Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

WOW...Singles Mingles couple dating for a year now are going through some serious ISH and only Jesus can fix this...well,your input might help as well.

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

STELLAS SINGLES MINGLE CHRONICLE 

WHEN THE LOVE BOAT HITS AN ICEBERG

Hi Stella, first of all i am sad that i have to bring my issues on here but it is the only medium i have since we cannot reach a mutual agreement over this issue.

I met a lady on one of the SnM edition last year (May) and we kicked off the relationship almost immediately, i have never been in a relationship with a drama free woman, she is smart, beautiful, we connected so well and i had no doubt i met my better half.

Couple of weeks ago i had a minor surgery, before the surgery she told me her friend was having her wedding in Ibadan, traditional on Sunday and white wedding on Thursday..i had no problem whatsoever with it...unfortunately a week before the wedding i got admitted in the hospital and she came everyday from work and go home  around 9ish, she works Monday thru Saturday, Sunday is most times her off day. So i had surgery on Thursday and on Friday what happened to be a regular visit turned to be the genesis of my problem with her

She came to the hospital on Friday and asked for the keys to my house, she wanted to pick her shoes at my place since she was having a wedding on Sunday, i was upset and i said "really? You still want to go for that wedding whilst i am still at the hospital" i expected that to be a "wake up call".

 I believe in gender equality, I have never forced any of my opinion on her, infact when i advice her i try to be as liberal as possible and give her room to either adhere to it or shrug it off. But at this standpoint she disregarded my opinion over hers,obviously the wedding was more important and she still went ahead with the wedding.

On Sunday, she sent a text at about 2-3pm she said she'd be visiting later that day, she called but i didn't pick up because i could not wrap my head around my GF choosing her friend's wedding over coming to the hospital on that Sunday to stay with me, prob make me a meal, and keep me company after all she can attend the white wedding the next Thursday to make up for not attending the trad on Sunday and that's sensible and a fair enough decision if you ask me.

Days later she kept calling but i wasn't picking up because i was upset, and i am upset i don't talk, because i am blunt and could say things i really don't want to say, so i would rather avoid having any sort of verbal conversation.  she called severally but i didn't pick up her calls because what she did  was unthinkable, and i was still upset about the whole issue....recovering from the surgery alone was a painful experience, i got infected and i was transferred to another hospital, my gf didn't know nothing about this until i mentioned that i was back in the hospital for the second time in a group chat we shared with other mutual  friends.

She buzzed me and we spoke at length, i didn't tell her where i was or why i was back in the hospital because to me if you didn't care about my healing process, there is no reason to act like you care all of a sudden,infact i was planning a party a week after my surgery but i cancelled because things turned from bad to worse. 

she thought i blew everything out of proportion, in her defence her brother was involved in an accident and she'd leave from police station to the hospital, to work then my hospital then home and i seem to be recovering 2 days after the surgery and since i am on pentazocin I'd probably be sleeping all through Sunday, she said if she wasn't going for the wedding she'd probably be resting before coming to see me at the hospital later, her plan was to go to the wedding and come to the hospital after the wedding plus she needed an away time from all she went through that week, after all we all have different ways of cooling off....the excuses were unacceptable to me...it was more of excuses than accepting her mistakes.

she apologised for not keeping up and being optimistic that i was going to heal well after the surgery but she doesn't see anything wrong with her going for the wedding, i suggested that we talk to her mum about the issue so that we can see from an elders perspective but she'd rather not want her mum in her relationship matters. we both believe in the school of common sense, infact she'd come out in flying colour's if there was  school of common sense in reality, honestly she was at her best coming from work to the hospital and leaving late at night, but is there is limit to what you can do for your partner? is there anything like too much of everything ?

 I met her mum, i was making plans for her to meet mine, and Because of the pure, true love i have for her, I forgave her  and told her I'd let things slide but i cant forget this whole scenario and i made this clear to her. She said " U say you let it slide like you are doing me a favour!" 

that statement was a red flag for me and that statement came across as "if you like let it slide, if you like don't let it slide, that's your problem" when she finally visited she spent less than 1 hour, we spoke very few words and her demeanour came across as she was there just to fulfil all righteousness .

Let us flip the coin a bit since there are so many feminist here, if a man decides to hang out with his friend when his wife is in the hospital "RECOVERING" after child birth or surgery, i am sure people will label him a wicked monster and call him terrible names.Now lets flip the coin back, does this make sense to you now? .She once said she was my "ride or die" i smiled hysterically that day because there were signs she didn't have a ride or die qualities that i ignored.

This is the second time i am making efforts to save our relationship with zero effort from her, i guess it isn't as important as i thought. I am beginning to think this are signs that i am in a relationship with myself. 

I believe companionship and loyalty is one of the key ingredient of a happy relationship/marriage. Since she refuses we talk to anyone about this, with her consent i am here to ask everyone if  i over-reacted? Would you leave your partner at the hospital for your friends' wedding all in the name of optimism? Is there a limit to how much you care for your partner,is there a limit to loyalty and how far you can go especially in recent time when LOVE is just another word in the dictionary.

Do you think her actions are signs that she met someone else? what comes first your friends or your partner,  What do you think about her actions? Do you think her excuses are understandable or it is just another plausible denial of action, if i was your partner in that situation  and you have to attend a wedding you cannot afford to miss, how would you handle the situation, put in mind the wedding was on Sunday and Thursday, 3 days and 7 days apart from my surgery date.

Thank you.

*SIGH*

You both dont sound like you are meant for each other..

If you are really crazy in love with someone you wanna be with,it doesnt matter who is right or wrong and sorry comes easy.

If she cannot see anything wrong with her actions and you cannot let this slide without making her see that she hurt you badly,then i suggest you both part briefly and take time out to re-evaluate what you want from each other.

Love is not childs play and if the man i love is in hospital,nothing else but his health would matter to me...This is my two cents