Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

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Friday, 25 November 2016

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

Constructive advice is needed in here please.



NARRATIVE NUMBER ONE
NOT READY...

Hi Stella, I hope you post my mail asap. Thank you
I'm a 22 years old lady and my boyfriend is 30 years old. I need advice on what I'm going through now.
My boyfriend and i have been dating for over a year now and he wants us to settle down asap, we love each other very much and i wish to settle down with him but I'm not mentally and psychologically ready for marriage especially knowing that marriage is a life time union. 


I explained to him to chill but he isn't understanding and another reason is that he is not really financially stable yet and i feel getting married and bringing children afterwards isn't a good idea because presently, the total amount of OUR salary is just a little above a 100k though he has got great prospects and lots of business ideas but he is not consistent in working towards starting at least one business that can bring extra income in this time of economic recession.

 Although he is sweet and totally loving, I just want things to get a little better for us and i should also be ready before we settle down but he just wants us to get married in few months. Please advice, I'm I the one that needs to prepare my mind and just get married hoping that I'll adjust and things will get better or what should i do?

...............................................................................................................


NARRATIVE NUMBER TWO
A CRY FOR CONSTRUCTIVE ADVICE.



Hi Stella I love you so much, I just joined your blog 3months ago and I have been coming ever since. Please your Red pen is needed.please forgive my typo and long epistle and trust they are lots of things to write but am going to stop here.
Please advice I will be reading.


So my mum and dad have been married for 23 years and in that 23 years they have been co-parenting(in my terms) for over 10 years. And for 10 years he was in UK searching for greener pastures and now he has his papers.
(during that 10 years he came home about 8 times)


Because it's always one quarrel to another. At intervals family from both sides were involved to no avail. He came home when I was 18 and called me to a meeting with my mum where he outlined all the issues he had with my mum.. 


Stella can you imagine that most of this issues were over 14years old hmm... that day I just listened, I didn't say anything and went back to bed(it was in the middle of the night I was woken up to attend) my mum told me to beg,but I didn't because I was like are you guilty?...because the accusations were serious including infidelity.


NB my dad does not get over stuff he claims he has forgiven but when something else happens he starts right back from the beginning, then my mum does not understand him (I bet I understand him better) she knows what he doesn't like, that causes problem and she does not avoid it...at a point when my dad comes home (from abroad) am happy am in school (uni)because I can't bear the talks,my dad can talk from sun rise to dawn about these issues while advising we the kids not to make the same mistake(obviously we won't).



And the both of them are Christians highly respected by people because they hold important positions in their various churches.
they do this competition between themselves to get we the kids to like 1 person better, but we know better, anyone that favours you at that point in time works :-D

Back to the present, now we are in Europe with him now and for the first time in a long time they are living together (at first I always supported my mum but now I can see first hand what the problem is nobody is letting go,no communication etc)

They are both working and every month my dad brings everything he earns to the table(he is a provider goes out of his way to provide especially for the kids)and he is owing a lot of thousands(as a result of bringing 5 people to the country) my mum brings about 40 percent of her earnings to the table and she also collects children benefits for 2 kids,what she brings is not enough and she knows it.I also pay some bills which I do happily.i just gave a background into the situation of the family. 


Please bv's I want to call both parents and talk to them especially about the finance because we have to discuss how to pay the debt and since both parents don't make fruitful conversation, I want to call them to order so we can discuss how much can be saved every month, with both parties involved.
Please minding my business is not an option as I have been dragged into this since I was 18,till now.

And I have spoken to both parties separately before. #newmethods
I need wise bv's that have been in this situation or understand to please advise me on how to go about this peacefully?

PS - they are great parents but not great partners.
How do I get them to co-parent?
PS-  they speak a language here which we have to learn,so we can't do much in the job department.



82 comments:

DoppelgΓ€nger said...

