A BEAUTIFUL STORY HEADED SOUTH
Greetings to everyone.
Stella, Sometime last year, I posted here that I gave a federal appointment to my housemaid. I am confused about the turn of events..
I have always had house help staying with me for a long time. One stayed for 14 yrs and graduated from University.
Like I said in my chronicle,when she came I noticed she was over age for house help but lied about her age. However I took her in and started paying her salary. She was quite calm and okay. Did what she needed to do. She was barely 11 months with me then when there was an opening in my office for a federal job. I gave her name as her WAEC done 13 years ago was very good. She is less than 2 years with me now
Well, she resumed work this January. Before then, she was on 3 months training last year. I was all alone. Unfortunately for her level they work long hours, (GL4 WAEC)
The initial plan was for her to do shift duty on 6 hours and then have 2 days off weekly but management put her on 12 hours. I never wanted to interfere even though I am the boss who can influence posting and nobody linked her with me.
The first thing I noticed she was too engulfed and so excited about the job. Expected! But no recourse that she is staying with someone. No sense of responsibility or dedication.
She leaves the house by 5.30am though put breakfast on the table and comes back by 10.30pm. We hardly see. I leave for work by 9am and back by 6pm latest,fix dinner for myself .She does not bother if there is food in the house or not when she is off. She takes advantage of me going to the market and doing my cooking most times. Hmmmmm!!
Lasma has towed my car a couple of times around markets. And me paying 50k for the release. I always feel bad as the purpose of her in my house was now defeated.
She only cleaned the house on Saturdays even during hamathan.
I travel a lot. I watched things unfold. I spoke to her a couple of times.
She does not talk. She is on the quiet side,anti social. I felt that will be to my advantage so she does not carry my domestic matter to the office..I am a deputy director in the organisation. She is just on Level 4. It takes 5 years to get to the next level.. I felt she should have told me to use my influence to change her from the place.if she actually wanted to be of help to me. I heard some other privileged ones from senators are posted to less tasking units but my girl never complained to me. She never discussed the job with me. I ignored her and studied the situation. My guards were even worried for her safety at those nights but she saw nothing wrong in being on the road so late.
Later, I instructed for her deployment without her knowledge. They changed her posting to a less tasking place which will enable her close by 2pm everyday. She did not like this. Even at that she does not come home till about 5pm. And she is not into boys. I heard she still stays back to work.
She came complaining to me that they removed her from her former place.( Not sure she was smart enough to know I did that).And there isn't much to do in the house. Just the two of us. I have a very comfortable house. Her room is well fitted. I think she should go rent her own place.
In March she came into my room shaking that she got an alert of 580k. I told her it was her accumulated 6 months salary. She thanked me for the job and that she was very happy. Do you know this girl never asked me for transport fare throughout the period she wasn't paid. She bought me a bottle of wine. I told her I wasn't happy with her. She sort of adjusted.
She does not have the sense to ask for money to go to the market when there is no food in the house unless you tell her. No initiatives and she was 29yrs in February.
I had talked to people to get another help for me in the village. A 16 year old girl was gotten and has been on standby. The girl is to start secondary school in my place.
I then sat her down to know her plans now that she has started to collect better salary She said she had no plans. I asked "So you want to be on level 4 forever?" She said she will go back to school.(Does she not know the meaning of plan?) I then hit the nail on the head by asking her how long she wants to stay with me, she said she is not going anywhere. I was shocked. There is no art to find the mind's construction on the face!
The house is my personal house, not rented.. She goes to work and comes back and enters her room. Free house, free feeding. I never wanted to be hard on her but it's like she is taking my simplicity & goodness for granted. When I do the cooking alone she does not eat. She is very timid.
My fear is I don't want to lose the 16 year old whom I promised to join me this July after her exams. She is eager to come over.
I always travel abroad.
Another problem , I am not sure the new girl can stay alone in my apartment as she will be new in Lagos before she sets it on fire.
