Hmmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MOVING ON AND GETTING A DIVORCE AFTER A FAILED MARRIAGE
My husband and I ( we have no children together) left Nigeria few years ago and moved to Europe for greener pastures since we both lost our jobs in Nigeria and we were starting to run into debts.
My husband and I ( we have no children together) left Nigeria few years ago and moved to Europe for greener pastures since we both lost our jobs in Nigeria and we were starting to run into debts.
When we got here we were only able to get manual labour jobs as we did not have enough qualifications to work blue collar jobs in the country.
Like 4 months into the job, my husband started complaining bitterly that he cannot continue doing the manual labour jobs anymore. I tried encouraging him that its always like in the beginning and that we will go to school to upgrade ourselves, he refused and went back to Nigeria.
I stayed behind and continued working and was even sending him monthly allowance. When he got back to Nigeria, he met someone else, got her pregnant and married her traditionally.
I forgot to mention that we got married in court and I bear his surname. Its been 3 years since we separated, and I decided to file for a divorce from here so as to move on with my life. ( I have met someone and he is asking me to marry him).
The issue now is my husband has refused to sign the divorce letter. He said over his dead body will he sign the letter and that he will make sure I suffer, that he knows I want to get married here to a citizen but he will make sure he frustrates me.
My family has returned the bride price and my lawyer got an order to paste the notice at his door(since he refused to even collect the letter), he still ignored. Our case is in court and the Judge is refusing to dissolve the marriage unless I make a physical appearance in court.
I cannot come home because I do not have my papers yet. If he signs the letter, I do not need to appear in court, but he has refused to sign till date. This case has been lingering for more than 1 year. I cannot move on with my life but he has moved on. I am so sad and I don't know what to do.
Why must you be physically there? I dont get it!
Why are men so wicked? You move and dont want the other party to move on...wickedness..
Are there Lawyers in the house that can give sold advice?....
In house lawyers ngwanu come.
ReplyDeleteOne of our bvns need help
The other day I advised a poster on this exact kind of situation, Madam Ronalda and co came for me that she must stand like a tree till he decides to release her. In 2022? No man has such weapon in this present generation unless those who wants to be tied down by men who the Nigerian constitution will never hold responsible for bigamy in the name of polygamy.
DeletePoster, scroll down and you will see a comment by a BV who arranged her's with the judge through zoom. She didn't have to come to Nigeria.
Get pictures of his traditional marriage and sue him for bigamy yourself
DeleteGet credible witnesses that will testify that he indeed remarried after court marriage without a divorce.
He will pay heavy damages and will still go to prison
Your lawsuit will sweat him 2release you.
Or you get ur lawyer 2withdraw the one u already filed n start a fresh process somewhere like Lagos or Abuja so u can appear via zoom or something
Hmmmm.,
Delete1. a man remaining in Nigeria and his wife hustles abroad= the wife abandoned the marriage.
2. The woman sends upkeep, the man uses it to marry another woman,= the woman abandoned the marriage.
3. Man goes abroad, wife remains in Nigeria =woman is keeping the marriage.
4. Man marries Oyibo for papers = wife is patient and humble.
All of you are mad sha. Keep belittling yourselves. Na your daughter in laws I pity
Hmmmm.,
Delete1. a man remaining in Nigeria and his wife hustles abroad= the wife abandoned the marriage.
2. The woman sends upkeep, the man uses it to marry another woman,= the woman abandoned the marriage.
3. Man goes abroad, wife remains in Nigeria =woman is keeping the marriage.
4. Man marries Oyibo for papers = wife is patient and humble. Anon , you need to change your thinking please. It’s archaic
Anon 18:26*
DeleteThank you 19:33
DeleteOP should be able to divorce him over there on grounds of desertion na
Delete23:04 it’s tricky
DeleteTo get a divorce in new country, she’d have to declare her presence in the country. Someone without papers won’t want to risk that
Thank you @ anon 19:21, poster my case was exactly like yours, you can’t even begin to imagine what I went through.. I did the option suggested by anon and his family esp his elder brother and younger sister were on my side , by the time my lawyer was done with him after suing him for bigamy , he was d one blowing up my phone wanting to plead with me to forgive him and that he was ready to sign.. such selfish bastard who wants to eat his cake and have it, see him now roaming about in Nigeria doing all manner of illegal nonsense that still doesn’t have head, the woman in question left him and unfortunately she lost the child they had. Anyways POSTER PLEASE MOVE ON, HARDEN YOUR HEART ( YOU NEED IT TO TEACH HIM A LESSON), GET A GOOD LAWYER AND MOVE YOUR CASE TO LAGOS OR ABUJA . God be with you
DeleteMy advice to you is to do the marriage abroad low key; collect your paper and go and divorce him physically.
