Hmmm....
INSENSITIVE SPOUSE
It Looks like my husband is intentionally punishing me.
I quit my job cause he asked me to and moved in with him after marriage but Hes been so mean, never showing empathy even though i am in my last trimester. I am always indoors, he wont call to check up on me.
If we fight, i show empathy by asking him what he wants to eat, ask him how work is going, why he is late etc. He's been keeping malice for two days and I have been experiencing pregnancy pains. He doesn't even care.
This story here is the worst thing that can/shoud happen to any woman...I am so sorry that you are going through but please know that this stage is not about him, stop showing empathy and focus on the baby...If you can ignore him totally cos you need your mental health to be steady when you birth this child so that you dont become suicidal during post partum.
You cannot keep staying alone indoors.... If you have parents and you can go there, please do so cos anything can happen and you cannot afford to play this game ..................NO!!!!
I hope and pray that when the baby arrives, fatherhood will change the man you married and if not, please focus 100 percent on yourself and your child...NONSENSE
Life no balance
ReplyDeleteMe I was 24 with my first pregnancy and my man didn't send me, I coped o, my child is 12. Please live your life and just try and find other coping mechanisms, life doesn't revolve around these men please. When you get a good man in this life, you don't know what God has done for you
DeleteSome men are not yet ready for marriage, plenty baby men this days like stella said if your family are close by go and stay with them for the time been..staying alone at this point is not good for you..
ReplyDeleteSomeone said that women have common sense more than men, what do you think about this statement??
DeleteThose that said that are fools. That is just it.
DeleteBeing married to a mean man is the worst thing that can happen to a woman. I know cos I'm married to one.
DeletePoster, just focus on having your baby and try whatever you can to be happy for the sake of your mental health. However, I'd advise you not to get pregnant again until you get something doing. Please establish yourself after having this baby. If not, this type of man will punish you except he changes by some miracle.
It would be easier for you to make a decision when you're financially stable.best of luck
Why would you quit your job cos your husband asked you to?
ReplyDeleteNa you give am body see finish.
Some of you are taking shit all because you want to marry and stay married.
He asked you to quit without having a plan B for you.
Some of you don’t value yourselves.
It is well with you.
Sluttychic.
Gbam. After allll the chronicle on this blog. Some women still don’t listen. Why would you quit your job woman! Why?!??? It’s ridiculous. Ao now you’ll have to solely depend on him for baby items and you. I pray it won’t get worse because postpartum depression is real. Just have a back up plan and someone who will help you with your baby because I doubt if this baby boy you called husband is ready for the real world and marriage! Goodluck. I really wish you goodluck.
DeleteThe signs were there but u ignored!
DeleteYou see those people that after little misunderstanding they block you and unblock days later na them run far from them
After an argument u call and they won't pick forming being angry not even thinking what if u were in a situation that requires their help run oh!
You visit them and after an argument they go to sleep in the parlor hmmmm na them.
I dated a guy that no matter our misunderstanding he wakes up bring me paste and brush them set water in the bathroom and then set me food but in all this he is doing he won't talk to u o 😍
Once u are done eating he asks hope u are ok you say yes he starts his malice again Charles u no go kee me with laugh.
I tell you when a man loves u will understand why God gave them that role!
Manage my dear sometimes life doesn't offer us sweet things
I am a man and I do not know why some men behave this way. Please don't fight him anymore.
ReplyDeleteWhen my wife was pregnant for all my children, I took over everything. House care plus my work. I carried everything. The only things I couldn't carry from her were the pregnancies. I taught my sons the same thing.
Some didn't learn about women at all and no one taught them.
Please don't fight with your husband anymore. Be the better person.
Very wicked man. Can’t even imagine the mental stress coupled with the discomfort and pain of 3rd trimester.
ReplyDeletePlease just focus on yourself and forget about him. It’s not easy but very necessary
Mistake number one: quitting your job because he said so. It almost never turns out well. You should try and rectify that soon especially as Baby will be an extra 'burden'.
ReplyDeleteIn your state, you need plenty peace of mind and rest. If going to your parents' place will give you that, please run there as fast as you can. The mistake most women do is allowing their lives revolve around the happiness and approval of their husbands. Meanwhile, these men don't even give a fuck. Nne, do what will give you peace.
Just why do people quit their jobs? Why ? 😧😧
ReplyDeleteIn an economy where job opportunities are limited. I just don't get it
So sorry poster. So why on earth did he marry you ? Where is the love you both shared ? Na wa o
ReplyDeleteTruly Men are very calculative when it comes to love and marriage While women fall hopelessly in love 🙄
So why did he marry you ?