Poster 1 you are a wise girl. Please don't let any man pressure you into marriage.
Marriage is sweet they say and age doesn't matter so long as you are 18 and above but money is very important. 100k in this current dispensation? Please don't and prospect cannot feed you.
Let him chill or take a walk since he is in so much of a hurry. If he loves you he'd see the sense in what you're saying.
Please my dear there is nothing wrong in what you've said.

Poster 2 I don't know what to say about your case but get an older person like an uncle that both parents respect and will listen to or just anyone.
You can't do this alone else you'd be termed rude or something worse.
Put it in prayers too if you have no one to help you talk to them.
Manage what you have and don't talk to them rudely
Talk to them gently and with love, debt is a bad thing before they'd die off someday leaving you kids with the burden.

Blackberry said...

Poster one, u r not ready, be firm, don't let anyone coerce u into marrying a 30yr old that is not bouyant enough. If he can't wait till u r 'marriage mature', then he's not d one for you.

Jasmine said...

Poster 1: av u guys been able to survive on 100k alone? What if ur first pregnancy results to twin? Just asking o. Maybe u guys need to relocate to a place like gombe where u can survive with 100k.

Poster 2: hmmmm

Monkeynofine said...

Waiting to read comments .....

white Berry said...

Noted

DonMayor said...

Poster one. Tell your guy to his face that he's a brokeass so he can leave you alone and you can be able to grow mentally and spiritually.

By the time you clock 30, you will be ready financially too.

I am the queen and the boss of this blog said...

Poster,
A salary above 100k can't keep a home in this present naija economy!..
Abeg don't enter poverty with your koro koro eyes!...
Your boyfriend should go and make money and leave marriage for now...
A marriage without a good financial back up is hell!!!...
Infact,this nonsense love wey dey shack una will turn to hate and suffering!,,,
Be wise!...

Poster 2,
Leave your parents alone!...
Focus on getting married and leaving the house for them...
What's your business sef?...
They dragged you in and so fucking what?...
Why won't your mom have a boyfriend when your father left her in Nigeria?...
Can he swear he has never fucked any other babe apart from your mum?...
They are your parents but leave them alone to sort out their issues!...

Scarlett said...

Poster 1: don't be deceived, your bf isnt ready for marriage. Agree to wed him and watch him stall the marriage process. Na that lean salary e wan take marry? Marriage no be beans o.

Poster 2: mind your business. It's their marriage
.

Villager said...

P1. Pliss don't rosh into anytin, ontil your mind is plissed with it. Give him sum condishion e moss meat befour you finaly mawi him*make it undastanable*. He wheel see it somhow but you dun rilly should care cus you no whot seems wright.
#i which you whale.

P2_ Your kronicle is upandan... N.E.P.A!!!!! Lemme cum n go and be washing family weakend, you mite want to cum n join mee.

#my 2saint.

THE KING"S QUEEN said...

No comment.

Anonymous said...

poster one ..please don't settle for a man that does not have a stable income u are still young at 22 marriage wasn't on my mind ,what we see on social media is not d real marriage enter behind closed door u will understand, start by improving ursef,y is he in a haste he shld come down ,let him go if need be be but have ur own money nd ur respect .is very important poster two ...d best I is talking to them individually nd making them understand what to do

CHI EXOTIC CHI EXOTIC said...

Poster1, don't let that man push you into hardship
Just imagine he's not even earning well and he wants to keep a woman and be suffering her in the name of marriage
Marry when you're ready
Let him carry his rush rush and go front
Onye owu.

The second chronicle is long fa.
It's obvious your dad only forgives, but never forgets. How men keep malice baffles me
You need to treat the both of them equally and not take sides.
Sit them down and have a heart to heart convo with them
They're supposed to be role models to you
Pray too and ask God for directions
You will surely arrive at a positive end.

Anonymous said...