ReplyDeleteWon’t work
DeleteBigamy is a serious crime in europe. It will kill the whole immigration paperwork once discovered
Not to talk to the possibility of jail time
Hmmm serious problem but poster our God rules over the affairs of heart of men. Take it to him in prayer as you continue with the legal battle. You will win the selfish man
Delete@Yemi
DeleteYes, truth you told.
Our God says, a woman should submit to her husband who is the head of the home. This woman stayed put in Europe at the expense of her marriage.
So anon 18;26
DeleteShe’s the wicked one cus she stayed to back to make her life better and also send him monthly allowances that enabled him get a whole new wife?
She’s wicked cus she decided not to come home and suffer with him?
No! he is lazy and selfish because he couldn’t work a little to make his home, so if your husband says you should put your hand in fire, you’d do it because you are supposed to be submissive.
Before God gave you a man, he gave you sense and free will, to pick what is best.
The husband is angry because she made the best of her opportunity.
Push up (original)
So she should submit to a lazy man who is not man enough to hustle like other men to make his home but instead relies on the money she gives him to eat and marry another person.
DeleteThat you can demean yourself to do menial job in other people's country that you're at illegally, doesn't mean everyone's built that way. Some have RESPECT for themselves.
DeleteEvery Reaction is due to a previous action. The Poster should come clean.
I'll advise the man to just let her go tho. What's the use of paying back?
Anon 5:52. He has respect for himself yet he can receive money from someone who ‘can demean herself to do menial job in other people’s country illegally’
DeleteRespect indeed.
This is pure wickedness
ReplyDeleteIsn't the wife that refused to follow her husband back to Nigeria the first wickedness?
DeleteComplete wickedness. I guess he has not prospered on his return and blocking the poster from advancing beyond him. The evil in some ppl is beyond description.
DeleteWell, poster he did say over his dead body, so pray that you get your divorce has your husband decreed on his own life that it will be the only way you get it. Then let it be as he has decreed.
Madame you caused it. First off, why send him monthly allowance from the little you make? He, as an adult refused to do the menial jobs, thanks to his funny pride and ego so he forfeited any chances of getting a better life. He is now entitled to that monthly stipend which he believes will stop the moment you guys get divorced. You have to find a way to sort him out financially so he can do the needful. Do not get married yet o because he will find out and he will take documents to the the embassy of the country you are in and open your secret. He has nothing to loose while you on the other hand has a lot to loose. You married him so you know how to manage and assuage his ego. Kuku join financial pay off to the divorce papers so he can release you. Don’t let anyone spoil the little progressive steps you have made to better yourself and things.
DeleteAlso, you need to get certifications and progress beyond the level of education or qualifications you have so you can be able to apply for papers and stop hiding. Remember, handle your ex like an egg. If na car, buy send to am. If na money, give am. Your peace and progress after the divorce is worth more. I wish you God’s grace and guidance 🙌🏽
TWE 🙏🏽
The allowance stopped since na
DeleteTWE 💯. You are wise. Please, comment more often especially on marriage matters. We have a lot of quick tempered advisers here.
DeleteIf the woman was the one who refused to go back and the man is asking her for a divorce, will you all be spewing all these?
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Delete18:27 yes because marriage is not by force
DeleteYou have remarried, so let the other person go
@18:27. Only if you know what amount of settlement some women collect from their ex husbands, you won't write what you did.
DeleteDPA Run....Emeka are you out of Kuje prison yet ? Attempting to sell your DPA on Stella's Blog?
DeleteSee, you don't need to be present. I wasnt present, and the judge dissolved it. For high court, everything was done via zoom, of course I paid the lawyer to arrange it with the judge.
