Stella Dimoko Happy Couples and Their Secrets


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Monday, September 30, 2013

Happy Couples and Their Secrets

They might be 30, or 75. They come in all colors, shapes, sizes and income brackets. It doesn’t matter how long they’ve been together. Whatever the demographics, when you see a happy couple, you just know it! 
How do these couples stay in love, in good times and in bad? Fortunately, the answer isn’t through luck or chance. As a result of hard work and commitment, they figure out the importance of the following relationship “musts.” Because few couples know about all of the musts, I think of them as the relationship “secrets.” 

1. Develop a realistic view of committed relationships. 
Recognize that the crazy infatuation you experienced when your romance was new won’t last. A deeper, richer relationship, and one that should still include romance, will replace it. A long-term relationship has ups and downs, and expecting it will be all sunny and roses all the time is unrealistic.

2. Work on the relationship. 
An untended garden develops weeds that can ultimately kill even the heartiest plants. And so it is with relationships. It is important to address problems and misunderstandings immediately. Some people believe good relationships just happen naturally. The truth is that a good relationship, like anything you want to succeed in life, must be worked on and tended to on a regular basis. Neglect the relationship, and it will often go downhill.

3. Spend time together. 
There is no substitute for shared quality time. When you make a point of being together, without kids, pets and other interruptions, you will form a bond that will get you through life’s rough spots. Time spent together should be doing a shared activity, not just watching television.

4. Make room for “separateness.” 
Perhaps going against conventional wisdom, spending time apart is also an important component of a happy relationship. It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences. Missing your partner helps remind you how important he or she is to you. 

5. Make the most of your differences. 
Stop and think: What most attracted you to your partner at the beginning? I’ll almost guarantee that it was exactly the thing that drives you most insane today. Take a fresh look at these differences. Try to focus on their positive aspects and find an appreciation for those exact things that make the two of you different from one another. It’s likely that your differences balance one another out and make you a great team. 

6. Don’t expect your partner to change; but at the same time give them more of what they want. 
If both you and your partner stop trying to change each other, you will eliminate the source of most of your arguments. At the same time, each of you should focus on giving one another more of what you know the other person wants, even if it doesn’t come naturally. For instance, instead of complaining how your partner never cleans out the dishwasher, try just doing it yourself once in awhile without complaint. Your partner will likely notice your effort and make more of an effort themselves around the house. If you do both of these things at once you’ve got a winning plan! 

7. Accept that some problems can’t be solved.
There may be issues upon which you cannot agree. Rather than expending wasted energy, agree to disagree, and attempt to compromise or to work around the issue. Two people cannot spend years together without having legitimate areas of disagreement. The test of a happy relationship is how they choose to work through such issues — through compromise, change, or finding it’s just not that important to stew over.

8. Communicate! 
Lack of communication is the number one reason even good relationships fail. And here is a useful format for doing so, especially when dealing with incendiary topics: Listen to your partner’s position, without interrupting him or her. Just listen. When he or she is finished, summarize what you heard him or her say. If you can, empathize with your significant other even though you don’t agree. This will take your partner off of the defensive, and make it easier for them to hear your thoughts and feelings. It’s hard to argue when you use this format, and best of all, you may come up with an understanding or a solution.

9. Honesty is essential. 
You may share with your partner the things he or she doesn’t want to hear. Better this than to have him or her doubt your honesty. Mistrust is one of the key deal breakers in relationships. And once trust is lost or broken, it can take a very long time to re-establish it in the relationship.The happiest couples are the ones where honesty is as natural and every day as breathing.

10. Respect your partner, and don’t take him or her for granted. 
Treating your sweetheart with respect is likely to get you the same in return. And regularly reminding them how much they mean to you will enrich your relationship in indescribable ways. When you say, “I love you,” pause for a moment to really mean it. And don’t be afraid to express your feelings of appreciation with your partner — he or she will be thankful that you did.
Making these secrets an integral part of your relationship won’t be easy. In fact, your efforts may initially seem like planted seeds that never come up. If you maintain your efforts, however, you will likely reap what you sow. 