I am so confused and worried. I cannot keep 2 housemaids to feed on this economy. She may even influence the new girl and I don't want to pursue her out. I want her to leave by herself.
She is travelling home for a burial soon. I feel her people will tell her she is ripe for marriage so cannot do house help. I want her to leave but as it is she said she does not have such a plan.
In actual fact not that she is a bad girl, it's just that the purpose is defeated. It does not bother her when she sees me keep to myself in my room. When I scold her she returns to her room and stays there until she goes to work.
She has never insulted me though. She dare not!.. I would have loved her to be with me until husband comes as she does not steal and very neat but I can't predict her mind. It's very dangerous staying with someone who does not talk. She can take me unaware. She does my hair, wash my cars, mop the floors and cooks well only when you tell her. Most times she is absent minded. Maybe she is thinking of a husband. I just wish she has initiatives and does things without prompting . I have been managing her
I don't even want them to meet. I want that one to come with her own mindset so I can nurture her..but I can't say she might be worse.
How do I go about this? What do you all think?
My problem now is how to get her to leave my house not in a bad way.
Not that I cannot make decisions but please, I just want various opinions so I can evaluate.
Thank you.
Greetings to everyone.
Stella, Sometime last year, I posted here that I gave a federal appointment to my housemaid. I am confused about the turn of events..
I have always had house help staying with me for a long time. One stayed for 14 yrs and graduated from University.
Like I said in my chronicle,when she came I noticed she was over age for house help but lied about her age. However I took her in and started paying her salary. She was quite calm and okay. Did what she needed to do. She was barely 11 months with me then when there was an opening in my office for a federal job. I gave her name as her WAEC done 13 years ago was very good. She is less than 2 years with me now
Well, she resumed work this January. Before then, she was on 3 months training last year. I was all alone. Unfortunately for her level they work long hours, (GL4 WAEC)
The initial plan was for her to do shift duty on 6 hours and then have 2 days off weekly but management put her on 12 hours. I never wanted to interfere even though I am the boss who can influence posting and nobody linked her with me.
The first thing I noticed she was too engulfed and so excited about the job. Expected! But no recourse that she is staying with someone. No sense of responsibility or dedication.
She leaves the house by 5.30am though put breakfast on the table and comes back by 10.30pm. We hardly see. I leave for work by 9am and back by 6pm latest,fix dinner for myself .She does not bother if there is food in the house or not when she is off. She takes advantage of me going to the market and doing my cooking most times. Hmmmmm!!
Lasma has towed my car a couple of times around markets. And me paying 50k for the release. I always feel bad as the purpose of her in my house was now defeated.
She only cleaned the house on Saturdays even during hamathan.
I travel a lot. I watched things unfold. I spoke to her a couple of times.
She does not talk. She is on the quiet side,anti social. I felt that will be to my advantage so she does not carry my domestic matter to the office..I am a deputy director in the organisation. She is just on Level 4. It takes 5 years to get to the next level.. I felt she should have told me to use my influence to change her from the place.if she actually wanted to be of help to me. I heard some other privileged ones from senators are posted to less tasking units but my girl never complained to me. She never discussed the job with me. I ignored her and studied the situation. My guards were even worried for her safety at those nights but she saw nothing wrong in being on the road so late.
Later, I instructed for her deployment without her knowledge. They changed her posting to a less tasking place which will enable her close by 2pm everyday. She did not like this. Even at that she does not come home till about 5pm. And she is not into boys. I heard she still stays back to work.
She came complaining to me that they removed her from her former place.( Not sure she was smart enough to know I did that).And there isn't much to do in the house. Just the two of us. I have a very comfortable house. Her room is well fitted. I think she should go rent her own place.
In March she came into my room shaking that she got an alert of 580k. I told her it was her accumulated 6 months salary. She thanked me for the job and that she was very happy. Do you know this girl never asked me for transport fare throughout the period she wasn't paid. She bought me a bottle of wine. I told her I wasn't happy with her. She sort of adjusted.
