we left the party and were heading back home, Sade was all over me; kissing me, touching me, intertwining our fingers together, laughing hysterically.

Nna, all of a sudden Sade started to cry o.

"Who was that girl I saw you with in school? What happened between you and so so so? Do you really love me? Promise me you will never break my heart..." Etc etc

As I dey try hold back my laughter dey reaffirm my love for my black beauty na so she use force hold my prick for middle of main road dey shout:

"This deeek is mine! It belongs to me! IT'S MINE!"

Omor na so I trowey hand for up in surrender o, say "It is yours ma, take it, uselesssssssss me!" Me wey no dey okay for head.

Na so she take free my amu o - for middle of main road ooo. Needless to say ehn, the kain kerewa wey we kerewawa for bed when we reach house no be here ooo. Dem Spartacus dey learn work where we dey ooo.

Na that time wey I sabi say Sade no be normal girl. She bin dey crazy well well for head but na the kain crase wen I dey like.

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GIST ELEVEN
ABOKI VANISHES INTO THIN AIR!

I was in a saloon within last week from about 9:30am,was just making my hair.

While we were there seeing a movie to while away time,one babe walked in,she was accompanied by her boyfriend,her phonetics had this delta/edo pathetic sound and her voice was really loud,so we could no longer concentrate on the movie.

She was gisting with her boyfriend about how first grade clothes,shoes and bags smell and how she has passed that level,she talked to the extent that she got thirsty,told her boyfriend,fortunately for them,there was one aboki passing,hawking cold pure water,so they bought two and gave the aboki one thousand naira note(N1,000 note) for N20naira worth pure water? hian!

Aboki said he didn't have change,the babe yelled at the aboki to drop his pure water and go look for change,he did as she commanded,as at this time,it was about 2:30pm.

This aboki didn't come back till I left the saloon and the babe couldn't even make her hair because she actually came to do washing and setting,which is 800naira and it was inside that N1,000 that her boyfriend brought out for pure water.

The owner of the saloon is my friend,she told me the next day that the aboki never returned.

That N1,000 can open that pure water hawking business for 3 aboki and there will be change left.

3 Transparent buckets:

600 naira

3bags of pure water :

200 naira(at wholesale price)

There is 200 naira change incase the person needs to buy more pure water.

.....And the winner is?
Is there anybody willing to part with 5k for whoever wins?please send me mail if yes.