  1. Story! If correct knackn nor dey, madam go begin make noise. Just stating the fact.

    1. Lmaoooo but u are correct

    2. That's true. Me ehn, I can't let any man touch me except my man. And when he's not in town its so hard, but we stay connected at heart. I think that's key. Like now, we are planning a holiday for just 4days to Scotland,and am so looking fwd to it that I smile and giggle at the slightest thing.
      Ur partner may not be the best to the next person to u, but when u relish them completely and u are content, it is very unlikely that u will cheat on them. And this are the factors that make couples radiate on the outside when u see them.

      Rich, middle class, average class or poorest class. The key and common factor btw them all is love and communication. That's all.

    3. Mrs Zulu,
      Love you already!!
      On point ma!

  2. Hmmmm. I will save dis page cos its nt useful 4 me nw since am still single and aving fun. When am ready to mingle, I will kom back and read it. Stella thanks jare.

  3. Number 4!
    The most important point here. Spending time together is great but time apart is awesome . Time to do your thing. Time to just chill. I'm for chilling and back in the day my bf wasn't having it. And it made me really scared to commit. I kept wondering how I was gonna be able to share my space with one man forever but God wey give u big teeth go give u big mouth to cover am. My husband allows me to just chill and just do me.
    Marriage! O marriage!!

  4. Read my tweets today bloggers. I tweeted you Stella / read that link. Never heard or read such Hogwash in my entire life.

    Thanks for allowing me Sterra, So, do you drive too? Lol.

    @DSmartNigerian tweet/ follow or just read and enjoy.

    Women make Una no drive O! Lol

  5. Understanding your partner is really improtant,SDK u're sooo right and yeah individuality strengthens relationships,be U and do U....benedicta!

  6. I don't agree with d above jare!
    y do women try too hard?in ur quest to please ur hubby/bf u demystify urselves.Ladies, indifference is d name of d game,God bless my mother,she gave me d skills to marital bliss,my hubby can kill cos of me,there is nothing he can't do for me,whenever am happy,that is when he is d happiest,if am unhappy which is rare,he says oriakum tell me what it is so he can fix it.
    Typos,gbagaun na so I see am too

    1. Hian...Eze wanyi....see English for ozubulu girls u learn all these English?????

    2. Ezewanyi abi na wetin b ur name,
      U talk too much, and wu eva tlks dis much is likely to, tell a whole lot of lies!

      1. Ur hubby na yerima, marryin u at d age of 14! Dis u av told the whole blog world!

      2. Na una b d richest 4 una village! A rich person doesn't spew so mch lik u do, its sopose to ooze frm u, u don't av to boast abt it!

      3. U treat ur, old fragile hubby, lik a pis of shit! Wich is likely to be true, from d way u tlk, dats if and oly if u are trully married!

      Aunty abeg! Enuf is enuf, stop boring us with d saga of ur marriage biko! May we ear word!
      Agadi nwanyi lik u! #ShrugsShouldas! Nna ehn! Na wa ooo!


    3. To d anonymous ndi-ala,u are under my capacity.keep shrugging ur tired hungry shoulder inugo,onye idiot!
      My english is queens english,hian bekee bu agbala.
      My hubby billions dey pain u abi,oya take otapiapia

    4. @anon 10;37,I no finish sch naa but its well compesated in billions of dollars.

    5. Ezewanyi!
      Wu gives out dia child at d age of 14?
      If not dat ur parents are poverty stricken, how wld a moda allow her baby b givin out at such a tenda age, if e no b povery cos am.

      U say, women de overdo wen e com to man mata! Ezewanyi? Wen de gave u out at 14, u get choiz, dd ur moda console u tellin u, u are d savoir of ur family!

      Wen ur husband marry u, no ur husband use him hand, call ur breast out, no b ur hubby train ur breast! Stupid wman, proud ova mumu tins!

      U say ur husband cn kill for u, everyday u liv d frail old hubby of urs wit no fud, u r busy bloggin up n down, ur hubby is beggin, ezewanyi biko wetem ini, b4 u stat bloggin, u no say I don old now! Abeg!

      Aunty take am easy dey spend ur hubby's will, don't use d whole will buy BIS dey tlk ur family tory up and down

    6. Hian this anon sef!no kill urself on top of ezewanyi matter oooooo...
      Wetin dey pepper ur body?I marry @ 14yrs,e concern u?ewu!udene fegge!afo-anu mmuo.
      Siddon there dey type epistle on top ur mama head.
      I am in my early thirties,with kids already in d uni,and one getting married in december.u siddon here,senior single nna ga anu dey yarn rubbish.I am very happy I got married early,am hrough with childbearing,enough money to buy u and ur generation.speaking english na ur achievement abi, even sef u no sabi write sef olodo like u.

