STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRIED TO A SERIAL ABUSER WHO IS SHIELDED BY HIS MOTHER
Good day Madam Stella. I have being reading your blog for a long time now (of over 5 years), and I've read many chronicles, also read advises (Mostly good ones). And I must confess, those advise really go long way for the writer.So, here's my own wahala. I'm scattered, just flow anyhow I write it.
I am a woman in her very early 30s. I got married to a man I loved. we dated for 2 years. I'm from North Central part of naija while he is from the eastern part. But getting married to him is the greatest mistake of my life. while we were courting, DH was all over me, if I'm not around to cook, he won't eat, be it 12 midnight, he would come knocking at my door, that I want to kill him cos I visited him everyday.
Everybody in our area then knew us together. they all looked forward to us (me and DH) getting married. DH insisted I got pregnant b4 wedding, I was so in love, so I agreed.
fast forward to after wedding day. The 1st trimester of my pregnancy was something else as in I was so sick, emaciated, no strength to do anything. DH started beating me on Tuesday morning (that is 3 days after wedding). before leaving for work, he'll beat me, when he comes home he'll beat me. To an extent I said I would abort the pregnancy so as to be strong to do the house chores. he refused abortion and as a novice, I didn't know what to take or where to go to have the abortion done.
I had to tell his eldest sister, she was angry and said she was going to talk to him. I forgot blood and water are different. The whole case turned against me. MIL said I was not the 1st to be pregnant, if I was well trained, Her dear son won't lay hands on me. so I kept to myself. I kept bearing the series of beatings.
I also told my siblings about what I was going through. I'm an orphan, so my elder brother stands as my parents. My family talked and advised him several times. At times , DH cries when they talked to him, everyone felt he was remorseful.when I gave birth to my burden of joy, since I'm an orphan, it's my MIL that should do omugwo for me, we went from hospital to her house. MIL is a BIG and RICH woman in Abuja. Therefore, she won't come to my house for omugwo, instead we went to her. On that very day, DH beat the hell out of me, his reason is I stained his mother's bed sheet with blood, asking whether I'm the first to give birth.
I cried like my world should end at that moment. MIL supported him. they both said if he (DH) kills me, nothing would happen. DH beat me everyday of my 2 weeks stay in MIL's house, and MIL was fully in support of her son. this is the same woman that goes to Tv and Radio stations preaching against violence against women. the more I watched her do that, the more I hate her.These series of beatings went on, even when I took in the 2nd time, he felt no pity for me, he continued, even when the pregnancy was big, he used kitchen stool to hit my stomach. i just left myself to die. maybe that was why I ended up in cs.
Aside what he does to me, His family is another bigger problem for me. they call me witch for reasons best known to them.
I now have 3 kids for DH. Don't crucify me for still staying with him. I have nowhere to go as a orphan, if at all I leave him, I work, MIL is a very bad woman, she will come to my office and embarrass me and collect my children from me. with the kind of government we are in, once a person has connection, he wins no matter the situation. I love my kids so much, I've gotten used to my kids and I cant stay without them. I've even reported him to human right commission, but when they heard who MIL is, they asked me to just keep praying.
I so hate DH, he only pays house rent, since his sister sent me foodstuffs list totalled N1,920, he now gives me only N1,500 monthly for feeding, pays only 1 child's school fees. I shoulder the remaining responsibilities.
Dear Ma and fellow bvn, I need advise, insult me where need be; I'm confused, I want to run away, but how to go about it is one challenge, secondly, how do I leave with my children? Fear of my almighty MIL has filled me.
You use the word ''Beat'' loosely and frequently in your narrative...was it so bad?
If your MIL is preaching against violence and letting her child beat you then you need to let me help you call her out... ah ah!