Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

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Friday, February 23, 2018

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

What a pity...





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SELF CENTRED HUSBAND


Hello Stella, Thank you for this wonderful platform ,I have been a silent bv for some years now though I don't comment.May God bless you.
I will go straight to my story please do hid my identity.



I have been married for 5 years now with two wonderful boys age 3+ and 1. Prior to my marriage, I dated my husband for one year, though we were residing in different states then. So when we fixed the wedding date, the family were against that day because of the father's birthday which they didn't celebrate.


Meanwhile my family had already bought tickets to come to the country, they were aware of this and they were well informed of what was going on regarding the wedding plans.


Two months to the wedding, my husband lost his job, he didn't tell me for about one month. It was the father that told me. Two weeks to the wedding, I discovered that it was through my ex that he got my contact details. Mean while I asked him before we started dating but he flatly denied and he knew about my ex cus I told him.


During the wedding, it was my family that paid for about 75%of the wedding expenses. After the wedding, my husband got a job and they were paying 50k .some times 35k. He stopped working after 6 months ...


I got pregnant immediately after wedding but we lost the pregnancy at 25 weeks due to pre eclampsia . I spent close to 2 months in the hospital. My mum was not in the country, but she called and begged my sis in law to check on us , but she didn't come. I was the one that called her after i had gotten home from the hospital. She just gave one flimsy excuse. Later she told mum in law that she hoped my husband had learnt his lessons, that marriage is not easy.



Stella, since I got married, I gave been the one shouldering about 85%of the home . The delivery of my children, clothes, feeding and half of the house rent. Though my husband is an Msc holder, and he learnt a trade. He gets contract once in 3 - 5 months . When he has he won't give me money to stock the house,but instead he prefers buying one cup of rice outside. Mean while, when I receive my salary, I buy what my children will need for the month. My salary is just 45k then I will take from the money my mum kept in my care. Stella , (I Don chop the money finish ) I am scared of telling my mum.


I don't know if this will fit into chronicle or. I just needed to talk and get advice on what to do because I can't bear it for my children to suffer.
I will go hungry so that there will be food the next day but my husband will finish the food without asking if I have eaten or not. I am beginning to resent my husband and I do like it. Please advise.



*Seems your husband is self centred?only think about himself?Has there been a conversation between the two of you regarding these issues?If not,please initiate it but if there has been a talk and no changes then i dont know what to say.....A man that has but refrains from providing for his kids is a shameless and wicked man.

57 comments:

  1. One of the disadvantages of a long distance relationships, you both won’t get to study yourself Better and know the Red flags that would make you pick race. Another red flag is where you said your family took care of 75% of the family expenses, I don’t even know where to begin with that. Your husband has a motive from the onset when he stole your number from your ex ( probably that one painted you as a rich girl from a rich family and he decides to pinch his tent with you) and how did you even end up having 2 kids after you noticed his behavior ehn? Anyways, just have a heart to heart talk with him and if he doesn’t change, my dear keep your money to yourself and your kids and close your legs.

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    Replies
    1. A million like to your comment dear. Men like this always end up in regret later on in life over their actions.

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    2. Your comment really make sense..

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    3. hahahahahahaha @ "pinch his tent"
      he for kuku scratch the tent na

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    4. This is what happens when you marry yourself.
      Nne were you 45 when you met this horseband of yours???

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    5. In the midst of all this you kept having unprotected sex and producing kids now you have finished your mom's money and you are crying of hunger

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  2. 45k, 50k, 35k as in naira??? Which country did ur family come from to attend the wedding? Hmmm.

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  3. Marriage is not easy indeed. God will make a way for you ..

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  4. Hmmm, some parents give liver to their in-laws to treat their daughters anyhow!
    When my i got married, my family didn't contribute a penny, my dad said he's gonna see how this guy will shoulder responsibilities, from d gown my i wore, our aso ebi, my mom's special wrapper, transportation,hotel, were all done single handedly by d man, after d wedding, my dad wired a huge cash gift to my husband, d man just gave my me d money to start biz, till today, u dare not talk ill of him, my dad will roast u alive, so pls girls if u shoulder ur wedding, u will likely shoulder responsibilities, marry within ur class. My man is generous towards me, n spoils my mom to bits.

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    Replies
    1. Always read after typing before sending, a lot of errors in your comment that affect free flow of reading through.

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    2. It's obvious Teejay and Anonymous 15:59 are men. What has errors got to do with understanding the message? Your broke ass pocket will not let you think straight. We know you can't shoulder responsibility like that the poster's husband. But must you be stupid?