    7. We are indeed faceless,u could be someone's salesgirl or petrol attendant sef,I won't ans u again .
      Ogbeye onu ntu,onye ubiam

    8. Lol! For ur mind!

      If ur husband die now, ur own done finish be dat, don't gaan empower ursef, poverty mentality no gree u get small sense, kip givin ur children out at early ages!

      Just stop boring us wit d history of ur pathetic life biko! As long as u kip doin dat, u wld kip earing frm me!

      Am ur karma, from WC, am here to deal wit u, from d spiteful way u tlk to odas till den, takia of ur old fragile hubby.

    9. Hey anonymous leave Eze Wanyi biko...I come to ds blog to have fun n Eze Wanyi's comment makes me laugh real hard so go easy on her or him...EEE!!!

    10. Useless thing from a useless blog
      This blog is for matured minds
      WC is a washed up blog
      Leave ezewanyi alone and crawl back to your WC local village meeting
      Tell your madam that is if it is not eya herself to STFU.

    11. Olodo afi earing na

    12. How you wan take deal with am?oloriburuku ode

    13. Yeye Aunty Eya=yeye blog
      Ugly woman,her blog is long dead.
      Leave Ezewanyi alone,you useless witch,idiota woman

    14. Anon 6:12,you are a coward!
      Faceless and yet you want to deal with her.hehehe!she must ve really hurt you,for you to keep stalking need deliverance.pathetic fool

    15. Madam Eya Eyanbem aka Joy Ojay,leave Ezewanyi alone,abi na by force.
      Ugly motherfucker!I really hate you.infact I don buy this case,I will start dropping rubbish comment on your blog
      You have started a war you can't win

    16. Ezewanyi, c ur pathetic life appearing as numerous ppl, chai!

      So abuse de pepe u sef!Abeg live eya outta dis tlk! Sh az got notin to do wit dis!

      Av bin a silent reader on her blog n I av sin d way u spite odas! If u lik appear as 20ppl, I wld so abuse u!

      Am so enjoying dis!
      Wld be replying u soon! #LoL

    17. I am not eze wanyi,but you need to cure yourself of your bitterness and self hate before you commit suicide.

    18. Madam Eya common knock it off,we all know its you,your blog is dead and you are trying to infiltrate SDK.and fow what?

    19. I have always hated you Eya,because you are a pretender.
      This Eya is a green snae,after dropping comments on her blog,she goes under anon to abuse.she is the only one on her writting comments and abusing herselfb all for traffic.shame on you.Ewu sapele

    20. Chai!see painment ooooooooo,Eze wanyi,you are now a star,give me five!
      Who are these bloody clowns?who the f**k is Eya whatever,lols
      Anon,u aint enjoying anything,loosen yourself from this bondage you put yourself in,and then cry,yes cry till you are numb.hehehe

    21. This is Eya hahahaha,this is exactly how she drops comments anonymously on her blog.
      Shame on you!tueh!

    22. Kai!wey that useless anon from that dirty village meeting blog,madam Eya,go and build your blog pls,stop disgracing yourself like this.tokoni

    23. Ezenwayi dear what is d name of ds retired hungry eya blog let me see cos I never hear ds name b4 haahahahahahahahaaa some pple want to be stella overnite I no work like dat.

    24. Kai!Aunty Eya don suffer,anon from WC,hope you are happy now?see what your obsession with Ezewanyi has caused for Aunty Eya.
      May devil take bread from your mouth as you have caused pain for Aunty Eya.

    25. Anon 3:12
      That anon you are cursing is actually Aunty Eya herself,she is a very cunny and mischievious person,so don't waste your saliva

    26. I agree with u guys,went to her dry blog the other,none of the comments there made any sense.
      Pls madam go and die

  7. Α̲̅ŋd ♍γ̲̣̣̥ bf tks •̸Ϟﻉ Ƒ̐δя̣̣ ganted..once a meet a boy who lovs •̸Ϟﻉ sincerely I will J̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊s̶̲̥̅̊t̲̥̅̊ let hm go..I really need a real man in ♍γ̲̣̣̥ life ryt nw.