Poster 1,your mind is directing u to the right decision. You guys are still young..the state of the country does not permit a family to survive on that salary.
That was how my sis went and married some1 total salary not even up to 100k.
The wedding na so so beg beg to do am.
After nko, health emergencies. Now na rent money. And they are expecting a child. It's not wise to go into something without proper planning

julia efe said...

marriage is not a childs play

MamaZ O said...

Poster 1 please forget about marriage for now.

MamaZ O said...

Poster 1 and 2 kindly follw Dopples advice.

Married man said...

Poster one, please plan your future before getting married. Most marriages are hitting the rocks because of finance. Your boyfriend is living 15years backwards. The world has changed since then if you don't plan for anything you are doing now, you are bound to suffer. Take it from a married man.

gracia gold said...

If there is anything that scares me in dis world.. is getting married being poor Nd to a poor man
Chukwu aju!!

Loveme Jeje said...

Will read comments. Plenty work full ground for me

IJAY said...

Poster 1, this recession I don't know if u guys can cope with that amount, he shouldn't hurry u, poster 2, I just hand it over to God, then call an elderly man and call both parents then u can now discuss with them with wisdom and caution in other not to upset them more, May God give u the wisdom to handle this

Empress CHO said...

Poster 1: I applaud the fact that you have not allowed the word "marriage" clog your senses. I see a lot of healthy selflove and realism in your mindset despite your seeming indecisiveness.

Marriage like sex is for two consenting adults. With marriage, it's a deeper level of commitment, compatibility, preparedness,courage,optimism and pragmatism together with the God factor to get a clear headway at least for a religious person.
Marriage itself is a beautiful but somewhat terrifying concept and should never be contracted because one person is ready.
A hefty lot of mental preparedness is required for marriage and you are not there yet. Thankfully, you are being sincere to yourself.

Insist he waits for you to catch on... do not start compromising now on the timing for marriage for you. You will resent him later. I say if he is excessively pressurizing you, you might need to step back and watch that red flag. Workout whatever is holding you back, pray and fast really hard. Sometimes such indecisiveness, pricks of doubt and fear may be our sixth sense reaching out to us. Sort out if he is really the one for you.

It's a recession, and a lot of guys are taking advantage to get married quickly coz it is easier and more cost effective to do so. Firstly, many parents are more likely to offload their daughters to reduce the extra mouth, brideprice lists are easily negotiable and inlaw expectations adjustable. Secondly, there is no pressure for extra razzmattaz in weddings, how many even have money to sew asoebi and attend events these days. Thirdly, maintaining a babe in this recession in a way that will sustain constant sexual satisfaction makes marriage even more desirable this period, as two can live easily as one...until the children come.
So figure out which one bobo is working with, guys are practical like that.

100K as joint income is really small to get by, especially if baby comes in quick. So pls, it is not greed or longthroat to consider such. Grow your income and do not swallow bobo's ideas and business sense. It will not help. Exploited ideas and business sense put in action is more like what you should work with.
You admit he is the type who is not consistent in pursuing his ideas....so pls adopt the wait and see approach, sort out your misgivings and do not block off other guys. You are not married yet okay.


Poster 2: I read your story twice and still can't see the serious role you want to play here. You are a child in this union, while you are not okay with the grudges your dad keeps, you are biased towards your mum.
Your mum knows your dad better, and deeper issues abound.
Your parent's marriage might still have remained coz they are probably the oldfashioned type, have not lived so closely and are careful about their rep.

Your mum's behaviour may just be a defense mechanism. She could be building a backup for herself just incase though it smacks you as being insincere.
Talk to your mum about committing more to the family and assisting your dad.
But please, it is NOT in your place to form mediator and get too involved in your parent's matter despite, how much they've involved you in the past. One day, you will leave that house, so encourage them to do better not form judge. It will bring problems later for you.
Keep praying for your parents though, their unity is more at threat than the finances and childish displays.

Oyanu Enenche said...