Congrats to you
ReplyDeleteThe most complex B
Why are you congratulating people who are obviously in pains? How complex is your status?
DeleteNot all men handle the pregnancy blues well. That said, it is crass heartlessness what your spouse is doing. Empathy is what you need the most now.
ReplyDeleteMove to a different environment if you can. Stay in a positive atmosphere. You have a long journey ahead of you and you'll need all of your mental faculties.
Ignore whatever it is your husband is doing at the moment. Some men no dey too get sense for this period. E be like say the belle ma dey worry them.
Check what’s causing the pregnancy pain
ReplyDelete🤦♀️
ReplyDeleteHow mean can some people be. Please as Stella said don't remain indoors.
I pray you pull through for your baby's sake
Why would you quit your job? To relocate and join him? If so it's understandable for a young marriage. But quitting a job coz of a man is a rookie move.
ReplyDeleteThat man has no love for you and probably may have a woman somewhere. I don't know where you people find such men in the first place.
ReplyDeletePlease take a break from him and please women should stop putting their life on hold cos of marriage. The end is always sad.
© TEEJAY
She is here for an advice, the mistake has been done. Stop blaming her rather suggest a solution for easy way out.
DeletePoster be careful of some advice here. You know your husband more than everyone here.
17:50 don't mind the agbaya, You know once a person brings a chronicle here, most of them act like they got it all figured out. Very judgmental humans.
DeleteDear Poster, pls go far away from your husband, maka HBP oo. It's well with you.
17:50 and 18:26, what exactly is wrong in what Teejay wrote? Abi una head dey shake?
DeleteDid he lie?
Some of you put your lives on hold cos of marriage without even thinking of the consequences...learn to put yourself first.
Now, she is broke, tired and probably frustrated and will have to take a lot more of disrespect, lack of care and abandonment from her husband.
It is people like the both of you
that will never learn from other people’s experiences.
Sluttychic.
I'm still trying to see what I said wrong. I even wrote she should take a break from the husband. Is it not the same thing the anon of 18:26 wrote by these words, ''Dear Poster, pls go far away from your husband, maka HBP oo. It's well with you.':
DeleteSo what is the difference between mine and yours that you have to attack me? Una hatred here strong.
© TEEJAY
I don't know where you people find such men in the first place.
DeleteThat’s not nice to say
In marriage, when the woman is pregnant, the coupls should see themselves as pregnant, in other words, husbands should show compassion and empathy, the child is yours too, abi no be your seed dey your wife womb??? Be kind, be kind, pls spouses, be kind ooooo!!! @ poster, ignore your husband, do not fight him, take care of your mental health cause of the unborn child..when you have given birth, think about your next steps. May God grant you peace that surpasses all understanding..e-hugs!
ReplyDeleteWomen, never quit ur job for a man. If he's even a good person and something happens to him, how will u survive?
ReplyDeleteFatherhood will not change him
You quit your job because of him now he doesn't care abi you said that he is intentionally punishing you, that's human beings for you.
ReplyDeleteTake that as a lesson and start thinking what to do or get another job when you put to bed.
Don't let his attitude change your good side, if he doesn't care still show concern like you do.
If you feel like going for a holiday to put your mind in order, discuss it with him, don't just run away .
So sorry for what you're going through dear poster. If you still have parents kindly go there for some days to clear your head and mind.
ReplyDeleteI pray for your sake he gets better and starts acting like a human being. It was when I got pregnant that I realized I was married to my enemy. I thank God for my family cause they supported my decision to leave. I ran with my two weeks old baby because I was almost losing my sanity.
ReplyDeleteThe first and last man that asked me to quit my job for him, I agreed and sent him a contract and account number to pay. I told him that it’s the annual package for engaging a child minder, chauffeur, help, escort, and cook, including healthcare, performance bonus, 13th month, disengagement bonus etc. for a year. all to be paid monthly and in the case of a default, then the disengagement bonus kicks in. He was looking at me like I was crazy but I told him point blank that I’m happy to be a trad wife, but you’ll pay me my worth for all the trad things I’ll be doing. He never asked me to quit my job again till we broke up.