She does not have the sense to ask for money to go to the market when there is no food in the house unless you tell her. No initiatives and she was 29yrs in February.
I had talked to people to get another help for me in the village. A 16 year old girl was gotten and has been on standby. The girl is to start secondary school in my place.
I then sat her down to know her plans now that she has started to collect better salary She said she had no plans. I asked "So you want to be on level 4 forever?" She said she will go back to school.(Does she not know the meaning of plan?) I then hit the nail on the head by asking her how long she wants to stay with me, she said she is not going anywhere. I was shocked. There is no art to find the mind's construction on the face!
The house is my personal house, not rented.. She goes to work and comes back and enters her room. Free house, free feeding. I never wanted to be hard on her but it's like she is taking my simplicity & goodness for granted. When I do the cooking alone she does not eat. She is very timid.
My fear is I don't want to lose the 16 year old whom I promised to join me this July after her exams. She is eager to come over.
I always travel abroad.
Another problem , I am not sure the new girl can stay alone in my apartment as she will be new in Lagos before she sets it on fire.
I am so confused and worried. I cannot keep 2 housemaids to feed on this economy. She may even influence the new girl and I don't want to pursue her out. I want her to leave by herself.
She is travelling home for a burial soon. I feel her people will tell her she is ripe for marriage so cannot do house help. I want her to leave but as it is she said she does not have such a plan.
In actual fact not that she is a bad girl, it's just that the purpose is defeated. It does not bother her when she sees me keep to myself in my room. When I scold her she returns to her room and stays there until she goes to work.
She has never insulted me though. She dare not!.. I would have loved her to be with me until husband comes as she does not steal and very neat but I can't predict her mind. It's very dangerous staying with someone who does not talk. She can take me unaware. She does my hair, wash my cars, mop the floors and cooks well only when you tell her. Most times she is absent minded. Maybe she is thinking of a husband. I just wish she has initiatives and does things without prompting . I have been managing her
I don't even want them to meet. I want that one to come with her own mindset so I can nurture her..but I can't say she might be worse.
How do I go about this? What do you all think?
My problem now is how to get her to leave my house not in a bad way.
Not that I cannot make decisions but please, I just want various opinions so I can evaluate.
Thank you.
*All i can say is that your have put your life in danger and need to get rid of this girl ASAP...She is not timid but smart and buying time.....
I dont wanna put the whole advice i ghave you on the email here but act fast!
GET RID OF HER!!!
Quiet people are the most dangerous set of people. Then don't flair up, argue or shout at you.
ReplyDeleteBut that silence ehn, is their greatest weapon. It makes the mind restless.
Yes, the purpose has been defeated. I think you have played ur role in her life. She now has a better job and is hardly doing the help job she was employed to do. She needs to get an apartment and you need to have a new maid (I hope you get a good one as you seem to be a really good person).
ReplyDeleteThere’s no way she will not feel any animosity towards you (or maybe she won’t) but you have to tell her that she needs to find a place (give her some time to do this) because u will be employing a new move in maid. I just wish you had not made dem reduce her work hours before taking this step (as this means less money, I believe).
Thank you Eka.
DeleteMadame, to add to Eka’s suggestion, please the new girl should stay with your parents till you return from your trip, then she can resume. Don’t leave a new Staff in your home while you will be away. All her school admission stuffs can be done when you return and she resumes in January 2025. Please don’t be in a hurry. You need time to also observe the new girl before she resumes school.
Please be very careful and guard yourself jealously. God’s protection and discernment upon you, Amen.
No Eka, govt worknin naija is not paid hourly as per wages. It is salary(monthly) so the hours don’t matter, she would get paid the same.
DeleteMadam cameras in the apartment , pray hard, may the new one not make you miss this one
DeleteTell her you have someone coming over to stay, it would be best for her to get a place.
Na wa o
ReplyDeleteShe need advice. Read again but this time, slowly.
DeleteLet me tell u poster, she is not quiet as u think, wait until you see her with other people.