Poster one, always work with and believe your gut instinct, most times its always right. Do not allow yourself into what you're not Prepared for. Marriage is no childs play. Your man's salary in this present economic downturn is not realist to sort both if you. Let him hold on until situation gets better financially and you are emotionally ready to take on the task of matrimony. In the event he threatens leaving, kindly let he walk.


Poster 2, I pray God grant you wisdom on how to go about everything. Because it's quite delicate, I would advise you take it to God in prayers and allow the leading of the holy spirit. All the best.

Oyanu Enenche said...

Poster one, always work with and believe your gut instinct, most times its always right. Do not allow yourself into what you're not Prepared for. Marriage is no childs play. Your man's salary in this present economic downturn is not realist to sort both if you. Let him hold on until situation gets better financially and you are emotionally ready to take on the task of matrimony. In the event he threatens leaving, kindly let he walk.


Poster 2, I pray God grant you wisdom on how to go about everything. Because it's quite delicate, I would advise you take it to God in prayers and allow the leading of the holy spirit. All the best.

Ella said...

Hmmm, poster 1 since ur not ready dont go into it
Poster 2 ,u no ur parents better than us, so talk to them togeda nd u guys should reach an agreement. Cheers

Inbtw, dis is my first time commenting

Kim Kardashian Aka portable queen of sdk blog said...

Poster1:please forget that man.
Who great prospect n lots of business idea epp?
How will u cope with him being jobless n broke....tell him to hustle and make money.
Marriage should be the last thing on his to do list.

Beautiful Eagle said...

Poster 1; Please don't tie yourself to your 30 year old bf. You are even too young for that. I know that times are hard and that's the more reason why you shouldn't walk into poverty with your eyes wide open. How is it that your combined income averages 100k? Does that mean that you both earn about 50k each? Please you are still young, go for masters and do professional certifications while applying for jobs. That way your circle would change for the better and when it's time to marry, mid-twenties and upwards, you would have many suitable suitors to choose from. I would suggest that since you feel you are not ready for marriage, and marriage to your bf, break off things with him amicably and focus on being the best you can be? If your bf's take home pay was above 500k monthly, do you think he would even find you remotely attractive? He most def won't because on a daily basis he would meet more sophisticated babes that you can't even stand beside. Such is life, my dear. Love satisfies conditions set by the mind so when these conditions are not there, love can't grow.

Anonymous said...

Why are most people above telling poster 2 to mind her business? Comprehension be una problem ni or you just don't get the meaning of parents? Poster my advise is for for you to have a family meeting, look for a day that y'all are not working and prepare a delicious meal for the fam, try to ensure the atmosphere is friendly and everyone is in a happy mood. You can start the convo after the meal, be prepared and ensure you are on top of the issue. You should also discuss the plans with your 18+ siblings before the d-day so they too can contribute.

Chike TEFLON said...

Poster 1: only you one is not mentally, psychologically, financially and everything lly not ready for marriage? . OK ooooo. You need to visit psychiatric hospital and meet Dr Gwenz. She will advise you well.

Poster 2: so your papa and mama no fit settle there marital issues on top their matrimonial bed by 12 am? , is you that is not married will now be their Solomon? OK oooo. I will advise you as a good adviser that I IS nau. Nyado nti, ashim nnini? Asiri m gi gee nti nke oma. (listen attentively) tell your parents to enter your belle, you will now give birth to them and advise them as your kids.
Make kwa sure that you train them up well to avoid disgracing their old age.

Chike TEFLON said...

Poster 1: only you one is not mentally, psychologically, financially and everything lly not ready for marriage? . OK ooooo. You need to visit psychiatric hospital and meet Dr Gwenz. She will advise you well.

Poster 2: so your papa and mama no fit settle there marital issues on top their matrimonial bed by 12 am? , is you that is not married will now be their Solomon? OK oooo. I will advise you as a good adviser that I IS nau. Nyado nti, ashim nnini? Asiri m gi gee nti nke oma. (listen attentively) tell your parents to enter your belle, you will now give birth to them and advise them as your kids.
Make kwa sure that you train them up well to avoid disgracing their old age.