ReplyDeleteWomen who stay at home do so much and sacrifice so so much, but are at the mercy of wicked men like these. Society also looks down on them for whatever reason, while they’re contributing and sacrificing their dreams, success, ambition and adventures to keep the home together. Some of these women are easy targets to wicked men. These type of men who will cripple you financially, socially, emotionally and mentally because they believe that the only way to “control” a woman is when she’s helpless and at your mercy. See these men, they will carry grudges and always make you beg and beg, even as you’re pregnant like this.
I can’t berate you because what’s the point? It’s a lesson you’ve learned and we have all learned one lesson or the other. Madam, after you give birth, find something worth doing. You now know the kind of man you’ve married and from the way you write, divorce isn’t an option. Until then, be sweet and find ways to remain sane and calm. Have friends and family visit, join groups for expecting mothers, make friends with your antenatal people. Just be everywhere and stay mentally occupied. If you’re the writing type, start a journal. Start an Instagram or tiktok where you can make content (sensible ones oh). Play music and dance. Invite your friends to come and dance. Also you just find ways to save aggressively from the house upkeep money and hide that money. Above all, tell God how you feel and how you really want to feel.
You’ll be fine. By the time you do all this, uncle will be confused enough to fall in line just to see where the joy is coming from. Love and hugs.
Good for you. Statistics show that a woman who lacks economic power is more likely to experience domestic violence and are is unable to leave because they lack the means to. I know that there are couples with strong religious and family values who decide together for the wife to stay at home and care for the children for the wellbeing of the children and their protection, this is a different dynamic because they are both choosing that path because of some greater benefit for the family and the development of the children. But a man just telling you to quit your job and he hasn’t proven himself to be a man of good character and you agree to it like that. Think again.
DeleteYou’re going to need outside support system at this point. Your number 1 support system is not ready. So start reaching out to your parents, friends, church people, family, anyone at this on point because you’ll need them after you birth your baby. If you rely completely on this yeye man, you’ll fall into serious postpartum depression. Once you’re well settled into motherhood, reevaluate this your marriage and have a serious talk with him. You can’t continue this type of life for the rest of your life. You both will seriously need to grow up for your child’s sake. Yes both of you. And if he’s not willing, separate for your mental sanity! Separation is allowed.
ReplyDeleteBut why did you quit your job? We’ve said it severally on this blog for years and on social media that no woman should quit her job because her husband asked her to.
ReplyDeleteIt’s such a wrong disastrous decision to make as a woman.
After you deliver this baby please lock up and do family planning, no need to bring more kids into this toxic relationship. Lock up oo, your husband doesn’t want to be a husband and a father.
Honestly, i don’t have pity for you. I would say good for you and any woman that would tow ur path.
ReplyDeleteSo in this 2023 abi 2024, a man told you to quit ur job to marry him and you agreed. As in in this year???
Well even i who is a hausa girl from kano, our men are known to provide 100%, even when we earn, our money is our money, but you see my job, i won’t quit it. Because this is what it translates to. You ppl keep seeing this thing play out, day in day out. In every family, there is at least one aunty or cousin that this same thing happened to, but whosai, women keep acting like their brain is being substituted with something else. Good luck. Call ur family to help u out.
Go and sit down, as if hausa men are better, the reason why you didn't quit your job, is because you know any time una fit divorce, Hausa people marriage hardly last, so who born you to quit your job.
DeleteGood, una own wey dey last shebi halff of them na chronicle we dey read, wt women bearing the financial burden of the whole marriage.
DeleteDear poster leave that environment for now please come back after birthing the baby, you need all the strength for the task ahead, you can't be mentally drained and go into labor. God help you Amen
ReplyDeleteWhy did you resign ooo? Right now all that matters is you. Concentrate on what you want, what you need. Forget about him for now. Stay safe
ReplyDeleteThis is really so insensitive of him. Just focus on your well being and that of the baby. Ignore his attitude. May God grant You safe delivery.
ReplyDeleteStella this happened to me ooo, infact worst.
ReplyDeleteI was engaged to a very loving man until I became pregnant.
In month 5, I began to see shege.
Guy really dealt with me, man will shout at me onto of asking him a simple question - where have you been, I was insulted, ridiculed and abused. He will even steal money from my account.
I spent days, weeks and months crying, I was broken and in shock, I could not believe it.
I left the idiot of course, moved on for the sake of my baby and mental health.
Now I am so thankful the idiot waited till I was 5 months to show his true colours if any earlier I wouldn't have kept the baby.
Since I born eh, wealth, grace, success and favour has been my company since then till today.
The things God has done for me eh, in my wildest dreams I would never have imagined.