ReplyDeleteThis judge is refusing zoom
DeleteOther option is to try appealing the judge’s decision
She needs to make sure that her lawyer hasn't been bought by the husband. Poster if you have a sibling or someone you can trust, see if you can withdraw the case and file in another state. States like Lagos are progressive and should accept a zoom appearance.
DeleteObviously he has been bribed, if you have good money get a good lawyer that we beat both to the game, the judge could be withdrawn from the case.
Delete@16:07. Are you indirectly saying your lawyer bribed the Judge? Wonders! What some your lawyers tell clients!!
Delete16:09 since one woman paid her Judge. What is wrong with the man paying his Judge?
You guys think it is all so easy.
It is so sad to know that your marriage broke down in such a manner.
ReplyDeleteI do hope that the lawyers here will give you advise on what.to do. But marriage is a serious thing and that is probably why the judge is insisting that you be present. You could as well say in the future that you authorized no suit for a divorce.
Nah judge is being a jerk
DeleteProbably paid off by the husband
What the man is doing at the moment to "frustrate you," is wickedness.
ReplyDeleteI have to look back anyway, for the sake of others reading this story:
The man is the head of the house. If he says we move, we move. You sacrificed your marriage for "greener pastures?" That does not give approval to what is happening now. But for me, my marriage is worth more than any pasture no matter how green.
Stop it! Just stop it! What the heck what you would have done has to do with the poster's question? What you would do is of no consequence to anybody of the poster's situation. Mtsscchw!
DeleteHead ko, tail ni. I pity the women that will marry the sons raised by a woman with this mentality.
Delete16.45 Calm down.
Delete15.14. Ok, she has chosen, as a full fledged adult human that she is, to sacrifice the marriage. Not like she is abroad and expecting him to stay faithful or commited to her in any way, why can't he let her go?! This your advice is meant for women like Adekaz's wife that are abroad and have expectations of their husbands. This one wants divorce. The man is the head of the family only for as long as she wants to remain his wife.
Please kindly get down from your high horse,advise or keep quiet.Dont make it about you. They both decided to relocate,he changed his mind and left but was happily collecting money from here
DeleteShe didn't sacrifice her marriage in this case at all, she was even sending the man money at a time I beg that is commitment. The man moved on first and so can she, a good lawyer is all she needs nonsense.
DeleteGood talk @Saphire
DeleteWe dey our lane, the woman come ask us for advice. Some people are fighting unnecessary battles here. She threw away her marriage and is facing the consequences. Nobody is talking about the bad choices she made.
Anon 15:14 hunger never beat you before. And I hope you know that some men are enemies of progress, so don't judge someone you haven't walked in their shoes.
DeleteReally Anon 15: 14. So because he's the head of the family, he should continue to take drastic and irrational decisions and expect the wife to accept it whole heartily...
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣18:30
DeleteSo even with the behavior of the man you still think she threw it away
Dude carries you with a dream all the way to a foreign country. 4 months later he wants to throw it all away and go back and you think she made the wrong choice
18:30 why add sapphires name and then say something different from what she said
DeleteDid the man tell you he asked her to return
He was happily collecting her money till he found his footing and married
Probably let after convincing her that he was having a hard time bc the white people sre more racist to black men
Or you dont know that’s the excuse many of our brothers give for why our women are making a living abroad while they sit at home doing nothing
Ehn if e say move, we move. So if e say enter fire, you will go? Some of are so incredibly dull.
DeleteHaaaa. Lawyers in the house , over to you ooo. Can you just imagine the wickedness of man? You have impregnated another girl and even married her and you say? Wicked man.
ReplyDeleteMy point exactly! Do you not have any evidence of his 2nd marriage? Photos? Videos? How then did you now find out he got married and had a child with another woman? Do you have chats or VNs where he confirmed he has a new family?Trust many women to post a few photos on SM. Go to the new wife's SM pages and screenshot some. Is that not an offence on his part?
DeleteIf the judge sees all the evidence and your husband doesn't deny it plus you are willing to follow proceedings via zoom but the judge still insists you must come, then ask that another judge hears the case on the grounds that this one is bias. I've read of judges who withdrew and people who asked for another judge on that basis. Except it doesn't apply to divorce cases. Abi this your lawyer is using this your case to learn work ni? Let our learned BVs educate us more please.