Chike TEFLON said...

Thank you Queen Queen. Don't mind poster 2.
Instead of her to be praying to God to give her parents brain to respect their old age.

Chike TEFLON said...

Poster 1; tell your man that you will be giving him enough tohtoh as his wife, believe me he will chill and will never talk about marriage again.
All I smell is the power of tohtoh hhahahahahahahhahahaha.
Conji be putting people into predicament since 1900

Anonymous said...

Poster 2:

Get your parents to begin to study the bible; especially the New Testament. Look at Ephesians 5 especially verse twenty one; submitting to one another in Love out of reverence for Christ. Both have to submit to one another because of Christ's sake. The entrance of the word of God gives light and once this light comes in, the darkness you see hanging over your family will vanish! For you to do that effectively, you have to submit to Christ's love too; if you haven't done so. You sound like a wise girl who had done that and I am impressed at the pragmatic way you reason. None of these parents should sway any of you kids to their side because they both played indispensable and peculiar roles in bringing you into the world and bringing you up.

I live in the diaspora with my family and I quite understand the challenges you mentioned.

mis endowed said...

Speechless speechless dats How u make me feel. poster 1 i think you should go to God in prayers ask for His direction,fast also .If He is d one leading you trust me you wont have any doubt and He wont let you suffer .Poster 2 keep praying dats all i can say

Anonymous said...

@Anno 16:06 I tell you sometimes the advisers here they tire me telling poster 2 not to pokenose in her family matter her mum and dad,can u imagine advise please people should be wise when giving advise this are human beings

Anonymous said...

Na wa o, this life! Tnk u for bringing my story here o. At least im happily married and still in love with my hubby, God is opening doors for us. Find a man first n then u can talk.

Anonymous said...

Post 2 your dad n mine share some similarities in the blame n unforgettable game, I recently had a blow out with just trying to express myself. Kindly get a middle man while you do that else he would twist it around. Growing up I wished my parents actually did separate, unfortunately my mum is late, I'll never get to ask them "why them messed my childhood "I wish you the best.

Anonymous said...

Portable how much does your husband earn every month?
Poster 1 - I'm not asking you marry him, but just know that most of our parents didn't start big.

Anonymous said...

Oh! And she is spiritually filled as always.
Poster 2 pls don't listen to her, God blessed you with more wisdom than he did for Queen.

Anonymous said...

Where are divorce monks, should the poster 2's divorce? Poster2 Ur mum is the problem, let her accept her wrongs and stop misbehaving. Women I carry yansh give una,

Anonymous said...

A marriage without financial back up is a hell Chaii, men yaff suffer for all this yahoo yahoo babes. Kudos to all great wife/mothers.

Anonymous said...

Poster 1,if you really want him and your heart is at peace with him, you can do a court wedding and start living with him till you are buoyant. i think he is just scared of losing you because you are still young and bendable.
You can decide to put childbearing aside, family planning is free. you can pray together as a couple and watch God do wonders

Anonymous said...

Poster 2, we are in similar shoes but i admire your wisdom and courage. My own dad is married to another woman and wont stop talking about my mum's bad deeds!
i'd advice you pray about it before taking a bold step.
you can jokingly tell them about how couples should live at the slightest opportunity you have maybe on the television or their friends that are happily married and stuff like that.
The major problem is that nobody wants to admit being wrong, they both wanna play the victim and it will only lead to more hassles.
it is well with you and your family

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

I was about asking if her father's hands were so clean that he can accuse a mother of infidelity in front of her child. I doubt it. Very strongly. And that's a sign that your dad sef get him own. A real man won't do that. If he doesn't Love the mother of his kids he will keep his reasons private.