DeleteOne fake quiet one did me dirty and let me tell you she is buying time and being calculative
She will take you unawares quote me anywhere
If you are no longer interested in her being around please dear be blunt and ask her to leave.
Don't ever think of what anyone will say, always put yourself first in this toxic world we have found ourselves in
Poster I sense some passive aggression from your end...You seem to be excited for her and then you have some resentment towards the girl...Good that you helped the lady find her feet but the truth about life; there is always an opportunity cost for every action you take....
ReplyDeleteHelping her to find a job already means that she would not be able to work effectively at the home front as a househelp...Something has got to give....Since you helped her find a job, I believe that should be your parting gift to her while you engage the services of another househelp...
I see this as your Ministry in giving househelps that come into service to taste the other side of life which is a very good gift and you hardly find people who do this...However, ask God to remove the pride, resentment and the 'Idols' in your heart so you are genuinely happy helping people....
All the best....
No I don’t agree with your second paragraph. If she was living alone, won’t she do her house chores and cook her meals and run her errands?
DeleteEmotional intelligence is very important in dealing with people.
Poster tell her outright to find her own accommodation. Stop babying her. You’ve already given her a soft landing. She can’t leave with you forever. Even if it’s a room, let her start from there.
Bring the other househelp from the village. Teach her the ropes before you travel out. Allow her make mistakes, with time she will learn. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
And if she doesn’t suit the role, get someone else.
Don’t let fear stop you from letting go of people whose purpose has ended in your life.
All the best.
Poster just free the girl, before it becomes a serious issue because she is waiting for the right time to rebel. Do freedom for her and wish her well, God will give you a better help. Next time when you get a Help ensure it does not defeat your purpose for bringing her in, I don't think it is a sin to do this. I once had a Help from Cotonou who wanted to be educated and also wanted to Japa for a better life. I told her no problem but I needed her to stay small with me at least 6 months before I can assist because I was not so bouyant then. This girl didn't stay up to four months she started showing her claws eventually I let her go and never regretted that action. I can imagine how it would have been had I immediately jumped on her request.
DeleteIt seems that your kindhearted nature has left you lacking in situational awareness, which needs to be addressed.
DeleteI agree with phoenix that our dear poster has a some passive aggression, though a healthy one at that. But since you want her to leave your house without any bad feelings, perhaps having an honest conversation with her about your concerns and expectations well spelt out word-for-word would be a good starting point.
Express your gratitude for her work and time but also explain your need for someone who can take more initiative, be handy with chores (the original purpose for hiring her) and communicate effectively. Offer support in finding her own place and transitioning out of your household.
It's important to act now, be compassionate but firm in your communication.
I agree with your last paragraph @phoenix.
DeleteStella, I think she wants to get rid of her but how best to do it is what she's asking for.
ReplyDeleteMadam, I think she has seen and settled in your place as her comfort zone. It's very wrong and bad of her not to have a plan of herself. A sensible person should have started thinking of getting her own accommodation so that any guy interested in her can easily pay her a visit.
This is my advice to you. Call her and have a word with her. Tell her in a nice and calm way that you feel it's time she gets here own place of residence so she can think of settling down. Tell her to look for q nice place and show you before the months runs out. So it will pave way before your new maid arrive by July.
Speak up to her and don't do that with a hard tone.
© TEEJAY
Tj nice one
DeleteI support Stella's advice
ReplyDeleteCould it be her nativity on display. Some upbringing affect people and makes them to be too laid back. She really has a long way to go. She need to staying on her own maybe her brain will reset.
ReplyDeleteShe is 29? Last year you said she was 23 sha.
ReplyDeleteHi @Miss Aboki,she stated she was in her 20's then.
DeleteLink to confirm is this:
https://www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2023/10/chronicle-of-blog-visitor-narrative_0860051883.html?m=1
@MARTINS
She stated clearly that the girl lied about her age.
DeleteI think that's why she said the help lied about her age, so maybe poster just found out what her real age is.