When you too were sending "urgent 2k" to a lazy man who is set in his ways. He couldn't do menial jobs but can spend free menial jobs money ba? Of course he'd expect you to continue sending money for his new family's upkeep as the Mother Teresa that you is. Who no like awoof? Ji si'ke o. Nne ora.
Very wicked man.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of wickedness is this??? send thugs to force him to sign and even do a video confirming he agreed to the divorce without being forced. Men and wickedness 5 and 6
ReplyDeleteSorry sis,about your ordeal with your soon to be ex husband.In Nigeria you don't need to appear before the judge to get a divorce.Mine was done in my absence, although I received the petition but all were lies and the court was in a totally different state from where we were based,so I didn't botherr to answer it.His lawyer never called or anyone from the court.My ex only informed me when the judgement had been passed even though he refused to send a copy of the divorce letter till date.So my dear nothing is impossible in Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteThe both of you have lived separately for three years and he even cheated on you...This case is so simple.All the best!
You sure say your lawyer know him onions? Make e no be say him dey in cahoots with your ex oo. If it lingers more than necessary ask for another judge to handle your matter cos some of these judges na witches dem be.
DeleteHe even cheated o
DeleteCheated ke? Abi even married traditionally with kids. You no read am? Wicked man.
Delete@15:26
DeleteYour case appear different from the Poster's case. The poster is the petitioner in her case. Your narrative suggests you were the respondent in your case and so your presence is not mandatory
It's the money that will stop coming in that is his problem.
ReplyDeleteNa so. The money and the thought that she will make something out of her stay and advance beyond and without him. She persevered while he cowardly gave up. He is fighting so others will not see that he is a coward and even now he is still being a coward by refusing to release her.
DeleteHe said over his dead body so may it be done as he has requested. Cause they love to beat chest and act like they are invincible, but let the real power show itself.
The money stopped already
DeleteGod bless you both. Efulefu man.
DeleteAmin
DeleteYou have returned bride price which is the most important aspect. Allow the new man to pay your bride price him head go reset.
ReplyDeleteShe needs the divorce to marry in Europe court and file god stay
DeleteBride price is not a legally recognized form of marriage. In the posters case, she needs to get divorced before marrying her new man because bride price payment cannot be used to file her papers in Europe.
DeletePoster please look for a good lawyer. I have a feeling your lawyer is not telling you the truth and may have been brought over by your ex. Why would the judge insist on seeing you and refusing zoom?
Make una try de go school small small, E get why. Wetin concern Europe with bride price kwa. Read other books, they say no, na only bible sure pass. See comment naw.
Delete@17:47. You harsh o🤣.
DeleteThey know better. The challenge appears to be more of sentiments gingered by the way the very simple issue is narrated.
Chroniclers often narrate to rile up bvs against another person. But they forget that they end up befogging the matter on which they seek counsel.
This one here is a very wicked and evil husband.
ReplyDeleteMadam, if I was you, I did do this by force. Take able bodied men to his house, sit him down and give him the paper and pen to sign it and smile while doing so.
I think you should engage the service of a competent lawyer and sue his ass. He also broke the marital vows by taking a second wife.
Same thing my friend's brothers did. They hijacked the fukker and had him sign the docs and threatened his life if he says pim. In court he sat quietly like a worm cos he had sighted the brothers and some tough looking guys in court. Play hard babe
DeleteIf you have a lawyer wey go fit bribe the judge do am and free yourself. Many of these judges dey collect bribe steady so don't be afraid to request from your lawyer. Me I have seen where a man sent the wife and children abroad and went to court to divorce the wife so he can marry someone else. All these were done behind the woman's back and he was granted. So no allow person to put sansan for your garri because he want to punish you. Be smart by out smarting your ex don't dull and be crying making him see himself as your God. By the time you spend kpatakpata 500 euros them don give you divorce.
ReplyDeleteYou're very correct,this happened to a family friend...
DeleteMadam, you preferred abroad to your marriage?
ReplyDeleteLooks like she made the right choice
DeleteVery good choice.
DeleteDidn't u read that they were running into debts. Na wa for some of you people sha.
DeleteWould you have given her money/ or a job??