Poster 2, they are good parents but not good partners. Do you know how many women ran away from your father when he was a bachelor? #IMO only mum stayed and she's stuck with all his drama for 23 years. She must be doing something right. Tell me say them no dey collect for night? Abeggy. Your dad sounds like a difficult man and your mum is handling him in her own way. It may not make sense to you now, but why not watch and see? If your mum gives 40% have you asked her why? The woman may not want to paint the man badly infront of you but she might have her reasons. I said 'might'. When men leave their families abroad for a while, my dear it's not easy on the women or the relationship. But your dad will say he was 'working hard' so that's fine abi?

Don't talk to your parents. Don't go and wash their linen to any relative to come and help do the talking. Go on your knees and pray for your parents. Not only you, but your siblings too (you don't have to give them the details you know). My parents have been married 41 years and they still disagree over certain things. But we fast and even pray for them. I know how many times I've taken a fast over my parents union. There are three people in a marriage, man-God-woman. Let God handle them. The fact that you were dragged in doesn't make you the judge.

And please, next time if they call you in spark for them. Like: WHAT is it?!! Ever since I was 18 you people keep dragging me in and never have any solution?!! What is it?! I'm tired can't you people communicate and talk like parents? Say it with tears and walk out. Shebi they are child-pleasers? Their brain will reset. After that don't eat for a whole day. (You can sneak food in when no ones watching πŸ˜‰). They will rethink their actions by force.

Taa-daa πŸ‘‹πŸ½

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

As for you poster 1- so your 30 yr old bf is still earning about 50k and he's gearing up for marriage with prospects he can't discipline himself to follow? If I tell you to chill now you will come under anon and call me a gwegs (even though Chy bitters can't calculate simple maths after all the clues I gave to my age yesterday πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ #shame) Na you get yam na you get knife. Biko CUT the one you want.

Anonymous said...

Poster 1,many women who got suitors at your age,had many excuses like you and thought they Had time,by the time they were faced with reality,they turned 35 and many begging men to marry them,better make up your mind on what you want,if you are not destined to marry a rich man,you won't get married to one,ask your guy to give you more time,instead of masters,go learn a skill and be perfect in it so you can be independent and not rely on anyone for survival,then get married and have just 2 kids,by the time you are 40,you will be done with rearing kids.

Anonymous said...

Exactly,she has every right to advise her parents,and write down things you can cut off from family expenses so as to reduce financial burden on your dad.

Chidinma Gift said...

Me too

Anonymous said...

Poster 1, since he is a good guy, I won't want you to lose him. Get married now but don't have children yet. Get a copper IUD, a non-hormonal one. It can prevent pregnancy for as long 5 years. You both should begin to aggressively search for better jobs and explore business options, good luck!

Spicy April said...

Poster1: don't let anyone pressure you into marriage. You still have a long way to go. Have u graduated from higher institution? Motherhood isnt as easy as our grand parents made it look o. Especially if theres no money. Baby food is expensive too. So think wisely. If he looks you, then you are worth waiting for.
Poster2: it seems the wound in your parents marriage will be hard to heal. I advice you apply caution when speaking to them on this issue. And pz don't take sides, have an open mind. Drop what you can, save, and leave the rest to them. Soon you will marry and face your home.

KIDJO said...

πŸ™€πŸ™€πŸ™€*yawns*..Did I come late? Lemme just read comments.so tired but thank God it's Friday.

stephan said...

Poster 1,there are ways to linger in marriage rites until your ready,1let him come see your parents. 2 while he is at it,let yiur parents tell him they need to do background check,which can last 6monts. 3 telm him you need to seek Gods face.4 if I needs t the bridal list give it out 5 ket your parent tell him to do according to the steps while you focus on your books.trust me by the time the date is finally fixed next year is gone and you might find out one or two things that will motivateor discourage you. Even after marriage there ways to prevent pregnancy till when your ready. Most girls lost there ist opportunity settle down,and they are now praying n fasting to get another slot in heaven.

ukwu dimond said...