Delete@Martins, 23 was stated in the update.
Delete@Danny and Dainty, I missed that part.
With time I realized that it's not all about age;so many people even when they are older or appear mature, just don't know what to do;or the way forward in life.
ReplyDeleteNot everybody has a brain that thinks very fast;and not every human also has so much ambition.
For some;they need to stay around those with ambition before they can figure themselves out and learn,and to you who is "smart";you might think they are doing all those things intentionally;while truth is THEY JUST DONT KNOW what to do,unless you TEACH or TELL them.
Now to you @Poster;you have really tried;I appreciate you.
But being with her all these years;is she someone that is kinda dull and needs to be coached on what having an ambition means?
However;If finally you can't accommodate her;talk to her and express just how you feel and why you wish for her to get her own accommodation.
You have tried for her;and God will sure bless you,even though I wish deep down you can still accommodate her and set her straight on what she can DO or NOT while with you temporarily.
But moving forward;if you need a househelp;get one and let it end there.Strictly business!!
And if you also want to help another person in future with a job;don't expect that they would do the full duty of a househelp,so as to avoid DIFFERENT clash of interest or duty,for you both.
Wishing you all the best.
@MARTINS
Exactly! At your first few paragraphs. Same opinion I share, some people are just naturally laid back in life.
DeleteMadam,
ReplyDeleteI remember your previous chronicle about finding work for your maid, and I applaud you for your kindness BUT you should have found that job for someone else if your expectations was for your maid to still serve you diligently.
I mean, you made her Comfortable with a capital C! Why would she leave or have plans to leave your home?? You give her free rent, free food, easy job placement....she's probably expecting you to match-make her with a rich suitor.
Anyway, I will advise you to pay her off but allow her keep her job. You are someone with a kind heart but you traded your respect and authority by making your maid extremely comfortable under your roof! Allow the new maid to earn her keep before elevating her to a big position. When people work hard for something, they appreciate it more. It took you years to get to your status and position; that's why you're expecting her to be appreciative of your generosity but you also blocked that path by promoting her quickly.
She views you as a roommate now, so it's best you terminate her services as planned.
All the Best!
You’re wicked o
DeleteJust like elevating a maid to a second wife and expecting the same service she used to render even if it’s madam that initiated it.
DeleteOne role must impair the other sha in 😁
Oh please this girl should have some sense!! Haba!
ReplyDeleteShe is only lazy at home because you do everything. Please send her away as quickly as possible, your spirit is speaking to you. Send her away before you bring the new person. You said she is traveling, just tell her that she should get a place before she travels because she wouldn’t be coming back to your house… please be careful with her.
ReplyDeleteShe is now a working class and doesn't want to work as a maid again.
ReplyDeleteBut she saying she doesn't want to move out is somehow.
Madam please tell her to look for a place that you will pay (is better you pay this money and be free from any unknown evil)
Tell tell that at her age and level it will be wicked of you to still keep her as a maid,. If she refuses abeg use force,
Don't go and do better person that you will later regret o
I agree with this 100%. Tell her she is of age and can't stay with you again.
DeleteAlso encourage her to bring a man when she is ready. But she can't continue to stay with you. God bless you poster.
Anon 15:56, I agree with you but a 29 year old working class lady can't work effectively as a maid. I would advise the poster to help her get a house as she is laid back (a house she can maintain at her level) and tell her to pack. Poster, you are now her mentor, no more her madam.
DeleteI remember the first part of this chronicle posted last year. It is always a delight to know that there are people capable and willing to still do good. OP may God bless you.
ReplyDeleteFor your girl though, I'll say nothing beats being direct. If you aren't comfortable with her stay any longer, say so to her! I'm however of the view that you should leave well enough alone. You can't vouch for the new help coming so why send what you have away? At least you know her already.
Her absence of ambition should not necessarily be of concern to you. There are people wired like that. Get her to loosen up and tell you the deep things of her heart.