DeleteWhat sort of dumb question iss that? You didn't read where she said that they both lost their jobs and were in debt. You didn't comment about the man that came back to 9ja and went to another woman even though she was sending him money from the sweat of the manual labor he refused to do. So what white collar job has he secured since he returned? He wants her to remain a alone and send him money to maintain his new wife?
DeleteWith the quality of man he has presented, she was right. He ain't worth it.
Delete15:45, don't start! Inugo? Don't start please. Did she not travel abroad with her husband before the lazy mofo answered the call of his village deity and village people to return without concrete plans?This amazing woman continued to send him "feeding and general upkeep" allowance MONTHLY o! From working the same jobs he rejected. He showed appreciation by using her hard-earned money to marry someone else and she was gracious enough to not fight him but jejely ask for a divorce. Still this second son of the devil won't let her move on! How is that her fault? Don't start!
DeleteGosh why una be like this...They both went together,he changed his mind went back but continue to collect abroad money,remarried. Yet it is her fault. She for follow come back suffer and what if he still remarries!!!
Delete@17:19
DeleteThe "very good choice" is the one writing chronicles, not the man. She is regretting her choice right now.
18:40 pls read to understand not to condemn
DeleteHow can she be regretting a choice that’s leading her to get a stay of residency
She has found a man to marry her and file for her which he husband knows too
Stop hoping things go bad just cause she made a choice you don’t like
Your situation is a dicey one
ReplyDeleteArrange for that wicked man's arrest,He is also obstructing the law from taking it's full course.
I don’t know the judge that’s saying you need to be present but that doesn’t sound right at all.Leaving you for three years and getting married again is enough grounds for any judge to sign of on your divorce.so something is off about the story and it shouldn’t be this difficult.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Except poster edited this account of the story to favour her, getting this divorce should be a piece of cake. Does your husband have anything on you that may weaken your case? Come to equity with clean hands o.
Delete@15:57. Are you talking law or speculations or sentiments?
DeleteDear poster,
ReplyDeleteAre you sure your husband didn't bribe that judge? Because it not necessary you must appear , moreover he married another woman already.
Please and please you need to act fast before husband man frustrate you the more, if it is money the judge is looking for please give.
Why are some humans so wicked?
Have someone reach out to the new wife’s family. Let them put pressure on him to let you go
ReplyDeleteAlso reach out to a civil lawyer in the country you’re in to see what can be done if divorce is not obtainable in Nigeria
Third option file a suit for spousal support in a different court
Your husband is acting this way because staying married is causing no pain to him, you need to start dragging him thru courts and processes
4th option and the most likely to succeed is to file an appeal on the courts decision
Another correct angle(s). Maybe if the new wife hears that he's still holding on to his first marriage, she'll give him hell. However, if she's the type that just wants to be chopping money that she didn't work for and knows poster is their sure source, she'd play unbothered. After all, many Naija wives who hate "polygamy" support their abroadian husbands who have oyinbo/abroad wives as long as the money is rolling in on a steady. Na when the abroad wife find out and prevents the man from sending money "home" dem dey cry out.
DeleteMadam, it's time you change your lawyer.
ReplyDeleteGbam!
DeleteWhy not ask lawyers over there on how to handle it. Because if anything happens in future, they'll still be the one to handle it.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about your ordeal. I feel your ex bribed the judge. If not, why will they request your presence? Just remember to keep yourself happy.
God will surely help you.
Allegations of bribe collection by a Judge should not be trivialized.
DeleteThen, sue him for bigamy. You can’t marry traditionallly after a court marriage without divorce. Wicked user.
ReplyDeleteThis!!!
DeleteSays who? That patriarchal Nigerian constitution? 🤣. He can marry 50women traditionally the evening he married you in court and you all will be legally recognised. He will never be convicted of bigamy.
Delete17:54 that’s not correct actually
DeleteThe only reason no one does anything it’s no one sues
Sue for bigamy or at least threaten him properly then see whether the law allows it or not
Inform all those that did the trad wedding that they were party to an illegal act and should tell their son or husband to grant this divorce before the next court hearing
Tell your lajwoyer to apply for virtual hearing. You
ReplyDeleteWill testify via Zoom. No need to come physically
You are his ATM card
ReplyDeleteHe does not want the money to stop flowing
Your lawyer too is telling lies. No judge needs you in court to dissolve marriage. This is not abroad. He doesn't need to sign anything.