Poster one since you are not ready to settle at the moment why don't you walk away and allow the poor guy to get Someone that is ready to grow money with him, look for rich man that will be a gay husband to you or the one that will be pounding you like pounded yam everyday.

Stop listening to those people that will tell you they married their husband when he had 100m, fat lies, there is nothing bad with starting small with a man that has future, you don't know the goodluck that comes after marriage, who am I to tell you weather to marry him or not??

ukwu dimond said...

Poster two what you want to do is OK, you need to find out why your Mum and dad fall out of love, what went wrong, who fall out of it first. Try and see if you can fix things else you let them handle their differences.

Anonymous said...

Anon@5.33 Even my mum that is married and aged still has suitors. Don't tell a woman to settle just so she can marry early. She gets married THEN WHAT? Will you be there for her if she finds out that the man is hiding something or vas bad traits? Or when they cannot afford rent? School fees? A child? People started small in those days but the cost of living wasn't that high and it was the offset of the oil boom. People should stop saying rubbish. As if marriage is a key to heaven. If you want to settle, speak for yourself. Even earning 200k in lagos won't make you middle class talk less of rich, so what about 100k for the TWO of them?

Anonymous said...

Most times when an older guy is rushing a younger woman Into a marriage he has a complex. He probably hAs a huge ego and is very controlling so the thought of being with a younger girl is appealing. Also, you're not likely to know what women in his age group think about him or have experienced while dating him.i was in this situation, prayed about it and followed my gut. Ending it wasn't easy but it's better to cry now than later in MARRIAGE

Anonymous said...

At 18,i was already giving my parents a piece of my mind about their constant misunderstanding. I can tell you it helped them, they felt ashamed and knew they had let me down. Stated their strength and flaws incase they taught too much of their selfish self, I broke down in tears and they both went into their separate rooms quietly. Things got better, it's been years later they still fight. Most times they both call me on phone to report each other but it's not a bad one.

Poster 2:pray for them and yes speak your mind to them in their presence. I know many men who ended up not taking their wife or kids to join them ever, he's a good man but needs your mum to show him his efforts is appreciated and worth the wait, your dad should understand your mum needs all the love and patience after reunion not accusations!! Help them see what they are refusing to see.
Goodluck!!

MrsBee

stephan said...

Awww chikito.100likes to you,these girl knows that her parent are looking for who ti side who, ignore them.they know what they are doing,my mum would say in ibo'where thare is a talkie-talkie there is a doie-doie.caution the two of them to leave you out of their wahala.When they started chyking themselves you werent there.

stephan said...

Lol are you guys siblings?odiegwuπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

peace maker said...

Seen

peace maker said...

Good to know

Anonymous said...

Thanks chikito,I find ur advice helpful especially d last 2 paragraphs thanks

Anonymous said...

If you don't have anything constructive to say waka pass@scarllet

Anonymous said...

Amen thanks

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Anon 16:33- the way your mind works.... hmmm... So you're better off because you have a man?
Can you people see why I dont give advice to married women? THAT's how they play when they have nothing else to abuse single girls. Hold your man and let it be a lesson to you sister on who (not) to marry. You answer Mrs. and you go about begging. And you're making mouth about having your own man? Be hungry in love. When you people see some of us building our single lives before you marry you must think we are stupid. Who wants disgrace in marriage? Shioor! !

Anonymous said...

Thanks,I pray God answers soon,it's not easy living in a house filled with tension

Anonymous said...

Thanks my fellow anonymouses(hope it's correct) hopefully God will soon grant us peace and heal the family.... I pray

Anonymous said...

Thanks for ur advice, I appreciate.... This blog is family

Anonymous said...

My dear your on point,I just pray God heals them first....I have told them until they forgive themselves 1...

Chikito The Professional Fire for Fire said...

