An Ode To My Mama 13 Years After...Rest In Peace.

A SONG DEDICATED TO MY MAMA....Loving you always is like food to my soul mama.

October is a somewhat sensitive month for me, a time of reflections and flashback...its that time of the month where i do a lot of soul searching and thank God.....its been 13 years without my mama,the woman who brought me to bed and gave me milk from her small breasts .

13 years since she untimely passed in my human eyes but God probably called her cos her time was up,i will never understand the mystery of her leaving when she did but she left when we needed her most,she left at a time when the storm was raging.she dropped like a pack of cards,without saying goodbye to any of us...She left Lagos to see her mum in Delta state but never came back alive.

i still remember looking at her lifeless body and talking to it,asking her to stop the joke and wake up...told her she had scared us enough,we had cried enough,now it was time to get up but she slept on and said nothing,i was the only one in the living room in my father's village crib and i kept talking till the pastor walked up to me and said ''she's gone,she's with the lord'' and he walked me out.

There was a multitude of people and i kept pinching myself asking what we were celebrating,there was so much to eat and drink,for some people it meant partying,for me it was pain like i had never known,fear like i had ever known...oh the pain and the dry eyed tears that refused to stop.

Mama was lowered in that box and the shock waves came..i kept crying and asking God why it happened,i feel and i was held up and words of consolation filled my ears,made me cry more and as i watched them close my mama inside that hole,something in me snapped and i told God if he was real,i told him my mama needed to wake up that minute.

I gave JEHOVAH My God an ultimatum to let my mama rise like Lazarus but i waited and waited all through the night but nothing happened....Nothing.

I kept asking God why,i kept asking but i got no answers for the pain i felt.

honestly?I walked out on God when i woke up in the morning,took a look at the hole and asked if my mama was inside there and i was told yes...i was scared my mama would be lonely and worried about us,crazy thoughts of freeing her filled my head.

In 13 years, a lot has happened.i became a woman,a mother,a wife,a better lover and maybe a better person.i became a writer that is loved and hated.heck i even became someone whose name comes up on google..ha ha!

13 years and the tears have dried but the memories linger and i ask myself where my mama is and what she is doing.

13 years and i have stopped questioning God and he has healed my heart,answered my questions and given me peace,peace of mind to free my mama.

It took the death of my mama to make me appreciate who she was but alas i couldn't tell her that i loved her,i waited too long to tell her thank you for all the times she made life worth it for me,i wasted time to buy her those little presents which makes a mother smile and appreciate their child.

I wasted time and didn't tell her how delicious her food was......i wasted time!...don't waste yours!

Today i remember my mama 13 years after her passING and i celebrate her...yes i have made her proud,she would have been if she could see me now.

I still don't like beans,i still don't eat Eba well cooked,i still cant stand salt in food,oh i still hate to cook sometimes but i only learnt to be a woman because she left.........it took her passing for me to know that to bring beans to cooking till it is soft no be joke.l ol

This may look like a rambling to anyone reading but if ya all still got your mother alive,please celebrate her whilst she lives,writing stuff like this ain't no joke.love her,tell her and make her

happy...NOW...don't wait for tomorrow like i did.

The smile of a mother is priceless....tell her so.

The food a mother cooks is the best....tell her so.

The words of a mother are annointed words on marble...make her bless you.

The arms of a mother are the warmest....hug her if shes near you.

13 years on and i use this space to celebrate the best mother who ever was,the mother who birthed a 'lion' like me. lol

Join me in thanksgiving as i celebrate my mother and the beautiful memories of her that i hold unto,join me as i celebrate COMFORT my mama.....life doesn't explain why it takes or gives but i have found peace with the knowledge that my mama is happy wherever she is and i have stopped questioning God why certain things happen.

I must confess that in 13 years,this is the first memo i will write concerning my mama that i didn't break down,my eyes are dry and my hands are not shaking.

my eyes are dry,my eyes are dry,my eyes are dry....yippee!

I will never forget my mama and i urge anyone who has lost a parent or both parents to let go of the pain and think only of the laughter they gave you.

my eyes are still dry!

Dear Mama RIP,i reminisce on all the stress i caused,i was a very stubborn and difficult child but if i knew back then what i know now.....

Thank you Lord for placing yourself in harms way,thank you for the master plan,now
i truly,truly understand,with tears in my eyes,i truly do.


In the end LOVE CHANGES EVERYTHING.....it really does!...I love you mama...always will

RIP.