You have become a mom-figure to her in more ways than one. She probably looks up to you for advise and direction. Exploit that and get her to see the larger picture. There is more out there. You also need to understand that more isn't necessarily something that appeals to her.
If she has to sit up in her job at home with you, you are the boss. Point out her short comings to her. I'm sure she'll be open to adjust. Just don't push her away.
Since she came from the village that may have affected her thinking ,why not sit her down about her getting a place of herself and still allow her to come work for you on weekends even if it is without pay,instead of outright dismissal?it may affect her life since you are the only one she knows in lagos
ReplyDeleteShe should get paid if she comes to work for OP at weekends.
DeleteLet OP not deny herself of her full reward from God abeg.
Poster,u have tried, u have given her a hook and line and taught her how to fish instead of just giving her fish.so u have done well.people like her would use u.so protect urself by letting her go.get someone from her place,and talk to both of them.she should get her own place and live her life.dont pair her with anyone,I repeat don't bring d oda girl while she's still in your house.then lastly,I don't want to scare u oh! But u see dis quiet people,fear them.dats y u shouldn't be alone when u give the farewell speech B4 she harms u.weldone for helping people out.God bless u.good luck!!!
ReplyDeletethe moment you got her a job showed that she will not be useful as expected by you any more. If not for her attitude you would have gotten someone you start to train to get use to the process before now. How can she leave the house at 50:30am and returns by 10pm without even asking you ma how are you coping or what she can do? she has entitlement mentality, she is a maid and not your child. She should know that the reason you brought her into your house was because you needed her to take care of the house chores plus other things in the house. That girl prefers you keep her in your house and pay her salary like 30k to 50k monthly than getting her a job.
ReplyDeleteYou was supposed to meet you and tell you ma, i don't like the job i am doing because of my closing time. Please ma assist me to get a more lesser stress job cos i need to attend to my duties at home, let you be the person to tell her don't worry i will manage. When you get back late you come arrange and apologize just to show concern not that you enter your room and feel very comfortable. You have done well by giving her a good job that she should keep it up, do not expected someone with entitlement mentality to appreciate you cos she feels you did not do anything for her. Allow God to pay you back for your good heart.
Sit her down and spell it out to her that is time for her to get her place cos the aim is defected with the reason why you employed her and watch her expression. If you have an apartment or somewhere you can pay for 6 to 1year to keep her so that you can get someone who will do the chores for you please do but if you cannot let her rent an apartment. The new girl will get used to the whole process just a matter of time, if you have any relative you can always ask to come stay with her when you are out of town please do. Make sure is a female relative before you hear another story. May God bless you, you are a good woman, you are not going to lack any good thing.
It’s easy to allow someone into your house
ReplyDeleteThe getting them to leave is the hard part
In this case, poster be blunt and direct
DeleteShe might mean no harm but just be one of those directionless, content with less people around. Maybe she has never aspired to much in life based on her upbringing and this her current position(job) feels like winning the lottery to her.
ReplyDeleteJust tell her you want to bring in another maid that can help you better around the house by July, tell her you want her to learn to stand on her own and mean no harm, infact, offer to pay a part of her first year rent once she finds a place and let her know she's always welcome to come say hello to you once in a while.
Treat her the way you would treat your daughter, if she then chooses to hold a grudge then it's her loss.
Well said.
DeleteDon't tell her it is a maid biko
DeleteIt is non of her business, the girl is now behaving like next of kin hoping to inherit property if you waka
You have done well by her poster and God will bless you for that, just finished the work by either getting a house agent or asking her to got make enquiry about accomodations, tell in time before she finished that money in her village, let her know that the government paid her that huge about of money so she can use it and sort her self, like getting apartment and other stuffs
ReplyDeleteCould she just be someone who is slow, lacking in life preparedness skills, having small dreams, fearful by nature? You seem like a go-getter type person and you probably expect this unsophisticated, simple person to be more like you. You see what lays before her, opportunities for unlimited growth and an and a successful life, but she is completely unaware of it all. We are not all made the same and perhaps this young woman is wired to be a meek and unsophisticated type of person who needs instructions before proceeding on anything. Perhaps she was raised in a highly controlled environment with little opportunity for self expression or exploration, perhaps she has a history of abuse which can create a lot of fear and shame in victims, perhaps she has a lower level of mental processing that could have been brought on by malnourishment or poor early care. A life skills approach and some therapy could help her to come out of her shell. She obviously is able to manage her work and loves the office environment. Before you put her out, get her some therapy to complete your work in her. Do not be angry that she doesn’t have your energy and drive, we are all crafted differently and our life experiences shape who we are and how we interact. Some therapy may help her.