Poster reject anything negative statement. Take it back to the sender (the sender might not be a human being). That's the message they tell us 'you are probably not meant to marry rich' 'you will soon reach 35'. I call it scare tactics.

If you wanna do masters, dont learn skill to keep a relationship. Keep the advice about 'making up your mind' and go and do what you want in life.

I'm 28, I broke up with my bf like 4 months ago and guess what? Trip to London I met a better Nigerian guy who's hitting the notes better than my ex did. Cant give details but Everything my ex was this guy is double. I'm not getting carried away cos its too soon but I'm just saying cos everyone was telling me to perch on my ex and all my doubts cos of my 'age' and the probability of not meeting anyone else. Oh well, see it....

If you meet the right guy at 22, marry. If you don't, WAIT and ask him to go and do his homework. Don't hinge on to a particular guy until he's showing the signs you've been waiting to see. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Poster 2 follow doppelganger advise. I remember sometime ago, while trying to advise dad and mum to allow peace reign, they transferred all the aggression on my head. Be wise!

Anonymous said...

I don't blame you at all

Starjoy said...

Poster1 you are not ready so be it, follow your heart

Anonymous said...

Is this supposed to be an advise??? Really?? U baffle me

Anonymous said...

Borrow some sense chike

Anonymous said...

Poster one,I wuld advice,that u get ready mentally,psychologically and d oda,@ d same time dnt leave d guy,getting good guy dis days are difficult,nd plz dnt listen to bv's who asked u to dump him,some of them dnt get a HI from a guy let alone be in a relationship,all dey want is someone like dem.Mind u whenever u feel u are ready,kindly get married to this guy,I won't b suprise those advising u against it due to low income spoon feed their husbands but come out here to claim my husband just got me a car.Be good dear

SWAG LAFRESH said...

Poster 1, i was in your shoes some years ago. I was in school and he does not earn much but insecurity was his biggest problem. He wanted to marry me. I refuse and told him to wait till i graduate and get a job. He could not wait. I am happy i didn't marry him then. Don't let im p

sisi eko said...

Poster 2 you are a sensible child, a wise one at that and I trust you to sort this out between your parents without inviting any third party, not unless you want to discuss with your siblings.

So I'd suggest that you have a cordial meeting with your parents by drawing a financial plan that u wish to attain within a certain time frame as a family..with full consideration of total earnings per month from all of u. This suggestion should trigger both your folks, as it's coming from thier child when it should have come from them.

I'd also suggest that u have a private talk with ur mom, as what I deduced from ur narrative is that she's the one who's a bit uptight with contributing monies for the family upkeep. I think with a child like you ur parents would do just fine. You've been handling it well, so I don't see this as a major problem. Godspeed

SWAG LAFRESH said...

Don't let him pressure you into marrying him. You know the kind of life you want for yourself. If he cant wait, he should move. All the best dear.

sisi eko said...

Haba. Wisdom is from God and is no respecter of age. Wisdom doesn't follow protocols. It therefore doesn't mean that her parents foolish, just that the lack of communication between them makes them disagree on vital issues that are now affecting the kids.

Mind you, a child can be used to mend things between his/her parents. Even the bible says that out of the mouth of babes and infants..... so nothing wrong in that abeg

sisi eko said...

Mrs Bee well said.

Nitty-Gritty said...

#2, the truth my dear child is that you can force a horse to the river but...
And when you try hard to bend a dry stick......

Simply continue to do your best in paying some bills and talk to your siblings to manage groceries and utilities in order to reduce the overall cost at home, hence your dad can save more.

There is trust Issues between your parents especially on your mother's side because she is worried anything can happen tomorrow, so she is bringing 40% and saving the children's benefit for rainy days I believe.

When you are able to break the language barrier, you can get 2 jobs and help out more.

Welldone. You are a very sensible and responsible child. I pray GOD will continue to give you wisdom and strength to be there for your parents.

Anonymous said...

Chike, you are too stupid for a man. Spits

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