Get a new lawyer. Make sure he is firm and has boundaries.
Move on.
Gbam! Maybe lawyer is using scope to ask her for money to bribe the judge. Either change your lawyer or ask for a new judge. With all the overwhelming bigamy evidence against the husband, na to use the decree wrap akara or suya for am sure pass if he continues this nonsense. One way or another, he'll get it.
DeleteShe has long stopped the allowance
Delete@16:55. Are you a lawyer or you assume what you said?
DeleteWent through the same thing. It depends on the country you live in ( speaking from experience). If it is a country with no- fault divorce, all you have to do is meet one of the applicable criteria e.g living apart for one year or more. If you meet the condition, file for divorce where you are.
ReplyDeleteAlso learn to operate quietly, it will save you a lot of stress.
Try this ma’am or at least look into it
DeleteThe fact that he married another wife although traditionally is enough grounds to show that the marriage has broken down irretrievably.
ReplyDeleteYour presence is not required in court so I don't know why the judge is insisting on your presence knowing fully well that you're no longer in Nigeria.
I believe you should get a more experienced lawyer whose specialty is family law. It's not my forte but I know that you have genuine grounds to get a divorce without the hassle of coming down.
If your lawyer is telling the truth then the judge is obviously bias and you won't win if you continue in his court.
Again, whatever you decide...just make sure you get a second opinion from a well experienced lawyer.
Lawyer! See how you edged you categorical statement that her presence is not necessary in court?
DeleteAs I read through the comments, I said aloud there is no lawyer here until I got to anonymous 16.29, the only person who answered like a lawyer.
ReplyDeletePoster, bigamy is a serious issue even in Nigeria. The only reason we don't see so much of bigamy cases is because women hardly report such cases. This case will take a whole dimension if you sue him for bigamy. I advise you pay somebody to get picture evidence of his traditional marriage to the new woman and sue him for bigamy. I promise he will come begging for the matter to be settled out of court. Be patient and sue him for bigamy. Once he sees the possibility of him going to jail. He will sign the divorce papers.
Please note that if he requests for the bigamy suit to be withdrawn, ask him to sign the divorce papers first. Only withdraw the bigamy suit after he has signed the divorce papers. I await your good news.
Look for somebody that will get fake divorce papers for you from Nigeria. Get married and go on with your life.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, just sometimes, the embassies do due diligence on documents submitted by applicants for visa, residency, or citizenship.
DeleteMy sister's marriage just got dissolved and the husband is somewhere else that he refused to reveal.
ReplyDeleteSo, I don't understand this one ooo
your lawyer is not it ooh. fIND another lawyer
ReplyDeleteI see an incompetent lawyer here.
ReplyDeleteUse that money you are sending to your ex to get another lawyer if possible a woman. Pay her well and plead with her to fast track the proceedings if she can. Your people can as well visit the judge and speak with him if possible give him brown envelope.
I am a lawyer and I can tell you categorically that you do not need to appear in court to get a divorce. Please
ReplyDeleteNot exactly correct as you have said it. Please tell what rule in the matrimonial causes act or rules say so. Here to learn as others. Awaiting your response even tomorrow as I am sure Stella will post it for all to learn.
DeleteShe cannot come to adopt her statement on oath. And the Judge is insisting on her physical presence. That is the crux of the matter.
DeletePoster, what are you even talking about? I have a family member, whose wife went to the US, and divorced him without him knowing, and married someone else. He did not know until the wife’s brother came and told him.
ReplyDeleteLook for better lawyer or judge to handle your case abeg. Do not risk coming back to Nigeria - maybe that’s what your husband wants - for you to come back and suffer with him. Just be patient, look for a way to do it without your husband knowing. Hope your new man can be too, if he is not, please note that he is not the one for you.
Different country
DeleteYou can get a divorce in most us states by posting an announcement
This however is an unnamedEuropean country and no one knows how to advise well without knowing the country
Anyways change your lawyer.
ReplyDeleteChange your lawyer!
Your husband has committed bigamy which’s a crime and he’s refusing to give you a divorce? When he should be in jail ?