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  5. The signs were glaring even before the wedding, but you chose to ignore them. Manage am like that you hear? I hope we are all learning..

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  6. My dear start thinking about yourself and children alone..forget about him,his just using u..

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  7. I used to be a very independent wife bet now no. I try to collect money for everything including toothpick. Men are naturally selfish now I am smarter 😚

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    Replies
    1. Bettee wife😙

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    2. I dont know why men are so selfish tho

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    3. Hope your smartness leads you to your expectations.
      Disappointed at a lot of comments and it's becoming more obvious why so many Chronicles of sorrow abound.
      Lemme take the posters case...the man lost his job 2+months before the wedding and yet still went ahead.. probably without the consent of his family, which may explain his sister's statement, and knowing this, you're still making comments on 75%?? It's sad..
      Marriage is a partnership... couples COMPLEMENT each other, even financially.
      Making a guy shoulder all financial obligations at home is irresponsible of that person...yet you expect him to still have enough to save and plan for the future??
      It's sad really.
      Granted, men, I inclusive, don't feel comfortable talking about their financial challenges but a wise woman who knows her husband should to an extent be able to detect when the going may be rough and det why and adjust accordingly.
      That's what being a Partner is about.
      Funny and annoyingly...women who are married, will see this and apply it to their own situation/act on it, without assessing the peculiarities of their relationship or without recourse to the temperament of their spouses.
      Y'all should continue playing 'timbo timbo' with your marriages. The future is closer than we think
      #'nuffsaid

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    4. Wat abt d guys who don't have d money yet continue to cheat under ur nose and xpect to be loved regardless. Men ...generation of vipers!

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  8. I used to be a very independent wife bet now no. I try to collect money for everything including toothpick. Men are naturally selfish now I am smarter 😚

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    Replies
    1. Better..can't form independent for any man.. U must carryout ur duties

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    2. Anon 15.19. Your head dey dia. I learnt the hard way that it’s never a good idea to give your husband the impression that you don’t need him for anything. It’s difficult if you make your own money though. I’m in my late 30s and a high earner, but I still collect food shopping money from Hubby unfailingly every week. I’m also regularly economical with the truth about my finances. My mum told me a long time ago that it’s never wise to let your husband know all you have saved; I’ve been stupid a few times in the past and I let Hubby know I had surplus money. Bad idea every single time because If he doesn’t scheme of ways to collect it, he will ask me to spend it on domestic expenses for a while with the excuse that he’s broke! Until the savings are exhausted before he starts dropping money again. Not all men are like this though, some men will never be interested in their wives money and will continue to foot their household bills regardless of how much wifey earns. So ladies, study your men o, if he’s the type that once he sees money with you, na to collect am, apply wisdom.

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  9. This your chronicles is somehow, your husband is wicked, self-centered,and very lazy man. He is a glutton.Na Msc una go chop? Tell him to look for Keke Napep or cab to work with.He wan use load kill you,after he go marry another woman, he go come start to hustle that time.

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  10. Stella you said it all and took the word right out of my mouth. I don't know why some men do behave as if they were forced in getting married. I feel so much for women who are married yet seems they are single mother. There is a possibility that he may have another home somewhere where he does the spending. I pray things don't get worse more than they are now. Always talk to God in prayers about it, only Him can turn around every ugly situation.

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  11. Honestly you should not be in a relationship until you learn how to stand up for yourself and enforce boundaries... You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
    Putting your significant other's needs before your own is good only until your needs are being neglected. At this point, nobody is looking out for what you want or need. That's not healthy. Furthermore, you may be enableing your husbands selfishness.

    He needs to recognize and appreciate what you do for him. Doing more for him isn't likely to help him with that. Make him understand by strong communication, or if that's not an option as you said he's a bad communicator, couples therapy might help you both,talk to someone he respects maybe a pastor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another voice of reasoning here. I think your point here are valid but that aspect of seeing a pastor is no go area for me, reasons are most issues that went such extend later detroilate and ended up parting the homes. Most men don't even like such idea taking them to third party, I think if there are people to get in touch here, it is your people and his people then hear what they will say but before doing that make sure every avenue to make him take responsibility fail before you can involve both families then if that fail as well then I believe there are organization that handles such in the country.

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  12. Discuss this with him Madam that's if you haven't already.
    Life is too short. I do understand the part of motherhood but if he isn't seeing reasons with you, then focus on your children and yourself.
    The responsibility is for both of you not just you alone.
    May God help you after all marriage no be by force.

