FRUSTRATING SITUATION
I just want to rant about my personal problem, mainly a marriage issue. I have been married for almost a decade now but have never enjoyed or felt happy in it aside from the first three months after the marriage.
It has been regrets all through for nine years plus now. Every day I see this man, I feel disappointed in myself for the kind of decision I made that made me end up in a situation like this.
Aside from getting married to a man that has all the characteristics I do not want in a man, on top of that he disgusts me. I keep asking myself why I would settle with someone I dislike. Seeing him every day infuriates me. I am much happier when he is not around, but the moment he comes home I feel sick.
I just want to rant about my personal problem, mainly a marriage issue. I have been married for almost a decade now but have never enjoyed or felt happy in it aside from the first three months after the marriage.
It has been regrets all through for nine years plus now. Every day I see this man, I feel disappointed in myself for the kind of decision I made that made me end up in a situation like this.
Aside from getting married to a man that has all the characteristics I do not want in a man, on top of that he disgusts me. I keep asking myself why I would settle with someone I dislike. Seeing him every day infuriates me. I am much happier when he is not around, but the moment he comes home I feel sick.
My mood changes like he is a sadist that makes me miserable whenever he is around. How do I spend the rest of my life with this kind of person that I cannot even stand?
I feel miserable and trapped in this marriage because I cannot move forward, neither can I go backwards. Because we already have kids, I would have left a long time ago. Unfortunately, I am handicapped financially.
If I leave, I cannot take care of my children alone because if I leave with the children, he will not take care of them, and I do not have money to be fighting a court case. That is why I am still miserable here.
I do not even have the strength to type all the things this man has done to me, and yet he still carries himself as the victim.
I do not even have the strength to type all the things this man has done to me, and yet he still carries himself as the victim.
I see him every day and wish I do not have to see him because I would feel much happier without him. I do not even want to talk to him because I feel much better if we do not communicate, because communicating with him only aggravates issues and makes me more angry with him, because nothing good ever comes out of his mouth.
So I prefer we do not ever talk. Unfortunately, we are in the same house, so I have no other choice than to relate with him mainly on house and children expenses, nothing more. He does not talk to me about any matter whether related to him or anyone, and I decided to do the same too. We do not gist or laugh with each other. We are just like strangers living together.
He relates more with outsiders and is more friendly to others than me, his wife. He can keep malice for eternity and also weaponizes money because he knows I do not earn much, so most times he chooses to be wicked and reduces the feeding expenses in the home.
He relates more with outsiders and is more friendly to others than me, his wife. He can keep malice for eternity and also weaponizes money because he knows I do not earn much, so most times he chooses to be wicked and reduces the feeding expenses in the home.
A very immature man that cannot make decisions alone. His family, especially his mother, controls him.
I am just miserable in this marriage that I so much want out of, not for anything but so I can have my peace of mind, because I feel much at peace whenever he is not around. His presence makes me miserable. How long will I continue to be in a marriage with a man that does not value me or makes me feel invisible, does not care about my feelings, and feels everything should revolve around him alone?
I am just miserable in this marriage that I so much want out of, not for anything but so I can have my peace of mind, because I feel much at peace whenever he is not around. His presence makes me miserable. How long will I continue to be in a marriage with a man that does not value me or makes me feel invisible, does not care about my feelings, and feels everything should revolve around him alone?
Someone who keeps hurting me all the time and playing the victim, making family force me to beg him always for peace to reign without anyone thinking about my feelings. Am I not a human too? How long will I keep begging a man I did not offend or who has not told me my offence? Will I keep doing this all my life?
He is not even meeting up to expectations because I feel I am the one being used. I am not benefiting anything in the marriage, and my mind has long gone out of the marriage. We are just cohabiting, but I want to live. I do not want to be seeing him again. I want my peace of mind.
He is not even meeting up to expectations because I feel I am the one being used. I am not benefiting anything in the marriage, and my mind has long gone out of the marriage. We are just cohabiting, but I want to live. I do not want to be seeing him again. I want my peace of mind.
He is just making me bring out the worst in me. I do not see myself as a good mother or feel worthy to raise kids because I cannot control my emotions whenever he is around me, so it brings out the worst in me.
I have prayed and begged God for years for a change, but it seems things are even getting worse, so I am tired. How do I get out of this mess? How do I get back my life again? Nine years plus wasted years, no achievement, nothing to fall back on. No family support because they are only telling me to endure and keep praying for the man.
I have prayed and begged God for years for a change, but it seems things are even getting worse, so I am tired. How do I get out of this mess? How do I get back my life again? Nine years plus wasted years, no achievement, nothing to fall back on. No family support because they are only telling me to endure and keep praying for the man.
I just want my peace of mind. Is that too much to ask? I would rather be single than be in this type of marriage.
This your rant almost gave me mental health issues...Please at this stage, leave the kids with him and go your way..ah ah...You just put all the blame on him....You said you lose it when he comes around you? Do you shout and become physical? When you married him, what were the things you liked about him= what happened? una still dey gbensh? cos you said in all the years you have been married but there are kids...So you mean with feeling this way you still open legs and allow him in= Gosh i feel like throwing up!
