Saturday In House Gists...

 Saturday In House gists is here and it numbers one to five.....Lets see what today brings and if there is none for tomorrow then the final votes will be counted here...

GIST ONE

PICK YOUR POO!

Happy weekend my fellow SDKs my name is buoyant,I'm a regular blog

visitor..this funny experience happened in boarding school ( G.C.I ).

Students usually don't use the latrine in school and prefer to

defecate on farmlands beside the school , on this fateful day we , two

friends and myself , went to defecate on a farmland. After doing the

deal none of us heard the farmer coming behind us and he rounded us up.

After begging for like an hour the man finally told each of us to

stand beside our poo and pack the poo with our hands , as a sharp boy

I quickly claimed one poo which was long and solid and dug into the

soil beneath the poo to carry it without the poo touching my hand ,

the other two guys seeing one watery poo and one hard poo started

fighting over the hard poo , "na my poo be dis , no no be your own na

my own". Though it wasn't funny then but when I look back at the

incident I can't but laugh.

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GIST TWO

BIA ZOPUTANUM OOO

Well done  Stella,, this is my own gist,.....

well the story is so funny to mua and I hope someone laugh about it,,

this thing happened in my home town, there is one woman that sells food

and drink in my town market park, and this woman dey claim say she be guy

woman she no dey dull for anything at all, she can do anything for

money.....

So one good evening like that one of those aboki wey dey drive

this big tanker came to her shop to buy food, so after eating food and

taking some bear,,he(aboki) asked the woman were he can get ashawo,

so the woman asked him why asking, the aboki explained to her say he

wan fu*k, so the woman was like he should relax that she can do

anything he want once he is with money, so aboki relaxed dey wait for

the woman to finish,, so after everything around 10:30 p.m the woman

don finish,close shop make space where she and aboki go enjoy there

self....

 After talking about price they start work(s3x) not less than 5

seconds,, the woman  begin shout ''onye  no ebea Oo (who is in this

market Oo) bia  zoputanum oo (please come and rescue me o) onye aboki

choro igbum Oo (aboki man want to kill me o) Amuya haka ukwu ehi Oo

(his man hood  is big like cow's leg) ona  aputam n'onu!!! ( his man

hood is coming out from my mouth) 

Na so everybody  that is still around run go drag aboki out the woman dey breath fast fast like person wey run marathon race, na so the aboki man start dey rake dey shout say walai I no gree, I never pinish (finish) my money..

 People come dey beg aboki to calm down he say no he no gree,, that the woman go lie down make he finish his money, people come beg him and refund him his money back...lolz

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GIST THREE

"BAD WEED"

This one happened last week to two roommates close to my room. Those guys smoke weed too much even our landlord complain tire. On that fateful day be like this people smoke the wrong weed inside heat no light they got so high one start to find em phone. 

Na em carry the same phone on touch dey find em phone, the other one join am dey look for the same phone . Over 30mins before somebody call the phone . Na em carry the same phone put for ear say "Paul abeg nor vex I dey find my phone" Na em angrily cut the call on the touch again for the same phone dey find phone. 

Lol where I take know say the other guy don pass cloud 15 self Na when em tell the guy say make em call the phone. Na them carry the same phone dey call em number . Network say not reachable Na the guy say abeg leave Am the person wey thief the phone don off am. Lol

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GIST FOUR

DRINK DOUBLERS

Hello Stella and my fellow BV's in the house, I dey greet o! Dis na anoda edition of the 'IHG' and for me the hustling still continues.....

I sure say some BV's done be either victim,suspect or culprit for dis kind matter. Years ago as we still small dey grow for my house we get different talents especially d talent of doubling d contents of any drink to any quantity (no be thief we be o, na small pikin dey do us ni). 

If anybody make mistake open drink put am for fridge make the person forget am becos na turn by turn me and my siblings dem go take drink and top am up with water, at the end of the day na the drink with the same color but different taste the person go meet, and no matter how dem beat or punish us nobody go gree confess becos nobody wan carry anoda person igbese. 

So, one day like dat na so we go skul come back come meet only my mama sista pikin wey we dey call Broda Bright as he dey live with us, he give us our food come waka comot go play, as we chop finish we go open fridge one by one  drink water come sight the can of maltina wey dem done open keep 'o boy' for our mind we believe say we  done hit jackpot, we do as if nuttin happen, later I pipto go fridge go lift the can of malt drink, na after I done swallow up to three mouthfuls na him I realise say no b maltina I drink so; dis one na the correct Yoruba agbo for purging system, the smell sweet but the taste na war becos if you see as I squeeze face ehn, na so I jejely drop the can down waka comot as if nuttin happen but for my mind I know say my siblings dem done come take their share but nobody go gree talk as usual. 

Fast forward to evening time wey my parents dem done come back from work, na so me and my siblings dem dey hold nyash and belle dey queue for the available toilets for we house, even Broda Bright self follow dey hold belle, my mama and papa begin dey laff us say 'pikin wey say him mama no go sleep, him self no go sleep', my mama begin confess say na plan work between dem two to catch all the invisible spirits wey dey cause mischiefs for we house, at dat period we no mind dem becos the pain of the belle no let us think well again, na after the agbo done do him work finish for our body na him we sit down togeda as family dey talk about am dey laff, the thing wey sweet me pass wella for the matter be say Broda Bright self follow be culprit as e dey always feel say him fit do anything wey him like finish come lie put am for our small heads and go scot free. BLESS YOU ALL FOR READING!

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GIST FIVE 

BIKE TEAR

This happened just on Friday. And I'm still trying to recover from the laughter.  

I'm training at a tailoring shop and I offered to help my boss pick her kids at kids at their school. She has a bike man she uses for this purpose. 

The trip there was successful as I was the only one on the bike,and on coming back,we were 3 already. When we entered the the street that led to the shop,and suddenly i heard a sound from under my trouser(Note:I wore an Ankara top and trouser being Friday and it's really tight). When I was trying to recover from the shock that my trouser had torn,the youngest one of the kids (5yrs old boy) shouted from the middle ' What's that'. I ignored him. Then on entering another gallop,another tear.. and he started counting... Sha,he counted up to 7 b4 we got to the shop o. Had to tie wrapper before I could come down from the bike. Lol.

BV Xoxo Sassy.