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  13. Lady, I pray the Lord provides for you and you can cater to your kids. I hope you do not have too many. There is not much you can do at this point, there are many lessons in your story that can help these single girls (if they will listen). Please ma, do not have any more children

    LADIES, your husband has no work before the wedding. WAIT UNTIL HE GETS A JOB TO SUPPORT YOUR OWN SALARY BEFORE HAVING A CHILD. Then wait until you all are stable to have more. Catering for one child is a lot, add more and another adult (minus yourself) and you are looking at trouble. The rule of thumb is that you should have only the amount of kids YOU can take care of even if you have an amazing man. 45k salary to cater for "children" is punishment.

    If you are just dating and your man is not good with telling the truth, no matter how nice he is (PLEASE face your front). This family picked an issue because of a wedding set on their Father's birthday. How amazing is it that my birthday will fall on my Son's wedding?!?! That was a sign of things to come. Your man lost his job and did not tell you FOR A MONTH!

    Most men are self centered, this is not breaking news. Everyone knows it, we know it too. It takes a special man to be kind and selfless. Nigerian men, we are not raised to think of anything else but ourselves and we watched our fathers be the same way unfortunately.

    Ladies, please it is not only by a man wooing you and spending change on you. Look at character to reduce "Dear Stella, Dear RantHQ, Dear Finsters, Dear Mamas, Dear XYZ".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. You've said nothing but the truth.My earnest wish for you poster is that you try not to birth another child for the time being. Taking care of 2 children with 45k in this present day is a huge struggle!! Try being self centred too, no look uche face. Just assume you don't have a husband for now, try your very best to cut cost as much as possible. I pray help comes your way fast.

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    2. Dear Anon, thanks for talking sense into my thick skull. God bless you. I am single, longed to be in a relationship after been single for 3 yrs. Got into one in 2017 and having seen the handwriting on the wall, abegi i yaff tire... Been nice alone and spending change alone doesn't cut it...

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  14. You made a mistake marrying this man and it's a pity 2 kids are involved.
    While at it pls make sure you are on birth control. Don't add another baby to this 45k salary. You should have just stayed on one baby and be managing yourself.
    That man insnt even ashamed of himself. His wife is paying for her own delivery, her own baby things. That is a sperm donor and not a husband please.
    Don't know what advice to give other than you going on birth control. I can't stand a home where kids can't eat as they like. They were not asked to be born.

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    Replies
    1. My own problem is her family paying 75percent for her wedding, I don't understand d desperation to send her off to someone who can't foot at least 60 percent of his wedding, that alone is a red flag...I no do abeg, if it were my daughter, I will hold on on that wedding.

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  15. Sister, double your hustle. Can you go abroad to be with your family? There will be better schools and possibly cheaper. DO you have papers to live abroad? Convince your husband that it might be better. If he does not want that, then truly double your hustle. Your man has shown that truly you are on your own, so stop sitting and waiting on him to change. Look for ways to make more money. DO NOT HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN! It will not bring you guys closer and it will not make him change. You can not change him. Only God can and that is if the man is willing and open. DO not waste time running from church to church praying for him to change either. Channel all your efforts into making a way for your kids. Tell your mother about her money. Be honest and get that weight off your shoulders. Once you have done this, if she can help you to set up a side business (if you are interested) then beg her. Improve your skills career wise so that you can seek a better opportunity while you work at this job.

    For now, find ways to make it work for your kids education. Look for the most affordable but good schools. You have your work cut out for you. You know the reality, there is no need crying over spilt milk. Leave your husband to his antics. Thankfully he pays half the rent. As for you, DOUBLE YOUR HUSTLE. These children did not ask to be here.

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    Replies
    1. Best and most practical advise. Thank God your kids are no longer suckling, you can drop them in school and hustle. Prayers and fasting will not change him. His family and himself are very greedy and selfish people. Focus on your kids and yourself. Dont invest anymore on him.

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    2. Mumu. You think to go abroad just easy? She should go abroad on visiting visa and be illegal abi? So that her young kids can fade potential deportation at anytime which can affect their future. A lot of you just don’t think. No wonder a lot of foolish married Nigerian women are abroad and stuck with their poor kids doing nothing. Just because they want to be abroad.

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  16. when u are in school and someone who is not and did not go to school is coming around and u are like this person is ok but the school thing

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  17. He refused to give when he has and you are still spending on him? Please face your kids.