Unless you’re not giving us the full details. Do you have evidence of your husband marrying traditionally and even a child ? And your lawyer is joking with this information?
Please change your lawyer !
Sweetheart, I 'm so sorry you have to go through this. I 'm surprised at the facts you've just stated. With the frontloading system in trial courts in Nigeria, as long as you have legal representation, your physical appearance can be dispensed with once the court is briefed that you reside overseas. Insisting that you appear in person is unrealistic. Your written statements and other court processes will be filed already, so if you appear in person, it's just for you to adopt your written statements.
ReplyDeleteThat estranged husband of yours shot himself in the foot by contracting an illegal marriage. Make no mistake about it, that woman has no legal standing as his wife. It doesn't matter that the "union" was done traditionally. As long as he was still married to you while contracting another marriage makes that marriage null and void. Unfortunately, a lot of women who married statutorily don't know their rights.
There are 8 grounds for divorce in Nigeria and adultery is one of them. Not only did he commit adultery, he stepped it up a notch by committing bigamy as well. You guys have been separated for about 3 years now, so the 2 year rule doesn't apply here. You actually have a very good case, hence my surprise. Darling, you may need to hire another lawyer who can represent you adequately, always seek a second opinion. I see no reason why you wouldn't be granted a degree absolute. Good luck sweetie.
e-hugs and kisses.
Welcome back Ronalda. You have being missed.
DeleteMay God come through for you dear poster
ReplyDeleteWicked man
It’s possible to get a « no fault divorce if you and your husband have moved apart for three years. Ask your lawyer to do his home work. It’s one of the grounds for the legal dissolution of a marriage in Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteTechnically that’s not no fault
DeleteNo fault divorce is what most USA states have which is I’m out no reason given
The issue here is not the ground. It is the proof of the ground.
DeleteMadam dump your lawyer and take this case to another state.
ReplyDeleteGet pictures of his traditional wedding and sue him for bigamy.
Get people to really manhandle him that he won't know when he signs the divorce papers.
He is crazy.
Hearty
Madam 1st stop sending him anything even if na penny
ReplyDelete2: sue him for bigamy and watch him beg you to sign the papers,
3: change your lawyer,
4: get someone you can trust may be your mum or sister
5: Don't forget to get all the evidence of his marriage
6: find a way contact the new wife and let her know that her man wants to eat his cake and have it back, na she ho give am hit
7: pray seriously
Poster getting a divorce in Nigeria is so difficult than even getting married yes you read right from me cos I went through that process.
ReplyDeleteI got separated from my ex husband in 2018 abs his bride price was returned in 2020 in that 2020 i stated the divorce process cos some are always the ones to suffer from the culture we find ourselves in.
The divorce process started from the state we got married in cos I relocated in 2019 so that I can heal faster. My lawyer was rhe one appearing in court and making sure my ex didn’t get any notice. I don’t know how he did it but he kept on giving feedback to the judge that my ex has refused to appear in court.
When lawyers were on strike that affected the divorce process and it was delayed till
Strike was called off. Then when they called off the strike the judge said the final hearing was going to be 25thJanuary this year and my lawyer asked me to get ready to appear in court cos that will end this matter cos they have been adjoining the case too much as my ex hasn’t appeared even for once.
I have to travelled down to the state where the divorce was taking place to appear in court, on the 25th the judge had a zoom conference which he rescheduled all case that very day to the next day. By the next day I was also at the court and prayed everything will end.
To cut the story short it was time for my case and I appeared , my lawyer asked me few questions which he has already told me what to say before that time and I have small narrative how we have been separated foe years, how I was emotionally abused, how family, friends has try to settle us but he refused. The judge asked me if the church also try and I said yes cos we did church wedding but we didn’t go to the church oh and I know if I have said yes the judge would not de solve the marriage.
I pleaded with the judge to please grant us a divorce so that I can move on with my life since bride price has been returned and the man refused to show up or look for me. My lawyer also pleaded with the judge and boom judge granted me the divorce.
I was happy and few weeks the letter came to me well enveloped to my office. Few months ex idiot started chatting me up and begging 🥺 I quickly sent him the divorce papers and since then he has stopped making moves yo apologize.