ReplyDeleteI commend you for being the unseen hero in the lives of young women and girls who come into contact with you. You are doing something marvellous and using your life for the get water good. Your work is commendable and remarkable, so kudos to you.
Greater good*
DeleteAnon 17:49 is about the only reasonable person on here. The case was analyzed with empathy with other posters so far, lack. Suddenly a quiet, unassuming person is now a dangerous devil which her madam should be afraid of. The girl does not say much to her madam, do we know if she is afraid of her? Especially now that the job itself rests on the madam’s shoulders? Please let’s learn to put ourselves in people’s shoes and not project your own evil thoughts on others. Thank you.
DeleteAnon 12:57, you deserve a bottle of cold Fanta for your comment.
DeleteI dont understand how a quiet and timid lady is suddenly the devil overnight. I pray they don't spoil the mind of the Poster
First and foremost I want to say a very big thank you . Humans like you are rare. God will bless you more and fulfill your innermost heart desires. However, her stay in your house is over. Two captains can’t steer the same ship. Transfer her to another ministry. May your good not kill you in Jesus name amen. You’re a great woman.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I didn't understand the chronicle..because it seems she's doing her job as a maid but not up to your expectations. Also, she expects to be told some things because she doesn't have the initiative to know what she do sometimes and some people are like that.
ReplyDeleteIn all you wrote, you don't appear to be a bad person but I think its time to let her go.
Also, do you really need a live-in maid or you want a companion? Because like you stated, you can't leave a 16 year old alone at home.
You can rent a place for her for 1 yr afterwards she will continue paying by herself.
ReplyDeleteAnon 17,49 said it all. Well noted.
ReplyDeleteI am the poster. In fact she just came in now to my room to tell me about the burial date end of the month. Yet no poster .As naive as she is ,she doesn't know she needs something to use as evidence to apply to leave work and travel out of station. she needs a proof if the authority must approve her trip. I then advised her to quickly come up with a burial plan here for the purpose of approval. She thanked me that she will do it at a business centre tomorrow. If she did not talk how would have advised her and the date is so close. They might not release her without seeing evidence
I still think she is not sure of her intentions. Dogedity made some points I have noted.
Still watching to make my move. Maybe when she comes back from the burial
Most of what you narrated are self imposed. How do you give a maid external work and allow her to be placed on a 12 hours shift. As a human, she would find it to cope after her shifts.
DeleteHelping people you still need service from must be arranged to be mutually beneficial. Adopt that going forward.
Was she doing her duties well before the job. If yes, she cannot cope with both jobs
Why does it appears there is a man at the office on her part in this matter. 5:30 am till 10:30pm? What department of government is that. Where did she get her 6 months tfare and lunch money from. Were you paying her salary during that period.
And as you are worrying yourself, she may too on how to tell you it is time she let go of the maid job.
Only one way. Tell her politely and help ease her movement.
Oh, some people may not know all the etiquettes we know, but they may may be smarter than we think. They and us just don't think on the same matters
My aunty helped someone, who killed and hid her body in the house before disappearing. May our good not kill us, intelligent or not
DeleteLet her go and quickly
From your narrative, she is a good lady. Washes your car, mops the house, Not Insulting nor steals. r sense poverty and strict parental upbringing affecting her. She sees you as a mini god and can't stand to discuss issues with you. Maybe the times she took initiatives you turned them down which made her withdrawn or she is too afraid to take initiatives .