    1. See advertisement!love youself!you think by saying that you would start getting"be my wife/gf emails? ije!! Naso!! he's taking you for granted because you have traded your selfworth for"I must be in a relationship"
      low self esteem comes in different sizes and shapes..whoever said that had you in mind..lots of love..

  8. My hubby had once sugested we organise a 3some once in a long while we are vacating abroad with total strangers when we were dating .i wasn't interested initially but as time went on we started and its been fun, we are 13yrs in marriage and still hotly in love. It has kind of bonded us together, well what can I say ....different formular for different couples. Not nesesarily what you Stella wrote.

    1. What have u just typed?

    2. All dis tins apening in nigeria?
      Hian! Ooh! Wit all d hot sun, hustling (waking 5;30am n gettin hom 10pm), poverty and all.

      Som ppl de do 3some!
      I hope 1 day u wldnt be heartbroken, n com ere crying, n saying!

      Oh! Am so hrtbroken, I satisfyd my hubby as mch as I cld, I even allowd a 3som, now e dumpd me!
      Give a man a step, n e wld tk a mile!
      Imagine ur hubby comin to u wit such a request in d 1st place! No mutual respect agen!

  9. God help us. Mine is the opposite. So sad. Well, what can I do. Am hanging in there.

    1. Ano10:39pm. Am sorry to hear u are unhappy. But plsss do not compromise ur happiness for anyone or thing in the world. Am not the type to advice pple to leave their marriages or relationships. But I have since realized that matters that lay heavy on ones heart is the no1 killer disease, even kills faster than AIDS.

      While u lay unhappy, the reason or the person why u are sad is prolly catching fun some place. I know love aches when it isn't mutual, and I also know that there are times we fall in love with the WRONG persons.

      But what am surest about is that at times like this when u remain gloomy and despondent, perhaps you'll feel as tho ur life can never be exciting without this person, WRONG. U will live on without them, more- so happily. YES

      It is when u give love a chance to blossom tru someone else, that is when you'll look back to ur gloomy days and laugh at yourself. You'll then begin to wonder why u allowed yourself to suffer deep for so long, you'll start to thank God for bringing u a better lover.

      But that day will not come if u die of high blood pressure today... becos you've decided to stay unhappy. That bright and cheerful day will come ONLY if u fully emancipate yourself of unhappiness NOW. You've got to live and let live. No one deserves the right to make u unhappy if you do not let them.
      My dear, In the course of this week alone 3 people I know have died. Gone forever! You are alive, tho I do not know u, but I bring u HOPE...and I want u to LIVE to fulfill your destiny.

      Let go and let God. Godspeed!

    2. Thanks so much. I really appreciate it. It is very hard for me to let go the marriage. This is my second after waiting for 13 years. Just got remarried a year ago and now facing the reality. it is a long story, but as God liveth I will not die in it. Thanks a lot....

  10. We all know the "open" secrets of a great marriage. However,Its difficult to "tell" them by actions. These pointers work in an ideal situation.since there's no hard and fast rule, Couples can only try by half. Marriage is a good thing. We love good things,so most of us will marry.To those who may ve tried the aforementioned and it failed,pls do not think marriage is society's folly. A wise man once wrote "Marriage is not overrated.Those involved overrate themselves". Cut your spouse some slack. A pastor said to our congregation and I qoute "its not about loving the perfect person. Its about loving the imperfect person perfectly". In your union,find your own rhythm and dance to it! Above all,coolu temper!

  11. Mrs Zulu. I quite appreciate ur point. I have read tru all what others sent in as their view and I discovered u are really on point. I have been married for 14 years and happily married cos the truth to a happy u is YOU. Make urself happy cos nobody can give u the desired happiness if not you and I think that is the secret to long life. Thanks for ur comment

  12. Don't we all know these things? Perhaps remembering them is the problem.

    Yes Magazine don start! I thought he died of a heart-related ailment, what's mysterious about that? Matse is pregnant, we already know, na she use her mouth talk am.

  13. #13, pls and pls, if u have looked at it from all angles and its not working, pls leave! pls dont die early all in d name of marriage, come out b4 its too late


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