I think you need a better lawyer and be patient cos the divorce process court make it so difficult and one get more frustrated than the marriage itself. Let your money work for you and not talking to your ex. Do the process without serving him any letter, your lawyer is not shape , get someone to do a good job for you.
If I have said I will not appear in court my lawyer would have still won the case just make sure you pay a correct lawyer to do rhe needful.
Stella please post.
DeleteWhen a lawyer does wrong for us, he is a smart lawyer. When the opposite lawyer does right or wrong, he is a wicked lawyer or the Judge gets abused or accused of taking bribe even without proof. The children of Judges know what it is for their parents to be called bribe takers without proof.
23:03 this judge has no reason to request physical presence
DeleteIt’s unduly cumbersome and of no values the world has moved past this and so have Nigerian courts
A zoom call is sufficient and we all know this
This judge is either bought and bribed or has outlasted his relevance to the current world
Retire then
Get a good lawyer that will
ReplyDeleteWork with you and not against you to make sure he will not know you took the case to court but will only get a copy of the divorce paper at his door step.
Stop using lawyer that is wearing big trousers and terrible shoes but use an elderly lawyer who has been practicing for over 35 years cos they know what’s up. Young lawyers will not give you what you want .
You can also get some bad guys to beat him up and force him to sign the papers with a serious threat to deal with him ans his child if he ever says anything.
Since he is trying to frustrate a woman that he has already frustrated enough that he doesn’t want to see you happy use that his child to put fear in him and watch him sign the papers, two can also play the same game , wicked man.
This couple went to Europe illegally (probably with a visit visa), so what crap are you all talking about here. They are both reaping the due rewards for their illegality, unlawfulness, disobedience. I am grossly appalled that nobody in this comment section noticed that this was wrong.
ReplyDeleteShe imprisoned herself, she can't even visit her country Nigeria. What a shame! 🤦♀️
🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteOverzealous banana
Dear poster, it is well with you. My husband handled a similar case . Get a very good Lawyer and watch how easy and how he'll beg to sign the divorce papers. Would have recommended hubby but he is kinda expensive. I pray God sees you through it all.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster
ReplyDeleteThe bone of your post is this. You have sued for divorce. The Judge says you should come to Nigeria to testify and would not conduct the proceedings by zoom. But you can't come because of papers
Clearly, you have a challenge.
Some courts in Nigeria have adopted zoom proceedings by Practice Directions. But not all courts have clear rules enabling zoom proceedings. Without enabling rules or practice directions, a court has the discretion to adopt or refuse to adopt any particular procedure. The refusal of the Judge to do zoom proceedings does not mean he/she has been bribed.
If the Court where your case is has no Practice Directions or other rules enabling zoom proceedings, I am sorry to tell you that the Judge is 100% right to refuse zoom proceedings in accordance with his discretion.
In addition, matrimonial proceedings are special proceedings (called sui generis by lawyers) with a special set of rules which strictly speaking do not permit zoom proceedings.
Your case may have been made more challenging by the ground on which you seek divorce. If your lawyer chose the higher ground of adultery, etc, most Judges would want you to come prove such ground even though the man has married. This is because of the criminal and damaging consequences of such allegations.
Suggestion
If your lawyer can still do it, let him discontinue the suit, look for the States nearest to your husband's State of residence where zoom proceedings are fully accepted and file the case afresh in one of them. A matrimonial case can be filed in any State High Court even outside the State of residence of the parties.
In addition, it has been suggested to try other peaceful methods - settlement, getting respected members of his/your family to intervene. We always overlook the capacity and influence of our families in a matter like this.
Think 360 in peace and do what will get you solution quicker without doing evil against God.
I think we sometimes underestimate the ability of our judges to be complete jerks
DeleteMadam ignore him, continue your relationship not need to rush into marrying now, you can have a baby if you want to. In a few years you’ll be able to apply for your papers before then keep praying and planning
ReplyDeleteShe needs the papers to live freely and get a good job to not be scared anytime she sees a cop
DeleteThe papers are important
And you think the man that wants to marry her is a useless man who wants to make her a baby mama or have his children out of wedlock, just d way some women do not want to have kids out of wedlock some men also don’t want to have kids out of wedlock
Delete