My dear just focus on that bundle of joy in your womb, God sees and hears all and he will never ever disappoint you.
Forget that man, any idiot that treats you bad when you are down does not deserve your attention talk less of love.
Congratulation on your pregnancy.
Sorry for your predicament. Just forget about your spouse and focus on your self and your unborn for now.
ReplyDeleteTo marry self dey fear me sometime with all this chronicles
ReplyDeleteYou are almost ready to give birth, I am not sure how far you can go in your state. Go spend a few days with your parents or siblings if they are close by.
ReplyDeleteYou do not have to engage or get caught up in quarrels in your state. Always remember that the baby is feeling everything, so do your best to be calm and happy. If you see your husband fixing for an argument ignore him and say only what is necessary and nothing more. It is okay for you to sleep in another room if you have the space, you can always say the growing belly comes with different demands and you need more comfort. You can sleep in a different room and have more peace that way.
If you lack funds then see if there are any NGOs focused on women’s affairs around you and get in contact with them. They can provide an outlet for you to get out, get counselling and perhaps be a part of a program that helps you.
After you give birth please find some family planning method that works for you. Do not have another child until you know what is going on in the marriage and you secure an income of your own. If your husband objects to you having employment, tell him the state of global economics and the rising cost of living does not give you confidence to depend on one income. If he asks you for your salary figure tell him an amount well below what you make and stockpile your money. This is not only to ensure you have financial security but to offset any power problems from occurring if you end up making the same as him or higher. Give a small figure that seems realistic for the industry and unthreatening to his ego.
Sis please do whatever that will give you peace, tell your parent and if positive back to them. Forget out mentality about African parents no parent will watch their kids suffer. Wish you safe delivery ❤️
ReplyDeleteThat man IS A NARCISSIST. That is their modus operandi. I know because I married one. Let me ask you, did he suddenly leave all the house chores, financial responsibility and meal planning for you after marriage? Did he show a lazy, filthy side of him you never saw before?
ReplyDeleteThey ask you to quit your job, marry you, attempt to cut you off from everyone, get you pregnant & abuse you, then treat you like trash; as they believe you are stuck.
I shocked mine by leaving without taking a single pin (almost everything was funded by ME). I left with my heavenly baby of course. Filed for divorce from the weyrey & by the grace of God Almighty, rebuilt my life.
He's fighting in court but he has already lost.
I AM FREE. Rid of him forever! Hallelujah!
If he was good before try to be a lil patient
ReplyDeleteSome of these men get depressed during pregnancy
Focus on your unborn baby and channel all your energy on your self and your unborn baby. Ignore what your husband is doing to you cos he knows that it get to you and he will do more cos malice is his hubby.
ReplyDeleteIf your parent have a good and spacious place please go to them and stay till you birth your baby.
This is just so painful to hear. Your baby would soon be here, so you would be distracted and won't notice his shenanigans soon
ReplyDeleteWhere do you women meet these type of men?
ReplyDeleteDidn't you notice the signs before marriage or love blinded you?
I did not marry this type of man because I was very observant during dating. I dumped those with his traits.
Go to any relative and stay till u deliver
Don’t blame her now. Some ppl are so good at hiding their toxic natures.
DeleteStop blaming her, nobody intentionally does anything that will be a disadvantage to themselves.
ReplyDeletePermit me to paint a scenario:
Relationship starts on a lovey dovey note, each person in the relationship independent and supportive. Months later one becomes pregnant and the dynamics of the relationship starts changing.
As the pregnancy progresses,it becomes difficult to keep up with work especially if the salary is not fantastic. Your discussion with fiancé now shifts from sweet nothings to how stressful the job is, spiced with lots of complaints. Fiancé wants to be seen as supportive, encouraged you to quit since the job is now difficult to combine with pregnancy.
Unfortunate, madam also needs someone to care for her, financial needs increased since no longer having a source of income and physically since she can't do much.
Bros not only has to now stretch his income for two persons and even keep some for baby, he also has to share his living space with her (before she only spends weekend and go). He is now expected to come home on time and sometimes assist her physically
Resentment creeps in because he can't see her usefulness any more, she's no longer pretty due to the pregnancy.
He blames her for coming to change his lifestyle, for her changing shape, so he starts maltreating her.
Summary: Bros wasn't ready for marriage, sis misjudged his level of maturity and nobody made her quit the job other than pregnancy stress. Stop blaming the wrong person...they all misjudged how much the relationship will demand from them.
PCX