ReplyDeleteYou have tried for her. My people use to say Nmadu bu chi ibe-.ya.
Thank you for all you have done for her. God bless you. Two options
Ask her to get her own place and start her life afresh or
Seat her down and explain your expectations from her.
@Zaram your right. Frome the narrative the girl is good but timid. Poster God bless you for what you have done for her.
DeleteShe may be limited in a way you don't really know of her. These might be the reasons.
1. She respect you so much and don't want to offend you.
2. Her communication may be a barrier because she cannot communicate in English fluently for your high level.
3. You may have scold her that she don't want to repeat such mistakes because she wants to please you as a boss.
4. She put so much effort in the job you got for her just to make you proud of her.
5. She is not the jovial type because of her background training of respecting elders.
Poster you can actually take her as a sister if you can.
I really do not sense the girl as a bad person. She is just timid and doesn't know where to start from. Poster, you sound like someone with a wonderful heart. I wish you would sit down with her and tell her how to like things to be done, seeing that her good sides outweigh the bad. I'm sure she would do your bidding
ReplyDeleteI really do not sense the girl as a bad person. She is just timid and doesn't know where to start from. Poster, you sound like someone with a wonderful heart. I wish you would sit down with her and tell her how to like things to be done, seeing that her good sides outweigh the bad. I'm sure she would do your bidding
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, these are your words:
ReplyDelete"Do you know this girl never asked me for transport fare throughout the period she wasn't paid. She bought me a bottle of wine...She does my hair, wash my cars, mop the floors and cooks well only when you tell her"
First of all, God bless you richly for all that you have done. Your kind is rare, and I'll make it a point of duty to put you in my prayers everyday. May God continue to richly bless you and may his hands guide and protect you.
You have done so much for her, and she has not given you any reason to regret, until now that her laid back attitude is beginning to get to you.
It's possible that she's putting in so much effort at work to make you proud, since you were the one that got her the job. Sadly, she fails to realise that her neglect of the house duties is making you upset
As a mother figure to her, it's best you express your displeasure to her, instead of bottling it up. At the same time, you can let her know that by the end of the year (or in XXXX months time) you'll no longer be requiring her services at home because you want her to stand on her feet.
Either way, communication is key.
You have a good heart. Don't let some advice here change you.
Once again, may God greatly reward the seed you have sown in the lives of people.
Madam, you have tried. But be very very careful. Trust you have heard of maids poisoning their bosses. Please be very careful. Since you are very influential in your place of work, have her transferred to another state. But never you bring up the matter with her. When she is leaving give her small something so that you will part in peace. Manage your house small small.
ReplyDeletePoster Ma, your story is close to home. Going by your narration, I can tell you helped your maid get a job in a parastatal under the Ministry of Aviation. I know this because I work there as well.
ReplyDeleteThank you for helping her with this job, God bless you richly. I'll like to address a few points you raised Ma.
First, working 12 hours isn't exactly because of her level as most senior ranking staff in the same department work for 12 hours as well (the only exception is if you were posted to certain units). It has been this way for a while.
Secondly, being unhappy about working in a less tasking place is understandable. The reason isn't something I can disclose here but trust me Ma, I wouldn't be happy as well if I were in her shoes. You probably felt you did her a favour but the system does not exactly favour low ranking staff who work in less tasking units.
Thirdly, she didn't ask you for money during the period she wasn't paid because she didn't need to. Again, I can not really disclose that here as well. If she could at least open up to you, she'd let you know these reasons.
I think you should speak to her and get her comfortable enough to tell you the details about her new job.
Again, God bless you for all that you do.
Now, it all makes sense.
DeleteBook sense is different from Belle sense.
The young woman is not as would ordinarily be thought though lacking knowledge of of work place and close social interactions.
This is why some people dey fear to help. You help some people they will still use it against you.
ReplyDelete