Please i am not blaming you at all but with this way you feel, you need to either leave or both of you should get help and find a way to move forward a s a couple or separate cos you will be training kids who will become worse than both of you!!!!
Ah, i am so shocked reading this!!!!!
Sometimes I wonder what you people use courtship to do asides from fcuking upandan.
ReplyDeleteSo it took you 3 months to realize he did not have the characteristics of the kind of man you want to marry? Akwukwu mike ejeagha.
E be like say e marry you de day e meet you.
Go and get a stream of income and stop ranting senseless rant.
You women will enter marriage with things that should be fed in the trash.
You wantu answer Mrs and flaunt your Mrshood to single women who are 1000 times happier and more fulfilled than you lot in your empty marriages.
Wearing ring like prison chains..
Then you will spend years complaining and ranting instead of planning and equipping yourself.
So in 9 years and 1 month you could not save, create a plan of escape?
You want to spend the rest of your natural life, miserable and unfulfilled?
Go ahead.
Nobody's loss but yours.
Must the children go with you?
Can't you leave them with him? Are they not his children too?
When they are old, they will come and find you. Abi how dem dey talk am?
The reason you lit keep holding on the children is your excuse is because youre looking for who will take care of you in old age. Na your 'investment ' in your mind.
Nothing else.
Step out of the way.
Not here to pamper anyone because many of you, even if truth step on your head, you will still ignore and follow man because that's all you've spent your life developing yourself as.
You seem so out of it and I really do understand you. I suggest if you can, take some time away from him and recover yourself. You're no longer mentally in that marriage. You really need to rediscover yourself and then know what to do
ReplyDeleteI wish you all the best or you can also talk with him and see if it's going to change a thing
There is something worse than being single, and I can tell you in all honesty, it is marrying the wrong partner.
ReplyDeleteThere is something called the vetting process in relationships. Unfortunately, some women don't take it seriously.
People don't change after marriage. It has always been in them all along. They may deceitfully and carefully hide certain characters, but there will always be a leak and a red flag if we pay close attention to details. Sometimes, what good judgment would have done for us at the early stage of dating, we allow emotions to override.
Today, this is the outcome.
Madam, with all you have written so far, you have no business continuing in that marriage. When a marriage gets to the point of resentment from a partner, the best thing is separation before one of you loses your life. Marriage is not meant to be endured in constant suffering, hardship and pain. Marriage should be blissful and rewarding. There will be low moments, no doubt, but not all that you are going through.
My question to you is, for the last ten years of your marriage, were you a housewife? What were you doing to improve your finances? Did you go into marriage without a financial plan or readiness for yourself? This is the problem. When we advise women on the need to have what you bring to the table and to establish yourself, it is for a day like this. Imagine not being able to take a walk because you are financially incapacitated.
I wish other women reading this will learn and not be too quick to attack advice about a woman not depending on a man totally.
In all of this, where are your family members, your friends, the local church you attend?
©️ TEEJAY
Nne this thing is not marriage. Leave before one of you do the unthinkable biko.
ReplyDeleteEverything the OP has written above is just her refusing to accept responsibility for her situation.
ReplyDeleteYou have the power to exercise choice in the matter. Nothing goes on in your life without your permission. Forget about all that rubbish you are talking about the children and whether he'll take care of them or not. That's just an excuse you are giving yourself. The children will be fine with you in the picture or not and the same with him in the picture or not.
I've read some really bizarre chronicles here and yours is among the most worrying of them. I can sense your hate just from your writing and I don't think it is healthy staying in any environment that triggers such from you. You need distance and separation for now. You might be the issue or he might be. Seperation will give you and him room to reassess your marriage and see if you are willing to make it work. You can't be raising kids in this level of toxicity. You are beginning to lose your mind.
Above is a primary example of why a woman needs to have something doing that affords her a level of financial independence. It widens her options, readily makes solutions available and helps her immediately step in for her children the moment the man weaponises provision. OP's situation would have been very different if she wasn't empty handed.
Is juju involved in the marriage, do you know? Can you try for a promotion at your workplace or seek a higher paying job so that you’re in a better place financially?
ReplyDeleteWork on your spiritual life. God cannot work through you if you’re full of hatred and anger. You have to at the minimum be neutral. Purge yourself of those toxic emotions no matter how justified in them you feel. Your spiritual life is something you have control over. You can choose to sleep in a different bedroom if it makes you feel better. I do not think you should be sleeping next to each other if there is so much animosity between you two. Sleeping alone will allow you peace for 8 hours and perhaps that peace with your inner work will allow the peace of God to find you. Since you’re in a covenant relationship you need wisdom and discernment to handle that. Marriage is complex because of the covenant and especially when children arrive. If you want out you need to break it right and ensure dissolution in heaven and that you’re blameless. I wish you all the best because one of the worst places a person can be is in a horrible union and raising children in it.