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  18. Anon 15:10....best advice ever

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  19. Your husband is very inconsiderate. Try talking to him when he is in a very good mood. Don't forget to always pray about it.

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  20. If i were you i wont even cook for that man anymore. I will use my money to buy food. A grown ass man will eat it.
    And I bet you serve him first and give him the biggest meat. Then you and your kids will manage what is left.
    If I were you i wont do nada for him again. Face just you and your kids.
    You have made him comfortable. You pay rent,food,school fees, then open leg for him at night again.
    Why will he go out and look for a better job when you are already playing the role he should be playing.

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  21. d earlier u stop providing everything for the family the better for you.

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  22. God forbid bad thing. I cannot come and carry any man's burden. If I am alone let it be clear that I am alone Biko. Cos I've got a bad attitude on a good day for no reason, talk more of when I'm feeding one ozu. Hian oo. Single ladies shine your eyes. Madam, talk to him, but I know he would not listen, cos you can't teach an old dog new tricks, please kindly focus on yourself and your babies, before you start looking older than your age. God bless.

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  23. The first thing to do is to talk to your mother and let her know what you have been meeting in the marriage. Do not let that woman come back without her knowing how you have been dipping into the money for survival, do not shield this man anymore. You need to sit him down and tell him you can't continue like how it is now. He cannot eat full his gut and not provide for the home. I don't honestly know such men because my father even pets me up to this day. How can I take up a man who treats me less than my own father. It does not seem like you are used to suffering so how you sit down suffering in this farce called marriage. You probably feel you need to remain for the sake of your boys, but what value is in that when he does not even care about their survival? Give that fckr a piece of your mind. Light some fire under his tail either he man's up and be a man or move the fck out and go torment someone else. This is WHY I do not advocate having children too soon in a marriage, there is still much to learn in those first two years. Without getting enmeshed with children you are able to make a clean escape when you discover that the gold is only shiny brass.

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    Replies
    1. Apart from his brokeness,laziness and stinginess is he a good man,loving ,kind, God fearing? If he is pray for God to open doors for him . If he's not na you sabi.

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    2. If a man is stingy, how can he be kind and God fearing? Smh.

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    3. How can any man be loving, kind and good and not try to take care of his family. Some men have taken their PhDs to become drivers to feed their families. A man who is good is good, you will never have to ask questions about his character. This woman here entered one chance.

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    4. He is lazy and stingy? That man is not God fearing, please

      Delete
  24. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. You married an idiot and a proud one. Because you have always made more money than he does he did not include your name in the properties because it was his way of holding on to his masculinity most likely, he is wrapped up in his ego. This idiot has setup a situation of pain for you and the boys should he die early. Basically, his ppl could come and claim his properties as their own in his death and leave you and the boys without a roof over your heads, you know how it goes in the culture. What you did by stopping contributing is wise, but not wise enough. You need to also consult a good family lawyer to know where you stand legally and if there is anything you can do to ensure you and the boys are protected should he die, divorce you, or take a second wife. This is merely a consultation, not to start any proceeding. You must ensure the lawyer you contact is very skilled in this area so you are provided with accurate information.

      I do not know how African women deal with this, here in the abroad it is normal for both spouses name to be on all family title documents, and everything is 50/50 should a divorce happen this ensures the woman and children have financial protection. Why do these men see their wives as less than an equal boggles my mind especially when she is there working side by side with him and contributing steadily to the financial success of the family. It's a bizarre mindset that needs to be purged from the cultural landscape.

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  25. Chai my mother will say do not start what u can not finish oh.babe stop using your money for food stuff oh I know it is not easy seeing your children hungry you too learn to buy indomie 2packs n egg to boil for d kids go n buy sachet Milo rolls and hide in d hous , no more paying of kids school fee from your salary try n do d sit down look theory and see if he will not change. I no get money should be your watch word in d house try and take good care of yourself. I bet you, your saving will increase. I was in DT bondage for 7 years of my marriage d day I borrow sense my life change for better.join d monthly contribution in your place of work if u can save half of your salary babe do it. I did it it work for me. To am a proud owner of a plot of land. God help u

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  26. #Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations*

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  27. She saw all the signs but still went ahead out of desperation, which money was he saving for marriage before he lost his job? Ladies be forming Mrs independent later they will be crying fowl... Nawaoooooooo

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  28. Poster I don't pity you at all! Your situation was so glaring. What were you expecting from a man who couldn't foot his own wedding? Radarada! My advice, double your hustle. Your story isn't new. Most women cater for their families. Welcome to the league!

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